It is also third unwholesome action. Are they exactly the same action?Ambrosius80 wrote:I think you already know the answer to your question. "Sexual misconduct", the third precept, forbids adultery.
Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
May all beings be free from suffering and causes of suffering
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
ChrisK, what have you learned about Buddhism so far and what teachings have you received? I ask only for your self-reflection, not a response.
I ask because someone could read this thread from a doctrinally moralistic perspective. But Buddha didn’t hand down rules and demand obedience to them. Buddha said:
1. Are you aware that the very nature of your life’s experience is suffering?
2. Do you know why that is?
3. Once you know the sources of suffering, you’ll see there is a way to overcome it.
4. Here are the causes of suffering and the way to eliminate them…
His admonitions are guidelines. It is up to each of us, within the context of our own karmic circumstances, to be alert to how we can best mitigate the activities of our bodies, words, and minds in a manner that reduces suffering and promotes loving kindness.
Your experiences today are the result of previous actions; your responses to these experiences create the causes of subsequent experiences. (As my signature, below, reminds me.)
I ask because someone could read this thread from a doctrinally moralistic perspective. But Buddha didn’t hand down rules and demand obedience to them. Buddha said:
1. Are you aware that the very nature of your life’s experience is suffering?
2. Do you know why that is?
3. Once you know the sources of suffering, you’ll see there is a way to overcome it.
4. Here are the causes of suffering and the way to eliminate them…
His admonitions are guidelines. It is up to each of us, within the context of our own karmic circumstances, to be alert to how we can best mitigate the activities of our bodies, words, and minds in a manner that reduces suffering and promotes loving kindness.
Your experiences today are the result of previous actions; your responses to these experiences create the causes of subsequent experiences. (As my signature, below, reminds me.)
Where now is my mind engaged? - Shantideva
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Being married makes it adultery. You did take a pledge to be owned by another. Your mind will not settle or be peaceful until that dishonesty is removed from your life. (I know this from experience) If the marriage is not worth being faithful it's shit and not meeting your needs. The lying will only make the gulf between you larger. Yes, she will likely go psycho if you get caught and try to destroy your life. People seem to think that is acceptable. Some partners use that as blackmail to keep a marriage going past it's expiry date. You can't meet someone awesome until this is over.
The easiest solution would be getting caught. Things will blow up but after you can get back to normal and perhaps find a single partner who meets sufficient needs or multiple partners where you can be honest. Looking back you will find keeping this dead marriage on life support for financial or whatever reasons was a waste of time.
Barring that I would seriously suggest getting a second burner cell phone. The most ingenious I have seen is a burner with a fingerprint reader keyed to your toe. Wife can tell you to try every finger and it will never unlock.
The easiest solution would be getting caught. Things will blow up but after you can get back to normal and perhaps find a single partner who meets sufficient needs or multiple partners where you can be honest. Looking back you will find keeping this dead marriage on life support for financial or whatever reasons was a waste of time.
Barring that I would seriously suggest getting a second burner cell phone. The most ingenious I have seen is a burner with a fingerprint reader keyed to your toe. Wife can tell you to try every finger and it will never unlock.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Seems to me, this kind of thinking still has to be improved regarding Buddhist Ethics.Nemo wrote:.... Wife can tell you to try every finger and it will never unlock.
A wife is not a parent that has to controll her kid-husband. As an adult it is better (for the own mind) to straighten ones spine and neither hide oneself nor spy upon the partner.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
That is a rather Eurocentric point of view. In some parts of Asia stabbing/shooting your husband is socially acceptable and divorce such a strong badge of dishonour for a woman they think their life is over. Abuse between partners is very common. Be it psychological, such as turning the children against the former spouse or financial. Most physical abuse is by men, but once weapons and poison enter the fray things equalize out again. Some people are in relationships because they fear what will happen if they try to leave. Adultery may be the least of the ethical violations floating around. We really don't know.Ayu wrote:Seems to me, this kind of thinking still has to be improved regarding Buddhist Ethics.Nemo wrote:.... Wife can tell you to try every finger and it will never unlock.
