PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Casual conversation between friends. Anything goes (almost).
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

newbie wrote:I hope Kunga receives all support she needs to have control on matters that are important for her.

Thank you!

:anjali:

Thank you for your support my friend, don't worry about me...already I am calmer and I know things will work out, :heart:

May you also find peace . I will pray for you too . :heart:


:anjali:
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catmoon
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by catmoon »

Glad to hear you are starting to heal. It's absolutely amazing the curveballs life throws at us sometimes.

Keep up the lovingkindness meditations. Even if you get no farther than "May I be well. may I be happy, may I be free from suffering", you are still on the path back to peace.
Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.
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Caoimhghín
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by Caoimhghín »

Please seek real medical help in addition to taking therapeutic herbs, like olive leaf extract, to find out if you have HIV.

As someone who recently had a serious HIV scare I can tell you that many people think that chanting and herbs will suppress and/or cure HIV but that is taking the middle path. That is taking the extreme path of faith/mind and neglecting the physical reality and body. That is the route of purely relying on ineffable, spiritual, and mental resources, to deal with a physical problem (the invasion of your body by alien virus cells).

Everyone should be very careful of the people they are sleeping with, lest they be taking olive leaf extract, and wrongly believing it will cure/suppress their HIV, and thus spreading it to you.
Then, the monks uttered this gāthā:

These bodies are like foam.
Them being frail, who can rejoice in them?
The Buddha attained the vajra-body.
Still, it becomes inconstant and ruined.
The many Buddhas are vajra-entities.
All are also subject to inconstancy.
Quickly ended, like melting snow --
how could things be different?

The Buddha passed into parinirvāṇa afterward.
(T1.27b10 Mahāparinirvāṇasūtra DĀ 2)
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

Coëmgenu wrote:Please seek real medical help in addition to taking therapeutic herbs, like olive leaf extract, to find out if you have HIV.

As someone who recently had a serious HIV scare I can tell you that many people think that chanting and herbs will suppress and/or cure HIV but that is taking the middle path. That is taking the extreme path of faith/mind and neglecting the physical reality and body. That is the route of purely relying on ineffable, spiritual, and mental resources, to deal with a physical problem (the invasion of your body by alien virus cells).

Everyone should be very careful of the people they are sleeping with, lest they be taking olive leaf extract, and wrongly believing it will cure/suppress their HIV, and thus spreading it to you.

I don't have any symptoms of any STD's...and the hospital told me if i don't have any symptoms they will just let me talk to a nurse !!!!!!
I seriously don't think I have HIV...because I'm too FAT !

But thank you...and i am going to get checked out anyways...asap...

I'm going to make an appointment right after i post this sentence.


:meditate:
newbie
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by newbie »

The test will show you if you had the virus 3 months ago so you have a period of 3 months which is not covered.

I also do not think you have STD's, but for your ease of mind, check!

:thanks:
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

Yes, I'm on hold now...waiting to make my appointment...I've been soooooo busy with so many things, it kinda slipped my mind...but i know it's of vital importance to get a medical check up and testing for STD'S / HIV

This wont be the first time I've been tested with this guy I've been with...I never trusted him..and would periodically get tested for my own peace of mind....

Thank You Newbie :heart:
newbie
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by newbie »

I'm reading through http://www.recovery.org/forums/
Maybe it can help you with more information to build your trust in yourself to overcome difficulties.
In the end it is your decision.
:heart:
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

Whats the best Buddhist practice when your having a panic attack ?
I left this guy, but we've been talking, and I'm trying to support him in getting help, so we talk nearly every day about him getting therapy and going to meetings...and he wants me to call him...
So i just called him a few times a few minutes ago...and he doesn't answer, and i think he's seeing a prostitute.....why should i care ? I don't want to be with him anymore...but this is driving me crazy when he doesn't answer his phone....i just poured myself a drink to try and calm myself down...but i should be meditating ...right ???

