Young people are loneliest?

Casual conversation between friends. Anything goes (almost).
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Virgo
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Virgo »

Queequeg wrote: Tue May 01, 2018 8:54 pm
From the Atlantic article:
She told me she’d spent most of the summer hanging out alone in her room with her phone. That’s just the way her generation is, she said. “We didn’t have a choice to know any life without iPads or iPhones. I think we like our phones more than we like actual people.”
That made me want to literally vomit. I immediately felt vertigo and constriction in my esophogus.

JEEZ! WTF is going on with you kids?!!!!!
By the way, I came around in 1980, but yes, I am a little bit like an 18 year old, and will stay that way most likely.

Kevin...
tingdzin
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by tingdzin »

In one of C.S. Lewis' sci-fi novels, he predicted that men and women would someday lie down not with actual human beings, but cunningly-fashioned images of people, and thus avoid real human contact. In the modern industrialized societies of Europe, America, and East and Southeast Asia, young people are facing an economic and environmental future that is doubtful, to say the least. Traditional societal norms by which young people used to find intimate partners are breaking down, and instead of being properly led by older adults, many of whom remain emotional children, they are faced with an anarchic absence of standard,s and rules for social interaction which seem to change month to month. It is hardly surprising that many of them are falling into defeatist narcissism.
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Jesse »

tingdzin wrote: Wed May 02, 2018 11:02 pm In one of C.S. Lewis' sci-fi novels, he predicted that men and women would someday lie down not with actual human beings, but cunningly-fashioned images of people, and thus avoid real human contact. In the modern industrialized societies of Europe, America, and East and Southeast Asia, young people are facing an economic and environmental future that is doubtful, to say the least. Traditional societal norms by which young people used to find intimate partners are breaking down, and instead of being properly led by older adults, many of whom remain emotional children, they are faced with an anarchic absence of standard,s and rules for social interaction which seem to change month to month. It is hardly surprising that many of them are falling into defeatist narcissism.
I've recently been incarcerated with many of those children you're speaking of, and you are right, but it's beyond a simple lack of face to face communication.

They have no real role models anymore; because society has become so inundated with this fictitious narrative of social media fame; of beauty standards which are impossible; and the religious/spiritual cultures which we've always had to rely; has been replaced with a narcissistic lack thereof; and many of them are left wanting; but with nowhere to turn, at least nowhere healthy.

They will either speak of their atheism, but in their voice I hear the desperation, fear, trepidation, and anger. Granted I was locked up with mental patients, and then drug addicts. However; most communities are so inundated with drugs, and drug users that most people really don't understand the full extent of the issue.

The USA has been literally RAVAGED by heroin, crack, meth, and etc... entire communities are in ruins, and you will never hear about it aside from a sparse article here and there that flies under the radar.

And of course, the mental health and prison systems aren't helping the situation at all. A young man who was my room-mate, only 18.. already he had been incarcerated simply for drug use, multiple times.. and the thing about jail; it ruins peoples minds. If you've ever heard the term institutionalized well, It's not a pretty thing. It renders people unable to function in this society as healthy individuals, because society does not deliver 3 hot meals (as shit as they may be) per day, they don't shelter you for free, they do not provide the necessities of living, nor do they give out the other requirements to live an emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy life.

I've lived a fairly sheltered life; and recently I've come face to face with just how cold this world is, and I feel for the children of this generation, because the generations before them, have left them a torn, and horrible world; speak as you may about the world improving, because out there; they aren't seeing the benefits of it.

So Lonely? Is sleeping with a new person every night, and having meaningless relationships just to dull the ache in your heart considered emotional fulfillment?

That's what most know. Tinder and Facetime are how people in meatspace relate, and interact, and it's really nothing meaningful, but I suppose that begs the question; what is a meaningful relationship in this day and age? Has it changed from 'how things used to be'?

Perhaps I am naive; but in my own way I want to help people, sometimes I go too far; definitely indulge in idiot compassion too much, and aside from my own issues which I think I try too hard to ignore by helping others; I just can't seem to find the right ways to go about doing the whole bodhisattva thing.

