What is the best way to deal with an overly inquisitive/suffocating friend?

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bcol01
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Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:20 pm

What is the best way to deal with an overly inquisitive/suffocating friend?

Post by bcol01 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 5:26 pm

I have a friend (well, he's my roommate really) and I swear, whenever he wakes up, if i'm in the study or whatever, he'll come out and automatically start firing off questions (not in an angry way but just hurriedly? almost) like, "do you work today?", "what are your plans today?", etc. Now this isn't just mere questions or conversation. It's like he's super inquisitive to the point of invasive and suffocating/interrogating and it's really off-putting to me. I don't want to be rude and tell him to back off and "enough with the 20 questions, Counselor" but shit lol.

How do I effectively set boundaries with this type?

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Queequeg
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Re: What is the best way to deal with an overly inquisitive/suffocating friend?

Post by Queequeg » Sat Aug 11, 2018 5:27 pm

"bro, I need to get some work done. Do you mind?"
Those who, even with distracted minds,
Entered a stupa compound
And chanted but once, “Namo Buddhaya!”
Have certainly attained the path of the buddhas.

-Lotus Sutra, Expedient Means Chapter

There are beings with little dust in their eyes who are falling away because they do not hear the Dhamma. There will be those who will understand the Dhamma.
-Ayacana Sutta

bcol01
Posts: 116
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:20 pm

Re: What is the best way to deal with an overly inquisitive/suffocating friend?

Post by bcol01 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 6:05 pm

Lol ok. So let's say I'm just doing my own thing, watching TV or just making food?
Queequeg wrote:
Sat Aug 11, 2018 5:27 pm
"bro, I need to get some work done. Do you mind?"

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justsit
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Location: Delaware

Re: What is the best way to deal with an overly inquisitive/suffocating friend?

Post by justsit » Sat Aug 11, 2018 9:20 pm

You can try the friendly, joking approach -"Is this a test?!"

Or the flip-it-back approach - "Why do you ask?"

Or if it's really bothering you, just say so. "I prefer not to answer, " or, "I feel uncomfortable when you ask so many questions, it's invasive. Please stop."

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mechashivaz
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Re: What is the best way to deal with an overly inquisitive/suffocating friend?

Post by mechashivaz » Sat Aug 11, 2018 9:22 pm

bcol01 wrote:
Sat Aug 11, 2018 5:26 pm
I have a friend (well, he's my roommate really) and I swear, whenever he wakes up, if i'm in the study or whatever, he'll come out and automatically start firing off questions (not in an angry way but just hurriedly? almost) like, "do you work today?", "what are your plans today?", etc. Now this isn't just mere questions or conversation. It's like he's super inquisitive to the point of invasive and suffocating/interrogating and it's really off-putting to me. I don't want to be rude and tell him to back off and "enough with the 20 questions, Counselor" but shit lol.

How do I effectively set boundaries with this type?
Sounds like he's trying to feel out your day so maybe he can plan his day accordingly within the common space? Maybe when he fires off the questions, before responding, ask him something like, "Why do you ask?" Hash it out with him, see what his motive is, let him know how you feel. Open, honest, and assertive is the best way to resolve and avoid these situations.

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