Why has my practice and all I know/believe about Buddhism going down the toilet ????
Why can't i get a hold of myself ????


Newbie...
I'm also looking at that web sight you posted...thanks :meditate:
AlexMcLeod
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by AlexMcLeod »

When you are bed-ridden with injuries, do you try to run a marathon? First, you must heal yourself. This is one of the cardinal rules in my teacher's school. Before you can help others, you must be whole and strong.

First step for you is a complete cut in ties. If he is seeing a therapist, good. Leave him in the therapist's hands. You have too much to deal with right now to be worried over someone who may not even desire change.

After that, you need to seek help. Either find a reputable therapist yourself, or get a support group, or find someone who deals in healing emotional trauma.

Then, you need a long term system for growing stronger. (Traditional yoga, qigong, kung fu, something appropriate from TB or Theravada) After you start working on that step, you could start to care for others, but likely you will still be too weak to help your ex.

The point is now, you need to limit the damage.
Relax! Smile From The Heart!
There is a difference between the Mundane and the Transcendental. If you purposefully confuse them, I will ignore you, you nihilist.
There is no Emotion, there is Peace. There is no Ignorance, there is Knowledge. There is no Passion, there is Serenity. There is no Death, there is the Force.
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:01 am

Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

:meditate:

Yes...you are right Alex...

He just called me back..he was in yoga class....i am sooooooooooo relived !!!!
I think he is so much a part of me, that i can;t stand it when i think he is doing something against my morals...
i just spoke with him, and told him i don't know why i care so much what he does...then i said he is still a part of me...i am so intwined in his being, that i can't stand for him to do anything against my morals...FIDELITY is my top priority in any relationship...ESPECIALLY a sexual or romantic relationship...i have ZERO tolerance for ANY form of sexual misconduct...

BUT I LEFT HIM !!!!!

But he is STILL A PART OF ME...IF NOT ME !!!!!!!!!!!

Very strange thing I'm learning/experienceing !!!!!

I feel if i cut ALL ties he won't be able to heal...HE NEEDS ME TO HEAL !!!!

AND THE SYSTEM IS NOT FAST ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF ME...I'M TRYING TO GET HELP...BUT IN THE MEANTIME I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO TRY AND HELP MYSELF IN WHICH EVER WAY I CAN...

I KNOW I am badly TRAUMATIZED by all of this...and simutaneously i'm trying to be a WARRIOR !!!!

I even talked to my teacher about this...and he told me no one is my protector...I HAVE TO PROTECT MYSELF !!!
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Sprouticus
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by Sprouticus »

Kunga Lhadzom wrote::meditate:

I feel if i cut ALL ties he won't be able to heal...HE NEEDS ME TO HEAL !!!!
No, he doesn't.

I say this from a place of bitter experience: it is too easy to imagine that we are needed, when it is us who needs to be needed. Your emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being is entirely dependent on focusing on your own healing.

:hug:
Namo Buddhaya
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

Yes...but I am still energetically intertwined with him....

:rolleye:

HOW CAN I BREAK THIS ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
AlexMcLeod
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by AlexMcLeod »

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:But he is STILL A PART OF ME...IF NOT ME !!!!!!!!!!!

Very strange thing I'm learning/experienceing !!!!!

I feel if i cut ALL ties he won't be able to heal...HE NEEDS ME TO HEAL !!!!
You must cut ties before either of you can heal.

Energy doesn't stay bound together without consciousness holding it in place. Just get away from him, and work on yourself. This is the only thing you can do to heal.
Relax! Smile From The Heart!
There is a difference between the Mundane and the Transcendental. If you purposefully confuse them, I will ignore you, you nihilist.
There is no Emotion, there is Peace. There is no Ignorance, there is Knowledge. There is no Passion, there is Serenity. There is no Death, there is the Force.
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
Posts: 1494
Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:01 am

Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

I moved. I got my own place...which i LOVE ...I'm so happy being ALONE...BUT....HE IS STILL WITH ME !!!!!!!
So i should just cut ALL contact...no more calling or text messages... ????