What do yall do? How do you help in your communities, if you do. What can we really do, because as much as I love to believe sitting in meditation chanting om mani padme hum, and dedicating the merit helps, it doesn't feed the guy down the road begging for change to get a burger, and a 40oz beer; nor will it give him a place to sleep when it rains tonight.

sigh;
Image
Thus shall ye think of all this fleeting world:
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream;
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by DharmaJunior »

And it was Anne Rice that once wrote "“The world changes, we do not, therein lies the irony that kills us.” which brings up the idea of old man nostalgia, fear of change but primarily Inability to adapt. Our home and refuge is one of the most stable elements in life along with family, and even though family dynamics change they still function. I mean it's not like kids have to work 16 hours a week down a pit anymore, weaned on gin as a baby or get a lump of coal in a sock for xmas, but that's all entirely subjective and central to ethnicity. 195 countries in the world, that's a lot of accounting for.

Earlier in this thread the issue of non binary existence and the cult of self was also raised. Is this not the personification of political correctness or can we really say it- the cult of self- is an intolerance of opinions in general what we don't like to see or hear. That's not to suggest this is widespread or a crippling social issue, yet people are expected to have the mental dexterity in order to fathom and yield to personal perceptions. Perhaps this is a passing trend and an exaggerated reaction to inflexible and dated gender roles that kept people in their place. Either way there's a level of self assurance and security there. On a psychological basis that's all fine and dandy but biologically People are more suited for specific roles per se.

----
One more thing. Part of a transcript by Simon Sinek on Millenials. The full talk is easy to find BTW.
The generation that is called the millennials, too many of them grew up subject to “failed parenting strategies.” Where they were told that they were special - all the time, they were told they can have anything they want in life, just because they want it. Some of them got into honors classes not because they deserved it but because their parents complained. Some of them got A’s not because they earned them, but because the teachers didn’t want to deal with the parents. Some kids got participation medals, they got a medal for coming in last. Which the science we know is pretty clear is that it devalues the medal and the reward for those who actually work hard and that actually makes the person who comes in last embarrassed because they know they didn’t deserve it so that actually makes them feel worse.

You take this group of people and they graduate and they get a job and they’re thrust into the real world and in an instant they find out they are not special, their mom’s can’t get them a promotion, that you get nothing for coming in last and by the way you can’t just have it because you want it. In an instant their entire self image is shattered. So we have an entire generation that is growing up with lower self esteem than previous generations.
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Virgo »

Jesse wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 12:45 am What do yall do? How do you help in your communities, if you do. What can we really do, because as much as I love to believe sitting in meditation chanting om mani padme hum...
sigh;


Kevin...
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Virgo »

We need political and social change.

Kevin
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Yavana »

Virgo wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 2:23 am

Kevin...
:rolling:
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Jesse »

Virgo wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 2:23 am Kevin...


Right back at ya' :yinyang:

Code: Select all

The greatest Americans have not been born yet
They are waiting patiently for the past to die
Please give blood
Those crumbled tablets were to share a story with a burning bush
Where is that voice from nowhere to remind us that the holy ground we walk on, purified by native blood, has rooted trees who's fallen leaves now color coat a savored list of demands
Who among us can give translation of autumn hues to morning news?
The anchorman thrown overboard has simply rooted us in histories repeating cycle
A nation in its saddened years that won't acknowledge karma
Where is the voice from nowhere, the ones your prophets spoke of?
There are voices from fear disconnected from their diaphragms, dangling from coffee covered teeth that spill into our laps and scorch our privates
There are voices from the sides of necks, some already noosed, dangling participles pronouns running for sentence
Serving life in corner offices and ghetto corners, their voices are the same
Dead to themselves, numb to the possibility of truth existing beyond that which they can palm in their hands, period
There are voices of elders, which seem to do no more than damn us to our childish ways
For in many households, wisdom no longer comes with age
So where is that voice from nowhere, that burning bush, that passing dove?
I hear the voices of generals calling for ammunition, presidents calling for arms, women calling for help
Where is that voice from nowhere, that god of Abraham?
Can he be heard over the gunfire, the whiz of passing missiles, the crash of buildings, the cries of children, the crack of bones, the shriek of sirens?
Or is that his mighty voice
Your angry god craving the sacrifice of early generations sons degenerate
Your holy books written in red ink on burning sands
Your prayers between rounds do no more than fasten the fate of your children to the hammered truth of your trigger
A truth that mushrooms its darkened cloud over the rest of us
So that we too bear witness to the short lived fate of a civilization that worships a male god
Your weapons are phallic, all of them
That dummy that sits on your lap is no longer a worthwhile spectacle
His shrunken pale face leaves little room for imagination
We have spotted your moving lips and have pinned the voice to its proper source
It is a source of madness
It is a source of hunger, of power
A source of weakness
A source of evil
We have exited your coliseum and are encircling your box-office, demanding our families back, our cultures back, our rituals back, our gods back, so that we may return them to their proper source
The source of life, the source of creation, our mothers womb, the great goddess
We will cut through the barbwire hangers and chastity belts
We will climb in and incubate our spirits to the winter
We will wait through the degenerate course of your repeated history
We will wait for the past to die
Image
Thus shall ye think of all this fleeting world:
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream;
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.
tingdzin
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by tingdzin »

