I feel so alone

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passel
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by passel »

David Smith's Dharama Mind group is in Birmingham; you could see if that suits you. I imagine hanging around Triratna you'll run across his students before long if you haven't already.
"I have made a heap of all that I have met"- Svetonious
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Dan74
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by Dan74 »

Hi LostInTheMiddle :hi:

Welcome to Dharma Wheel!!!

I feel for you - it is hard to be different and to embark on this journey alone.

But from your description, your family are good people who care for you. So if they see that the Dharma is having a positive effect, that you are happier, a better daughter, sister, wife, I hope they accept it and maybe even come to support it in the end.

Some new Buddhists make a mistake to judge other faiths or tell people (without being asked) how wonderful Buddhism is, etc. Much better, in my view, is to take it slowly and try to live the teachings the best your can, rather than talk about them.

The way I was taught, the Buddhist way is a gentle way, so we work with what we have, who we are right now, not judging, but observing, attending, like you would watch your child play. Breath is a wonderful tool and bringing a gentle focus to the breath as often as possible during the day helps balance the mind, settle the feelings and cultivate awareness. You might also want to listen to some Thich Nhat Hanh's talks where he talks about this and other issues.
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There are many good Buddhist teachers but for some reason I thought of Thich Nhat Hanh when I read your post.

In any case, all the best, LostInTheMiddle. This forum is a mixed bag and sometimes we argue about silly things but there is also some very good stuff. I hope in time you can change your name to FoundInTheMiddle!!!

_/|\_
Dan
LostInTheMiddle wrote::shrug:

Hi everyone im new here just introducing myself and hoping to meet new friends im from Birmingham uk.
I searched buddhist groups in google and this forum came up so here I am :smile:

Im feeling so sooo lonely in my interest in the dharma I used to be a practising muslim completely veiled ect,my mom is muslim,my sister and so is my husband of 11years my other sister is a born again Christian and then theres me "Lost in the middle" as the dharma is the truth to me but my truths are not going down well with my family.
My mom looks at me with pure dissapointment I havent even to her im hoping to take refuge in the dharma soon she thinks I just go to "some buddhist place" to meditate for mental health reasons.
My Christian sister just thinks im lost and my interest in the dharma is gods way of leading me to christianity :thinking:
My husband is trying to be supportive as he saw what islaam done to me (I ended up having a mental breakdown) and he has saw how much ive changed since discovering buddhism but as a muslim I know he is in fear that im going to hell.
I have no friends (was told to leave them all behind when I converted to islaam) and I have no buddhist friends (due to the lack of socialising while being muslim for ten years im extremely social phobic and I just do not have the ability to make real friends or keep a conversation going) im just stuck lonely,learning all these wonderful things and having great experiences that I want to share but I have nobody.
I do attend my local buddhist centre every tuesday amd am going on my first retreat in November :woohoo:.
I guess I just needed to let this out to someone.

I hope you are all well

With metta
LostInTheMiddle
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DNS
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by DNS »

Welcome to DW!

How did you convert to Islam? Was it due to marrying a Muslim man? In any event, that is great that he is somewhat supportive. Most of us outside the Muslim world only hear of stories of apostasy not allowed or severely shunned by the community, so it is good they see some positive changes in you and are being somewhat supportive.
LostInTheMiddle
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by LostInTheMiddle »

passel wrote:David Smith's Dharama Mind group is in Birmingham; you could see if that suits you. I imagine hanging around Triratna you'll run across his students before long if you haven't already.
Hi thanks for replying,I have heard of dharma mind but I believe they only meet once a month,I prefer weekly meetings,at the moment Birmingham Buddhist Centre is doing a great course I just really hope they keep getting people in to teach.

Metta
LostInTheMiddle
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by LostInTheMiddle »

David N. Snyder wrote:Welcome to DW!

