If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

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bcol01
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If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by bcol01 »

Hi everyone! So the reason I'm asking this question is because I currently am blogging about Nichiren Buddhism and I want to share a bit about my life, how I grew up and what I went through. My family has my blog address and I'm worried that my mother (whom I have an estranged relationship with) or others in my family will be upset because I'm speaking my truth. I don't want to upset them but I must share my life story so that I can express myself and hopefully heal and be a source of encouragement to others. My mother was very neglectful towards me growing up and I've never really been allowed to talk about the things I've gone through. I feel like even though my mother and I haven't seen one another in over 16 years, she still has me bullied into silence. Just need some advice.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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Queequeg
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Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by Queequeg »

Ride the dharma where it takes you.
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
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Caoimhghín
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Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by Caoimhghín »

bcol01 wrote: Tue Oct 24, 2017 6:53 pm I feel like even though my mother and I haven't seen one another in over 16 years, she still has me bullied into silence. Just need some advice.
My advice? Seperate your blog. If it is that big an issue, don't stir it up. Especially if she will be negative towards Buddhism as a result of it. Make your blog seperate from your family.
Then, the monks uttered this gāthā:

These bodies are like foam.
Them being frail, who can rejoice in them?
The Buddha attained the vajra-body.
Still, it becomes inconstant and ruined.
The many Buddhas are vajra-entities.
All are also subject to inconstancy.
Quickly ended, like melting snow --
how could things be different?

The Buddha passed into parinirvāṇa afterward.
(T1.27b10 Mahāparinirvāṇasūtra DĀ 2)
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Minobu
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Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by Minobu »

Queequeg wrote: Tue Oct 24, 2017 7:14 pm Ride the dharma where it takes you.
and when the wave breaks you become the foam and then the wave ripple on the sand only to be sucked into the Ocean.
salvation is a rip tide.
Vasana
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Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by Vasana »

Yep, someimes silence is more helpful than honesty and sometimes honesty is more helpful than silence bbut only when shared at the right time and in the right circumstances. A nice fitting quote ( but generally misattributed to the Buddha),

If it is not truthful and not helpful, don’t say it.
If it is truthful and not helpful, don’t say it.
If it is not truthful yet helpful, don’t say it.
If it is truthful and helpful, wait for the right time.'


Canonical quote from the Buddha which more or less says the same thing.

“Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people. Which five?

“It is spoken at the right time.
It is spoken in truth.
It is spoken affectionately.
It is spoken beneficially.
It is spoken with a mind of good-will.

A statement endowed with these five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people.”
'When thoughts arise, recognise them clearly as your teacher'— Gampopa
'When alone, examine your mind, when among others, examine your speech'.— Atisha
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Queequeg
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Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by Queequeg »

Vasana wrote: Tue Oct 24, 2017 8:20 pm Yep, someimes silence is more helpful than honesty and sometimes honesty is more helpful than silence bbut only when shared at the right time and in the right circumstances. A nice fitting quote ( but generally misattributed to the Buddha),

If it is not truthful and not helpful, don’t say it.
If it is truthful and not helpful, don’t say it.
If it is not truthful yet helpful, don’t say it.
If it is truthful and helpful, wait for the right time.'


Canonical quote from the Buddha which more or less says the same thing.

“Monks, a statement endowed with five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people. Which five?

“It is spoken at the right time.
It is spoken in truth.
It is spoken affectionately.
It is spoken beneficially.
It is spoken with a mind of good-will.

A statement endowed with these five factors is well-spoken, not ill-spoken. It is blameless & unfaulted by knowledgeable people.”
Those are great quotes.
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
bcol01
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Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:20 pm

Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by bcol01 »

How poetic of you :)

:twothumbsup:
Minobu wrote: Tue Oct 24, 2017 7:39 pm
Queequeg wrote: Tue Oct 24, 2017 7:14 pm Ride the dharma where it takes you.
and when the wave breaks you become the foam and then the wave ripple on the sand only to be sucked into the Ocean.
salvation is a rip tide.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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seeker242
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Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by seeker242 »

The criteria for deciding what is worth saying

[1] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial (or: not connected with the goal), unendearing & disagreeable to others, he does not say them.

[2] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, unendearing & disagreeable to others, he does not say them.

[3] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, but unendearing & disagreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them.

[4] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial, but endearing & agreeable to others, he does not say them.

[5] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, unbeneficial, but endearing & agreeable to others, he does not say them.

[6] "In the case of words that the Tathagata knows to be factual, true, beneficial, and endearing & agreeable to others, he has a sense of the proper time for saying them. Why is that? Because the Tathagata has sympathy for living beings."

— MN 58
One should not kill any living being, nor cause it to be killed, nor should one incite any other to kill. Do never injure any being, whether strong or weak, in this entire universe!
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Ayu
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Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by Ayu »

My mother-in-law was a bit similar. I think, if you have to express yourself, you should not be silenced.
The best idea is to create a new blog address and not mention it to your family.

On the other hand, if Buddhism is not concerned, I think, a little homeopathic dose of honesty is very important for those mothers. Truth is a strong medicine. It's not necessary to beat people up with it. But a little hint gives her the chance to find out the truth by herself.

Again on the other hand, not everything we regard as truth is really true. For this reason it is very important to listen and observe.
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bokki
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Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by bokki »

I feel like even though my mother and I haven't seen one another in over 16 years, she still has me bullied into silence. Just need some advice.
please, my friend, try to see your mother and hug her. forget what has been, forgive her and yourself. even if she does not respond, or declines, please, bro, know that you have done what is right, by you and your mother.
try to be a friend to your mom.
i know its hard, but lets be men and do right.
blog? who cares..
Another log on the fire,
10,000 frogs singing in the rain,
burst into flames.
- Linda Anderson
illarraza
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Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2011 4:30 am

Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by illarraza »

bcol01 wrote: Tue Oct 24, 2017 6:53 pm Hi everyone! So the reason I'm asking this question is because I currently am blogging about Nichiren Buddhism and I want to share a bit about my life, how I grew up and what I went through. My family has my blog address and I'm worried that my mother (whom I have an estranged relationship with) or others in my family will be upset because I'm speaking my truth. I don't want to upset them but I must share my life story so that I can express myself and hopefully heal and be a source of encouragement to others. My mother was very neglectful towards me growing up and I've never really been allowed to talk about the things I've gone through. I feel like even though my mother and I haven't seen one another in over 16 years, she still has me bullied into silence. Just need some advice.
Would you please post your blog URL?

Mark
bcol01
Posts: 365
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:20 pm

Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by bcol01 »

I actually deleted recently. Deciding on a new title.

illarraza wrote: Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:16 am
bcol01 wrote: Tue Oct 24, 2017 6:53 pm Hi everyone! So the reason I'm asking this question is because I currently am blogging about Nichiren Buddhism and I want to share a bit about my life, how I grew up and what I went through. My family has my blog address and I'm worried that my mother (whom I have an estranged relationship with) or others in my family will be upset because I'm speaking my truth. I don't want to upset them but I must share my life story so that I can express myself and hopefully heal and be a source of encouragement to others. My mother was very neglectful towards me growing up and I've never really been allowed to talk about the things I've gone through. I feel like even though my mother and I haven't seen one another in over 16 years, she still has me bullied into silence. Just need some advice.
Would you please post your blog URL?

Mark
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
illarraza
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Joined: Fri Dec 09, 2011 4:30 am

Re: If our honesty is hurtful to some, should we remain silent?

Post by illarraza »

bcol01 wrote: Tue Nov 28, 2017 6:31 pm I actually deleted recently. Deciding on a new title.

illarraza wrote: Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:16 am
bcol01 wrote: Tue Oct 24, 2017 6:53 pm Hi everyone! So the reason I'm asking this question is because I currently am blogging about Nichiren Buddhism and I want to share a bit about my life, how I grew up and what I went through. My family has my blog address and I'm worried that my mother (whom I have an estranged relationship with) or others in my family will be upset because I'm speaking my truth. I don't want to upset them but I must share my life story so that I can express myself and hopefully heal and be a source of encouragement to others. My mother was very neglectful towards me growing up and I've never really been allowed to talk about the things I've gone through. I feel like even though my mother and I haven't seen one another in over 16 years, she still has me bullied into silence. Just need some advice.
Would you please post your blog URL?

Mark
Let me know when you've decided. Good luck with the new blog. Very important that people hear us.

Mark
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