Zhen Li wrote:
I. 1, 1-2; III.111 wrote:But do you, reverend Seyyasaka, eat alms with the very same hand as that which you use to emit semen?"
"Yes your reverences," he said.
Those who were modest monks became annoyed, vexed and angry, saying:
"How can the venerable Seyyasaka emit semen in this way?"
Hello, everyone here.
Hare Krishna!
Can anyone help me with this masturbation sin?
Let me tell few words about me:
I was born on west, but somehow got to India. There got acquainted with few buddhists,
I practiced even Vipassana of Goenka.
However, somehow this happened so that I studied with one girl, she liked buddhists and Krishna both,
and we did yoga together, meditation together etc.
And it was so ... I mean to say "cool" that I had such a girlfriend that, when some guy said "If you want to learn language better find a girlfriend" I even dared to ask to kiss her.
It is a hard story to tell, but I have to tell you.
When I was a child, somehow one man near our house told me: "hello boy! can you help me?"
So I said: yes!
Then we came inside our house (we live in house with many flats, many floors),
and rose to one floor. Then went to some balcony / stairway (well, it was inside of course, I think nobody else saw it, though God saw it I am sure so I want that God punish this maniac pedophile who molested me),
and there he ... even took off my dress, pants you know - it was very fast, and even ... it was "oral sex" or better say -
oral violence over my genital / penis - he took it into his mouth... you know. I was scared and shocked!
He first said that "boy can you help me" - but then he took my p*nis into his mouth - and - then I need help!
He told that - "boy, I'll give you a toy - just wait" - he went somewhere and I just ran away!
so... I told mother - she saw that my p*nis is aching. she putted it into some "herbal liquid" etc etc...
But worst is - I think this man infected my p*nis genital with his herpes...
you know...
I couldn't tell it to anyone.
so... when I was with that girl - we were in some park, I think - near Buddha... yes, it is India - some there are Buddha statues/deities. No it was in park, not temple of course so not severe...
So I just told her - probably I thought about movie Matrix that there was Neo and Trinity (like wife and husband),
but some Persephone asked Neo - "let me kiss you!", Trinity didn't like it...
So... anyway, Persephone kissed Neo - "just to know how sweet it is, is it real"...
She answered after kiss: "I envy you, Trinity for your Neo, but know - it is not for a long time"...
well, maybe it is really what is in movies - actors kiss, but that's not forever... they are not even husband/wife...
So, I kept in mind that I was "raped" by that man, he took my genital into his mouth...
well, when I was with that girl together, I even thought about masturbation...
So, when we were together i asked - "Can I kiss you, you know I never had a girlfriend"...
I told here for a long time - may be few hours we sat near Buddha (I think it was Buddha nearby),
so she answered: "just a kiss? so what is a problem? ok!".
And I kissed her in lips, she used her tongue even...
Then I caught myself that I even wanted sex with her but well, I said - "no I can't do it!",
I touched her breast... you know - it was in park so people could see - I was afraid!
but maybe because this happened to me - that pedophile maniac" raped" me - it was also outside -
so I did it with this girlfirend - a kiss - "to neutralize" that pedohpile...
But of course I think it is also a sin now...
Let me tell you more... I got in touch with Hare Krishnas, and got even initiation from them.
I am sure that Buddha is avatara of Vishnu, so I like Buddha also.
Probably of course that this girlfriend influenced me - so that I am interested in Krishna and Buddha both...
She however told me: "it is not love! I have another boyfriend. You are younger than me. You'll find another girl - don't worry"... We even were on some marriage ceremony together - saw what is marriage - with her.
Well, so... yes, she also smoked a little even...
But what I want to say...
I continued study. I was on one philosophy class in university.
And teacher told me: "main feature of Indian philosophy is eroticism"...
you know... I didn't like that - I replied - "no! that is imitation! that is sahajiya"...
