Advice

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Old tyme hockey
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Advice

Post by Old tyme hockey » Fri Apr 05, 2019 10:38 pm

Hi , I don’t know where to turn, so I post this here. To have some neutral opinions. Here’s the case, I have been married for 10 years and been together for 12. Our marriage has been really bad lately , recently my wife got a new job.And she became much happier and more positive. She started to mention a guy at her work, and later she told me they were speaking on messenger regularly. I started to feel that something is wrong and actually confronted her and asked her if she had feelings for this guy, if she was interested in working on our relationship. She said they were only friends and that she wanted to repair our marriage. They have continued speaking with each other and they seem to get along very well. Lately she has been mentioning that they maybe will go out for a beer or something, and this makes me very uncomfortable. Today she said that they maybe will go to a concert together I told her that I am uncomfortable with this, but that she should go and that I trust her which I do. But also I think it’s very weird. We used to be punk rockers when we were young, she hasn’t shown interest in punk for years , now when she met this guy she’s all into punk again, I have always dreaded sitting in front of the television , if I have suggested that we do something else with the kids a Saturday night she has not been to interested now it’s the most boring thing ever to stay at home. On the other hand she has had a hard time with friends and always seems to get along better with guys, she has more close male friends and I don’t feel the same way there. She told me today that I had nothing to worry about and she offered me to read their conversations, I said no I’m not interested in that. It s like the clash song should I stay or should I go. If knew that she is unfaithful I would walk immediately without a doubt, but if there only friends it’s great for her I think. Sorry for a little messy post but I am kind of stressed out over this

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SunWuKong
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Re: Advice

Post by SunWuKong » Sat Apr 06, 2019 11:22 pm

Thanks for sharing. There's no magic cure for all this. But also you don't need force yourself into being manipulated against your wishes. You need someone you can talk to face to face. There's always 2 sides to these stories. You need someone to hear your side, imho
"We are magical animals that roam" ~ Roam

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well wisher
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Re: Advice

Post by well wisher » Sat Apr 06, 2019 11:39 pm

I think maybe its best to consult marriage counselors for this tricky scenario, and have a sit-down session between you and your wife regarding these matter.
I am no expert in marriage affairs, I never had a girlfriend or wife myself.
I only had personal experience of chain of different ex step-moms (not to defame my own father further)... :thinking:

In my opinion, you do have valid concerns your wife is somewhat unfaithful.
Maybe it should be honestly measured on roughly how much time your wife spend with each of her guy-friends, compared to yourself. Maybe ask her if she is willing to do activities with you together more, like nice dinners, exercises... etc.

For context and comparison, maybe check out this wiki article:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_i ... ted_States
The median length for a marriage in the US today is 11 years with 90% of all divorces being settled out of court.

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Grigoris
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Re: Advice

Post by Grigoris » Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:59 am

Old tyme hockey wrote:
Fri Apr 05, 2019 10:38 pm
Hi , I don’t know where to turn, so I post this here. To have some neutral opinions. Here’s the case, I have been married for 10 years and been together for 12. Our marriage has been really bad lately , recently my wife got a new job.And she became much happier and more positive. She started to mention a guy at her work, and later she told me they were speaking on messenger regularly. I started to feel that something is wrong and actually confronted her and asked her if she had feelings for this guy, if she was interested in working on our relationship. She said they were only friends and that she wanted to repair our marriage. They have continued speaking with each other and they seem to get along very well. Lately she has been mentioning that they maybe will go out for a beer or something, and this makes me very uncomfortable. Today she said that they maybe will go to a concert together I told her that I am uncomfortable with this, but that she should go and that I trust her which I do. But also I think it’s very weird. We used to be punk rockers when we were young, she hasn’t shown interest in punk for years , now when she met this guy she’s all into punk again, I have always dreaded sitting in front of the television , if I have suggested that we do something else with the kids a Saturday night she has not been to interested now it’s the most boring thing ever to stay at home. On the other hand she has had a hard time with friends and always seems to get along better with guys, she has more close male friends and I don’t feel the same way there. She told me today that I had nothing to worry about and she offered me to read their conversations, I said no I’m not interested in that. It s like the clash song should I stay or should I go. If knew that she is unfaithful I would walk immediately without a doubt, but if there only friends it’s great for her I think. Sorry for a little messy post but I am kind of stressed out over this
Sounds like jealousy to me.

