Dharma Wheel

Posted: **Sun Dec 11, 2011 5:00 pm**

I was wondering if anyone could be of any help to me.I am haveing to work over the next few months with a very negative man.I have only been working with him for a week and he's really getting me down. The trouble is he's very very negative,negative about absolutaly everything.I have a job at a holiday park. During the season I really enjoy it.It's an easy job that pays me enough to take me to India once or twice a year and I'm also left to get on with the job on my own.At this time of year though, the park closes and it's our job to do what is called a winter clean on all the caravans.These winter cleans have to be done in 2's and the negative man is my partner for these winter cleans.I can honestly say I have never met anyone in my life like him and for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, he's negative.
I'm starting to wonder if it's possible that he has some kind of demon making him this way.I can't understand how he can be so negative.I mean, I asked him if he minded the radio being on and he said Yes he did mind, he hated music and didn't want the radio on.I asked him if we could put the fire on in the caravan because it's freezing cold. No he said but then also opened the door and said he was too hot.By the way, believe me these are just tiny examples of his negativities.

One day last week, he moaned all day because he wanted Thursday off so he could go to his daughters Christmas play. Fair enough I thought.The boiler then broke down so we were given the Thursday off.I was thinking 'Great, now he'll be happy' Guess what????? He wasn't! He then moaned for the rest of the day about how we'll be a day short of pay. You just can't please him AT ALL!!!

I've thought about asking if I can work with someone else, but this just gives the problem to the next person.

I have ordered myself a Phurba pendant which I plan on wearing once it arrives.Do you think this pendant will help me at all? His energy seems to leave me exhausted and even angry. I need a way of protecting myslf.I have also started doing a simple meditation in the mornings to Guru Rinpoche and surrounding myself in Guru Rinpoche's Vajra Tent.
Any advice from anyone would be very much appreciated.
Please remember him in your prayers.

Posted: **Sun Dec 11, 2011 6:41 pm**

Well, I would stop asking him if he minds I do this or that... and just do it. Or you could be cunning, and when you are cold ask him if he minds you open a window to let some fresh air in!

Instead of a phurbha I would buy ear plugs.

Another option is just to confront him on the issue. "Look pal, I've got enough problems in my life without having to deal with yours, do you mind putting a plug in it please?" One I've used is: "Look, we both need the cash and need to do this job, so we can do it the hard way and get on each others nerves and end up killing each other, or we can do it the easy way and help each other out. Which do you prefer?"

Don't get me wrong, I am actually quite a patient person and can put up with a lot of s**t but when I snap...

Posted: **Sun Dec 11, 2011 7:39 pm**

Hey Jess,

I agree with Greg, sometimes it just better to be direct. Don't worry about this practice or that Mantra.

Sometimes the kindest thing to do is not to let people wallow in their own self pity.

Good luck!

Posted: **Sun Dec 11, 2011 8:01 pm**

gregkavarnos wrote: Instead of a phurbha I would buy ear plugs. :

Brillant!

Posted: **Sun Dec 11, 2011 10:28 pm**

Mandarava wrote:I was wondering if anyone could be of any help to me.I am haveing to work over the next few months with a very negative man.I have only been working with him for a week and he's really getting me down. The trouble is he's very very negative,negative about absolutaly everything.I have a job at a holiday park. During the season I really enjoy it.It's an easy job that pays me enough to take me to India once or twice a year and I'm also left to get on with the job on my own.At this time of year though, the park closes and it's our job to do what is called a winter clean on all the caravans.These winter cleans have to be done in 2's and the negative man is my partner for these winter cleans.I can honestly say I have never met anyone in my life like him and for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, he's negative.
I'm starting to wonder if it's possible that he has some kind of demon making him this way.I can't understand how he can be so negative.I mean, I asked him if he minded the radio being on and he said Yes he did mind, he hated music and didn't want the radio on.I asked him if we could put the fire on in the caravan because it's freezing cold. No he said but then also opened the door and said he was too hot.By the way, believe me these are just tiny examples of his negativities.

One day last week, he moaned all day because he wanted Thursday off so he could go to his daughters Christmas play. Fair enough I thought.The boiler then broke down so we were given the Thursday off.I was thinking 'Great, now he'll be happy' Guess what????? He wasn't! He then moaned for the rest of the day about how we'll be a day short of pay. You just can't please him AT ALL!!!

I've thought about asking if I can work with someone else, but this just gives the problem to the next person.
I have ordered myself a Phurba pendant which I plan on wearing once it arrives.Do you think this pendant will help me at all? His energy seems to leave me exhausted and even angry. I need a way of protecting myslf.I have also started doing a simple meditation in the mornings to Guru Rinpoche and surrounding myself in Guru Rinpoche's Vajra Tent.
Any advice from anyone would be very much appreciated.
Please remember him in your prayers.

If you approach this with a mind of Compassion then you will seek a solution which does the least harm, and maybe benefits that individual as a consequence.

Your mind is your best protection -if amulets, sadhanas or mantras help you, then incorporate them into your practice. We also have many deity practices to help us work on our minds to be beyond any negative attacks.

However, my view from what you have written is that you do not need protection, but to exercise Compassion, which may lead to you talking over that negativity and, if he wants it, offering him a solution.

As Buddhists I think we should start by trying to give Dharma, Love,Help and Fearlessness.

