Curious feelings/experiences during meditation.
Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 1:18 am
I have considered myself a Buddhist for around 4-5 months now. I have been learning slowly, the best lesson one of my teachers taught me! I always love to dive into things so when I come with a million questions she always tells me to slow down. She said the Tibetans have a common saying of "slowly slowly". So i have been limiting what I am learning and learning it well. The rice sutra was very rewarding and I regularly go through my notes and will continue to do so till I feel I could explain it to someone myself. I will admit I'm terrible at remembering Tibetan phrases and names so I often have google up on my laptop or phone as I'm learning.
Anyway back to my original questions. I have medication resistant clinical depression (and cravings, I was a poly drug user and addict... but through what I have learned everyone is an addict to some degree so I feel a little better about it.) Buddhism, more importantly the three jewels (especially my teachers and fellow Buddhists) is better than anything the UK mental health service has offered me. I should note I believe this is all part of my journey through life, people ask me if I would go back and do things differently, well, no. I would not be on the journey I am now. Even during my raving days, the best feeling was the one of unity, almost tribal, of people gathered together as one.
Daily meditation and practice is essential, I found if I miss it out all of my symptoms come back and I become a very angry person at the world, blaming others/society for the way I am. Feeling selfish and angry for being in such a privileged part of the world. Meditation reminds me that craving and grasping manifesting in such an extreme way got me to where I am today and they also originated within me. Not others.
Sorry - my posts are always very long winded so bare with me!
I have found (and trying very hard to avoid pride/self importance) that I am progressing very fast spiritually compared to students who have joined at a similar time. My posture has been very good from the beginning (as noted by one teacher.) Moments of clarity came very easily at first until now I have noticed periods of 20 mins of single pointed concentration without any interrupting thought. My mind is completely on my breath. Every point it touches, my abdomen and the energy on each breath as it flows through my extremities.
I know of people at my local place of practice who have been there for years sometimes struggle to concentrate on their meditation at home for 10-20 mins a day, I have found myself comfortably sitting/chanting for 1-2 hours at a time, obviously with pervasive thoughts at times but it is getting easier and easier.
I have started experimenting with my consciousness. To start off I scan my body, almost as though my consciousness is in my foot, feeling it with no outer stimulus, and I methodically move through each part of my body and recognize then ease areas of stress. Also when I feel areas of pain from sitting in the same position I can isolate them and will away the pain.
I have noticed a warm fuzz of energy centering at my heart and moving in all directions to each extremity that I can generate at will. Last night, as an experiment, I sat in just shorts with my windows open, frozen at first. Within around 10 mins of concentration I had made myself comfortably warm... and it was cooooold last night.
Also, after a long meditation (particularly on Bodichitta) session my parents behave differently, my cats are more attracted to me (and one is very timid) and I also have the most timid Crested Gecko (I cannott handle him because he gets terrified and poops on me) but he watches me meditate and after lets me stroke him, which he never did before.
This all seems like an ego trip on my part but I have kept all of this to myself apart from telling my mother my progress and help it has given me - for her peace of mind. I have only blerted this all out on the forum because it is anonymous. I just want to learn how to use this to help other people.
Can anyone suggest why? I have always felt very different to people, mentally lost I suppose (which could be my depression) but I feel I have found a calling. From a young age I have been very compassionate, I used to help injured animals, never let my mother swat a fly. At 19 I used to give food to the homeless on my way to work where other people walked past (not normal for a UK teen) The intellectual side takes me time but the spiritual practice comes very easy to me.
Also, I would like to explore more - can anyone give me literature or teachings into using these skills with more focus and success? Should I speak to my teachers? Or will they think I am being egotistical? Or is this all normal and just in my head?
Much Love and thanks if you managed to read all this!!
Anyway back to my original questions. I have medication resistant clinical depression (and cravings, I was a poly drug user and addict... but through what I have learned everyone is an addict to some degree so I feel a little better about it.) Buddhism, more importantly the three jewels (especially my teachers and fellow Buddhists) is better than anything the UK mental health service has offered me. I should note I believe this is all part of my journey through life, people ask me if I would go back and do things differently, well, no. I would not be on the journey I am now. Even during my raving days, the best feeling was the one of unity, almost tribal, of people gathered together as one.
Daily meditation and practice is essential, I found if I miss it out all of my symptoms come back and I become a very angry person at the world, blaming others/society for the way I am. Feeling selfish and angry for being in such a privileged part of the world. Meditation reminds me that craving and grasping manifesting in such an extreme way got me to where I am today and they also originated within me. Not others.
Sorry - my posts are always very long winded so bare with me!
I have found (and trying very hard to avoid pride/self importance) that I am progressing very fast spiritually compared to students who have joined at a similar time. My posture has been very good from the beginning (as noted by one teacher.) Moments of clarity came very easily at first until now I have noticed periods of 20 mins of single pointed concentration without any interrupting thought. My mind is completely on my breath. Every point it touches, my abdomen and the energy on each breath as it flows through my extremities.
I know of people at my local place of practice who have been there for years sometimes struggle to concentrate on their meditation at home for 10-20 mins a day, I have found myself comfortably sitting/chanting for 1-2 hours at a time, obviously with pervasive thoughts at times but it is getting easier and easier.
I have started experimenting with my consciousness. To start off I scan my body, almost as though my consciousness is in my foot, feeling it with no outer stimulus, and I methodically move through each part of my body and recognize then ease areas of stress. Also when I feel areas of pain from sitting in the same position I can isolate them and will away the pain.
I have noticed a warm fuzz of energy centering at my heart and moving in all directions to each extremity that I can generate at will. Last night, as an experiment, I sat in just shorts with my windows open, frozen at first. Within around 10 mins of concentration I had made myself comfortably warm... and it was cooooold last night.
Also, after a long meditation (particularly on Bodichitta) session my parents behave differently, my cats are more attracted to me (and one is very timid) and I also have the most timid Crested Gecko (I cannott handle him because he gets terrified and poops on me) but he watches me meditate and after lets me stroke him, which he never did before.
This all seems like an ego trip on my part but I have kept all of this to myself apart from telling my mother my progress and help it has given me - for her peace of mind. I have only blerted this all out on the forum because it is anonymous. I just want to learn how to use this to help other people.
Can anyone suggest why? I have always felt very different to people, mentally lost I suppose (which could be my depression) but I feel I have found a calling. From a young age I have been very compassionate, I used to help injured animals, never let my mother swat a fly. At 19 I used to give food to the homeless on my way to work where other people walked past (not normal for a UK teen) The intellectual side takes me time but the spiritual practice comes very easy to me.
Also, I would like to explore more - can anyone give me literature or teachings into using these skills with more focus and success? Should I speak to my teachers? Or will they think I am being egotistical? Or is this all normal and just in my head?
Much Love and thanks if you managed to read all this!!