Opening oneself to others

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dharmafootsteps
Posts: 183
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2017 8:57 am

Opening oneself to others

Post by dharmafootsteps » Mon Apr 08, 2019 10:58 am

Any thoughts on practices to help make oneself more open and warm hearted to others, generally or specifically. I'd like to be more open generally, but I notice myself closing off in relation to my parents in particular, shutting down, being unreasonably irritated etc.

The other place I've noticed it most is in online interactions, actually not even interactions, just reading others posts here, facebook, reddit. Being too easily critical, finding or even looking for fault etc.

It seems like there's two sides to approaching this, one being nurturing relative bodhicitta, lojong etc, and on the other cutting through the defensiveness of ones own ego. I feel like for me, when I close off, it's very much a sort of strong defensive reactionary ego protection/bolstering thing, trying to isolate/validate/support myself somehow. How do I cut through that?

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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: Opening oneself to others

Post by PadmaVonSamba » Mon Apr 08, 2019 4:20 pm

I think, you know the answer, as expressed in your last paragraph.
Maybe this can be handled by going back to the basics, examining "who" is being defensive, "who" is shutting things off.
I would say, spend some time on that. Really spend a week focused on that and see what happens.
In my own experience, having negative responses to others, especially those close to me,
results in experiencing my own negative state of mind.
It's not what they say or do, but rather, how I react that causes me suffering.
It doesn't seem like it should be this way, but according to the teachings, it is.
And, it is always simply the result of me holding on to some fixated concept I have of "me".
"me" isn't getting what "me" wants.
It's a challenge. It's the challenge of dharma practice.
Sometimes, however, you just have to simply, abruptly, let go of that "me"
just jump out of that and not worry about where you will land, or even maybe stay floating!
That's the trust, or faith part of buddhism, the real taking refuge part.
Someone says something abusive to you, you just say, "okay, whatever" and go with it.
who cares...it doesn't matter.
"I can be dog shit if you think I am dog shit. I don't care. It's your shoe that get's messy, not mine."

Not holding onto a "me" to protect is really liberation.
.
.
.
Profile Picture: "The Fo Ming (Buddha Bright) Monk"
People on web forums sometime seem to be foaming at the mouth.

stevie
Posts: 370
Joined: Tue Nov 13, 2018 2:23 pm

Re: Opening oneself to others

Post by stevie » Mon Apr 08, 2019 5:25 pm

Somehow it may correspond, somehow it may not correspond. Difficult to point it out exactly where there may be correspondance between the two posts and where there may be talking at cross purposes.
Just my conditioned perception. Maybe a lack of compassion on my side since I cannot 'feel' the feelings, emotions involved through merely seeing the words. I am not open enough to others? Certainly not in this context. And reading this so many contradictory concepts pop up ... funny. I am certainly not the one to give advice on such matters. Maybe much later I will be able to read minds on the basis of words ...

Thanks for demonstrating this to me! That's actually the reason I posted at all. :namaste:

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javier.espinoza.t
Posts: 1460
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Location: Chile

Re: Opening oneself to others

Post by javier.espinoza.t » Mon Apr 08, 2019 7:19 pm

dharmafootsteps wrote:
Mon Apr 08, 2019 10:58 am
Any thoughts on practices to help make oneself more open and warm hearted to others, generally or specifically. I'd like to be more open generally, but I notice myself closing off in relation to my parents in particular, shutting down, being unreasonably irritated etc.

The other place I've noticed it most is in online interactions, actually not even interactions, just reading others posts here, facebook, reddit. Being too easily critical, finding or even looking for fault etc.

It seems like there's two sides to approaching this, one being nurturing relative bodhicitta, lojong etc, and on the other cutting through the defensiveness of ones own ego. I feel like for me, when I close off, it's very much a sort of strong defensive reactionary ego protection/bolstering thing, trying to isolate/validate/support myself somehow. How do I cut through that?
study normaly and must also devotedly practice an avalokiteshvara method.

you must persevere on the practice part, it is supposed that the study should lead you to a determination, a resoltion, but i say because someones don't see the results even if they are inmediate, so dont give it up.

dharmafootsteps
Posts: 183
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2017 8:57 am

Re: Opening oneself to others

Post by dharmafootsteps » Thu Apr 11, 2019 8:50 am

PadmaVonSamba wrote:
Mon Apr 08, 2019 4:20 pm
I think, you know the answer, as expressed in your last paragraph.
Maybe this can be handled by going back to the basics, examining "who" is being defensive, "who" is shutting things off.
I would say, spend some time on that. Really spend a week focused on that and see what happens.
In my own experience, having negative responses to others, especially those close to me,
results in experiencing my own negative state of mind.
It's not what they say or do, but rather, how I react that causes me suffering.
It doesn't seem like it should be this way, but according to the teachings, it is.
And, it is always simply the result of me holding on to some fixated concept I have of "me".
"me" isn't getting what "me" wants.
It's a challenge. It's the challenge of dharma practice.
Sometimes, however, you just have to simply, abruptly, let go of that "me"
just jump out of that and not worry about where you will land, or even maybe stay floating!
That's the trust, or faith part of buddhism, the real taking refuge part.
Someone says something abusive to you, you just say, "okay, whatever" and go with it.
who cares...it doesn't matter.
"I can be dog shit if you think I am dog shit. I don't care. It's your shoe that get's messy, not mine."

Not holding onto a "me" to protect is really liberation.
.
.
.
That was very helpful actually, thank you. :namaste:

You're right, now that I didn't know, but sometimes we (at least I) just need a shove in the right direction again.

dharmafootsteps
Posts: 183
Joined: Sun Apr 30, 2017 8:57 am

Re: Opening oneself to others

Post by dharmafootsteps » Thu Apr 11, 2019 8:51 am

javier.espinoza.t wrote:
Mon Apr 08, 2019 7:19 pm
study normaly and must also devotedly practice an avalokiteshvara method.

you must persevere on the practice part, it is supposed that the study should lead you to a determination, a resoltion, but i say because someones don't see the results even if they are inmediate, so dont give it up.
I never actually practiced avalokiteshvara, although I do have a couple of transmissions related to him. I had been considering learning them recently, thanks also for the shove in the right direction. :smile:

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