I thank everyone for their support & suggestions.
Im really glad you wrote this. I can't diagnose you, but it's possible you might be developing schizophrenia, or another another disorder of the brain/nervous system. If that is the case, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to solve it yourself. You sound like you think these symptoms are the result of some kind of weakness or flaw that you have. If a friend of yours developed a brain tumor, would you say they should treat themselves? Well, some mental illnesses are caused by physical changes in the brain--not tumors--but just as serious. Untreated schizophrenia or bipolar disorder can be fatal, and we can already see that you are considering suicide. Anti-psychotics, if you need them, are much better than they once were, they have much fewer side effects.
I am not developing schizophrenia, the difference is I have no choice as to the voices, I do have a choice if I believe the stories they spin, aka the delusions. I'm not and will never resign myself to an incurable condition, because there is no such thing. If I have learned anything from meditation & contemplation it's that while certain parts of our moods aren't under our control, our reaction to them is, the same goes with all of our thoughts and beliefs, the natural ebb & flow of our emotions are almost always tolerable, it's the dwelling on them and focusing repeatedly on negative thoughts & feelings which cause the intolerable reactions & states of mind.
That's not to say it's easy, because it's not and I do have a tendency to consider myself weak and flawed when I can't practice this. Which is alot.
I do not like the current mental health system because I believe it is mostly a barbaric stone aged system, though practices like Cognitive behavior therapy and Mindfulness based therapy are a huge leap in the right direction, the thing is you have to pay alot for these treatments and free healthcare won't cover them. (I doubt it anyway.)
It is important to note that many societies considered hearing voices as a gift. In most tribal societies you could have been a shaman and attained a relative position of authority.
This has been occasionally true in the past, but I'm far beyond that point and it's no gift, though I would certainty like to believe that at times, it's far easier to consider yourself gifted than cursed.
I am sorry ghosto1, but it seems you misunderstood what I meant. The effect of an episode is not judged by what others "see" and how they react to what they "see", but what happens to you. You cannot hide your episode from yourself. If you lose "control" or "awareness" of the fact that the voices are just your thoughts then YOU will suffer the episode, as a consequence of which... The unfortunate consequences of having an episode and being hospitalised because of it, are nothing in comparison to the consequences the episode will have on your mind. It will make Dharma practice impossible.
This happens mainly when my mood deteriorates past the point where I can control it anymore. When I am not depressed or angry the voices don't bother me, so it's been sort of a struggle to overcome my depression first, and that's where the willpower comes in. I gave up dharma practice along while ago.
Thus, a bit of advice on the "voices" (which can be the mindstreams of "others"): do not try to engage in conversation or interaction, do observe in non-reactivity; do not try to analyze or understand the content of what they relate, merely allow it to pass like any thought; do not think of any as a 'teacher' in the classic sense, but in the same sense that your foes are your best teachers.
I know most of it is a product of my own mind, there have even been voices specifically telling me this. Therein lies the problem, if some of it is my mind, and some of it others, is it salvageable? Maybe but the voices worth talking to aren't exactly the talking type either. Like you say observing without reacting is the solution. It's difficult sometimes.
if they are being "rational" then it's hard to see where the conflict arises - is it possible that something requires resolution? If they are very critical of you, is it possible that you actually feel the same way and have not really accepted that?
My own personal experience with such phenomena would be to say that they are making a demand and that it is only by listening and understanding that they will subside - to ask yourself what it would take to satisfy their demand?
It's not really like that, more often then not listening to them only is harmful, more or less they just lie, they play games and the point is always to be hurtful.