I feel so alone

[LostInTheMiddle]

Hi everyone im new here just introducing myself and hoping to meet new friends im from Birmingham uk.
I searched buddhist groups in google and this forum came up so here I am

Im feeling so sooo lonely in my interest in the dharma I used to be a practising muslim completely veiled ect,my mom is muslim,my sister and so is my husband of 11years my other sister is a born again Christian and then theres me "Lost in the middle" as the dharma is the truth to me but my truths are not going down well with my family.
My mom looks at me with pure dissapointment I havent even to her im hoping to take refuge in the dharma soon she thinks I just go to "some buddhist place" to meditate for mental health reasons.
My Christian sister just thinks im lost and my interest in the dharma is gods way of leading me to christianity
My husband is trying to be supportive as he saw what islaam done to me (I ended up having a mental breakdown) and he has saw how much ive changed since discovering buddhism but as a muslim I know he is in fear that im going to hell.
I have no friends (was told to leave them all behind when I converted to islaam) and I have no buddhist friends (due to the lack of socialising while being muslim for ten years im extremely social phobic and I just do not have the ability to make real friends or keep a conversation going) im just stuck lonely,learning all these wonderful things and having great experiences that I want to share but I have nobody.
I do attend my local buddhist centre every tuesday amd am going on my first retreat in November .
I guess I just needed to let this out to someone.

I hope you are all well

With metta
LostInTheMiddle

[catmoon]

Sounds like you are doing everything right to me. I think you have found the path out of loneliness. In time, you will find yourself drawing companionship from people more supportive than your family.

[LostInTheMiddle]

Sounds like you are doing everything right to me. I think you have found the path out of loneliness. In time, you will find yourself drawing companionship from people more supportive than your family.

Thank you for replying I really appreciate it,I feel like ive came out of one lonely situation and walked right into another I know if I continue to follow the dharma my family will begin to drift futhur away from me my practicing muslim sister we have only met up twice since I left islam,my mom becomes short tempered (though she trys hard not to show it) when I tell her about my meditation classes as I simply could not say dharma classes and my Christian sister will only visit me when she has learnt some knew knowledge from her pastor she can use to "proove christianity is right"....I dont want to debate the truth I did it for years as a muslim and I became nothing but a lonely,hypocritical self righteous sinner who deep down didnt believe what I was saying but "Had to win that debate" The dharma has freed me from that.
Im just worried I will never learn how to be a friend to someone or have a conversation again,I just dont know how to do it.

[JessicaLeigh]

Welcome LostInTheMiddle,

It can be hard in the beginning, with little to no support. I feel you! It's great you're making steps toward connecting with with others the path. In my experience, connecting with folks in the sangha is quite diffent than connecting with people elsewhere; you may find that your social anxiety or phobias are not so critical within the context of sangha. Lots of the intimacy you'll develo may come just from practicing side by side with others, maybe not so much from talking or conversation.

My grandfather is a Christian minister, and my father's side of the family are zealously conservative Christian evangelicals. I haven't mentioned to them anything about my Buddhist path, for reasons similar to you. Maybe, with practice and more confidence, we'll discover some skillful ways of dealing with that.

In the meantime, definitely feel free to share here! It's good to connect with others, and hear from different folks, and get support.


Welcome!
Jessica

[catmoon]

You are doing it now. All you need to do is take your emailing skills out into the world. Don't fear failure, it's part of the learning process. If things go wrong, mentally put a chalk mark on the wall. When the count is up to twenty or so, you'll
look around and find you have new friends.

[DGA]

Welcome to DharmaWheel.

The good news is that Birmingham is a big city, and there are many opportunities to practice Dharma there, and meet people who share your interests. In my own experience, that can be good medicine for feeling isolated, alone, and left out.

I wish you all the best in your path.

[MiphamFan]

Hi LostInTheMiddle,

I'm in the UK too, not far from you, in Manchester.

What Buddhist centre have you been visiting too, if you don't mind my asking?

[LostInTheMiddle]

Welcome LostInTheMiddle,

It can be hard in the beginning, with little to no support. I feel you! It's great you're making steps toward connecting with with others the path. In my experience, connecting with folks in the sangha is quite diffent than connecting with people elsewhere; you may find that your social anxiety or phobias are not so critical within the context of sangha. Lots of the intimacy you'll develo may come just from practicing side by side with others, maybe not so much from talking or conversation.

My grandfather is a Christian minister, and my father's side of the family are zealously conservative Christian evangelicals. I haven't mentioned to them anything about my Buddhist path, for reasons similar to you. Maybe, with practice and more confidence, we'll discover some skillful ways of dealing with that.

In the meantime, definitely feel free to share here! It's good to connect with others, and hear from different folks, and get support.


Welcome!
Jessica

Thank you so much,when I first walked into my local buddhist centre I was so shocked by the overwhelming love and calm for the first time I felt at home.
Im really hoping when I go on retreat I find myself again,being forced to be around people for a whole weekend is well out of my comfort zone I dont know how I will cope but I know I have to do it to move forward.
Even just speaking to you guys has put a smile on my face xxx

[LostInTheMiddle]

You are doing it now. All you need to do is take your emailing skills out into the world. Don't fear failure, it's part of the learning process. If things go wrong, mentally put a chalk mark on the wall. When the count is up to twenty or so, you'll
look around and find you have new friends.

I love that idea,you are right about my fear of failure I just dont want to come across weird...I dont know im just so self conscious and I start talking fast or giggling when I speak to someone and do anything to get away because I feel so anxious.
I give the signals that I want to be left alone but I obviously dont

[LostInTheMiddle]

Welcome to DharmaWheel.