Excellent and thoughtful post, Jesse.
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by PSM »

Queequeg wrote: Tue May 01, 2018 8:54 pm
From the Atlantic article:
She told me she’d spent most of the summer hanging out alone in her room with her phone. That’s just the way her generation is, she said. “We didn’t have a choice to know any life without iPads or iPhones. I think we like our phones more than we like actual people.”
That made me want to literally vomit. I immediately felt vertigo and constriction in my esophogus.

JEEZ! WTF is going on with you kids?!!!!!

SNEAK OUT! SNEAK BEERS! GO FLIRT! GO HUG AND KISS AND (try to) HAVE SEX! GO BE STUPID! LAUGH!

Holy shit I'm afraid for my son and daughter...
I really recommend reading this book, or at least understanding its contents from other sources.

https://www.amazon.com/Hooked-How-Build ... op?ie=UTF8

"Attention engineers" have figured out how to make smartphones literally addictive by hacking the dopamine reward system. I don't think many people have realised how seriously terrible and deliberate this is.
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by PSM »

Jesse wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 12:45 am Perhaps I am naive; but in my own way I want to help people, sometimes I go too far; definitely indulge in idiot compassion too much, and aside from my own issues which I think I try too hard to ignore by helping others; I just can't seem to find the right ways to go about doing the whole bodhisattva thing.

What do yall do? How do you help in your communities, if you do. What can we really do, because as much as I love to believe sitting in meditation chanting om mani padme hum, and dedicating the merit helps, it doesn't feed the guy down the road begging for change to get a burger, and a 40oz beer; nor will it give him a place to sleep when it rains tonight.

sigh;
:good:

A few thoughts: it's good to start small and to "take off from the ground". Get yourself stable and slowly improve yourself - a teacher of mine once explained that the understanding of emptiness allows relative bodhicitta to not not get harmed by their role. Start by being someone who can be depended on and is useful to your immediate family. Then your friends. Then wider and wider. It's way too easy to over-stretch, have an impossibly high standard (which you can therefore only fail to meet) or to spiritually bypass all your own issues.

Jordan Peterson has a huge amount of material out there about starting to get a grip on things and slowly put things in order which you might find useful.

I have also got a HUGE amount of help from David Richo's books, such as How to be an Adult: https://www.amazon.com/David-Richo-Psyc ... 00HTK85VA/ - (he mostly writes from a Buddhist perspective, too).
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Vasana »

PSM wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 12:42 pm
Queequeg wrote: Tue May 01, 2018 8:54 pm
From the Atlantic article:
She told me she’d spent most of the summer hanging out alone in her room with her phone. That’s just the way her generation is, she said. “We didn’t have a choice to know any life without iPads or iPhones. I think we like our phones more than we like actual people.”
That made me want to literally vomit. I immediately felt vertigo and constriction in my esophogus.

JEEZ! WTF is going on with you kids?!!!!!

SNEAK OUT! SNEAK BEERS! GO FLIRT! GO HUG AND KISS AND (try to) HAVE SEX! GO BE STUPID! LAUGH!