A wife is not a parent that has to controll her kid-husband. As an adult it is better (for the own mind) to straighten ones spine and neither hide oneself nor spy upon the partner.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Ah, that explains the gas suit.Nemo wrote:Most physical abuse is by men, but once weapons and poison enter the fray things equalize out again.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Oh my, what a statement!Nemo wrote:That is a rather Eurocentric point of view. In some parts of Asia stabbing/shooting your husband is socially acceptable
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
I've spent a bit of time in S.E. Asia and I've never been anywhere that murder is socially acceptable. As a matter of fact I'm quite sure that all of the countries have laws against such behavior.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
They don't kill you obviously. They just wing you a bit and you run for your life. You really need to get out to the more isolated provinces, lol.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
My wife comes from an isolated province. In her whole life she's only seen one person stabbed. Incidentally that was over an unpaid debt from the cock fights.and again that person wasn't winged, they died.Nemo wrote:They don't kill you obviously. They just wing you a bit and you run for your life. You really need to get out to the more isolated provinces, lol.
Times have changed a bit. The shame of separation and divorce isn't what it used to be.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
My point was viewed from Buddhist ethics, which are guidelines for our own mental health:Nemo wrote:That is a rather Eurocentric point of view. In some parts of Asia stabbing/shooting your husband is socially acceptable and divorce such a strong badge of dishonour for a woman they think their life is over. Abuse between partners is very common. Be it psychological, such as turning the children against the former spouse or financial. Most physical abuse is by men, but once weapons and poison enter the fray things equalize out again. Some people are in relationships because they fear what will happen if they try to leave. Adultery may be the least of the ethical violations floating around. We really don't know.Ayu wrote:Seems to me, this kind of thinking still has to be improved regarding Buddhist Ethics.Nemo wrote:.... Wife can tell you to try every finger and it will never unlock.
A wife is not a parent that has to controll her kid-husband. As an adult it is better (for the own mind) to straighten ones spine and neither hide oneself nor spy upon the partner.
Better than hiding misdeeds skillfully it would be to prevent them. I.e. think about the consequences before starting a relation to a third person, or think about how to solve the situation soon.
Putting energy into intelligent hiding strategies - while continuing the fraud - is no good solution.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
I'm not sure if anyone cares about what has been going on with my situation, but I feel as though I need to give everyone who posted or commented on the post and update. At this very moment things between me and the other person is ending. Thing have almost come to a head and as a resulted of our love for each other we are or have decided to end our relationship. I have to be honest though, this is the toughest thing that I have ever dealt with.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
I feel sure that it'll work out for the best. Good luck on your journey. Shaun.
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Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Thank you ChrisK for the update. I think about you since you've been posting your story...and I can relate...as my "love life" , has also been gut -wrenching...we should be so lucky, to only have the luxury of having a gut wrenching love life...when life could be much worse....ChrisK wrote:I'm not sure if anyone cares about what has been going on with my situation, but I feel as though I need to give everyone who posted or commented on the post and update. At this very moment things between me and the other person is ending. Thing have almost come to a head and as a resulted of our love for each other we are or have decided to end our relationship. I have to be honest though, this is the toughest thing that I have ever dealt with.
Peace
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Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Sorry to hear it's difficult, remember, sometimes the wisest choice is not the easiest one. Good luck!
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Thank you.ClearblueSky wrote:Sorry to hear it's difficult, remember, sometimes the wisest choice is not the easiest one. Good luck!
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Thank you for the update. Glad to hear about your decision. Further I'm in lack of wise words. I know, everybody could be in your situation. Then the way out is depending on individual factors.
Very best wishes.
Very best wishes.
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
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Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
ChrisK wrote:I'm not sure if anyone cares about what has been going on with my situation, but I feel as though I need to give everyone who posted or commented on the post and update. At this very moment things between me and the other person is ending. Thing have almost come to a head and as a resulted of our love for each other we are or have decided to end our relationship. I have to be honest though, this is the toughest thing that I have ever dealt with.
Thanks for the update, I think you did the right thing, hope things even out for you soon.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared
-Khunu Lama
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared
-Khunu Lama
Re: Adultery and Being a Buddhist
Having lived together with two wives and had some poly relationships I can say this will likely be for the best. Be strong, rely on friends, watch too much Netflix in track pants and eat junk. You may find neither was a good match and choose to be alone for awhile. Having your heart broken only feels like the end of the world. Don't let people use their emotions to control you. How much they love you does not make you responsible for them.ChrisK wrote:I'm not sure if anyone cares about what has been going on with my situation, but I feel as though I need to give everyone who posted or commented on the post and update. At this very moment things between me and the other person is ending. Thing have almost come to a head and as a resulted of our love for each other we are or have decided to end our relationship. I have to be honest though, this is the toughest thing that I have ever dealt with.