PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Casual conversation between friends. Anything goes (almost).
A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:01 am

PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Sat Jun 11, 2016 7:32 pm

A few weeks ago found out my partner of 25 years, has been seeing hookers, and is a sex addict. I do not have a therapist, and i am on the waiting list for one (it takes 6 weeks !!!)

I AM GOING NUTS !!!

I stay up all night looking up all the calls he's made...
I can't sleep or eat properly (mostly junk food and i use to eat healthy)
i moved out..
I SERIOUSLY WANTED TO KILL HIM
all i do is think about this shit.

I tried some mantras..
I'm taking Bimla & Semde
I take olive leaf extract (in case of HIV !!!!)

Please......if someone out there is EXPERIENCED with this type of TRAUMA please reach out to me...you can PM me if you like..

This subject matter (Thread) could possibly be helpful for others going through the same thing...

I am so messed up....

THANK YOU

:anjali:

Punya
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by Punya » Sat Jun 11, 2016 10:41 pm

Dear KL

It's wonderful that you started this thread with the thought of helping others too.

The TOS prevent us from giving specific advice but I think it's ok to say two general things based on my own experience of marriage breakdown.

One is seriously consider ringing a helpline such as http://www.befrienders.org/ IMMEDIATELY. And ring them as often as you need to in the coming weeks. Thoughts can run around our heads and become really distorted. Talking it through with someone who is trained can really help.

The second is that it's not only the specific circumstances of the breakdown that you are dealing with. It has become kind of cliched to say this but you will also go through the recognised stages of loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, in your own way. So be kind to yourself and just do the best you can.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Punya
We abide nowhere. We possess nothing.
~Chatral Rinpoche

Russell
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by Russell » Sat Jun 11, 2016 11:16 pm

phpBB [video]


http://www.lionsroar.com/life-is-tough- ... arch-2013/

Very empowering advice, maybe useful for you.. but you may also just need to chill for a while..
All the best.

Rishin
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Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2014 9:13 pm

Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by Rishin » Sat Jun 11, 2016 11:26 pm

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:A few weeks ago found out my partner of 25 years, has been seeing hookers, and is a sex addict. I do not have a therapist, and i am on the waiting list for one (it takes 6 weeks !!!)

I AM GOING NUTS !!!

I stay up all night looking up all the calls he's made...
I can't sleep or eat properly (mostly junk food and i use to eat healthy)
i moved out..
I SERIOUSLY WANTED TO KILL HIM
all i do is think about this shit.

I tried some mantras..
I'm taking Bimla & Semde
I take olive leaf extract (in case of HIV !!!!)

Please......if someone out there is EXPERIENCED with this type of TRAUMA please reach out to me...you can PM me if you like..

This subject matter (Thread) could possibly be helpful for others going through the same thing...

I am so messed up....

THANK YOU

:anjali:
Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear you are having to go through this, it must be incredibly difficult and frightening. On top of all that you have the frustration of being on a waiting list.

I'm not sure where you are based but I'd second the recommendation to call a support line. In the UK Samaritans are very good at offering emotional support for people, even if you aren't UK based you can still email them.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-he ... contact-us

A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
Posts: 1487
Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:01 am

Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Sun Jun 12, 2016 3:27 am

Punya wrote:Dear KL

It's wonderful that you started this thread with the thought of helping others too.

The TOS prevent us from giving specific advice but I think it's ok to say two general things based on my own experience of marriage breakdown.

One is seriously consider ringing a helpline such as http://www.befrienders.org/ IMMEDIATELY. And ring them as often as you need to in the coming weeks. Thoughts can run around our heads and become really distorted. Talking it through with someone who is trained can really help.

The second is that it's not only the specific circumstances of the breakdown that you are dealing with. It has become kind of cliched to say this but you will also go through the recognised stages of loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, in your own way. So be kind to yourself and just do the best you can.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Punya

Thank you Punya....

I'm not suicidal.now (but have thought about it a million times).and I've calmed down (at least today)..it's been like a roller-coaster ride with my emotions....
This relationship has been breaking periodically...like earthquakes...so all these things such as denial, anger, etc. I've been dealing with on & off for 25 years.....it's quite unbelievable how I lasted this long with all this going on for so long...so it's actually quite a relief it's over between us....