How did you convert to Islam? Was it due to marrying a Muslim man? In any event, that is great that he is somewhat supportive. Most of us outside the Muslim world only hear of stories of apostasy not allowed or severely shunned by the community, so it is good they see some positive changes in you and are being somewhat supportive.
Hi,No I converted at age 16 after pressure from my sister and becoming fearful about the eternity in hell I was inevitably going to go to if I didnt convert.
My husband was my boyfriend and we both kind of done it together.
I cant say ive been shunned by the community as I didn't have much friends us women were told we should just be in the house not really socialising.
Its more a case of dissapointing my family more than anything and I also feel guilty because there going through the trauma of watching the sister,daughter "digging her way to the pits of the hellfire" by practicing dharma.
Im not going to rub it in the faces or try to get them to understand I just.want to meet new people myself who I can relate to x
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catmoon
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by catmoon »

LostInTheMiddle wrote: Its more a case of dissapointing my family more than anything and I also feel guilty because there going through the trauma of watching the sister,daughter "digging her way to the pits of the hellfire" by practicing dharma.
Im not going to rub it in the faces or try to get them to understand I just.want to meet new people myself who I can relate to x
No need to feel guilty. Instead be glad for what you have discovered, for light and opportunities you bring to others. I think the karma of what you are doing is tremendously strong and you are accumulating merit at a breakneck pace.

One thing to be careful about is talking about Buddhism to those that don't want to hear it. Much better to remain silent before them and perfect your practice. Be happy, be serene, be well.
Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.
LostInTheMiddle
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by LostInTheMiddle »

catmoon wrote:
LostInTheMiddle wrote: Its more a case of dissapointing my family more than anything and I also feel guilty because there going through the trauma of watching the sister,daughter "digging her way to the pits of the hellfire" by practicing dharma.
Im not going to rub it in the faces or try to get them to understand I just.want to meet new people myself who I can relate to x
No need to feel guilty. Instead be glad for what you have discovered, for light and opportunities you bring to others. I think the karma of what you are doing is tremendously strong and you are accumulating merit at a breakneck pace.

One thing to be careful about is talking about Buddhism to those that don't want to hear it. Much better to remain silent before them and perfect your practice. Be happy, be serene, be well.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragment,I dont ever talk to people about the dharma who dont want to hear,what attracted me to the dharma is the fact its less about hearing and more about feeling,so for me there is nothing to "preach" or explain it has to be experienced to be understood,I never use religion as a weapon,in regards to my family im fine not talking to them about it Im just hoping I can find the skills to make friends with people who want to discuss the dharma.I also really need a teacher im just not sure which group I should go with in Birmingham...im hoping at my 1st retreat I meet new people who can advise me. Xx
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JessicaLeigh
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by JessicaLeigh »

Dear LostInTheMiddle,

I wish you well on retreat! I'm planning to attend my first in December, and am looking forward to it with a mix of happiness, curiosity, nerves, & anticipation. I'd very much like to hear of your experience after retreat.

:twothumbsup:
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Harimoo
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by Harimoo »

LostInTheMiddle wrote:Hi,No I converted at age 16 after pressure from my sister and becoming fearful about the eternity in hell I was inevitably going to go to if I didnt convert.
My husband was my boyfriend and we both kind of done it together.
I cant say ive been shunned by the community as I didn't have much friends us women were told we should just be in the house not really socialising.
Its more a case of dissapointing my family more than anything and I also feel guilty because there going through the trauma of watching the sister,daughter "digging her way to the pits of the hellfire" by practicing dharma.
Im not going to rub it in the faces or try to get them to understand I just.want to meet new people myself who I can relate to x
:namaste:
Your situation reminds me a lot of my own.
Part of my family is catholic (grand-parents), my parents are more atheists than anything.
One of my aunt is jewish. My maternal uncles are buddhists/bön: drukpa, dzogchen.
My paternal cousins and sister are muslims : strong traditional sufi background.

And I, I am in the middle between the MiddleWay (Madhyamāpratipad in Buddhism) and the Middle Way (Wassitiya in Islam).

I have been religiously raised by my aunt and my uncles (less by my grand-parents), so I know more about judaism and buddhism than anything, even if I am discovering that I don't know buddhism as much as I thought.
My cousins and sister are on a sufi path for ten years but it seems very different from what you are experiencing ("women were told we should just be in the house not really socialising").

