Hello, I have already been initiated into Highest Yoga Tantra by a qualified teacher. I want to attend extended teachings this summer that includes an initiation at the beginning in order to attend. I will most likely go through with this but I wanted to clarify for myself, first, how to understand the different characteristics of the deities that are being introduced. For example, common deities that are discussed are figures like Guhyasamaja, Yamantaka, and Chakrasamvara (for Geluk, especially). There is also Vajrayogini, Tara, and many others. I feel I have VERY limited knowledge on the character or attributes of the majority of deities aside from, perhaps, Vajrayogini and Tara. I want to gain familiarity with the different characteristics and qualities of the different deities so that I can discriminate between their practices in a way that is meaningful to me. I wish that I could learn what each deity felt like, in the same way I can feel the essence of a friend, person, or mood/place. Sometimes I imagine deities as being like this.
How do you discriminate between your associations with different deities? How do you relate with them differently? What do they represent for you or what are they intended to represent? Where did you get this information? is there a source you can direct me to?
Oh, that is, aside from mother tantra/father tantra (/nondual tantra). That is a major characterization (maybe most significant?). but i mean aside from that.
It really gets to me that all of a sudden (seemingly), even after extensive education, you are expected to be at home with these deities or with vows, for instance. The detail and complexity is overwhelming, or seemingly never ends (always more to practice). If we didn't need help, we wouldn't need to PRACTICE, but still. It's hard not to penalize oneself for not picking it up right away... also difficult not to rebel against expecting to have some sense about what is going on...? Even with commentary it is still difficult. I think sadhanas are very abstract.t.. this is my conclusion. That the essential messages are transmitted real life in your relationship to your teacher (especially), and the sadhana you will probably only figure out much later (that is, what it's REAL MESSAGE means). i guess i am still learning...
Thank you for any help.
Associations/identifications with different deities
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