JUST BE RUTHLESSLY DISCONNECTED ....
newbie
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by newbie »

You're teaching him the morals. Wow!
May I ask if he remembers and practices them? I'm sure you are too carried away to test this.

It is you who has the refuge card and it makes a difference. On the refuge card there is your name.
And from the time when you took refuge until now there where teachings and empowerments and practices and work and fora.
See? I can talk about you and very little about him.

A good reading would be of your vows, your own notes, a Dharma text, a youtube video maybe.
Or maybe now you just need some old fashioned rest?
Sleep tight my friend!
:group:

(What I said above you will be teaching me tomorrow. :heart: )
sattva
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by sattva »

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:I moved. I got my own place...which i LOVE ...I'm so happy being ALONE...BUT....HE IS STILL WITH ME !!!!!!!
So i should just cut ALL contact...no more calling or text messages... ????

JUST BE RUTHLESSLY DISCONNECTED ....
No one can or should tell you what to do. Meditate on this and do what you feel in your gut is the right choice. It may change with time. I will say this, you are not responsible for his healing, only your own. I am glad that you are loving your own place and are happy being alone. :hug: We have been friends for so long and I know you are a survivor!!!
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anjali
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by anjali »

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:Why has my practice and all I know/believe about Buddhism going down the toilet ????
Why can't i get a hold of myself ????
Hi KL. The key is finding the right practice for the situation. I don't know if you've ever read Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart. If not, it might help. When I was going through a really difficult time, it helped me. Having compassionate friends who can just let us be, without trying to fix things, also helps. Hopefully you have a good support system.

Another person I've found helpful over the years when working with emotional suffering is Thich Nhat Hanh. Here is a typical mindfulness practice he recommends:
  • Breathing in, I calm body and mind.
    Breathing out, I smile.
    Dwelling in the present moment
    I know this is the only moment.
He also said,
Thich Nhat Hanh, quoted from [url=http://www.redrat.net/thoughts/wtc/suffering.htm]Suffering is Not Enough[/url], wrote:Even though life is hard, even though it is sometimes difficult to smile, we have to try. ... Recently, one friend asked me, "How can I force myself to smile when I am filled with sorrow? It isn't natural." I told her she must be able to smile to her sorrow, because we are more than our sorrow.
And also,
TNH, as quoted from [url=http://plumvillage.org/transcriptions/mara-and-the-buddha-embracing-our-suffering/]Mara and the Buddha – Embracing our Suffering[/url], wrote:Allow yourself to be in the present moment; enjoy touching the refreshing and healing elements that are around you and within you. Whether we believe they are or are not there, they are there. Allowing yourself to touch these healing elements will allow the garbage to become compost, and the flowers to reappear in the garden of your heart.

When you are there for yourself, there is an energy that embraces you, embraces your pain, embraces your suffering, your fear, your despair. It also embraces the good, positive qualities within you. The capacity of being joyful again, of being happy again, of being loving and tolerant—these qualities are within us, and they need to be embraced in order to grow; these are flowers. And the fear, despair, and sorrow in us need to be embraced in order to become compost. They will nourish the flowers. ...

The tendency is to want to remove and to clear away the blocks of pain and sorrow and despair in us. We just want the Buddha or God to be like a surgeon who can cut out anything we don’t want of ourselves, get it out of our system. In the light of non-duality, not only are we flowers, but we are also the garbage in us. We cannot just get rid of us. Sometimes we are love, sometimes we are anger; love is us, but anger is also us. ...

The energy of mindfulness is the energy that allows us to be in the present moment, to embrace ourselves, our suffering, our despair, our sorrow; and also the seeds of joy and peace and love that have become weak in us because we have not been able to water and cultivate these seeds to help them to be stronger. So the practice is the practice of embracing, and it is clear that the energy with which you can embrace yourself is the energy of mindfulness. ... Embracing yourself in the present moment is the practice. ...

