Hypersensitivity and boundary issues

[Gyaltsen Tashi]

Hi,

I am very sensitive in interpersonal settings. A small matter can make me sulk and unhappy. Sometimes I interact inappropriately due to boundary issues.

Any advice?

[PadmaVonSamba]

what is the cause of this?

[Gyaltsen Tashi]

what is the cause of this?

Personality, in short.

To label it - it could be Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), Myer Briggs INFP, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Paranoid Personality Disorder, boundary issues etc.

But I think I was always sensitive.

The problem is stated very clearly in this quote below:

Sensitivity (in the sense of being easily hurt or offended) is a sign of ego reaction, because a feeling arises in me of not having received what I deserve. Sensitivity (in the sense of empathy towards others' feelings and wishes) and healthy pragmatism are much better ~ Loden Sherap Dagyab Rinpoche

[LastLegend]

Keep practicing Buddhism and have great faith in Buddhas or Bodhisattvas. I recommend reciting or chanting Amitabha with all of your heart, and your problem will be decreased each day. This comes from personal experience. I used to have a lot of suffering due to attachments. Now I feel peaceful and more relaxed everyday. You have to be persistent though.

[Fa Dao]

dont do anything....JUST observe it when it arises...dont get caught up in it, dont try to push it away...allow it to dissolve back where it came from...eventually it will lose its power over you

[ground]

Hi,

I am very sensitive in interpersonal settings. A small matter can make me sulk and unhappy. Sometimes I interact inappropriately due to boundary issues.

Any advice?

Analyse whether this happens in all kinds of "interpersonal settings", i.e. with all kinds of person you have contact with in all situations.
If you can differentiate "These are the persons and such are the situations" and "It does not happen with these persons and in such situations" then practice mindfulness of this fact and avoid the former.


Kind regards

[Gyaltsen Tashi]

Due to factors of my own personality, I am oversensitive to slights. I doubt the loyalty of friends. I think others are going to harm me, or they will find out some deep, dark secret of mine, or that I will become a monster, a murderer etc. I monitor everything in relationships and cannot let go of what others think, for fear that what they think is true of me.

To solve my problems, I need to let go of expectations of others. I cannot expect everyone to like me, or to respect me. Yet, I must be assertive enough and forgiving enough when I am being mistreated or bullied. If some group doesn't accept me, I must not think it is the end of the world or that I am guilty for being rejected due to some personality flaw. I have to accept it graciously. I should be able to get feedback from trusted people, and forget about the rest of them.

[ground]

Practice calm abiding meditation in connection with loving kindness.
Stop conditioning yourself with thoughts like "I am (this or that)" and "Others are doing (this or that) with reference to me". These are just thoughts. The quantity of thoughts decreases with meditation and their quality becomes more detached from the idea of "I" and "mine" through loving kindness.

Kind regards

[Quiet Heart]

I won't even attempt to tell you what you "must do".
I used to be a person who often became quite angry without any real justification. I have been known to smash telephones to pieces when the person I was talking to on the phone said something I took offense to...and often it was merely a trivial thing.
Over the period of five or six years i had to "unlearn" that learned habit.
The study of Buddhisim and meditation on why I acted like that gradually helped me unlearn my bad anger habit.
It wasn't easy, but I managed to do it.
If I WAS asked I would say you need to understand that your anger is part of your "Ego Mind"...which is not a part of your true nature, but only a construct you have created since your birth.
Therefore, your "Ego Mind" has no real nature, and is therefore not part of your true nature...which I would call your "Buddha nature".
If you can truely learn and accept that your "Ego mind" is not part of your true "Buddha Nature", but a construct you have built over the years; then you are well on your way to solving your "Anger" or "Hypersensativity" issues.
I know, I've been there before.

[IshNavaya]

I, too, am a sensitive person. I would assume that you are referring to an uncomfortability with interpersonal interactions, whether at a spiritual, physical, or mental level. I have overcome my own paranoia by generating compassion. It sounds technical, but basically, I just assessed my reactions, identified both desirable and undesirable components of my reactions, and corrected them.

Sounds easy, doesn't it? Well, that depends on mindset. I found it very difficult to accomplish this when I was focused on myself, so I began to focus on others with compassion. Not just people but objects and creatures. I practice a lot of self dialogue as a way to keep myself focused in the present, so I exercise my mind and try to truly see that which is before me. I analyze the negatives I observe, I take them in, and I generate positivity towards the negatives.

In other words, I put my own ego aside to understand that all creatures experience suffering. I understand suffering. It is the most basic element that links us as sentient beings. I accept it, and I think of the suffering, either of myself or others, as a gift to enhance awareness. Thus, the negativity of suffering becomes a positive in my mind. This has helped to alleviate my personal suffering, but we all learn differently, so what I have said may not help at all. I hope you are able to find peace.

[maybay]

Moon is strong and meditation will only feed it. Have a beer in the sun.