Giving, reinstating or being taken advantage of ?

A forum for discussion of Buddhist ethics.
Joseph
Posts: 118
Joined: Sat Jan 06, 2018 11:07 am

Re: Giving, reinstating or being taken advantage of ?

Post by Joseph » Sun May 19, 2019 8:54 am

Chogyal Namkhai Norbu . :)

I'm not a very good student though . :tantrum:

Hopefully I can find some markers throughout this forum :)
"When you play in dirt, you get dirty" - Jimmy McNulty

PeterC
Posts: 1047
Joined: Tue May 20, 2014 12:38 pm

Re: Giving, reinstating or being taken advantage of ?

Post by PeterC » Thu Jun 06, 2019 11:40 am

Joseph wrote:
Tue May 14, 2019 12:37 am
I have spoken to a number of people about this ( mostly non-Buddhist & with 1 Buddhist) , whom think she is emotionally manipulating me , putting all the blame onto me for her actions and spending habits; none of them think I should pay her any money for her decision making, and that it is 'out of line' for her to ask. I sent some money that I did forget about, something concrete , but the rest seemed very arbitrary and it was a fairly large sum for me ($3000) - I have been saving for my first overseas trip the last three years, and obviously I am attached to this :crying:

So I guess, What I'm after is what you, Buddhist practitioners would do.... How do I balance wanting to give, without being taken advantage of? I have had to block her at the moment as the emotional abuse (everyday 50-100 messages) was starting to affect me . :crying:
So...someone you haven't been in a relationship with for three years turns up and harasses you for thousands of dollars because she paid for some takeout food?

Clearly she's not going to get any money from you by legal means. I would ignore her completely, just don't engage, except in one circumstance. If you really did something terrrible to her, some lasting evil deed that can never see the light of day and for which an apology just isn't enough. I'm not talking here about failure to split a bill - I mean burning her house down, killing her dog, etc. Didn't do any of those? Then just say no and get on with your life. The Buddhist perspective is not only informed by compassion, it also requires wisdom.

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Queequeg
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Posts: 8290
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 3:24 pm

Re: Giving, reinstating or being taken advantage of ?

Post by Queequeg » Thu Jun 20, 2019 10:16 pm

Might be late to the game, but, I'd tell her,

Send me, by mail, an itemized account, with copies of receipts showing payments.

I will consider what you show me.

Please stop contacting me. Communicate with me only by mail. I will block you on all other platforms.

If she can produce receipts, I'd think about it. I might also look at it and put it at the bottom of my to do pile.

She sounds like bad news. Lose her ASAP.

Buck up, dude. Being fair doesn't mean being a pushover.
Those who, even with distracted minds,
Entered a stupa compound
And chanted but once, “Namo Buddhaya!”
Have certainly attained the path of the buddhas.

-Lotus Sutra, Expedient Means Chapter

There are beings with little dust in their eyes who are falling away because they do not hear the Dhamma. There will be those who will understand the Dhamma.
-Ayacana Sutta

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