By being there entirely, you recognize that not only suffering is there, something else is there—the wonders of life, the refreshing and healing elements from within and around and you may like to practice touching them. Look at the sky; listen to the rain, smile to it. It’s wonderful that it’s raining, it’s wonderful that the sky is blue this morning, it’s wonderful that I am here, alive. It’s wonderful that I can walk, it’s wonderful that my heart still functions normally. There are so many things you can enjoy. When one tree in the garden dies you may forget that all the other trees are still alive. You let your sorrow dominate, and suddenly you lose everything. When a tree is dying in my garden, yes, I know it, but there are other trees that are still green, healthy. If you remember that, you will not be drowned by your sorrow, and you will have enough strength to save the tree that is dying or replace it with another tree. ...

Make your heart large so that you may be able to see that the conditions for your happiness are there, and injustice, cruelty, or meanness is not enough to ruin your life. You can accept it easily, because your heart is large, and you can receive it without resentment and anger. It’s like when you throw some dirt into the river, the river would not be angry. The river is willing to accept that dirt, and it can transform that dirt overnight. There’s so much water in the river, so much mud in the water that the amount of dirt that you throw into the river will be transformed overnight. If you throw that dirt into a container of water in your home that would not be the same thing. You know that the water in the container will no longer be drinkable, you have to throw it away. But when you throw that amount of dirt into the river, people from the city still continue to drink the water from the river because it’s large. The river has the capacity of transforming and healing. So practice being like a river, that is what the Buddha recommended to us.
Wishing you well in the difficult days ahead.
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A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

Well I just got off the phone with him..and i told him i loved him...not a romantic love but humanistic love...agape...or Buddhist compassion type love....but i just had 2 whopping Tanguerray 10 gin & Tonics, each with about 3 shots....but i haven't lost my consciousness, or mindfulness ...lol

I just want him to heal...and myself to heal...we are ONE...

:heart:


Thank you Sattva & Anjali & Newbie, and all that have read, prayed & responded incognito, for being here for me now....i really need your support more than ever !!!!!!!!!

:namaste: :namaste: :namaste:
Last edited by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha on Wed Jun 15, 2016 5:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

anjali wrote:The tendency is to want to remove and to clear away the blocks of pain and sorrow and despair in us. We just want the Buddha or God to be like a surgeon who can cut out anything we don’t want of ourselves, get it out of our system. In the light of non-duality, not only are we flowers, but we are also the garbage in us. We cannot just get rid of us. Sometimes we are love, sometimes we are anger; love is us, but anger is also us. ...

This is loud and clear, I am experiencing this as never before....it is living proof how much we are connected....all that is happening in the world, is happening to us...we are ALL......and if we are conscious, we can feel it.
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
Posts: 1494
Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:01 am

Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha »

newbie wrote:You're teaching him the morals. Wow!
May I ask if he remembers and practices them? I'm sure you are too carried away to test this.

It is you who has the refuge card and it makes a difference. On the refuge card there is your name.
And from the time when you took refuge until now there where teachings and empowerments and practices and work and fora.
See? I can talk about you and very little about him.

A good reading would be of your vows, your own notes, a Dharma text, a youtube video maybe.
Or maybe now you just need some old fashioned rest?
Sleep tight my friend!
:group:

(What I said above you will be teaching me tomorrow. :heart: )

He never grew up learning any morals....i recently found out (by him), that when he was a young teenager he read the book "THE HAPPY HOOKER",
and THAT was the beginning of his sex addiction...how it all started....he grew up in a athiest-Jewish family, that basically hated EVERY RELIGION, although raised by Orthodox Jewish parents (his parents, parents . )


As far as notes go...all I've ever done was to keep a DREAM JOURNAL....the dreams are prolific and prophetic...
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