You know, in vaishnavism there is "sahajiya" apasampradaya - and people in it -
they have illicit sex etc, and now I even know - they do masturbation also -
to imitate others - but they have wrong object of imitation -
they imitate not even saints/holy people, but they imitate some atheists, who are like monkeys...
So, when I was so much under influence of these words - "main feature of Indian philosophy is eroticism" -
I had so many thoughts in my mind...
I knew that Krishna is known as "transcendental Kamadev" (Cupid/Erot),
so ... you know, for me it was kind of offence to say that Krishna, my object of worship - that he is just Erot/sex...
So I again had some sexual fantasies, and this time I talked to one girl on internet site to meet people of opposite sex to marry...
She told me... some bad things also - that "if you want to marry - marry now! go take prostitute."
I said - "no no! it is too low! how can I?..."
but she also said - "be brahmacari"...
So I said - yes, I'ld like to... so I told her this story that I was victim of that maniac pedophile,
and all that... she came out to be also a girl who was victim of some man who raped her and she got pregnant from him, but he was not her husband, and she doesn't know who was father of a child. And she suffers that she has no husband, though she is around 35 - elder than me several years.
I also am not married.
She told me - "if you have no money - forget it! be brahmacari"
...
so it is a problem... you know if I go out on the street - I meet people often who are smoking.
I live in big city. So there can be 10,20,30 smokers within just half an hour if you walk somewhere near my house or go on some street - not even big one... Or well, at least problem is that even if there is just one smoker - still smell is so bad that wind (and god of Wind) is helping to move that poisonous smell, and I feel bad...
I even tried to print some text - "Tobacco was grown from some demon! if you smoke - you'll go to hell! Buddha Padmasambhava told to never smoke" etc.
well, maybe I so much take care of it because my girlfriend smoke... though not much, a little.
after her kiss I felt some hot feeling in mouth - I don't know - because she smoke or for other reason?
So, even once at night I was going out and posting "ads" - "stop smoking - Buddha hate smokers!",
and some people were "protecting" some shops which sell tobacco/meat/alcohol etc (you know they work whole might - security in big cities), and we had a little fight =-)
I told him - "don't beat me!". He told me: "hey why you run away? I'll beat you!"
I told him - "if you beat me - you'll go to hell!"
he said : "hey! who the hell are you? in which sect?"
I told : "I am a little buddhist. Like shaolin monk"...
he said - " you don't look like buddhist."
I told: "but you also. you protect smoking, you protect alcohol, you protect market where cows are killed. and you know for that people go to hell. so you'll go to hell if you also protect violence. Buddha told to be nonviolent".
He got crazy! he started beating me!
he said: "I will brake your legs if you 'll come here again!"
I cried: "no! If you'll do that - you'll go to hell - and hundreds of your relatives and friends
who are same demons like - who are same atheists and who also protect tobacco, alcohol, cow/anima/people-killing - they will all go to hell for many lifetimes!"
he was crazy and was beating me!
I started to chant protective mantras: "Om! Vishnu! Sharangam astraya phat! Oh holy bow of Lord Rama - kill this demon!
Oh holy sudarshana chakra - kill these smokers, tobacco sellers, tobacco growers, alcohol producers, these animal killers! You are against God - and you force us to smell this poisonous tobacco - but you are killing yourselves and us!
Even passive breathing of smoke kills millions of souls!"
So I chanted some mantras aloud - so that holy weapons of Lord Vishnu / Lord Buddha / Lord Rama / Lord Narayana / Lord Krishna / Lord Narasimha etc - to kill such demons...
But I don't know if this will help...
He was shocked. He beated me. He told - "should I give you my penis to suck"? etc...
you see what demons are they? and they are working on markets - sell meat, tobacco, alcohol...
so, I had my leg a bit beaten. I realized - well, I can't live like this...
Though I think that maybe my over sensitive sensation about tobacco is because of masturbation.
I've read that to loose one drop of semen - is like loosing around 80 drops of blood.
