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the Ogre's reflection.
Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 6:01 am
by Ogyen
change
I’ve been keeping scraps of paper
mental notes of lifelong dialogues
working out the daily knots
lodged around a stone in my chest
creases of heartbreak punctuate and line
your first fighting screaming wailing cry
out the birth canal of change
even if it’s all in your head
loss kills you one breath at a time
always wanting what slipped you by
you didn’t even realize
that you buried the living
as if prematurely missing them
before they’ve even left
fear of the end
burns into memory’s core
a feeling of unease, wanting something else
need something I don’t have
escape every moment’s edge
you try to avoid whatever threatens
and you crave comfort’s embrace
all the while you fill the present
with echoes of what’s been
till change strips off your last defense
slipping past the barriers
you tried to fortify your whole life
so you’ve glimpsed the possibilities
because the easy parts are never what they seemed
you saw a shining insight
like a coin you snatched up greedily
the hope blooming and soaring on wings
held on by glue
you got too close to the sun
and the part of you that crashed died
but “you” stayed
everything was the same
I came away with a burn
peeling off the scabs of my misconceptions
wounds of ignorance
one breath at a time
my skin glistens like icarus with a tan
raw new soft that always lay beneath
the half-knowledge impostor
who for years dressed in insight’s clothes
obscured what is regardless
and I look at my small hands
now older, stronger they are laced
with the grace of having fearlessly
touched the edges of change
the challenge remains
Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 6:03 am
by Ogyen
i always notice hands
like i might read where they’ve been
today was a supplicating day
in the candy packaged suffering
of a nearly picture perfect life
after all the strain of letting go
and from all the strife I distilled
a drop of pure joy
i bounced along happy and light
the radiation burned away my sight
and I’m sickened poisoned
stepped into the radius of
a hot blast of negative
a lover’s nuclear fallout
by his dung flung out sprayed like
a semi-automatic gun to a gust of fun
even though it was aimed at no one
the thing is that the challenge remains
despite the insight
speaker for the dead
Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 6:10 am
by Ogyen
a strong sense of purpose
vague and full of words
I’ve drifted aimless
through a waking dream
I don't believe I'm really here
building castles with someone else's hands
I woke up somewhere in the middle
to realize I wasn’t any hero
just another piece
born of the grand puzzle
misplaced from perfection
put on the board to find a fit
was it my calling to be consumed
only to find it was you
who held my ashes inside your shell
It wasn’t my place to brace against
The judging eyes of my conscience
That tapped its will like a trial sentence
Guilty as charged
for not loving
my ambitions stripped naked
by the grind of my expectation
a tolling bell called out the end
It isn't my place to be who I thought I’d be
i walk the lines of heart’s presumption
That what I feel is what is real
when I held my disgrace
like a medal of honor
Born without a home
and a name so vague
I could barely remember
the way
will anyone speak in remembrance of me
if they do will it be fair
time will edit the contents
of my closing book
look back on what’s past
who will speak for me
and recount the breaths of my life
and weigh the net of my deeds
Re: the Ogre's ongoing poeting reflection.
Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 5:44 pm
by Individual
Very nice.
Re: the Ogre's ongoing poeting reflection.
Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2010 8:23 pm
by nirmal
Hi,
Third poem.Can't positively put my finger on it.Out last station? Yes?
Simply superb if my guess is right.A poet you are.
nirmal
ghaley shu
Posted: Mon Nov 15, 2010 12:37 am
by Ogyen
thus it was said
with a heavy heart
my virtue declined by my pride
i know it now
the fires of love and hate must burn out
the push and pull of two must exhaust its course
pinched against the bars of my view
held captive by an unfriendly warden
and still knowing that returning fire with kindness
is like making the warmest hearth
in the harshest winter
only the shaman can take the darkest tears
and turn what he touches into light
with rough hands and red spun wool
the gentle clatter of beads
between butter lamp lit primal chants
your dorje to my bell the whole of none
cloaked in white robes
of the mountains blanket snow
where the heart’s deepest wealth
hold the jewels of truths
sacred waters
blood red coral and turquoise veins
nestled in the valley of a mind
I squeezed tight in a bind
the suffering of this great divide
between inbreath and outbreath
forces distilled clear insight
where the knots still hold
you were the glorious sun that was my light
a mistake I made out of weakness
to crave you as much as I love you
a drop of desire has bled in so deep
it made a bed of my bones
I could have paid for lifetimes
and to find you only to see
I’ve drifted away in the stream
and this ache of perpetual need is hell
I want to wake from this dream
but the Himalayas haven’t left me
the trails are a map to the stupa
where I froze the tears of my mothers
the quiet strength of my human heart
