How to move from selfishness to happiness

General discussion, particularly exploring the Dharma in the modern world.
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SeekerNo1000003
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How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by SeekerNo1000003 »

Why is it that we ordinarily seek happiness through selfishness? Just looking at oneself and forgetting how one's actions affect others? It's not like one doesn't want to consider others, but the general feeling is that there may not be enough capacity to consider everyone. It's like you're dealing with all this stress and your own problems & you just want to resolve that first. Yet, this approach clearly doesn't work. Why does focus on oneself seem so energetically draining?

Okay, so then let's say one gains an understanding of how genuine happiness comes about. How would that change one's capacity/use of cognitive resources in everyday life?

It's a bit of a paradox that to be happy one does not seek it for oneself in an ordinary sense.
(Just speaking from my observations and interpretation)
AlexMcLeod
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by AlexMcLeod »

In this particular case, I believe that it is okay to be selfish, at first. Once your needs are taken care of, you can start helping others. The key is to understand when you are too weak to be of assistance to anyone else, and never allow yourself to fall below that point, while also increasing your capacity to benefit others. Most people are selfish because they are not strong enough to be genuinely helpful. Increase the strength, increase the compassion.
Relax! Smile From The Heart!
There is a difference between the Mundane and the Transcendental. If you purposefully confuse them, I will ignore you, you nihilist.
There is no Emotion, there is Peace. There is no Ignorance, there is Knowledge. There is no Passion, there is Serenity. There is no Death, there is the Force.
muni
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by muni »

Sure, we must take care of ourselves and help.
The problem is that we are mostly "very good" (actually not= selfish) in taken care of own needs and that these needs seem to never end. Lol. But helping "others" or considering them as more important than oneself doesn't necessary mean "activity".
Then there are the Paramitas regarding activity.

In for example "own" pain or own suffering wishing "others" their pain or their suffering or any strong discomfort is gone, is helping "ourselves".
Then we surrender a bit and stop the desire for the pain leaves us, since such desire makes it actually worse. This can ask lots of courage. But we can also wish others their suffering dissolve as gray dust in bright light in us. Or we can visualize to have mulitiple forms and help so wherever we can in whatever which need. Many ways:

http://www.bodhicitta.net/Shantideva-chap-3.htm


H H Dalai Lama said: if you want to be selfish, then do it good: take care of others and you yourself will be helped. Making happy is then also an interaction, both are bearing the fruit. Contentment is what is left.

If we stroke the cat, *cat is happy - we are happy*. Interhappiness. ( new word) :smile:
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Astus
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by Astus »

If one approaches selflessness in the mundane way, it can give good results, but also lot of frustrations. It is as faulty as anything in life. The bodhisattva's great compassion is fundamentally different, because it is based on liberating wisdom (prajnaparamita), that is, the realisation of the conditioned, impersonal, and insubstantial nature of the entire world and all the beings in it. So, to move from selfishness one should see that there is no self to be obsessed about, also there are no others to worry about. Then one can be naturally and fully permeated by the immeasurable states.
1 Myriad dharmas are only mind.
Mind is unobtainable.
What is there to seek?

2 If the Buddha-Nature is seen,
there will be no seeing of a nature in any thing.

3 Neither cultivation nor seated meditation —
this is the pure Chan of Tathagata.

4 With sudden enlightenment to Tathagata Chan,
the six paramitas and myriad means
are complete within that essence.


1 Huangbo, T2012Ap381c1 2 Nirvana Sutra, T374p521b3; tr. Yamamoto 3 Mazu, X1321p3b23; tr. J. Jia 4 Yongjia, T2014p395c14; tr. from "The Sword of Wisdom"
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tomschwarz
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by tomschwarz »

Dearest seeker from beginningless time.... this is a great question. It is the most basic question of Buddhism. It sits squarely between the first noble truth, the truth of suffering, and the second noble truth, the truth of the cause of suffering. No words can serve to replace your own heartfelt and non conceptual realisation (s) of the relationship between those first two truths. So please consider rereading the four noble truths by his holiness the dear dalai lama.
i dedicate this post to your happiness, the causes of your happiness, the absence of your suffering the causes of the absence of your suffering that we may not have too much attachment nor aversion. SAMAYAMANUPALAYA
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Ayu
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by Ayu »

The lojong teachings have a clear judgement about this topic: "All blame on one (the selfishness)".

