Dating

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Trik444
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Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:27 am

Dating

Post by Trik444 » Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:50 am

I recently made an incredible connection with a woman, and we practice at the same Temple. (Yeah I know 2 Buddhist with a connection who would have thought). So I guess technically we are dating. Problem is she feels a little concern about our Master seeing right through her, like we are doing something wrong. Especially when she drops her son off for a weekend of instruction from master, and we spend time together. I tried reassuring her that it's not like a one-night stand and nothing to feel guilty about. Pretty sure no one at Temple knows what's going on (no PDA), so any outside advice is appreciated.
Thank you

muni
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Joined: Fri Apr 17, 2009 6:59 am

Re: Dating

Post by muni » Tue Jan 14, 2020 9:30 am

Hello Sir,

There can be relationships without grasping for selfish purpose. Many Masters are married as well. The welfare of each other and all around is priority, supporting each other, encouraging each other, inspiring each other.

Talk about together with the Master, please. He/She can provide you what is appropriate in this case, to bring clarity and guide.


All the best.
The presence of space makes it possible for the whole universe to be set out within it, and yet this does not alter or condition space in any way. Although rainbows appear in the sky, they do not make any difference to the sky; it is simply that the sky makes the appearance of rainbows possible.
Phenomena adorn emptiness, but never corrupt it. Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche.

Simon E.
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Joined: Tue May 15, 2012 11:09 am

Re: Dating

Post by Simon E. » Tue Jan 14, 2020 10:10 am

Trik444 wrote:
Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:50 am
I recently made an incredible connection with a woman, and we practice at the same Temple. (Yeah I know 2 Buddhist with a connection who would have thought). So I guess technically we are dating. Problem is she feels a little concern about our Master seeing right through her, like we are doing something wrong. Especially when she drops her son off for a weekend of instruction from master, and we spend time together. I tried reassuring her that it's not like a one-night stand and nothing to feel guilty about. Pretty sure no one at Temple knows what's going on (no PDA), so any outside advice is appreciated.
Thank you
I suspect that either you or she or both are carrying the conditioning of another religion and projecting it onto your teacher.
Hard to say without knowing more about your lineage.
Why not ask him?
“You don’t know it. You just know about it. That is not the same thing.”

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche to me.

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Berry
Posts: 291
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:19 am

Re: Dating

Post by Berry » Tue Jan 14, 2020 5:14 pm

Trik444 wrote:
Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:50 am
Problem is she feels a little concern about our Master seeing right through her, like we are doing something wrong. Especially when she drops her son off for a weekend of instruction from master, and we spend time together.
Can I ask the age of your girlfriend's son, please ?
Leave the polluted water of conceptual thoughts in its natural clarity. Without affirming or denying appearances, leave them as they are. When there is neither acceptance nor rejection, mind is liberated into mahāmudra.

~ Tilopa

Trik444
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:27 am

Re: Dating

Post by Trik444 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 4:30 am

Son is 15

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Berry
Posts: 291
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 8:19 am

Re: Dating

Post by Berry » Thu Jan 16, 2020 11:06 am

I don't understand why your girlfriend would want to deceive her teacher and others at the temple, or leave her 15 yr old son there while she's with you.

I would therefore suggest that you have some calm, sensible discussions about the situation with both your girlfriend and your teacher.
Leave the polluted water of conceptual thoughts in its natural clarity. Without affirming or denying appearances, leave them as they are. When there is neither acceptance nor rejection, mind is liberated into mahāmudra.

~ Tilopa

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javier.espinoza.t
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Joined: Sun Jan 01, 2017 12:29 am
Location: Chile

Re: Dating

Post by javier.espinoza.t » Sat Jul 11, 2020 2:27 am

You are lay, she is lay, no problem. There is no need, reason or obligation for your kind of relationship to be clandestine.

man if you harm no one, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Fortyeightvows
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Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 2:37 am

Re: Dating

Post by Fortyeightvows » Sat Jul 11, 2020 2:41 am

The other thing to add is that what if they break up? I have seen it where couples break up and then one will not go to temple anymore. It's one thing if it was one person making the other one go, but if they were both going there before they got together and then they break up, it can cause some type of issue. I have seen these things happen before.

Alot of companies don't like their employees to date because the boss thinks that if they break up he will probably lose one of his employees.
The same thing might be at play here.

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PadmaVonSamba
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Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 1:41 am

Re: Dating

Post by PadmaVonSamba » Sat Jul 11, 2020 5:23 am

The comment before this one also brings to mind that all situations arise from conditions. This is important to keep in mind. You both have some things in common. But aside from the Dharma, what else do you really share? Maybe a lot, maybe not. None of my business either way, but definitely your business. Buddhist practice has a very magnetizing effect on people. If you are both very devoted to your Buddhist practice, that can artificially be experienced as feeling devotion to each other. All I’m suggesting is to take a deep look into that. But best wishes.
Profile Picture: "The Fo Ming (Buddha Bright) Monk"
People on web forums sometime seem to be foaming at the mouth.

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jake
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Re: Dating

Post by jake » Sat Jul 11, 2020 5:38 am

The OP has not returned to DW since January so this thread is locked. Discussion of dating is welcome to continue but please start a new thread.

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