That's really just the legal details of the act.JKhedrup wrote: I thought you were saying orifice penetration was not considered a Parajika disrobing offence if it involved two males, which is very clearly incorrect from the scriptures, that is why I was surprised any lama might hold that view.
Dry humping another monk's thighs is clearly of the same magnitude as full penetration in my opinion.
Unfortunately with the Vinaya there are fine legal definitions for these acts, so you can get away with thigh humping (a saṃghāvaśeṣa assuming ejaculation occurs) just by confessing it. It might not even have to be confessed depending on the conventions. For instance, if you would rather disrobe than confess it, then you may confess it to yourself (at least according to one major article in the secondary Vinaya literature). However, to formally confess a saṃghāvaśeṣa requires it be done before ten pure bhikṣus, which seldom happens anymore.
In reality such people should be sent home, but then in a place like India or Bhutan that might not be an option. Moreover, it might lead to laity asking questions and slander. Don't ask, don't tell preserves the faith of some laity in the purity of monks. The administration might also lose out because their image as discipline masters could be tarnished. They would look incompetent if they sent home a number of young monks for sexual acts. Also, the families, probably benefactors, probably wouldn't appreciate having to receive back their boys.
It really is a complex situation. I'm glad I'm not a sangha administrator.