Why is it that when I chant to have better relations with others, it seems like the opposite happens?

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bcol01
Posts: 140
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:20 pm

Why is it that when I chant to have better relations with others, it seems like the opposite happens?

Post by bcol01 » Fri Jun 22, 2018 8:38 pm

I would appreciate some insight on this. It is making me want to give up the practice entirely. In the beginning of chanting, I feel like my environment and my relationships with others were positive, but now it seems like every time I chant for a certain thing, the opposite tends to occur. I am hoping to get some clarity on this and why this may be happening. Ty

markatex
Posts: 353
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 1:33 am

Re: Why is it that when I chant to have better relations with others, it seems like the opposite happens?

Post by markatex » Sat Jun 23, 2018 3:03 am

See the Three Obstacles/Four Devils thread. I will also say that not getting what you’re asking for is sometimes an answer itself. You’ve posted about your family before, and it sounds like maybe you’re too invested in their approval. I don’t know if you live with them or are reliant on them for financial support, but that would certainly complicate things.

At a certain point, you really do have to live life on your own terms and stop seeking the approval of others to be who you are. You’ll never have good relationships with others as long as you’re looking to them for approval, especially with family, because they will never respect you. We teach others how to treat us, sometimes consciously, but usually not.

narhwal90
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Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2016 3:10 am

Re: Why is it that when I chant to have better relations with others, it seems like the opposite happens?

Post by narhwal90 » Sat Jun 23, 2018 11:15 am

I've never had any noticable luck chanting for things to be one way or another, but what has had results was chanting to be of service, meaning the focus being to gain awareness for the sake of others. This sort of thing fundamentally requires the development of awareness for ones' own sake as well, meaning, it is counterproductive to be present for the sake of others while neglecting ones own welfare.

In a difficult relationship situation that might mean developing skill at boundaries to avoid engaging in another's agenda. In such a way the role for chanting might be to develop awareness of where & how you might be there for them, while avoiding being drawn into dysfunction.

bcol01
Posts: 140
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:20 pm

Re: Why is it that when I chant to have better relations with others, it seems like the opposite happens?

Post by bcol01 » Sat Jun 23, 2018 4:01 pm

"In a difficult relationship situation that might mean developing skill at boundaries to avoid engaging in another's agenda. In such a way the role for chanting might be to develop awareness of where & how you might be there for them, while avoiding being drawn into dysfunction."

This though! Ty! Great point.

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