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Hi and peace to all.I'm from a catholic background and have some questions.I will first say that I am so glad to have found this place!
OKay .a background story :I'm coming from a Christian background .I was raised Christian in a pretty fundamentalist environment .I was a true believer until recently.I came across a lot of scholarly works on the origins of the bible that prove most of it is a giant pseudepigraph.I came across the numerous contradictions in the exodus account .I came upon the garbled crucifixion and resurrection accounts.I read a lot of apologetic materials and was not convinced,in fact I felt they were insulting my intelligence.I also came across walter r Mattfield an amazing scholar that has outlined the many failed prophecies of the old testament prophets.also I just couldn't accept animal sacrifices as being just or compassionate .I can go on and on but basically my faith in christianity is gone and if I did stay if be a dishonest Christian,as I don't believe the bible is inspired let alone inerrant.
I came upon some Buddhist material years ago and studied it,unfortunately it was entirely from fundamentalist theravadans like Brian Ruhr and the nihilism kind of scared me off,I definitely didn't want it to be true ,as I did not want to reincarnated for billions of lifetimes and I felt comfortable with the abrahamic paradise,sure its hard to get in,dying outside a state of mortal sin but it seemed less bleak..that is until I started to study about the Buddha realms!
I also started to study buddhisms fundamental ethics and it appealed to me so much.Buddha's seem like cool guys,they are fully compassionate and if we do end up in he'll its temporary and no one is condemning us there while claiming to love us and have good will towards us.
But here's my doubts:I have heard so many testimonies of people going to the ChristIan hell or heaven.I have read about so many contemporary saints meeting Jesus or going to heaven both catholic (padre pio)and orthodox(Tamav Irene or macarius the bishop of qenah),doing miracles etc I don't think all of them are lying of their experiences.the ones on Sid Roth or CBN could be actors ,but what of the independent noncommercial ones like on YouTube truthrabbit's channel?are all these people lying?
But then I wouldn't be convinced alone based on anecdotal accounts,albeit my fear they could be right .I have seen many Buddhist miracles and Delog accounts,have heard of the saintly karmapas and La mas,and amitabha stories.my fundamentalist remnant would label all of this as possibly demonic ,as many magicians have similar powers and demons can give false visions,pose as many things etc but then if all the Buddhist miracles,gifts and apparitions and Nde are demonic why can't the Christian ones be from Mara or pretas or nagas etc
If either side had none of these things,it would be a no-brainer that christianity is not true for me and the bible not being inspired in my view,but these things Will always cause me to doubt.what are your opinions on this?
I really need convincing answers.if I am wrong I am going to suffer from Yahweh's unending punishments.if I go back to christianity,despite how unhappy I would be and despite my logical side always rejecting it nor agreeing with its ethics and buddhism is right my karma would be so bad I would likely die really soon,be prey to all kinds of evil and sicknesses after rejecting padmasambhava and Amituofo after I sought refuge in them(and they saved my life many times from imminent death things like getting hit by 3 cars just a few inches away and choking to death a few times,once the piece of food literally evaporated as I called on padmasambhava in my mind before I choked to death)and id fall into billions of kalpas of torture in vajra hell plus gazillions of horrible lives in the future.so yeah the stakes are high.I was thinking to ask a saintly Lama that could convince me definitively.I'm so scared of death.even if my dieties came to escort me to a pureland id maybe doubt that it were demons tricking me and that Yahweh was waiting to punish me .yrs of fundamentalism will do that to you.
Pls help me out of your kindness,I love buddhism,buddha and dharma and its a path I can sincerely love rather than living in fear like my former religion.