Sometimes, even if I practised buddhism since my childhood (I attended many conferences/empowerments with my uncles), it seems to me that buddhism is difficult to grab (mainly without living in a buddhist atmosphere) and, like said Marco Pallis, buddhism is known for what it is not.
On the other hand, islam (traditional sunni not the wahhabi sect), sometimes, seems to me clearer and some sides of sufism look a lot like dzogchen, with more frames.

So I am also Lost in the Middle. :tongue:
LostInTheMiddle
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by LostInTheMiddle »

JessicaLeigh wrote:Dear LostInTheMiddle,

I wish you well on retreat! I'm planning to attend my first in December, and am looking forward to it with a mix of happiness, curiosity, nerves, & anticipation. I'd very much like to hear of your experience after retreat.

:twothumbsup:
Hi! I hope you enjoy your retreat too.I have similar feelings excitement because I cant believe im actually going on one when I first came across buddhism I was like no way am I going to be a crazy person in the middle of no where meditating hahaha :rolleye:.But also im full of nerves and curiosity,nerves being the main feeling hehe.I shall let you know how it went please do the same xxx
LostInTheMiddle
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by LostInTheMiddle »

Harimoo wrote:
LostInTheMiddle wrote:Hi,No I converted at age 16 after pressure from my sister and becoming fearful about the eternity in hell I was inevitably going to go to if I didnt convert.
My husband was my boyfriend and we both kind of done it together.
I cant say ive been shunned by the community as I didn't have much friends us women were told we should just be in the house not really socialising.
Its more a case of dissapointing my family more than anything and I also feel guilty because there going through the trauma of watching the sister,daughter "digging her way to the pits of the hellfire" by practicing dharma.
Im not going to rub it in the faces or try to get them to understand I just.want to meet new people myself who I can relate to x
:namaste:
Your situation reminds me a lot of my own.
Part of my family is catholic (grand-parents), my parents are more atheists than anything.
One of my aunt is jewish. My maternal uncles are buddhists/bön: drukpa, dzogchen.
My paternal cousins and sister are muslims : strong traditional sufi background.

And I, I am in the middle between the MiddleWay (Madhyamāpratipad in Buddhism) and the Middle Way (Wassitiya in Islam).

I have been religiously raised by my aunt and my uncles (less by my grand-parents), so I know more about judaism and buddhism than anything, even if I am discovering that I don't know buddhism as much as I thought.
My cousins and sister are on a sufi path for ten years but it seems very different from what you are experiencing ("women were told we should just be in the house not really socialising").

Sometimes, even if I practised buddhism since my childhood (I attended many conferences/empowerments with my uncles), it seems to me that buddhism is difficult to grab (mainly without living in a buddhist atmosphere) and, like said Marco Pallis, buddhism is known for what it is not.
On the other hand, islam (traditional sunni not the wahhabi sect), sometimes, seems to me clearer and some sides of sufism look a lot like dzogchen, with more frames.

So I am also Lost in the Middle. :tongue:
Hehe aww thanks for this reply,its nice to know im not alone.I think when you know about islaam turning to buddhism is extra difficult as they are counter opposites like buddhist are the type of people you are taught are going to hell,although I believe the sufi's do meditate too.my family are wahabi style muslims so im sure you can picture what I look like to them :twisted:
Ive found that sometimes I even question my own beliefs :thinking:
In the end all I can do is meditate it makes everything clearer and answers my questions in a way that cant be turned into words and hope that one day im awakened and I see all and see the truth,but until that day I guess ill remain lost in the middle too :group:
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Harimoo
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by Harimoo »

LostInTheMiddle wrote: Hehe aww thanks for this reply,its nice to know im not alone.I think when you know about islaam turning to buddhism is extra difficult as they are counter opposites like buddhist are the type of people you are taught are going to hell,although I believe the sufi's do meditate too.my family are wahabi style muslims so im sure you can picture what I look like to them :twisted:
Ive found that sometimes I even question my own beliefs :thinking:
In the end all I can do is meditate it makes everything clearer and answers my questions in a way that cant be turned into words and hope that one day im awakened and I see all and see the truth,but until that day I guess ill remain lost in the middle too :group:
I never visited Birmingham but my sister and my cousin know it well.
Some years ago, in the Zawiya/Amina Trust mosque (Jenkins St), at night, after a sufi gathering, someone threw a stone in the windows. Women were sleeping in the room and my sister received pieces of glass in the hair (she wasn't hurt).
The shaykha (I don't know her name, I know only she is a well known teacher in hanafi fiqh) said it was surely a wahhabi who was angry because of the gathering. So I know that Bhma wahhabis are dangerous :crazy:
LostInTheMiddle
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by LostInTheMiddle »