When was the last time you two did something nice TOGETHER?
"My religion is not deceiving myself."
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"Butchers, prostitutes, those guilty of the five most heinous crimes, outcasts, the underprivileged: all are utterly the substance of existence and nothing other than total bliss."
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Könchok Thrinley
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Re: Advice

Post by Könchok Thrinley » Sun Apr 07, 2019 12:56 pm

I agree with Grigoris.

I am bit too young to even give this sort of advice but routine can be a dangerous thing when there is no quality time spent together. Also although I do understand that people feel hurt when a partner is unfaithful but I'd be worried if I started thinking about leaving if it has happened. We all make mistakes and sometimes we need something and before we know it we cheated despite still loving our partner. But I'd chill and try to close the gap if I were you. Have a dinner, walk or go to a movies. Sharing is caring and there is no better sharing that sharing an experience or a moment. (That is in a relationship, I doubt a homeless person would be thankful for a romantic date instead a of a dollar for lunch, but what do I know :D )
“Observing samaya involves to remain inseparable from the union of wisdom and compassion at all times, to sustain mindfulness, and to put into practice the guru’s instructions”. Garchen Rinpoche

Formerly known as Miroku.

LoveFromColorado
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Re: Advice

Post by LoveFromColorado » Tue Apr 16, 2019 3:05 pm

My wife and I went through a similar experience about 12 years ago. We had some unintentional codependency going on with each other, and we each had our cycle of this type of thing (me being jealous of her at one point and vice versa).

The "cure" so to speak for me was to divorce myself emotionally from the relationship (to some degree, not wholesale of course) and let go of what my wife was doing/wanted to do. Instead, I focused on my own interests and desires. In other words, I began to look at the relationship in a dual way - on the one hand, I wanted someone who "wanted" to be with me instead of me/us grasping at a relationship. On the other hand, I began to value myself greater and that if my wife ever became disinterested then it was her loss. This latter point, greater self-value but without arrogance, is very important in my opinion.

The best thing to do is to be honest about how you feel but also to relax and let go of things to a large degree while increasing your own sense of value for this experience called life. Let those annoying judgments that make you feel like crap silence themselves.

We were at about 10-11 years of marriage when we ran into this stuff. Personally, I think this is something that the universe, karma, or whatever brought along to kick me further out of the emotional nest so that my own wings would start to wake up

I hope that helps - this stuff is tough I know. Hopefully you can find some measure of peace in that your experience is not unique

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Nemo
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Re: Advice

Post by Nemo » Tue Apr 16, 2019 4:06 pm

Grigoris wrote:
Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:59 am
Old tyme hockey wrote:
Fri Apr 05, 2019 10:38 pm
Hi , I don’t know where to turn, so I post this here. To have some neutral opinions. Here’s the case, I have been married for 10 years and been together for 12. Our marriage has been really bad lately , recently my wife got a new job.And she became much happier and more positive. She started to mention a guy at her work, and later she told me they were speaking on messenger regularly. I started to feel that something is wrong and actually confronted her and asked her if she had feelings for this guy, if she was interested in working on our relationship. She said they were only friends and that she wanted to repair our marriage. They have continued speaking with each other and they seem to get along very well. Lately she has been mentioning that they maybe will go out for a beer or something, and this makes me very uncomfortable. Today she said that they maybe will go to a concert together I told her that I am uncomfortable with this, but that she should go and that I trust her which I do. But also I think it’s very weird. We used to be punk rockers when we were young, she hasn’t shown interest in punk for years , now when she met this guy she’s all into punk again, I have always dreaded sitting in front of the television , if I have suggested that we do something else with the kids a Saturday night she has not been to interested now it’s the most boring thing ever to stay at home. On the other hand she has had a hard time with friends and always seems to get along better with guys, she has more close male friends and I don’t feel the same way there. She told me today that I had nothing to worry about and she offered me to read their conversations, I said no I’m not interested in that. It s like the clash song should I stay or should I go. If knew that she is unfaithful I would walk immediately without a doubt, but if there only friends it’s great for her I think. Sorry for a little messy post but I am kind of stressed out over this
Sounds like jealousy to me.

When was the last time you two did something nice TOGETHER?
Also sounds like you never got married, settled down in suburbia for a decade and raised some kids Greg. It's not that simple. She is obviously bored and wants to have her cake and eat it too. Most people know to avoid temptation. So clearly there are problems and she feels her needs are not being met. In my neighborhood the probability is this behavior will lead to a physical affair at least once. If she stops seeing him, becomes super nice and buys you gifts you know what happened, lol. She may only want an emotional support husband. That can work out if you find her needs overwhelming. Let the sucker carry the load while you enjoy the housework and sex life. Relationships change. People grow apart and small secrets lead to huge empty spaces between you. Unfaithfulness is not the end of the world like most drama queens think. The amount of evil behavior I have seen during divorces because people grew apart is beyond disgusting. Be mature about this.

Having watched this scenario many times this would be my plan.
Step one is hit the gym. Women never admit they are as shallow as men. Sexual attraction is not controlled by intelligence in most people. They like what they like. It also gives you the physical stamina to survive a divorce, which will be one of the hardest things you ever go through in your life. Finally it makes finding a new partner super easy. At your age women have lost value on the dating market. Single moms over 35 have a nightmare time taking a fling to something serious. Most give up and stop trying after they get burned over and over. You have most of the power unlike a man in your twenties.

Step two is marriage counseling. Start stage one so she knows she has to work to keep you. Having an impartial relationship police officer in bad times can keep things civil. If it works out you are ripped and can enjoy a second honeymoon.

Step three is find a good lawyer and don't tell her you ever saw them. Not a huckster who says they can take her to the cleaners. In Canada that is rare. Get a real lawyer who can tell you all the risks and hazards of a divorce. Then if you split before you ever see a lawyer just split everything 50-50. You save at least 20k and you won't destroy your kids in the process. Kids come first. Don't be a monster. Just walk away.

You can also see if you can have a Parisian marriage where you both get to have very discrete affairs. Tell her such a public work husband does not fall into this category. It's just rude. Watch out for her having to run errands late at night, taking the dog for ridiculously long walks or going to see her mom way more than she used to.

The most punk rock thing ever would be for both of you to make out with him. Suburbia is boring as f@#K.

Old tyme hockey
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Re: Advice

Post by Old tyme hockey » Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:58 am

Thank you all for taking your time. Especially since my post was rather hard to read.
I have sat down with my wife and told her I’m uncomfortable with this right now, going out with guys when our relationship is not great. She has assured me their just friends.

Here’s why I’m bothered, since I never have been jealous before.
She hides her phone when she speaks with this guy, I think she doesn’t want me to know that they speak every night. But I notice how she turns her phone upside down, turns the screen black if I come close to her.
I think she has a crush on this guy, or something similar, I don’t spend every night on messenger with my friends, whether male or female friends.

Well I feel a lot better since I wrote this, I am not dependent on my wife for happiness and if she wants to spend her evenings staring on her phone instead of being interested in me that’s her loss.

Old tyme hockey
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Re: Advice

Post by Old tyme hockey » Wed Apr 17, 2019 9:59 am

SunWuKong wrote:
Sat Apr 06, 2019 11:22 pm
Thanks for sharing. There's no magic cure for all this. But also you don't need force yourself into being manipulated against your wishes. You need someone you can talk to face to face. There's always 2 sides to these stories. You need someone to hear your side, imho
Thanks 🙏🏻
I do ,I have talked to my best friend and he gave me some good advice.

Old tyme hockey
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Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:50 am

Re: Advice

Post by Old tyme hockey » Wed Apr 17, 2019 10:03 am

well wisher wrote:
Sat Apr 06, 2019 11:39 pm
I think maybe its best to consult marriage counselors for this tricky scenario, and have a sit-down session between you and your wife regarding these matter.
I am no expert in marriage affairs, I never had a girlfriend or wife myself.
I only had personal experience of chain of different ex step-moms (not to defame my own father further)... :thinking:

In my opinion, you do have valid concerns your wife is somewhat unfaithful.
Maybe it should be honestly measured on roughly how much time your wife spend with each of her guy-friends, compared to yourself. Maybe ask her if she is willing to do activities with you together more, like nice dinners, exercises... etc.

For context and comparison, maybe check out this wiki article:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_i ... ted_States
The median length for a marriage in the US today is 11 years with 90% of all divorces being settled out of court.
Yes marriage counselling may be a good idea.
Have someone outside listen a little.
We’re actually going out this weekend, it’s gonna be great , I hope

Old tyme hockey
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Re: Advice

Post by Old tyme hockey » Wed Apr 17, 2019 10:06 am

Grigoris wrote:
Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:59 am
Old tyme hockey wrote:
Fri Apr 05, 2019 10:38 pm
Hi , I don’t know where to turn, so I post this here. To have some neutral opinions. Here’s the case, I have been married for 10 years and been together for 12. Our marriage has been really bad lately , recently my wife got a new job.And she became much happier and more positive. She started to mention a guy at her work, and later she told me they were speaking on messenger regularly. I started to feel that something is wrong and actually confronted her and asked her if she had feelings for this guy, if she was interested in working on our relationship. She said they were only friends and that she wanted to repair our marriage. They have continued speaking with each other and they seem to get along very well. Lately she has been mentioning that they maybe will go out for a beer or something, and this makes me very uncomfortable. Today she said that they maybe will go to a concert together I told her that I am uncomfortable with this, but that she should go and that I trust her which I do. But also I think it’s very weird. We used to be punk rockers when we were young, she hasn’t shown interest in punk for years , now when she met this guy she’s all into punk again, I have always dreaded sitting in front of the television , if I have suggested that we do something else with the kids a Saturday night she has not been to interested now it’s the most boring thing ever to stay at home. On the other hand she has had a hard time with friends and always seems to get along better with guys, she has more close male friends and I don’t feel the same way there. She told me today that I had nothing to worry about and she offered me to read their conversations, I said no I’m not interested in that. It s like the clash song should I stay or should I go. If knew that she is unfaithful I would walk immediately without a doubt, but if there only friends it’s great for her I think. Sorry for a little messy post but I am kind of stressed out over this
Sounds like jealousy to me.

When was the last time you two did something nice TOGETHER?
Maybe, I don’t know.
I’m not sure this time.
But not doing things things together without the kids is definitely a huge part of our problems.

Old tyme hockey
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Re: Advice

Post by Old tyme hockey » Wed Apr 17, 2019 10:42 am

Nemo wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 4:06 pm
Grigoris wrote:
Sun Apr 07, 2019 11:59 am
Old tyme hockey wrote:
Fri Apr 05, 2019 10:38 pm
Hi , I don’t know where to turn, so I post this here. To have some neutral opinions. Here’s the case, I have been married for 10 years and been together for 12. Our marriage has been really bad lately , recently my wife got a new job.And she became much happier and more positive. She started to mention a guy at her work, and later she told me they were speaking on messenger regularly. I started to feel that something is wrong and actually confronted her and asked her if she had feelings for this guy, if she was interested in working on our relationship. She said they were only friends and that she wanted to repair our marriage. They have continued speaking with each other and they seem to get along very well. Lately she has been mentioning that they maybe will go out for a beer or something, and this makes me very uncomfortable. Today she said that they maybe will go to a concert together I told her that I am uncomfortable with this, but that she should go and that I trust her which I do. But also I think it’s very weird. We used to be punk rockers when we were young, she hasn’t shown interest in punk for years , now when she met this guy she’s all into punk again, I have always dreaded sitting in front of the television , if I have suggested that we do something else with the kids a Saturday night she has not been to interested now it’s the most boring thing ever to stay at home. On the other hand she has had a hard time with friends and always seems to get along better with guys, she has more close male friends and I don’t feel the same way there. She told me today that I had nothing to worry about and she offered me to read their conversations, I said no I’m not interested in that. It s like the clash song should I stay or should I go. If knew that she is unfaithful I would walk immediately without a doubt, but if there only friends it’s great for her I think. Sorry for a little messy post but I am kind of stressed out over this
Sounds like jealousy to me.

When was the last time you two did something nice TOGETHER?
Also sounds like you never got married, settled down in suburbia for a decade and raised some kids Greg. It's not that simple. She is obviously bored and wants to have her cake and eat it too. Most people know to avoid temptation. So clearly there are problems and she feels her needs are not being met. In my neighborhood the probability is this behavior will lead to a physical affair at least once. If she stops seeing him, becomes super nice and buys you gifts you know what happened, lol. She may only want an emotional support husband. That can work out if you find her needs overwhelming. Let the sucker carry the load while you enjoy the housework and sex life. Relationships change. People grow apart and small secrets lead to huge empty spaces between you. Unfaithfulness is not the end of the world like most drama queens think. The amount of evil behavior I have seen during divorces because people grew apart is beyond disgusting. Be mature about this.

Having watched this scenario many times this would be my plan.
Step one is hit the gym. Women never admit they are as shallow as men. Sexual attraction is not controlled by intelligence in most people. They like what they like. It also gives you the physical stamina to survive a divorce, which will be one of the hardest things you ever go through in your life. Finally it makes finding a new partner super easy. At your age women have lost value on the dating market. Single moms over 35 have a nightmare time taking a fling to something serious. Most give up and stop trying after they get burned over and over. You have most of the power unlike a man in your twenties.

Step two is marriage counseling. Start stage one so she knows she has to work to keep you. Having an impartial relationship police officer in bad times can keep things civil. If it works out you are ripped and can enjoy a second honeymoon.

Step three is find a good lawyer and don't tell her you ever saw them. Not a huckster who says they can take her to the cleaners. In Canada that is rare. Get a real lawyer who can tell you all the risks and hazards of a divorce. Then if you split before you ever see a lawyer just split everything 50-50. You save at least 20k and you won't destroy your kids in the process. Kids come first. Don't be a monster. Just walk away.

You can also see if you can have a Parisian marriage where you both get to have very discrete affairs. Tell her such a public work husband does not fall into this category. It's just rude. Watch out for her having to run errands late at night, taking the dog for ridiculously long walks or going to see her mom way more than she used to.

The most punk rock thing ever would be for both of you to make out with him. Suburbia is boring as f@#K.

This 👆
Spot on I would say, I definitely feel that she wants the cake and eat it too. Her needs when it comes to attention has definitely not been meet. I have been giving her very little attention last years, so she probably gets attention from this guy. Perhaps he’s a emotional husband as you put it, that would be great if she dumps her problems somewhere else, she has had me for that for years, can be really tiresome when someone only wants to speak about their problems all the time. But as you say these situations often leads to affairs without a doubt, seen it happen lots of times. Unfaithfulness is the end of the world for me either, but a affair where there’s lots of emotions involved , very difficult to get through something like that.
I have every intention to be the bigger person whatever happens, not to act like an immature person.

I do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu 2-3 times a week so I’m in great shape for a 40 year old, and many women my age gives me attention. So if it ends, I’m not worried about meeting another woman.Women are definitely as shallow as men, no doubt 😀.

Marriage counsellor ,definitely if our marriage doesn’t step up. I like the idea that she also have to work on the relationship, we have been doing it lately, the tone between us is far much better, but she just lies in the sofa glued to her cellphone, it’s really uninspiring to hangout with her when she’s attached to her cellphone.
Any advice to handle this , should I do something else on my own like go meditate or go out running instead of trying to get her attention.

Lawyer , don’t really know how this works here in Sweden but I will check it out.

Parisian relationship, I don’t now ,I could go for that, but I don’t know about my wife, I have friend who has a open relationship, my wife has always said that she couldn’t stand that, she would feel uncomfortable. So this probably not for us, I think.
Suburbia is as you say a nightmare, excruciatingly boring.

Haha, or kick his ass 😀
That’s how I would have handled this back in the days.
I’m mean , being the bigger person right 😀
No seriously thanks for your advice I appreciated it

Old tyme hockey
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:50 am

Re: Advice

Post by Old tyme hockey » Wed Apr 17, 2019 11:24 am

LoveFromColorado wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 3:05 pm
My wife and I went through a similar experience about 12 years ago. We had some unintentional codependency going on with each other, and we each had our cycle of this type of thing (me being jealous of her at one point and vice versa).

The "cure" so to speak for me was to divorce myself emotionally from the relationship (to some degree, not wholesale of course) and let go of what my wife was doing/wanted to do. Instead, I focused on my own interests and desires. In other words, I began to look at the relationship in a dual way - on the one hand, I wanted someone who "wanted" to be with me instead of me/us grasping at a relationship. On the other hand, I began to value myself greater and that if my wife ever became disinterested then it was her loss. This latter point, greater self-value but without arrogance, is very important in my opinion.

The best thing to do is to be honest about how you feel but also to relax and let go of things to a large degree while increasing your own sense of value for this experience called life. Let those annoying judgments that make you feel like crap silence themselves.

We were at about 10-11 years of marriage when we ran into this stuff. Personally, I think this is something that the universe, karma, or whatever brought along to kick me further out of the emotional nest so that my own wings would start to wake up

I hope that helps - this stuff is tough I know. Hopefully you can find some measure of peace in that your experience is not unique
Thank you.
This is similar to how I have managed our relationship past year, focused on my own stuff, being with the kids, instead of trying to please my wife all the time, and as you say realise my own worth. And that it’s her loss if she’s going.

I have always felt uncomfortable saying what I feel about things. But I really try to be open with her and just see where it lands I guess.

Thank you,superhelpful

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Nemo
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Re: Advice

Post by Nemo » Thu Apr 18, 2019 2:45 pm

There really isn't much else I can say without knowing specifics. Divorce feels like the end of the world but it's not. The best choices involve thinking about ten years in the future. My ex wives and kid think I did a great job ten years on. I was very tough and returned every blow while always suing for peace. Sometimes you have to scare people into doing the right thing. I worked out a plan for utter destruction with a top notch lawyer and then offered a very amicable equitable split and took the smaller portion. We never even did any paperwork. Without utter destruction looming the fight would have been long and bloody. How you deal with this will define you and the relationship with your kids for decades to come. My ex even offered to get remarried but my daughter said no before I could even answer, lol.

Beating up the guy and going down the road of deranged jealousy will leave you with many regrets years later. If she no longer loves you let her go. My feeling now is when a relationship has died one person has to be the villain and do the dirty work of ending it. They aren't really the villain. You are sad because the relationship already died. Looking for a scapegoat won't heal anything.

PSM
Posts: 260
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Re: Advice

Post by PSM » Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:45 pm

Old tyme hockey wrote:
Wed Apr 17, 2019 11:24 am
LoveFromColorado wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 3:05 pm
My wife and I went through a similar experience about 12 years ago. We had some unintentional codependency going on with each other, and we each had our cycle of this type of thing (me being jealous of her at one point and vice versa).

The "cure" so to speak for me was to divorce myself emotionally from the relationship (to some degree, not wholesale of course) and let go of what my wife was doing/wanted to do. Instead, I focused on my own interests and desires. In other words, I began to look at the relationship in a dual way - on the one hand, I wanted someone who "wanted" to be with me instead of me/us grasping at a relationship. On the other hand, I began to value myself greater and that if my wife ever became disinterested then it was her loss. This latter point, greater self-value but without arrogance, is very important in my opinion.

The best thing to do is to be honest about how you feel but also to relax and let go of things to a large degree while increasing your own sense of value for this experience called life. Let those annoying judgments that make you feel like crap silence themselves.

We were at about 10-11 years of marriage when we ran into this stuff. Personally, I think this is something that the universe, karma, or whatever brought along to kick me further out of the emotional nest so that my own wings would start to wake up

I hope that helps - this stuff is tough I know. Hopefully you can find some measure of peace in that your experience is not unique
Thank you.
This is similar to how I have managed our relationship past year, focused on my own stuff, being with the kids, instead of trying to please my wife all the time, and as you say realise my own worth. And that it’s her loss if she’s going.

I have always felt uncomfortable saying what I feel about things. But I really try to be open with her and just see where it lands I guess.

Thank you,superhelpful
Based on some of the things you've written, I'd suggest you read "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Dr Robert Glover. I think it will help you get in a happier place, or at least inoculate yourself against behaviours and thought patterns that don't help either of you. I found it very helpful indeed.

Old tyme hockey
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Aug 30, 2017 9:50 am

Re: Advice

Post by Old tyme hockey » Fri Apr 26, 2019 6:54 pm

Nemo wrote:
Thu Apr 18, 2019 2:45 pm
There really isn't much else I can say without knowing specifics. Divorce feels like the end of the world but it's not. The best choices involve thinking about ten years in the future. My ex wives and kid think I did a great job ten years on. I was very tough and returned every blow while always suing for peace. Sometimes you have to scare people into doing the right thing. I worked out a plan for utter destruction with a top notch lawyer and then offered a very amicable equitable split and took the smaller portion. We never even did any paperwork. Without utter destruction looming the fight would have been long and bloody. How you deal with this will define you and the relationship with your kids for decades to come. My ex even offered to get remarried but my daughter said no before I could even answer, lol.

Beating up the guy and going down the road of deranged jealousy will leave you with many regrets years later. If she no longer loves you let her go. My feeling now is when a relationship has died one person has to be the villain and do the dirty work of ending it. They aren't really the villain. You are sad because the relationship already died. Looking for a scapegoat won't heal anything.
No, I’m not going to beat the guy up, was just a joke. We actually got to spend some time together alone during Easter , we went out watched some bands playing, hung out with friends some that I haven’t seen in a long time. Our relationship is better since we decided to work on our relationship. I’m not so worried over that guy anymore if she wants him , she’s free to go and I’ll move on with my life. I have had two discussions about this now, and she maintains their only friends, i either trust her or I don’t. Well time will tell I guess. I will be alright whatever happens

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