The good news is that Birmingham is a big city, and there are many opportunities to practice Dharma there, and meet people who share your interests. In my own experience, that can be good medicine for feeling isolated, alone, and left out.

I wish you all the best in your path.

Thank you so much

[LostInTheMiddle]

Hi LostInTheMiddle,

I'm in the UK too, not far from you, in Manchester.

What Buddhist centre have you been visiting too, if you don't mind my asking?

Hi!! My usual centre is Birmingham Buddhist centre triratna? Buddhism...Ive also not long finished a course with New kadampa too.

[Norwegian]

For what it's worth, please be aware that New Kadampa is a cult, and they are best avoided. There are alternatives that are much better.

[Paul]

Sounds like a tricky situation. I've never had to deal with people with heavily adversarial views to dharma and that must be really frustrating. I've never been that open about my practice with anyone other than other practitioners and I think that's helped prevent any conflict that might have otherwise happened, but maybe that's a coincidence. 0

BTW, it's always best to check out the background of a group before getting heavily involved. The NKT are basically considered a cult by other Buddhist groups. I would think that Birmingham Buddhist Vihara (http://www.bbvt.org.uk/) or Rigpa Birmingham (https://rigpa.org.uk/birmingham/) would be more suitable to learn about dharma.

You are also about 2 hours from Gomde UK. There are going to be some introductory courses over the coming weekends that I think you would really like: http://www.gomde.org.uk/ It is a really special place and there are some very special teachers and students there.

[LostInTheMiddle]

Sounds like a tricky situation. I've never had to deal with people with heavily adversarial views to dharma and that must be really frustrating. I've never been that open about my practice with anyone other than other practitioners and I think that's helped prevent any conflict that might have otherwise happened, but maybe that's a coincidence. 0

BTW, it's always best to check out the background of a group before getting heavily involved. The NKT are basically considered a cult by other Buddhist groups. I would think that Birmingham Buddhist Vihara (http://www.bbvt.org.uk/) or Rigpa Birmingham (https://rigpa.org.uk/birmingham/) would be more suitable to learn about dharma.

You are also about 2 hours from Gomde UK. There are going to be some introductory courses over the coming weekends that I think you would really like: http://www.gomde.org.uk/ It is a really special place and there are some very special teachers and students there.

Thank you I am aware if the controversy surrounding New kadampa and although I loved the short course I decided its not in my best interest to go further into it with them the coursw I attended was at a meeting house and was just very basic,I attended there as at the time my main centre wasnt teaching much of the dharma and id already gone through the begginer classes over and over and was looking for more teachings and explanations of sutras ect...luckily at the moment we have a special guest in for 6 weeks and he is a brilliant teacher and im learning so much im just really hoping that when he finishes I dont have to go back to looking elsewhere for dharma.I did drive up to the Buddhist vihara in ladywood but felt a little intimidated and uneasy so I drove away.
At the moment im just dabbling and trying to find my feet I dont really want to get caught up in different cultures way of doing things Im just trying to find pure dharma.

[DGA]

I dont really want to get caught up in different cultures way of doing things Im just trying to find pure dharma.

Those other cultures have been doing pure Dharma for a long, long time. There's really no divorcing the two at a certain level. It's not necessary to start dressing and eating like a Tibetan or a Japanese person, but learning some of the "cultural" matters turns out to be a way to access Dharma.

I learned that the hard way...

As I said before, I hope you find what you seek. I wish you and your family too all the best.

[amanitamusc]

Welcome!

You have overcome so much.
If you have difficulty pacticing where you are
maybe you could move to where you can .

If not you can practice Dzogchen anywhere.

Without anyone knowing.

[LostInTheMiddle]

I dont really want to get caught up in different cultures way of doing things Im just trying to find pure dharma.

Those other cultures have been doing pure Dharma for a long, long time. There's really no divorcing the two at a certain level. It's not necessary to start dressing and eating like a Tibetan or a Japanese person, but learning some of the "cultural" matters turns out to be a way to access Dharma.

I learned that the hard way...

As I said before, I hope you find what you seek. I wish you and your family too all the best.

Maybe I should have been clearer,when I was a muslim I was heavily involved with a sector that was very influenced by saudi arabia and they were a very strict group so where as some muslims ie~sunni muslims where usually able to wear a headscarf and pakistani clothing like a sari in my sector that type of dress was frowned upon and we had to cover from ankle to finger tips,you see one religion two different cultures and varying extremes.
So Im not expecting some type of uk buddhism im just trying to stay away from any extremes or doing things because its been passed down through generations but not exactly taught by the buddha.
I hope this makes it clearer.

Metta x

[LostInTheMiddle]

Welcome!

You have overcome so much.
If you have difficulty pacticing where you are
maybe you could move to where you can .

If not you can practice Dzogchen anywhere.

Without anyone knowing.

Thank you so much,I do have various buddhist temples around Birmingham but as im on my own and I dont know anyone im not sure of where is good to practice.
I really liked new kadampa and if I wasnt so cautious (due to past experiences) and researched them I could have potentially joined a (alleged) cult and although what I was taught there was wonderful it opened my eyes that not even in buddhism can I just trust anyone who teaches.
Hopefully the more people I meet I will find more safe places to relax and just listen to the beautiful dharma without fear x

[amanitamusc]

You are a strong person.

Chogyal Namkai Norbu Rinpoche teaches Dzogchen.

He teaches how to overcome problems one might have from practicing with nk.

He teaches how to overcome all limitations.

You can find out more about him here.

[Ayu]

Hello LostInTheMiddle,

welcome to Dharmawheel. I hope you'll find some good advices on this board. Welcome.
Please be aware of our forums policy about NKT: http://www.dharmawheel.net/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=18761

Thanks. Be well and may you find what you seek.