How do you respond to someone who likes to armchair psychoanalyze you out of arrogance?

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bcol01
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How do you respond to someone who likes to armchair psychoanalyze you out of arrogance?

Post by bcol01 »

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing and if so, what is your verbal response to it? I have a friend who likes to analyze people and project his own issues onto others. He seems to have an incredibly difficult time seeing his own dysfunction and is quite arrogant.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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Wayfarer
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Re: How do you respond to someone who likes to armchair psychoanalyze you out of arrogance?

Post by Wayfarer »

I had once had a friend, and I thought I could see through all his issues. His emotional quirks were obvious to me. So I tried to tell him, and he reacted very poorly. And also he didn't have the least clue what I was trying to say. That's when I learned only to offer such advice when it's asked for, or at least when people are likely to be receptive. Otherwise it's a waste of breath.
'Only practice with no gaining idea' ~ Suzuki Roshi
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Re: How do you respond to someone who likes to armchair psychoanalyze you out of arrogance?

Post by Johnny Dangerous »

Is he right on any of it? If so, regardless of whether it seems motivated out of arrogance, maybe it's worth considering.

If none of it is valid, you can disregard it, and assume it's more about him than you.

In my experience, trying to 'correct' someone like that will just create more misery for you.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared

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Anders
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Re: How do you respond to someone who likes to armchair psychoanalyze you out of arrogance?

Post by Anders »

One of the first thing I learned in my psychotherapy studies was that it is quite easy to attempt analysis and interpretation, and generally the least useful thing to offer in therapy.

To me, the alpha and omega of psychotherapy is empathetic listening, creating a safe relation for the client to open up in, and from there gently guiding clients towards making their own discoveries in the process. In our school at least, a therapist's own interpretations is more often than not seen as a hindrance that is likely to lead to broken contact when voiced, as the therapist begins to embark on his or her own projects on behalf of the client, rather than advising and guiding the client through the client's own unfolding project.

If this happened persistently to me from one person, I think I would push back with something along the lines "I think it is really inappropriate of you to do this without being invited to do so. If you like psychoanalysis so much, surely you know it's a collaborative endeavour that is only effective in an empathetic setting where both are agreed and committed to it. What you are doing here is none of that. If you are just doing it for the intellectual exercise, please find a different topic that doesn't intrude on my boundaries like this. What I do and why I do it is my business, not yours. Any comments or analysis on it is by invitation only".

I honestly wouldn't care much if he has a point or not with his analysis. In Buddhist terms, wisdom without compassion isn't likely to produce much in the way of skilful means.
"Even if my body should be burnt to death in the fires of hell
I would endure it for myriad lifetimes
As your companion in practice"

--- Gandavyuha Sutra
bcol01
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Re: How do you respond to someone who likes to armchair psychoanalyze you out of arrogance?

Post by bcol01 »

I agree.
Johnny Dangerous wrote: Sun Dec 02, 2018 9:11 am Is he right on any of it? If so, regardless of whether it seems motivated out of arrogance, maybe it's worth considering.

If none of it is valid, you can disregard it, and assume it's more about him than you.

In my experience, trying to 'correct' someone like that will just create more misery for you.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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Caoimhghín
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Re: How do you respond to someone who likes to armchair psychoanalyze you out of arrogance?

Post by Caoimhghín »

Why is he your friend?
Then, the monks uttered this gāthā:

These bodies are like foam.
Them being frail, who can rejoice in them?
The Buddha attained the vajra-body.
Still, it becomes inconstant and ruined.
The many Buddhas are vajra-entities.
All are also subject to inconstancy.
Quickly ended, like melting snow --
how could things be different?

The Buddha passed into parinirvāṇa afterward.
(T1.27b10 Mahāparinirvāṇasūtra DĀ 2)
KristenM
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Re: How do you respond to someone who likes to armchair psychoanalyze you out of arrogance?

Post by KristenM »

bcol01 wrote: Sun Dec 02, 2018 1:17 am Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing and if so, what is your verbal response to it? I have a friend who likes to analyze people and project his own issues onto others. He seems to have an incredibly difficult time seeing his own dysfunction and is quite arrogant.
I'd tell him exactly like you told us and let the chips fall where they may. Maybe you'll help him see how he's behaving is a projection of his own own issues. Be honest about how you feel.
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