Posted: **Sun Dec 11, 2011 10:46 pm**

Mandarava wrote:[First Post]

When Lord Atisha came to Tibet he brought a very angry servant with him to practice patience with. How wonderful someone like that has come to you! If you can cultivate bodhicitta towards him, you can cultivate it towards anyone. Hopefully, he'll be more negative in the future!

Posted: **Sun Dec 11, 2011 11:11 pm**

Apologies - I missed the 'possessed by demons' aspect.

Many practices deal with this, and you can contact me via PM for those, but what makes you think this may be the case?

Posted: **Mon Dec 12, 2011 9:42 am**

Konchog1 wrote:
Mandarava wrote:[First Post]
When Lord Atisha came to Tibet he brought a very angry servant with him to practice patience with.

This is correct, but we are talking about Atisha here!

Anyway, after meeting the Tibetans he regreted bringing the servant 'cause he understood that there was more than enough material in Tibet to practice patience with!

From what "Mandarava" says it is clear that she has been patient with him, let's not forget that being compassionate does not equal being a doormat, compassion without wisdom is not compassion at all. Maybe it's smart/wise to deal more directly with the issue right now, especially if her patience has run out, otherwise it will just turn into conflict.

Posted: **Mon Dec 12, 2011 10:04 am**

I understand this guy is difficult, cynical, and contrary. I have had to work alongside people like this too...

But what makes you think he is possessed by demons? I mean, that's kind of a leap.

I would follow up on the Atisha reference and practice tonglen focused on this guy in sitting meditation while at home. Then, when you are with him, try to do the tonglen during your working time if you can keep the focus on the breath. He is clearly experiencing a great deal of suffering. This behavior is all too familiar in samsara, the fact you have experienced it so little that when you encounter it you think of it as demonic means you've had great people karma in this life until now. If you study the teachings of Machig Labdron and her Chod you will find she points out the real demons are nothing but our negative emotions and our self-clinging. Try to remember this and don't build your image of this person as an enemy, remember them as an object of compassion. Tonglen, tonglen, tonglen.

Posted: **Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:22 pm**

Adamantine wrote: But what makes you think he is possessed by demons? I mean, that's kind of a leap.

Posted: **Tue Dec 13, 2011 2:07 am**

Mandarava:
I know the problem, I have to deal regularly with something similar.
You need to understand why he is so negative...it is because he is afraid.
Have you ever seen a dog that has been injured?
Sometimes that injured dog will bite and snap at the very people who are trying to help it.
It is the injury, the pain it causes, and the fear and uncertainty caused by that injury that makes that dog snap at those that try to help it.
The man you are talking about is reacting just like that injured dog, because he is afraid too.
You can't do anything to help him, he has to do that himself...if he can.
But what YOU can do is to understand his problem, use mindfulness to understand his fear and anger; and most of all practice mindful compassion and understanding for him.
I suppose that could be called Right Understanding....or mindful consideration of his fear....Right Action....in responding to his display of that fear....and Compassion....by not responding with anger to his actions,
Do not let the poison of anger and fear that he lives in infect you. Maintain your equanimity, be compassionate and remain cheerful even in the face of his rudeness so as not to let his poison of anger infect you.
If you medtate, then meditate on this fact...you have been given a gift...a chance to practice Compassion and restraint against allowing this person's anger to infect you.
That is a great gift...even though right now you probably don't think so.

Posted: **Tue Dec 13, 2011 5:48 am**

We can also consider that force of mental habit is an immensely powerful thing and extremely difficult to alter. Each time you try to get this fellow to brighten up, he demonstrates just how difficult it is to change the general pattern of one's thinking.

Now consider this: we ALL have this problem. Some of us are stuck in political positions, or religious positions, or general cynicism, or beliefs about the nature of humanity that reach back to childhood learning. The human mind has the inertia of a small planet. It's a fundamental obstacle to enlightenment.

Posted: **Tue Dec 13, 2011 10:06 am**

catmoon wrote:Some of us are stuck in political positions, or religious positions, or general cynicism, or beliefs about the nature of humanity that reach back to childhood learning.

I think you'll find they reach MUCH further back than our childhood!

Posted: **Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:03 pm**

All of you have been very helpful.Thanks for that.
Yesterday we came to blows and had a huge shouting match.Not good I know but still it's done now.
Today we apologised and he kept on apologizing all day long.( he's done some pretty sly things since we've been working together )
He also opened up a little today and told me about some awful things in his life he's had to go though.He talked in a way that shows he hasn't let go of these things yet and I think that's way he's so angy and negative with everything.
I'm glad this has been brought to light and I'm ashamed to admit my mind is THAT small, I thought the poor man was possesed.

but I have NEVER met anyone so negative as him before.
Thanks again everyone.

Posted: **Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:05 pm**

Mandarava wrote:All of you have been very helpful.Thanks for that.
Yesterday we came to blows and had a huge shouting match.Not good I know but still it's done now.
Today we apologised and he kept on apologizing all day long.( he's done some pretty sly things since we've been working together )
He also opened up a little today and told me about some awful things in his life he's had to go though.He talked in a way that shows he hasn't let go of these things yet and I think that's way he's so angy and negative with everything.
I'm glad this has been brought to light and I'm ashamed to admit my mind is THAT small, I thought the poor man was possesed. but I have NEVER met anyone so negative as him before.
Thanks again everyone.

That man needs a hug

Dharma Wheel

Negative person or possessed by demons

Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons

Re: Negative person or possessed by demons