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If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm
by bcol01
Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2018 11:48 pm
by Johnny Dangerous
bcol01 wrote:
Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm
Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.

If it's messing up your practice or severely messing you up..then yeah. If you can work with it and transform to something positive, then no.
Healthy boundaries are not a bad thing.
That's my take.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:36 am
by smcj
How old are you? If you’re still under your parent’s care that’s one scenario. If you’re an adult that’s completely different.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:52 am
by bcol01
I'm an adult, have lived on my own for quite some time.
smcj wrote:
Mon Dec 10, 2018 6:36 am
How old are you? If you’re still under your parent’s care that’s one scenario. If you’re an adult that’s completely different.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 7:35 am
by edgar_d
Evil is a strong word, much overused. Maybe your parents are human beings just like you and me, who suffer and long for happiness, who make try to do the right thing and make mistakes?

I don't think the Buddha taught that people were evil, just ignorant and deluded.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:58 am
by smcj
If you’re an adult you can set healthy boundaries an live your life as you please. If you can do that and continue to show appreciation and respect that is best.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 3:16 pm
by KathyLauren
"Evil" is indeed a strong and over-used word. There are a few people who truly are evil: those who intentionally cause suffering. But there are also many very unskillful people who want to do good, but who cause suffering out of ignorance or incompetence.

I know quite a few people whose parents fall into one of those categories. For many of them, their mental health, even their survival in some cases, depends on distancing themselves from their parents. It is regrettable, but necessary.

In all cases, we should view those people with compassion, even if we are not able to interact directly with them.

Om mani padme hum
Kathy

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 7:28 pm
by Queequeg
bcol01 wrote:
Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm
Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.
Maybe strive to see yourself and your parent for what you both really are. Might neutralize many of the concerns you presently have. The hard part is seeing past oneself... that's why we practice.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 8:42 pm
by Yavana
Queequeg wrote:
Mon Dec 10, 2018 7:28 pm
Maybe strive to see yourself and your parent for what you both really are.
Which is?

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:15 pm
by Queequeg
I deeply respect you. I dare not belittle you. Why is this? Because all of you practice the bodhisattva path, and will become buddhas.
🙏

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:27 pm
by Yavana
Queequeg wrote:
Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:15 pm
I deeply respect you. I dare not belittle you. Why is this? Because all of you practice the bodhisattva path, and will become buddhas.
🙏
A backhanded blessing, Q.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:45 pm
by Queequeg
Not sure what you mean.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:59 am
by dude
bcol01 wrote:
Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm
Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.
There are indeed times when only distance can really untangle you.
Parents are your karma, and it's even predicted in the sutras that one's parents at times present an obstacle to practice.
All the suffering is a result of causes made in the past.
You can change your karma. Your obstacles are all future treasures.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Thu Dec 13, 2018 1:34 am
by bcol01
When you say that my obstacles are all future treasures, what do you mean by that?
dude wrote:
Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:59 am
bcol01 wrote:
Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm
Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.
There are indeed times when only distance can really untangle you.
Parents are your karma, and it's even predicted in the sutras that one's parents at times present an obstacle to practice.
All the suffering is a result of causes made in the past.
You can change your karma. Your obstacles are all future treasures.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:45 am
by dude
bcol01 wrote:
Thu Dec 13, 2018 1:34 am
When you say that my obstacles are all future treasures, what do you mean by that?
dude wrote:
Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:59 am
bcol01 wrote:
Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:13 pm
Would love to hear your thoughts on narcissistic parents influencing us negatively and if putting distance between them is sometimes the only option.
There are indeed times when only distance can really untangle you.
Parents are your karma, and it's even predicted in the sutras that one's parents at times present an obstacle to practice.
All the suffering is a result of causes made in the past.
You can change your karma. Your obstacles are all future treasures.
What I mean is that you will one day look back with great satisfaction thinking about how much you grew in power and gained good karma by challenging big obstacles


I've been thinking about you a lot since I last posted. I had been a member for a year or two when I realized I would always get depressed and self destructive after being around my parents. For a time I stopped contact completely and learned something about who I am and why I should respect my life.

It's kind of inevitable when practicing Buddhism that one will be opposed at times by various authority figures, such as parents, government officials, and/or others.


Nichiren states in the "Letter to the Brothers" :
In order to expiate the sin of your past slanders, you are opposed by your parents, who hold mistaken views, and must live in the age of a ruler who persecutes the votary of the Lotus Sutra. The sutra makes this absolutely clear. Never doubt that you slandered the correct teaching in the past. If you have doubt about this, you will be unable to withstand the minor sufferings of this life.

Attack your karma with enthusiasm. You will come to enjoy the struggle. This practice is difficult, but its power is absolute.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:22 pm
by Queequeg
Bcol, Dude here brings up some excellent points.

Check out Nichiren's letters to people like this "Letter to Brothers" and letters to Shijo Kingo. These guys were facing all kinds of opposition and persecution, right up to assassination threats, from family, close associates, superiors, the government, etc. He counsels them to be strong, steadfast, deliberate, careful.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:07 pm
by bcol01
Ty I appreciate your compassionate concern and your advice.
dude wrote:
Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:45 am
bcol01 wrote:
Thu Dec 13, 2018 1:34 am
When you say that my obstacles are all future treasures, what do you mean by that?
dude wrote:
Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:59 am


There are indeed times when only distance can really untangle you.
Parents are your karma, and it's even predicted in the sutras that one's parents at times present an obstacle to practice.
All the suffering is a result of causes made in the past.
You can change your karma. Your obstacles are all future treasures.
What I mean is that you will one day look back with great satisfaction thinking about how much you grew in power and gained good karma by challenging big obstacles


I've been thinking about you a lot since I last posted. I had been a member for a year or two when I realized I would always get depressed and self destructive after being around my parents. For a time I stopped contact completely and learned something about who I am and why I should respect my life.

It's kind of inevitable when practicing Buddhism that one will be opposed at times by various authority figures, such as parents, government officials, and/or others.


Nichiren states in the "Letter to the Brothers" :
In order to expiate the sin of your past slanders, you are opposed by your parents, who hold mistaken views, and must live in the age of a ruler who persecutes the votary of the Lotus Sutra. The sutra makes this absolutely clear. Never doubt that you slandered the correct teaching in the past. If you have doubt about this, you will be unable to withstand the minor sufferings of this life.

Attack your karma with enthusiasm. You will come to enjoy the struggle. This practice is difficult, but its power is absolute.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:08 pm
by bcol01
Will do! Ty my friend. :sage:
Queequeg wrote:
Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:22 pm
Bcol, Dude here brings up some excellent points.

Check out Nichiren's letters to people like this "Letter to Brothers" and letters to Shijo Kingo. These guys were facing all kinds of opposition and persecution, right up to assassination threats, from family, close associates, superiors, the government, etc. He counsels them to be strong, steadfast, deliberate, careful.

Re: If an evil parent causes us to betray or become distracted from our faith, is detaching ourselves the best option?

Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2018 5:51 am
by dude
More than happy to help :smile: