Thoughts on Vajra Hell
Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2017 3:28 am
Om.
I am pretty sure I'm going to Vajra Hell,
And as such I suppose I should learn to look forward to it,
Since I am told to not fear anything,
And to live without apprehension.
It is curious to think about.
It seems the sort of place humans would think of,
When describing their fear of samsara,
And not the sort of place an enlightened being would fear,
Knowing pain is just another play of forms,
and a basis for the path.
They say anyone who proudly expounds to the public,
About the methods of secret Tantrayanna,
Will go, alongside their guru, to Vajra Hell.
So I suppose a small handful of Kagyu gurus are going with me.
I did not do these things proudly, but since any pride at all is all pride,
I am guilty. So, having taken empowerment with them, they are guilty.
And we are therefore condemned, as it is written.
They say that for a yogi(ni) to go to prison is a rare honor,
A chance to practice Dharma under severe difficulties,
So clearly Vajra Hell is a greater honor,
A better, perhaps the very best, place to practice.
What a challenge to see emptiness in the quintessence of all hells!
What a privilege to be given the opportunity to try!
Yet, while I sit here, excited at the prospect,
It occurs to me that H.H. Dalai Lama, H.H. Karmapa, H.E. Garchen Rinpoche,
Give empowerment to thousands at a time, with samaya,
And have done so in many past lives as well,
And statistically it is assured that some of those disciples,
Drunk from alcohol or in the throes of passion,
Or perhaps demented from old age,
Have indeed proudly expounded the secret Tantrayanna to the public.
Yet here are the gurus still teaching.
I have been taught not to judge others,
Not to criticize other traditions,
Not to let pride blind me.
But to read posts here saying "All other Buddhists gain no benefit without empowerment",
And from my Lama, "All other traditions are worldly and inferior".
I shake my head and frown.
I can't say such opinions are wrong,
but it stirs some voice within,
Warning me to think carefully.
I grew up with the Bible, raised Christian,
And having seen my inner nature,
And having had my visions and understanding confirmed by the Lama,
when I now read of the Christian God,
I think "Maybe under all that was intentionally mis-written there is the same truth underneath".
The Dalai Lama has spoken similarly of other religions.
When I came to Buddhism I was surrounded by darkness,
And finding the Buddha to teach complete compassion,
Was spontaneously moved to vow to practice the Dharma in this and all future lifetimes.
Hearing words of complete forgiveness,
I was moved to abandon all other spiritual attachment,
And I will never, ever go back on that.
But here, in Buddhism, I do not find many beings practicing compassion.
I see a lot of yogis in temples,
Contrary to what the ancients said,
And these yogis judge, living hypocritically, contrary to what they know to be right,
Because pride has enveloped them,
And as long as their Lama approves they feel above reproach,
As Tibet falls further into captivity.
So when I speak to Buddhists from other traditions,
And they call Tantrayanna a cult, and warn me that I should leave,
I am no longer surprised.
Trungpa Rinpoche lived an interesting life,
Was informally cast out of the sangha at least twice as I understand it,
Once while alive,
Once while dead,
Many of his students lost faith,
Many of them, feeling betrayed, later proudly expounded Tantric methods to the public,
Or uploaded secret texts to public servers,
Which is how I found them.
Yet Trungpa Rinpoche did not go to Vajra Hell.
I consider myself to be a devoted disciple of Trungpa Rinpoche,
But there is no way possible that I could do more to upset the Dharma's balance than he,
So, upon reflection, it seems it will take an enormous effort to go to Vajra Hell.
Perhaps I'm not so easily blessed to visit it after all.
If you are afraid, of what are you afraid?
In Buddhism the idea is to break out of boxes.
After all, do mentally-created boxes exist?
Is the way to escape a mentally-created box simply to stop pretending it exists?
I am not an intelligent person,
I am not well-read,
Nor highly educated.
Perhaps I am not wise enough to see,
What it is that I should be afraid of.
When I reached the path of seeing,
The very first thing I realized,
Is that Buddhism,
And Buddha,
And all the Lamas and Rinpoches and sanghas,
Are nothing at all.
Inherently meaningless.
It is the Dharma, the oral instructions, that are the key that unlocks the door.
Everything else is fluff, window dressing, yesterday's forgotten dream.
And even the Dharma is nothing at all,
Once it has completely unlocked that door.
They say the only Buddha resides within.
If that is so,
I do not wish the hypocrites to be caretakers of the secret way anymore.
It is said Buddhas do not strive,
They effortlessly aid all sentient beings.
While I am a vastly inferior and unworthy vessel,
I vow that any Buddha-field which I may somehow earn through accumulated merit,
Will be devoted to helping the lineages adapt,
To lives without corruption and hypocrisy,
In a modern technological world,
That has abandoned,
And desperately needs,
The Way.
In desperation, without authorization, I have prayed for the destruction of Tantric vow-breakers,
I have performed the sadhana of their destruction,
Even though this may result in the killing of enlightened beings,
And even though it may produce no result besides condemning myself,
Because I would rather condemn myself in a failed effort to restore balance to this world,
Than live in fear while the unfaithful and corrupt profit.
So maybe I will go to Vajra Hell after all.
Trungpa Rinpoche says,
Wherever you are, befriend the cage you find yourself in.
So if I go to Vajra Hell,
I shall endeavor to befriend the agony,
The torture,
The endless cycles of pain,
Without fear or hypocrisy,
Hiding nothing.
They say in the life you realize your true nature,
You will be beyond religion.
No matter what path I take,
Someone will call me a heretic,
So I shall endeavor to do what seems right,
Regardless of who says it is wrong,
Or what is written.
Maybe the write thing and the rite thing isn't always the right thing.
May the guru forgive me for all that I have done,
As I forgive the universe for all it has done to me.
May all who read this find perfect enlightenment,
May all holy teachers enjoy long lives free of suffering,
Many the negative karmas of all beings be visited upon me and not them,
May the suffering stop forever.
I love you all, even though, in truth, I'm pretty sure nothing else exists yet to love me in return.
Soha.
I am pretty sure I'm going to Vajra Hell,
And as such I suppose I should learn to look forward to it,
Since I am told to not fear anything,
And to live without apprehension.
It is curious to think about.
It seems the sort of place humans would think of,
When describing their fear of samsara,
And not the sort of place an enlightened being would fear,
Knowing pain is just another play of forms,
and a basis for the path.
They say anyone who proudly expounds to the public,
About the methods of secret Tantrayanna,
Will go, alongside their guru, to Vajra Hell.
So I suppose a small handful of Kagyu gurus are going with me.
I did not do these things proudly, but since any pride at all is all pride,
I am guilty. So, having taken empowerment with them, they are guilty.
And we are therefore condemned, as it is written.
They say that for a yogi(ni) to go to prison is a rare honor,
A chance to practice Dharma under severe difficulties,
So clearly Vajra Hell is a greater honor,
A better, perhaps the very best, place to practice.
What a challenge to see emptiness in the quintessence of all hells!
What a privilege to be given the opportunity to try!
Yet, while I sit here, excited at the prospect,
It occurs to me that H.H. Dalai Lama, H.H. Karmapa, H.E. Garchen Rinpoche,
Give empowerment to thousands at a time, with samaya,
And have done so in many past lives as well,
And statistically it is assured that some of those disciples,
Drunk from alcohol or in the throes of passion,
Or perhaps demented from old age,
Have indeed proudly expounded the secret Tantrayanna to the public.
Yet here are the gurus still teaching.
I have been taught not to judge others,
Not to criticize other traditions,
Not to let pride blind me.
But to read posts here saying "All other Buddhists gain no benefit without empowerment",
And from my Lama, "All other traditions are worldly and inferior".
I shake my head and frown.
I can't say such opinions are wrong,
but it stirs some voice within,
Warning me to think carefully.
I grew up with the Bible, raised Christian,
And having seen my inner nature,
And having had my visions and understanding confirmed by the Lama,
when I now read of the Christian God,
I think "Maybe under all that was intentionally mis-written there is the same truth underneath".
The Dalai Lama has spoken similarly of other religions.
When I came to Buddhism I was surrounded by darkness,
And finding the Buddha to teach complete compassion,
Was spontaneously moved to vow to practice the Dharma in this and all future lifetimes.
Hearing words of complete forgiveness,
I was moved to abandon all other spiritual attachment,
And I will never, ever go back on that.
But here, in Buddhism, I do not find many beings practicing compassion.
I see a lot of yogis in temples,
Contrary to what the ancients said,
And these yogis judge, living hypocritically, contrary to what they know to be right,
Because pride has enveloped them,
And as long as their Lama approves they feel above reproach,
As Tibet falls further into captivity.
So when I speak to Buddhists from other traditions,
And they call Tantrayanna a cult, and warn me that I should leave,
I am no longer surprised.
Trungpa Rinpoche lived an interesting life,
Was informally cast out of the sangha at least twice as I understand it,
Once while alive,
Once while dead,
Many of his students lost faith,
Many of them, feeling betrayed, later proudly expounded Tantric methods to the public,
Or uploaded secret texts to public servers,
Which is how I found them.
Yet Trungpa Rinpoche did not go to Vajra Hell.
I consider myself to be a devoted disciple of Trungpa Rinpoche,
But there is no way possible that I could do more to upset the Dharma's balance than he,
So, upon reflection, it seems it will take an enormous effort to go to Vajra Hell.
Perhaps I'm not so easily blessed to visit it after all.
If you are afraid, of what are you afraid?
In Buddhism the idea is to break out of boxes.
After all, do mentally-created boxes exist?
Is the way to escape a mentally-created box simply to stop pretending it exists?
I am not an intelligent person,
I am not well-read,
Nor highly educated.
Perhaps I am not wise enough to see,
What it is that I should be afraid of.
When I reached the path of seeing,
The very first thing I realized,
Is that Buddhism,
And Buddha,
And all the Lamas and Rinpoches and sanghas,
Are nothing at all.
Inherently meaningless.
It is the Dharma, the oral instructions, that are the key that unlocks the door.
Everything else is fluff, window dressing, yesterday's forgotten dream.
And even the Dharma is nothing at all,
Once it has completely unlocked that door.
They say the only Buddha resides within.
If that is so,
I do not wish the hypocrites to be caretakers of the secret way anymore.
It is said Buddhas do not strive,
They effortlessly aid all sentient beings.
While I am a vastly inferior and unworthy vessel,
I vow that any Buddha-field which I may somehow earn through accumulated merit,
Will be devoted to helping the lineages adapt,
To lives without corruption and hypocrisy,
In a modern technological world,
That has abandoned,
And desperately needs,
The Way.
In desperation, without authorization, I have prayed for the destruction of Tantric vow-breakers,
I have performed the sadhana of their destruction,
Even though this may result in the killing of enlightened beings,
And even though it may produce no result besides condemning myself,
Because I would rather condemn myself in a failed effort to restore balance to this world,
Than live in fear while the unfaithful and corrupt profit.
So maybe I will go to Vajra Hell after all.
Trungpa Rinpoche says,
Wherever you are, befriend the cage you find yourself in.
So if I go to Vajra Hell,
I shall endeavor to befriend the agony,
The torture,
The endless cycles of pain,
Without fear or hypocrisy,
Hiding nothing.
They say in the life you realize your true nature,
You will be beyond religion.
No matter what path I take,
Someone will call me a heretic,
So I shall endeavor to do what seems right,
Regardless of who says it is wrong,
Or what is written.
Maybe the write thing and the rite thing isn't always the right thing.
May the guru forgive me for all that I have done,
As I forgive the universe for all it has done to me.
May all who read this find perfect enlightenment,
May all holy teachers enjoy long lives free of suffering,
Many the negative karmas of all beings be visited upon me and not them,
May the suffering stop forever.
I love you all, even though, in truth, I'm pretty sure nothing else exists yet to love me in return.
Soha.