that remains fluid against
the nakedness of heat
consuming flames of compassion
openness
eradicating the excess complexity
so the truth pure and fluid
can pour into any cup
fill you to the brim in my heart i bring you in
in the tiny corner of my hearth with bread and beer
but the sands distant lands
have slipped through my fingers
of different hands so many times
I own nothing except my will
i lost my home and my name
so i’m leaving now
ghaley shu
this is my parting sorrow
because who knows where I’ll be
I’ve wandered far to find
eyes like yours they speak to me
and show me there again
I see the end in the start
the joy is sweeter than before
the farewell that breaks my heart
is the key to my prison cell
that i could for once say goodbye and stay
to not suffer change
only to get lost in the world
start all over again
crossing the vast unknown
diving into the ocean’s wisdom
on my little boat i’m leaving
ghaley shu
as i say hello i know we must part
this wonderful beginning
is the end in disguise
the freedom and liberty
is in the path of embracing joy
without holding onto the road
birth of a song
Posted: Sun Nov 21, 2010 2:51 am
by Ogyen
ॐ
I knew in that moment
confession breaking
dawn opens
the sky cracks
and pours love inside
as truth rises tenuous
as tenderness
beneath the words
of your passions
that pierce the core
of my innermost song
exposing the chords
of longing for the embrace
never taken always given
sit with this fire
boiling inside
desire transmuting
into light
ॐ
calidelphia girl
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 7:42 pm
by Ogyen
calidelphia girl
my worries I fret
are pimples on the skin
of my existence
when I’m staring right at the
burning, swollen bunched up puss
it’s like I see nothing else
I’m obsessed because
I’ve become an unwelcome guest
in the halls of my mind
half a ghost
yet half alive
I sit frozen
in between what I feel
and the agony
of not having
control
over what happens
this very next second
if there was anything
I could possibly do
it would have to be
say yes to the flustered moment
the spasm of frantic
helplessness
in the face of death
and by my own design
my ills penetrate
beneath my skin
creating those red angry flares
the colors of my imputations
that hurt no other
before I
and rob my divinity
of shining light
so the blood of christ
only stays a ritual
and bowing to the lotus
is flowery words
unfelt, unspelled
in the magic of emptiness
I’ve glimpsed a taste
of freedom
in this shell
when I peeked out the
aperture
the crack that runs through
my sight
the sense that this is real
but not really here
and the key
is the shape of your desire
and the map through
the heart of your
most broken matter
is what inspired me to give what I most desire
transformed sight
from that corner in my mind
where I finally turned
around and smiled
the trembling fear
that undisguised
resembled most a child
calidelphia
a space that has a song
she can’t yet sing
but the music plays along
all the while
I can help you find the sounds
of the song I remembered
it’s probably the same tune
so it will be funny
when we can laugh at this
and sing along
to the oldest chant
of love and wisdom
om mani peme hung
lens
Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 5:44 am
by Ogyen
it’s not that I don’t love you
it’s that I’ve loved before you
and lost so
I know on my own skin
how thin this moment is
and to skate across it
ignorant of bliss
building sandcastles
too close to the sea
the bliss beneath
what is and what seems
is the grind that drives
and crushed what you don’t need
and poetry is the grief
in between
that always has me
seeking speculating
what sleeps at the center
form is convention
the mind decides
I’ve seen through the heart
of the broken matter
the principle is gone
yet in the stillness
there is a tiny gem
of blood and breath
so precious
every headache
is a labor contraction
suffering is my midwife
this child wanted
this process dreaded
is here where I grieve you the deepest
spirit denies the lies of flesh
this wondrous taste
is not yours to keep
the desire to breathe
is the struggle to be
the same hand that feeds
beats the living
daylights outta you
while you hold the key
a two-sided freedom
the pearl in the pearl
is not the grit of dirt
the worth is in
the glow of the sum
of the whole
wet layers of aches
tears in a shell
the lustre of pain
shining through the sun
of the pearl's wisdom
the pain in your fear
is not the enemy
drive all blames
into none
is one
for some
it’s too deep
they can't breathe
so we hide inside
consistent distraction
even as I write
it is form that masters
connecting the dots
of open space
you are already the blend
of perfect and wrong
that will launch you forth
through the core
you’ll feel barbecued in woes
love is not the easy road
embracing without hate
means to accept death
on the blades hidden within
the fold of an embrace
is the end of self
opens wide untold wings
alight with joy
broken desires are the bones
of insight
angels transformed
pure humanity
on the lens of being
the lamp that dispels darkness
love conquers anger
in the same way
I commit to the secret
jewel in the shell
at the center of happiness
is a shared breath
simplicity is mastery
the rest is a test
to accept the nakedness
and hang by a thread
inevitability is sudden
a gasp that meets
everything between
the inception and the end
with my little eye
I spy through
a crack in the lens
Re: the Ogre's reflection.
Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 7:44 pm
by Ogyen
chapter 9
death hurts less
when it transcends
ends and fears
and what’s left is clear
but you have to be there
to suddenly be able to touch life
and affect it deeply
happiness is breathing easy
life seeks light and desire brings into being
the nature of mind and all the neuroses
that follow and obscure what’s there
I’m only here to have a good time
she says through her tears to me
Big or small grim’s grim
the stakes are all the same
to know what it’s like
to be broken and free
and be washed clean
of all the filth that filled me
with stories about worth
and what you meant
and all the reasons
why this or that can’t be
I watch myself
Spin in your wheels
Turning round and round
I love you I want you
I prefer this, I don’t want that
Oh, This would only be better
if only there could be
More
like the American dream
made Nixon a saint
with the likes of Mitt and Christie
pogroms for citizens
you think Chaney was frightening
just wait it’s coming
and for what
it’s always some goddamn thing
does the cycle ever end?
entrapment starts with wanting
chewing up the reel
You feel me-
And I have to make myself soft
to refrain from being hard
Because when I look at her
trembling face like a junkie
wanting and needing
I see my greed and suddenly
we seem so ridiculous
what I love is in my blood
and through intellect’s lens
I shield myself pathetically
Because I can’t face the fool
In me that looks back
From your awkwardness
when I see your vulnerability
like I was played and robbed from
and am afraid to turn the cheek
please, who’s the victim in this
but the one who hooks by the lip
the fish bit and the reaction wins
No, I don’t need to explain myself
To you or anyone else
All I have to do is live through
each breath and each death
with all the funny rules
like sociocentric politics
Personal and otherwise
It’s easy to idealize
what is not right
Before your eyes
But dakini, i
cannot out-of-sight
out-of-mind this one
I offer up my time
what’s left of it
to change myself
for your smile
for your joy
exchange oneself for other
what burns also teaches
i could learn from you
till the day I die
and the morning you died
in my mind
it took the light out
of my life
how do you live on
with your heart torn
into a broken mess
after you failed every test
like your love had a stroke
and years of mistakes
erased and replaced the
fallen tears with self-protecting fears
and the thrown dishes
that should have been communicated
conversations instead of frustrations
shattered into a million pieces
like a child’s dream you
wished you could have seen
grown up instead it wasn’t like your dreams
the scenes of what gives and what takes
you rot steeped in ignorant feeling
like in a deep sleep you prematurely
perish so I ask you a simple question
what scope is the measure
that splits chaff from treasure
what you find is what you discover
who is this who thinks with your mind
the truth is an arrow that’s lost
in the disinformation propagated
I’m probably on some list somewhere
with people who get taken in the night
but till I’m dead I’ll beat out this fight
one kindness at a time
there is no enemy but oneself
and the world we see not as it is
but as we fear it
and I’ve held myself when I could not help
the least I can do
is do no harm
tomorrow I will be the one
who runs with tigers
Re: the Ogre's reflection.
Posted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 7:46 pm
by Ogyen
Δάφνη
stirred by the breezy whispers
of a question blown on the wind
why did you run
the breath gently parting
the leaves of her once hair
where once life coursed
with a virgin lust through
veins and flesh and cupid
shot his arrows
love through his heart
he, the god of sun
bristled down bare and bucking
his lust unbridled
he sought to hold and pin
a namesake that flows
through this being
she cried out no
in fear and fled
leaving behind
her huntress bow
she saw red
thanatos in her blood
he reached demanding of
her essence as if he knew
what it was like
to not be free
as he grasps her hair
she spasms ruthlessly
he discovers to name
his love took her innocence
he witnessed her change
from life to living death of
grounding
she escaped
elusive and mysterious
unable to express
tried to capture
her ineffable sublime
but wild like the shine
that glistens in your eyes
the question rings harsh
and unexpected
why did you run?
she mourns tenderly
the loss to ignorance
she died untouched
yet transformed to
give birth and life
weeping her roots
into life’s stream
shedding her virginity
in suffering’s excision
of her femininity
a circumcision of her
very ability
to ever feel the pleasure
of touch again
none could claim
the legacy dedicated
to her life committed
she became firmly planted
and stuck is not
the same as choiceless
her bark is her armor
made of passing memory
she knows this life’s a dream
her expectations and resentments
were real yet imaginary
strength is not in the keepers’ keys
her misty notions vanishing
as time’s clock put a lock on
the recognitions in her sight
she transformed tragedy’s
change is letting go and
finding it wasn’t so bad
why did it feel so threatening
so much worse from the
sleeping side of life?
had I known this love of adventure
for awakening and thriving on healing
I want you to open you spontaneously
the delicate folds of your dreaming
I will love you till you
yield to me and then beyond
it is my nature to fluidly
surrender to your most tender
without asking
without parting
without anything more
than this promise
I will never give up
with you in me
my love always
venus cups her womb for you
life springs from death
you are my beautiful phoenix
crossing the seventh house
your chariot under my feet
you are the fertile soil
for my emotions
your wealth nourishes me
rich with all your imperfect
the immediacy of desire
has a way of putting me
in touch with what matters
together means never far
no matter how it resolves
juicy compressions
nothing is missing
hungry or satisfied states
are complete
yet resolution of alchemy
comes through the marrying
of binding principles releasing
the essence like the flower opens
and you give me these daily
vitamins of sustenance
like minerals are expressions
of the earth’s longing
like Daphne’s run from life
and in death finding
the source of all mind