Harimoo wrote:
LostInTheMiddle wrote: Hehe aww thanks for this reply,its nice to know im not alone.I think when you know about islaam turning to buddhism is extra difficult as they are counter opposites like buddhist are the type of people you are taught are going to hell,although I believe the sufi's do meditate too.my family are wahabi style muslims so im sure you can picture what I look like to them :twisted:
Ive found that sometimes I even question my own beliefs :thinking:
In the end all I can do is meditate it makes everything clearer and answers my questions in a way that cant be turned into words and hope that one day im awakened and I see all and see the truth,but until that day I guess ill remain lost in the middle too :group:
I never visited Birmingham but my sister and my cousin know it well.
Some years ago, in the Zawiya/Amina Trust mosque (Jenkins St), at night, after a sufi gathering, someone threw a stone in the windows. Women were sleeping in the room and my sister received pieces of glass in the hair (she wasn't hurt).
The shaykha (I don't know her name, I know only she is a well known teacher in hanafi fiqh) said it was surely a wahhabi who was angry because of the gathering. So I know that Bhma wahhabis are dangerous :crazy:
Oh my!! I know jenkin Street its very close to where my old mosque was (a few streets away) ive not seen or experienced any violence from them but they do have very sharp tongues and have this I am above everyone mentality basically they teach out of the 70 different secs of muslims only one will reach paradise (oh course this is them) :thinking:
But my view on it is the notion of sending people to a place or torture for eternity is the work of a spiteful and vengeful mind and not one of love or compassion.
So with this in mind it was very difficult to stay with islaam.
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Harimoo
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by Harimoo »

LostInTheMiddle wrote:Oh my!! I know jenkin Street its very close to where my old mosque was (a few streets away) ive not seen or experienced any violence from them but they do have very sharp tongues and have this I am above everyone mentality basically they teach out of the 70 different secs of muslims only one will reach paradise (oh course this is them) :thinking:
But my view on it is the notion of sending people to a place or torture for eternity is the work of a spiteful and vengeful mind and not one of love or compassion.
So with this in mind it was very difficult to stay with islaam.
:namaste:
The first muslims I met were neighbours, kinds of tablighees with a strong wahhabi side. I was quite young (12/14 yo) and I had to stay with these peoples who were talking for hours about their beards and the whiteness of theirs qamis and their skullcaps. And they were continually asking me why I didn't become muslim. I thought it was so stupid and ridiculous. At the same times, there were swamis who were teaching people about hindu dharma, metaphysics, it was so more interesting (I lived in Mauritius during summer vacations).
Now I know they are just members of a sect and they are the products of our modern society but they can be annoying.

My situation is a kind of miror of yours. I lived for a while in buddhist countries and most of my childhood surrounded by buddhists, even if my practices were scarce. I had the opportuny to meet a lot of lama but with my child/teen eyes. For me, it was normal, they were like members of my family. i experienced also the bad sides of community life style, whatever the kind of community. Humans are humans. And now, I am older and I realize that I lost time and that buddhism seems to me easier in an asiatic cultural context. And I am meeting new opportunities with sufism... (non, not wahhabism ! :mrgreen: )
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Jim1
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Re: I feel so alone

Post by Jim1 »

Hi LostInTheMiddle, Welcome!

My Dad is a Christian minister and I consider myself a Buddhist who believes in God. I think that if your family sees that you are not judging their beliefs at all and are more at peace in general that they will eventually start to come around. And I think this retreat will be great for you!


With metta,
Jim
"He who walks in the eightfold noble path with unswerving determination is sure to reach Nirvana." Buddha
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