Hello.. I hope this is the right place to post this (if it isn't, I'm really sorry)...
I'm a TOTAL newcomer to Dharma practice. I've just read books, and so I have the resultant head full of words and concepts, but no understanding.
I just joined the DC (paid my dues 3 days ago) and I followed the webcast from Peru every day. Truly incredible. When I reflect on it, I cannot believe how something so fortunate as this is even possible... especially for a creature such as myself.
What I am wondering is.. well, today ChNN gave a lot of lung(?) transmissions (the first time I have heard something like this, mind you), and I just have no idea if I really received them. I feel devotion to Rinpoche and since reading certain of his books recently, something strange did seem to awaken in me for truly the first time in the 5 or 6 years that I have been a very lazy "Dzogchen book-reader". It would be a lot to get into, so I won't, but I feel that I have finally found my Teacher.
But I don't know if I really received the Direct Introduction (I'm guessing I haven't, since people say that "you'll know it when you do"). Just feeling that I've finally found the right teacher has been a VERY strange feeling for me, along with other things that have been happening over the past few days which appear to be related to this, so it's hard to sort it all out.
More to the point of my real question though... I watched and listened attentively to the transmissions at the end-- although I did try to write the name of them down when Rinpoche stated what they were, along with shorthand notes of the explanations he gave for them-- so that WAS a self-imposed distraction, however briefly.
But If, to begin with, I don't know how to remain in "connection" with the guru due to not really knowing what that is supposed to "feel" like... how do I know if I really received the transmissions and am therefore permitted to practice them? I don't want to practice something things that I am not authorized to practice and/or create more obstacles for myself than I already have. I did do the Guru Yoga but since I didn't know ahead of time that the Song of the Vajra would be sung (like I said, I'm a totally
clueless beginner in the DC), I kinda flubbed the words until I got the .pdf file of it from the webcast files page. I've never chanted anything before so needless to say, I pretty much screwed up (I think) the Guru Yoga too.
Many thanks to anyone who can help set me straight on these things... regardless of my perpetual confusion, I am overjoyed to have found my Teacher.