So if blood is required to protect oneself/aura from smoke like tobacco etc -
instead - it is wasted on semen, and body becomes unprotected from tobacco and other bad smells...
...
I'm trying now to fight with masturbation.
Unfortunately because that girl told me "go find prostitute" I got to some internet sites which give access to sites like "free chat online while masturbation online on webcam" etc... and that is addictive...
I thought I can preach there, but that is useless... some people some there - they have cross of Jesus on their neck - but they are masturbating etc...
I installed some porno filter - PoliceWeb - and they block sites with porn, but still I sometimes it turn off and still go there...
so should I marry? but ... whom?
and how to meditate instead of masturbation properly?
...
well, I searched on internet - about masturbation - how to give it up...
I found buddhist site -
http://www.buddhisma2z.com/content.php?id=249" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
and they still say -
though Buddha was against onanism,
still - "onanism is not so bad"...
...
so please help me to find out what actually Buddha said. it is said on those site -
=============
"
Masturbation (sukkavissaṭṭhi) is the act of stimulating one’s own sexual organs (sambādha) to the stage of orgasm (adhikavega). In the Kāma Sūtra male masturbation is called ‘seizing the lion’ (simhākāranta).
Some people during the Buddha’s time believed that masturbation could have a therapeutic effect on the mind and the body (Vin.III,109), although the Buddha disagreed with this. According to the Vinaya, it is an offence of some seriousness for monks or nuns to masturbate (Vin.III,111)
although the Buddha gave no guidance on this matter to lay people. However, Buddhism could agree with contemporary medical opinion that masturbation is a normal expression of the sexual drive and is physically and psychologically harmless, as long as it does not become a preoccupation or a substitute for ordinary sexual relations. Guilt and self-disgust about masturbating is certainly more harmful than masturbation itself. -
"
========
so I searched on internet about Vinaya, what it tells about masturbation - and could not find original story - what is actually said there? and what are techniques to stop masturbation? how to become proper brahmachari?
I find it contradictory that some people say "onanism is not so bad, it is normal",
though myself I feel it is a sin, or I can even say - "onanism is lust and leads to hell".
so I want to get rid of this sin with "weapon of yoga" somehow, but have no idea how to...
I'ld like to get quotes from scriptures which say definitely that onanism is sin etc etc and how to defeat onanism.
unfortunately I did often since school (after that even with maniac), so it became kind of passion/habit.
I didn't think I will be in any religion, didn't take it seriously...
no I see it is serious, sinful... I want to give it up...
it is best if there are some special mantras for that, some prayers, or some manuals.
and some sanskrit etc original quotes to defeat onanism.
and what is this:
I. 1, 1-2; III.111 wrote:But do you, reverend Seyyasaka, eat alms with the very same hand as that which you use to emit semen?"
"Yes your reverences," he said.
Those who were modest monks became annoyed, vexed and angry, saying:
"How can the venerable Seyyasaka emit semen in this way?"
how should we understand these? where is a full story?
I want that to be accessible online...
I read in one book - doctor is atheist, but still he says right -
"there are not enough books which say that onanism is a sin - that's why people find books where it is said that onanism is ok, normal, not sin"
and so it is a problem...
I want to find those books where definitely is said how sinful is onanism. here on buddhist site -
what Buddha and buddhists say - on how to defeat onanism, how sinful it is etc.
I know from Bible that "to look with lust on woman - is illicit sex" etc. it is a sin...
all right. I never was much in religion - I never thought much of that. Now I accept it - ok - I will not look on women with (or even without) lust, so try not to commit sin of hellish masturbation/onanism...
...
thank you in advance
P.S. to moderator of forum: if this is to be put into another branch - please repost/move into appropriate forum/its branch... thanks
Hare Krishna...
oh sorry. Om Mani padme hum =-) (by the way I saw that Dalai Lama was in ISKCON and bowed down before Hare Krishna's His Divine Grace A.CBhaktivedanta Prabhupada. that's inspiration for me )