I am trying to be kind to myself & also him (between my fits of rage).

Thank you so much for your prayers...I really mean that..it means a lot to me to have Dharma friends praying for me at tis time.

:bow: :bow: :bow:

A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Sun Jun 12, 2016 3:41 am

Rishin wrote:Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear you are having to go through this, it must be incredibly difficult and frightening. On top of all that you have the frustration of being on a waiting list.

I'm not sure where you are based but I'd second the recommendation to call a support line. In the UK Samaritans are very good at offering emotional support for people, even if you aren't UK based you can still email them.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-he ... contact-us
Dear Rishin...
Yes it is EXTREMELY difficult and frightening ! I can't believe they make you wait so long, because it's like an emergency...VERY traumatizing ...the worse thing I have ever experienced. The reality of someone you've lived with for so long, living a double life, doing these grotesque things, and then acting like nothing is going on...the worse betrayal...it blows my mind how anyone could do that...but sex addiction is a very horrible thing to live with...and he feels great remorse...or so he says...might just be another lie...time will tell...

Thank you for the link...and your kindness...

:bow: :bow: :bow:

A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Sun Jun 12, 2016 3:49 am

Soar wrote: http://www.lionsroar.com/life-is-tough- ... arch-2013/

Very empowering advice, maybe useful for you.. but you may also just need to chill for a while..
All the best.


Dear Soar..
That was a REALLY good article @ LionsRoar !!! Much wisdom there...it helped to put things in perspective...i will read it many times to help me get a handle on this...

Yes...I really need to chill out...I think my "flight or fight" instinct has been working overtime...and i am exhausted now..
Thank you honey for taking the time to respond to my cry for help ...

:bow: :bow: :bow:

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DNS
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by DNS » Sun Jun 12, 2016 3:58 am

phpBB [video]

A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Sun Jun 12, 2016 4:28 am

David N. Snyder wrote:
phpBB [video]

Yes David I will survive...but not only just survive...thrive..as this will either make you or break you...no, actually it will break you, then the light will shine through all the cracks...... :smile:


:heart:

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Johnny Dangerous
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by Johnny Dangerous » Sun Jun 12, 2016 4:50 am

Geez, I don't have anything to say other than that I hope you can get some good in person support soon, and that I'm really sorry! You might just see if you have a local crisis hotline that can refer you to some immediate help, if you feel it's warranted. I'll send some good juju your way.
"...if you think about how many hours, months and years of your life you've spent looking at things, being fascinated by things that have now passed away, then how wonderful to spend even five minutes looking into the nature of your own mind."

-James Low

sattva
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by sattva » Sun Jun 12, 2016 5:48 am

Dear friend,
I am so sorry that you are suffering right now. I found two links for you. It looks like the first one might be on the lines of AA for partners, but with sex as the addiction. Not too sure, but I hope it helps. You have my email address, I think and I will give you my phone number if you want to chat. I probably can't help, but I can listen.
Love,
sattva/louise


https://www.sanon.org/
http://www.posarc.com/

Saoshun
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by Saoshun » Sun Jun 12, 2016 7:40 am

Lojong/Metta meditation is cure for all suffering based on such things. You turned yourself into antagonist based on his doings, at the same time you could be happy that you seen true nature of your partner. It's all about perspective, you perspective or view creates tension and suffering, sometimes it's too strong to change it just like that and it's need time to work it out - i understand that, i do not expect that you gain right view just like that, sometimes it's not possible, sometimes is but you have now great opportunity. Such suffering can raise great prajna if properly conducted. I would say I'm kinda jealous because all negativity is really totally positive. such strong current of energy-emotion motion could easily push you into 4th dhyana and different samadhi but you using it against yourself. Believe me or not you actually turning your mind against yourself - that's the problem, if you would be happy if every pressure and motion of energy go at you there will be no problem. So the problem is always you suffering something and creation motion of this avidya, but this avidya if properly aimed is liberation, bliss and happiness if you have proper instructions to till with this you can actually be very happy that your man cheated on you - not because of he cheated on you but because that thing created so much tension and energy current you could turn it into bliss, poison into amrita (elixir of immortality), because energy do not discriminate it's like water you just contaminated it with all kinds of negativity within your mind rather then use skillful means to the situation and turn it into winner.

all the best with you. :consoling:

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Lobsang Chojor
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by Lobsang Chojor » Sun Jun 12, 2016 12:05 pm

Hi Kunga

I hope you get better :hug: . I will place you in my dedications and I will do tonglen for you.

