If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

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bcol01
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If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by bcol01 »

Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by Johnny Dangerous »

bcol01 wrote: Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.

If it's messing up your practice or severely messing you up..then yeah. If you can work with it and transform to something positive, then no.
Healthy boundaries are not a bad thing.
That's my take.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared

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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by Schrödinger’s Yidam »

How old are you? If you’re still under your parent’s care that’s one scenario. If you’re an adult that’s completely different.
1.The problem isn’t ‘ignorance’. The problem is the mind you have right now. (H.H. Karmapa XVII @NYC 2/4/18)
2. I support Mingyur R and HHDL in their positions against lama abuse.
3. Student: Lama, I thought I might die but then I realized that the 3 Jewels would protect me.
Lama: Even If you had died the 3 Jewels would still have protected you. (DW post by Fortyeightvows)
bcol01
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by bcol01 »

I'm an adult, have lived on my own for quite some time.
smcj wrote: Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:36 am How old are you? If you’re still under your parent’s care that’s one scenario. If you’re an adult that’s completely different.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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edgar_d
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by edgar_d »

Evil is a strong word, much overused. Maybe your parents are human beings just like you and me, who suffer and long for happiness, who make try to do the right thing and make mistakes?

I don't think the Buddha taught that people were evil, just ignorant and deluded.
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by Schrödinger’s Yidam »

If you’re an adult you can set healthy boundaries an live your life as you please. If you can do that and continue to show appreciation and respect that is best.
1.The problem isn’t ‘ignorance’. The problem is the mind you have right now. (H.H. Karmapa XVII @NYC 2/4/18)
2. I support Mingyur R and HHDL in their positions against lama abuse.
3. Student: Lama, I thought I might die but then I realized that the 3 Jewels would protect me.
Lama: Even If you had died the 3 Jewels would still have protected you. (DW post by Fortyeightvows)
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by KathyLauren »

"Evil" is indeed a strong and over-used word. There are a few people who truly are evil: those who intentionally cause suffering. But there are also many very unskillful people who want to do good, but who cause suffering out of ignorance or incompetence.

I know quite a few people whose parents fall into one of those categories. For many of them, their mental health, even their survival in some cases, depends on distancing themselves from their parents. It is regrettable, but necessary.

In all cases, we should view those people with compassion, even if we are not able to interact directly with them.

Om mani padme hum
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by Queequeg »

bcol01 wrote: Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.
Maybe strive to see yourself and your parent for what you both really are. Might neutralize many of the concerns you presently have. The hard part is seeing past oneself... that's why we practice.
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by Yavana »

Queequeg wrote: Mon Dec 10, 2018 7:28 pm Maybe strive to see yourself and your parent for what you both really are.
Which is?
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by Queequeg »

I deeply respect you. I dare not belittle you. Why is this? Because all of you practice the bodhisattva path, and will become buddhas.
🙏
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by Yavana »

Queequeg wrote: Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:15 pm
I deeply respect you. I dare not belittle you. Why is this? Because all of you practice the bodhisattva path, and will become buddhas.
🙏
A backhanded blessing, Q.
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by Queequeg »

Not sure what you mean.
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by dude »

bcol01 wrote: Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.
There are indeed times when only distance can really untangle you.
Parents are your karma, and it's even predicted in the sutras that one's parents at times present an obstacle to practice.
All the suffering is a result of causes made in the past.
You can change your karma. Your obstacles are all future treasures.
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by bcol01 »

When you say that my obstacles are all future treasures, what do you mean by that?
dude wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:59 am
bcol01 wrote: Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.
There are indeed times when only distance can really untangle you.
Parents are your karma, and it's even predicted in the sutras that one's parents at times present an obstacle to practice.
All the suffering is a result of causes made in the past.
You can change your karma. Your obstacles are all future treasures.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by dude »

bcol01 wrote: Thu Dec 13, 2018 1:34 am When you say that my obstacles are all future treasures, what do you mean by that?
dude wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:59 am
bcol01 wrote: Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.
There are indeed times when only distance can really untangle you.
Parents are your karma, and it's even predicted in the sutras that one's parents at times present an obstacle to practice.
All the suffering is a result of causes made in the past.
You can change your karma. Your obstacles are all future treasures.
What I mean is that you will one day look back with great satisfaction thinking about how much you grew in power and gained good karma by challenging big obstacles


I've been thinking about you a lot since I last posted. I had been a member for a year or two when I realized I would always get depressed and self destructive after being around my parents. For a time I stopped contact completely and learned something about who I am and why I should respect my life.

It's kind of inevitable when practicing Buddhism that one will be opposed at times by various authority figures, such as parents, government officials, and/or others.


Nichiren states in the "Letter to the Brothers" :
In order to expiate the sin of your past slanders, you are opposed by your parents, who hold mistaken views, and must live in the age of a ruler who persecutes the votary of the Lotus Sutra. The sutra makes this absolutely clear. Never doubt that you slandered the correct teaching in the past. If you have doubt about this, you will be unable to withstand the minor sufferings of this life.

Attack your karma with enthusiasm. You will come to enjoy the struggle. This practice is difficult, but its power is absolute.
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by Queequeg »

Bcol, Dude here brings up some excellent points.

Check out Nichiren's letters to people like this "Letter to Brothers" and letters to Shijo Kingo. These guys were facing all kinds of opposition and persecution, right up to assassination threats, from family, close associates, superiors, the government, etc. He counsels them to be strong, steadfast, deliberate, careful.
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
bcol01
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by bcol01 »

Ty I appreciate your compassionate concern and your advice.
dude wrote: Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:45 am
bcol01 wrote: Thu Dec 13, 2018 1:34 am When you say that my obstacles are all future treasures, what do you mean by that?
dude wrote: Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:59 am

There are indeed times when only distance can really untangle you.
Parents are your karma, and it's even predicted in the sutras that one's parents at times present an obstacle to practice.
All the suffering is a result of causes made in the past.
You can change your karma. Your obstacles are all future treasures.
What I mean is that you will one day look back with great satisfaction thinking about how much you grew in power and gained good karma by challenging big obstacles


I've been thinking about you a lot since I last posted. I had been a member for a year or two when I realized I would always get depressed and self destructive after being around my parents. For a time I stopped contact completely and learned something about who I am and why I should respect my life.

It's kind of inevitable when practicing Buddhism that one will be opposed at times by various authority figures, such as parents, government officials, and/or others.


Nichiren states in the "Letter to the Brothers" :
In order to expiate the sin of your past slanders, you are opposed by your parents, who hold mistaken views, and must live in the age of a ruler who persecutes the votary of the Lotus Sutra. The sutra makes this absolutely clear. Never doubt that you slandered the correct teaching in the past. If you have doubt about this, you will be unable to withstand the minor sufferings of this life.

Attack your karma with enthusiasm. You will come to enjoy the struggle. This practice is difficult, but its power is absolute.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
bcol01
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Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Post by bcol01 »

Will do! Ty my friend. :sage:
Queequeg wrote: Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:22 pm Bcol, Dude here brings up some excellent points.

Check out Nichiren's letters to people like this "Letter to Brothers" and letters to Shijo Kingo. These guys were facing all kinds of opposition and persecution, right up to assassination threats, from family, close associates, superiors, the government, etc. He counsels them to be strong, steadfast, deliberate, careful.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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