Holy shit I'm afraid for my son and daughter...
I really recommend reading this book, or at least understanding its contents from other sources.

https://www.amazon.com/Hooked-How-Build ... op?ie=UTF8

"Attention engineers" have figured out how to make smartphones literally addictive by hacking the dopamine reward system. I don't think many people have realised how seriously terrible and deliberate this is.
I've been researching into this topic a lot in the last year. I don't know about other people but I know I've watched a decline in my attention span since having a smart phone. There are lots of studies out there looking at the effects of 'media multitasking on the brain and on sustained voluntary attention. As mediators or people with any kind of long term goal this is something we should be aware of. We have limited cognitive resources at any given time and if much of those resources have been used up by our ineffective habits of media and information consumption then this deficit will directly or indirectly effect the rest of our more wholesome goals like meditation or say, realising Buddhahood.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_economy
'When thoughts arise, recognise them clearly as your teacher'— Gampopa
'When alone, examine your mind, when among others, examine your speech'.— Atisha
PSM
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by PSM »

Vasana wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 3:15 pm I've been researching into this topic a lot in the last year. I don't know about other people but I know I've watched a decline in my attention span since having a smart phone. There are lots of studies out there looking at the effects of 'media multitasking on the brain and on sustained voluntary attention. As mediators or people with any kind of long term goal this is something we should be aware of. We have limited cognitive resources at any given time and if much of those resources have been used up by our ineffective habits of media and information consumption then this deficit will directly or indirectly effect the rest of our more wholesome goals like meditation or say, realising Buddhahood.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_economy
Oh, it's terrible. I know from experience :techproblem:

Cal Newport has written some excellent stuff on this which you might have come across. His book Deep Work was great - and he shows really clearly that 'multi-tasking' is pretty much nonsense.

I enjoyed this:

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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by dzogchungpa »

tingdzin wrote: Wed May 02, 2018 11:02 pm In one of C.S. Lewis' sci-fi novels, he predicted that men and women would someday lie down not with actual human beings, but cunningly-fashioned images of people, and thus avoid real human contact.

It seems that something like this is beginning to come to pass, just try a search for "sex doll".
There is not only nothingness because there is always, and always can manifest. - Thinley Norbu Rinpoche
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Queequeg »

Jesse wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 12:45 am Perhaps I am naive; but in my own way I want to help people, sometimes I go too far; definitely indulge in idiot compassion too much, and aside from my own issues which I think I try too hard to ignore by helping others; I just can't seem to find the right ways to go about doing the whole bodhisattva thing.

What do yall do? How do you help in your communities, if you do. What can we really do, because as much as I love to believe sitting in meditation chanting om mani padme hum, and dedicating the merit helps, it doesn't feed the guy down the road begging for change to get a burger, and a 40oz beer; nor will it give him a place to sleep when it rains tonight.

sigh;
Thanks, Jesse. I really appreciate your sharing.

I'm 44 now. Half of my crew from my teen and early 20s got screwed up on dope. Alcohol maybe another fifth. Most of the ones who didn't die from over doses or related idiocy, have cleaned up and, happily, have gotten their shit together. Dope scared me so I stayed away, but I was more inclined to uppers and psychedelics. What you described reminded me of what we went through.

Communities have simply broken down. The economic basis in many places has been erased. Without the economic basis, families break down, neighborhoods break down, communities break down.

In another currently active thread split from the "Korean War Over?" thread about Concentration Camps and Prisons... Tharpa Chodron posted a video of interviews with former prison gang members. If I grew up in the neighborhoods those gangs come from, I might find the gang an attractive career option. The way they described the gangs - one it provides a social structure, but these gangs were more - members described their days - mornings working out and learning how to fight, and then afternoons studying history, philosophy, languages. Listening to these guys, if they had been born and raised in a different environment, they'd probably be successful citizens. Maybe if the place they came from, despite the lack of economic means, had better schools and institutions, maybe they would have made it, also.

The point is, like you say, there is no path for these kids. No adult world to grow into. The adults in their lives are beaten down and lost, too.

What do we do?

Rebuild local communities? The only way is the hard way, as far as I know. By becoming a community. Step by step, brick by brick, experience by experience. Be the grown up community that kids can rely on and trust and welcome the kids into it.

I'd say, Church, but we're Buddhists here, and for the most part we're spread too thin to build our own communities in many cases. Civic society - support the local schools, cub scouts, little league, community art programs, etc. etc.

I don't know, though. I'm grasping at a way forward just like you.
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Vasana »

PSM wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 3:53 pm
Vasana wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 3:15 pm I've been researching into this topic a lot in the last year. I don't know about other people but I know I've watched a decline in my attention span since having a smart phone. There are lots of studies out there looking at the effects of 'media multitasking on the brain and on sustained voluntary attention. As mediators or people with any kind of long term goal this is something we should be aware of. We have limited cognitive resources at any given time and if much of those resources have been used up by our ineffective habits of media and information consumption then this deficit will directly or indirectly effect the rest of our more wholesome goals like meditation or say, realising Buddhahood.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_economy
Oh, it's terrible. I know from experience :techproblem:

Cal Newport has written some excellent stuff on this which you might have come across. His book Deep Work was great - and he shows really clearly that 'multi-tasking' is pretty much nonsense.

