I am sick of dealing with guests in my home ...

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shivamani3
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I am sick of dealing with guests in my home ...

Post by shivamani3 » Sat Feb 02, 2019 2:04 pm

These relatives shows up in my home at least 2 times every week in the evening

It always happens whenever i try to finish my studies and rest

This is very annoying .

I am not even good at dealing with people that comes to my home whenever i try to rest a bit

I would have gone outside from my home to my friends , but most of my friends have moved away to different places in search of jobs and all .

I don't have peace in my home .

This is making me mental

Please help .

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Queequeg
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Re: I am sick of dealing with guests in my home ...

Post by Queequeg » Sun Feb 03, 2019 3:15 pm

"Hi, I am very happy to see you, but I'm not finished with my studies. Your presence will disturb me. Please come back another time. Thank you for understanding."

Set boundaries.
Those who, even with distracted minds,
Entered a stupa compound
And chanted but once, “Namo Buddhaya!”
Have certainly attained the path of the buddhas.

-Lotus Sutra, Expedient Means Chapter

There are beings with little dust in their eyes who are falling away because they do not hear the Dhamma. There will be those who will understand the Dhamma.
-Ayacana Sutta

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anjali
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Re: I am sick of dealing with guests in my home ...

Post by anjali » Sun Feb 03, 2019 5:15 pm

As Queequeg says, set boundaries.

If they regularly come over every week, start by giving them a call (or send an email if you communicate with them that way), and say: you need a week off to do studies and get some rest, and would appreciate it if they didn't come over for a week.

If you are willing to make a stronger request, extend it for a month, or longer. If they ignore the request and still come to your door, you will have to be firm and follow Queegueg's advice on how to deal with them at the door.

Setting boundaries is a good way of testing how much your relatives respect you and understand your needs.
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A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha
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Re: I am sick of dealing with guests in my home ...

Post by A Ah Sha Sa Ma Ha » Sun Feb 03, 2019 7:55 pm

shivamani3 wrote:
Sat Feb 02, 2019 2:04 pm
This is making me mental
SHOW them how mental it's making you....haha..

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Yavana
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Location: Trumpaloka

Re: I am sick of dealing with guests in my home ...

Post by Yavana » Mon Feb 04, 2019 2:00 am

Have you tried pretending to be asleep? If your family is the kind to barge in, have you tried pretending to be constipated in the bathroom? Download a game and use your headphones or bring in some books with you. If your family is extremely persistent, find a way to "vanish." Take a blanket or sleeping bag or your books and "crash" outside or somewhere hidden. If you do this consistently, they will tire of coming over when they remember that you're always missing/asleep/defecating, and eventually they will start making other plans. When they demand and explanation, be very vague no matter how much they pry and avoid the topic altogether, even answering their direct questions with non-answers, whenever possible.

:buddha1:

:namaste:

joy&peace
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Re: I am sick of dealing with guests in my home ...

Post by joy&peace » Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:31 pm

Namaste Shivamani,

I remember you posting about another concern. This one is similar in a sense. You got some good answers. I also recommend making yourself unavailable. Perhaps you can be at a library when they come.

Simply the best thing is to let them know, you are becoming stressed -- they probably do not know.

Very best,
J.
Om Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate bodhi svaha

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Dorje Shedrub
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Re: I am sick of dealing with guests in my home ...

Post by Dorje Shedrub » Mon Feb 04, 2019 8:41 pm

Another option is to be grateful that you have family who wants to visit you. I do not, and the one's who did are gone now. Life is short.

Perhaps you could talk with them and set up a certain day for visits so that you could both enjoy their company and also have your personal time.

DS
Homage to the Precious Dzogchen Master
🙏🌺🙏 Chögyal Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche
🙏🌺🙏

joy&peace
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Joined: Mon May 11, 2015 4:53 pm

Re: I am sick of dealing with guests in my home ...

Post by joy&peace » Mon Feb 04, 2019 10:39 pm

Good answer too.

Also you could go to see them on the days they see you, before hand.

Or of course, join a monastery or become a wandering mendicant :smile:

Let us know how it goes! Otherwise we just guess and wonder.

Have a great day;
J.

It's also possible to simply make more time for them. Perfection of giving and so forth;

None of these are advice.

You could also insist on the topic being Dharma whenever you are there. . . Mantra, meditation, this type of thing.

Best wishes with peace and love.

:namaste:

No advice just thoughts and hoping it gets more peaceful for you ! :meditate: :meditate:
Om Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate bodhi svaha

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