If you do tonglen it might make you feel happier [it works for me].

:anjali: :meditate:
"Morality does not become pure unless darkness is dispelled by the light of wisdom"
  • Aryasura, Paramitasamasa 6.5
ༀ་ཨ་ར་པ་ཙ་ན་དྷཱི༔ Oṃ A Ra Pa Ca Na Dhīḥ

newbie
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by newbie » Sun Jun 12, 2016 10:29 pm

I wish someone/something helps Kunga out. Because she gave me hope once. :heart:

A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:12 am

Saoshun wrote:Lojong/Metta meditation is cure for all suffering
I did this when the suffering wasn't that bad, and i had more energy..now my energy is low, and my heart heavy..but i guess this is when you need to practice the most...when you're out of shape...

Saoshun wrote:You turned yourself into antagonist based on his doings,
Yes..it's a terrible feeling to be filled with all this negative energy...keeping you a prisoner in hell..
Saoshun wrote:you could be happy that you seen true nature of your partner.
It is quite a shock...amazing how he hid it so well...yet my intuition and dreams were telling me the truth...but i didn't have faith in my inner voice..
Saoshun wrote: all negativity is really totally positive.
Yes..i wish i could always remember that..what a challenge it is when the shit hits the fan..

Thank you dear Saoshun :heart:


:bow: :bow: :bow:

A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:14 am

sattva wrote:Dear friend,
I am so sorry that you are suffering right now. I found two links for you. It looks like the first one might be on the lines of AA for partners, but with sex as the addiction. Not too sure, but I hope it helps. You have my email address, I think and I will give you my phone number if you want to chat. I probably can't help, but I can listen.
Love,
sattva/louise


https://www.sanon.org/
http://www.posarc.com/

Thank you Louise :heart:

newbie
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by newbie » Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:18 am

I hope Kunga receives all support she needs to have control on matters that are important for her.

Thank you!

:anjali:
Last edited by newbie on Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:23 am

Johnny Dangerous wrote:Geez, I don't have anything to say other than that I hope you can get some good in person support soon, and that I'm really sorry! You might just see if you have a local crisis hotline that can refer you to some immediate help, if you feel it's warranted. I'll send some good juju your way.
Yes..I might be able to see a therapist sooner than thought...and i did call a crisis hot line shortly after this happened..it really does help to talk...i don't know why...i was never the type that could keep stuff inside....unless it was something extremely important to keep inside....to protect others privacy or from getting hurt...
Johnny Dangerous wrote:I'll send some good juju your way.
Thank you :namaste:

:heart:

A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:30 am

Manjushri Fan wrote:Hi Kunga

I hope you get better :hug: . I will place you in my dedications and I will do tonglen for you.

If you do tonglen it might make you feel happier [it works for me].

:anjali: :meditate:

Yes i will do Tonglen too..
Thank you so much for your help...I REALLY am touched, and appreciate your kindness and prayers :anjali:


Today was a good day...very peaceful, and relaxing.

:bow: :bow: :bow:

:heart:

A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: PLEASE HELP ME !!!!

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Mon Jun 13, 2016 1:40 am

newbie wrote:I wish someone/something helps Kunga out. Because she gave me hope once. :heart:
Dear Newbie :heart:

I can feel the effects of peoples prayers already..I've been feeling relaxed and peaceful...I can even talk peacefully to the guy I was with...he really
is lost and so we're trying to get to the bottom of this thing...but i have to still keep my boundaries, as he is very manipulative...but it is a very hard and ugly thing to deal with...without my faith I would crumble...

I'm glad I gave you some hope...hope in what may i ask ?

Thank you for your support...you are so kind :heart:

:bow: :bow: :bow:

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