I enjoyed this:

[ video ^ ]
I only came across Cal Newport today actually! Great stuff. As for the attention span and capacity not to engage in habits you know are detrimental to your goals (cognitive control), thankfully there is a bright side offered by meditation training.

Intensive Meditation Training Improves Perceptual Discrimination and Sustained Attention

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3132583/

Attention regulation and monitoring in meditation.
From https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2693206/

The Decision to Engage Cognitive Control Is Driven by Expected Reward-Value: Neural and Behavioral Evidence:
http://journals.plos.org/plosone/articl ... ne.0051637

'
Abstract

Cognitive control is a fundamental skill reflecting the active use of task-rules to guide behavior and suppress inappropriate automatic responses. Prior work has traditionally used paradigms in which subjects are told when to engage cognitive control. Thus, surprisingly little is known about the factors that influence individuals' initial decision of whether or not to act in a reflective, rule-based manner. Together, these findings suggest that individuals are more likely to act in a reflective, rule-based manner when they expect that it will result in a desired outcome. [...]Thus, choosing to exert cognitive control is not simply a matter of reason and willpower, but rather, conforms to standard mechanisms of value-based decision making. Finally, in contrast to current models of LPFC function, our results suggest that the LPFC plays a direct role in representing motivational incentives.'
But as Newport says:

“Efforts to deepen your focus will struggle if you don’t simultaneously wean your mind from a dependence on distraction.”

“Once your brain has become accustomed to on-demand distraction, Nass discovered, it’s hard to shake the addiction even when you want to concentrate. To put this more concretely: If every moment of potential boredom in your life—say, having to wait five minutes in line or sit alone in a restaurant until a friend arrives—is relieved with a quick glance at your smartphone, then your brain has likely been rewired to a point where, like the “mental wrecks” in Nass’s research, it’s not ready for deep work—even if you regularly schedule time to practice this concentration.”

“Your will, in other words, is not a manifestation of your character that you can deploy without limit; it’s instead like a muscle that tires.”
'When thoughts arise, recognise them clearly as your teacher'— Gampopa
'When alone, examine your mind, when among others, examine your speech'.— Atisha
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Virgo »

dzogchungpa wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 4:01 pm
tingdzin wrote: Wed May 02, 2018 11:02 pm In one of C.S. Lewis' sci-fi novels, he predicted that men and women would someday lie down not with actual human beings, but cunningly-fashioned images of people, and thus avoid real human contact.

It seems that something like this is beginning to come to pass, just try a search for "sex doll".
On a more serious note, I heard they are making sex robots now that are a kind of artificial intelligence, and they respond to you and so on.

Not too sure how this will effect intimacy, lol.

Kevin...
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by dzogchungpa »

Virgo wrote: Fri May 04, 2018 1:30 am
dzogchungpa wrote: Thu May 03, 2018 4:01 pm
tingdzin wrote: Wed May 02, 2018 11:02 pm In one of C.S. Lewis' sci-fi novels, he predicted that men and women would someday lie down not with actual human beings, but cunningly-fashioned images of people, and thus avoid real human contact.

It seems that something like this is beginning to come to pass, just try a search for "sex doll".
On a more serious note, I heard they are making sex robots now that are a kind of artificial intelligence, and they respond to you and so on.

Not too sure how this will effect intimacy, lol.

Kevin...

I think it will have an extremely positive effect.
There is not only nothingness because there is always, and always can manifest. - Thinley Norbu Rinpoche
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by Virgo »

:rolling:

Kevin...
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Re: Young people are loneliest?

Post by justsit »

Virgo wrote: Fri May 04, 2018 1:30 am On a more serious note, I heard they are making sex robots now that are a kind of artificial intelligence, and they respond to you and so on.

Not too sure how this will effect intimacy, lol.
Great! Now the self-labeled "incels" who can't get a date (gee, why?) won't have an excuse to run over and kill young women walking down the street.
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