The view is just the opposite of our generally accepted thinking: No power will be accumulated by thinking about myself first, but all the suffering arises from this thinking.

For example poor people often know how to share. They know, sharing is the only thing they have. They do not eat first and give to their starving friends later. Like this it doesn't function.

Because thinking of others first is the very contrary of all we've been taught since our childhood, it is a long-term project to change the view. One can start with little steps. The results are amazing, as I experienced and also as it is said in the teachings. Often the opposite of what is expected takes place. Thinking of and acting for others often doesn't minimize the own power and resourses but everything becomes more easy, more possible, instead. Sorry, difficult to explain for me. I would have to tell some stories as example, but they'll need so many words. :smile:
pael
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by pael »

Ayu wrote: For example poor people often know how to share. They know, sharing is the only thing they have. They do not eat first and give to their starving friends later. Like this it doesn't function.
Does this refer to karma? I interpret 'all blame on one' means one's bad karma comes from selfisness. Can those poor people reap the karma in this life?
May all beings be free from suffering and causes of suffering
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Ayu
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by Ayu »

pael wrote:
Ayu wrote: For example poor people often know how to share. They know, sharing is the only thing they have. They do not eat first and give to their starving friends later. Like this it doesn't function.
Does this refer to karma? I interpret 'all blame on one' means one's bad karma comes from selfisness. Can those poor people reap the karma in this life?
If we start to discuss about karma here, this topic will be offtopic immediatly. Your question isn't really related to the topic here, since the rules of karma are the same for everybody.
:focus:
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tomschwarz
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by tomschwarz »

There is the reality so factual it is spacial or geometric. It is the essence of your questions/points/answers dear seeker... So self. It is self-concerned. It depends on partitioning, stabilizing, bolstering "me", my ideas, my family, my feelings, me sense of what is important, my history, etc... That is a geometric shape that is directly reflecting the energy of your question:
SeekerNo1000003 wrote:Why is it that we ordinarily seek happiness through selfishness? Just looking at oneself and forgetting how one's actions affect others? (...) the general feeling is that there may not be enough capacity to consider everyone.
Then you point out the short comings of the "self" approach to life:
SeekerNo1000003 wrote: Why does focus on oneself seem so energetically draining?
Actually, its not only draining my dear friend )))), take a look at yourself, take a look at your fears and nightmares, this is the life of self defense and selfhood. Look at how we talk to ourselves to bolster ourselves, put others down, differentiate, create bad karma, and wait in fear... ....It is absolutely frightening.

Then there is the third noble truth, the truth of the cessation of suffering. And you raise the question of how that realization (4th noble truth) would change one's capacity/use of cognitive resources:
SeekerNo1000003 wrote:let's say one gains an understanding of how genuine happiness comes about. How would that change one's capacity/use of cognitive resources in everyday life?
That is a great question. I can answer that )))))). Cognitive resources is a wonderful idea, because we are talking about the mind which has no center or edge. But still there is real change in grosser levels of the mind. The new congitive resources that result from progress on the 4th noble truth, are stronger and more stable levels of generosity, discipline, patience, moral strength, meditation and wisdom. And thank goodness, it really does decrease the suffering. What we are talking about here is selflessness. And that geometric form changes from the black, 3 dimensional rhombus above, into an energy which envelopes all forms, colors, etc... and in itself maintains no identity (a.k.a. absolute truth, emptiness, etc..). That is why people have it wrong about multiple Buddhas, presumptuous and misguided. All those Vajrajana Buddhas are just parts of your mind....
i dedicate this post to your happiness, the causes of your happiness, the absence of your suffering the causes of the absence of your suffering that we may not have too much attachment nor aversion. SAMAYAMANUPALAYA
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ECS
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by ECS »

Perhaps as one still hold on to the mind of what is selfishness and what should be happiness ...he will continue travelling in a suffering path .
SeekerNo1000003
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Re: How to move from selfishness to happiness

Post by SeekerNo1000003 »

Thank you for all your answers. I am reading up on the four noble truths :). :namaste:
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