What is "love"?

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What is "love"?

Post by bcol01 » Sat Feb 23, 2019 8:02 am

I feel like ppl throw the word around a lot.

What is love?

If I see no signs that someone loves me, yet they tell me they do, what's that about?

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Re: What is "love"?

Post by Queequeg » Sat Feb 23, 2019 4:33 pm

A lot of definitions out there.

Mine is, Do you put the other person's needs ahead of your own? Would you jump on a grenade for them?

Less than that is some degree of fondness, or in unhealthy situations, clinging attachment.
Those who, even with distracted minds,
Entered a stupa compound
And chanted but once, “Namo Buddhaya!”
Have certainly attained the path of the buddhas.

-Lotus Sutra, Expedient Means Chapter

There are beings with little dust in their eyes who are falling away because they do not hear the Dhamma. There will be those who will understand the Dhamma.
-Ayacana Sutta

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Re: What is "love"?

Post by markatex » Fri Apr 12, 2019 1:58 am

A second-hand emotion. A sweet old-fashioned notion.

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Re: What is "love"?

Post by Wayfarer » Fri Apr 12, 2019 3:30 am

The Greeks had seven names for different forms of love.

1. Eros

Eros is sexual or passionate love, and is the type most akin to our modern construct of romantic love. In Greek myth, it is a form of madness brought about by one of Cupid’s arrows. The arrow breaches us and we ‘fall’ in love, as did Paris with Helen, leading to the Trojan War and the downfall of Troy and much of the assembled Greek army. In modern times, eros has been amalgamated with the broader life force, something akin to Schopenhauer’s will, a fundamentally blind process of striving for survival and reproduction. Eros has also been contrasted with Logos, or Reason, and Cupid painted as a blindfolded child.

2. Philia

The hallmark of philia, or friendship, is shared goodwill. Aristotle believed that a person can bear goodwill to another for one of three reasons: that he is useful; that he is pleasant; and, above all, that he is good, that is, rational and virtuous. Friendships founded on goodness are associated not only with mutual benefit but also with companionship, dependability, and trust.

For Plato, the best kind of friendship is that which lovers have for each other. It is a philia born out of eros, and that in turn feeds back into eros to strengthen and develop it, transforming it from a lust for possession into a shared desire for a higher level of understanding of the self, the other, and the world. In short, philia transforms eros from a lust for possession into an impulse for philosophy. Real friends seek together to live truer, fuller lives by relating to each other authentically and teaching each other about the limitations of their beliefs and the defects in their character, which are a far greater source of error than mere rational confusion: they are, in effect, each other’s therapist—and in that much it helps to find a friend with some degree of openness, articulacy, and insight, both to change and to be changed.

3. Storgē

Storgē (pronounced ‘store-gae’), or familial love, is a kind of philia pertaining to the love between parents and their children. It differs from most philia in that it tends, especially with younger children, to be unilateral or asymmetrical. More broadly, storge is the fondness born out of familiarity or dependency and, unlike eros or philia, does not hang on our personal qualities. People in the early stages of a romantic relationship often expect unconditional storge, but find only the need and dependency of eros, and, if they are lucky, the maturity and fertility of philia. Given enough time, eros tends to mutate into storge.

4. Agapē

Agapē (pron. a-ga-pay) is universal love, such as the love for strangers, nature, or God. Unlike storge, it does not depend on filiation or familiarity. Also called charity by Christian thinkers, agapē can be said to encompass the modern concept of altruism, defined as unselfish concern for the welfare of others. Recent studies link altruism with a number of benefits. In the short term, altruism leaves us with a euphoric feeling—the so-called ‘helper’s high’. In the longer term, it is associated with better mental and physical health, as well as longevity. At a social level, altruism serves as a signal of cooperative intentions, and also of resource availability and so of mating or partnering potential. It also opens up a debt account, encouraging beneficiaries to reciprocate with gifts and favours that may be of much greater value to us than those with which we feel able to part. More generally, altruism, or agape, helps to build and maintain the psychological, social, and, indeed, environmental fabric that shields, sustains, and enriches us. Given the increasing anger and division in our society, and the state of our planet, we could all do with quite a bit more agapē.

5. Ludus

Ludus is playful or uncommitted love. It can involve activities such as teasing and dancing, or more overt flirting, seducing, and conjugating. The focus is on fun, and sometimes also on conquest, with no strings attached. Ludus relationships are casual, undemanding, and uncomplicated but, for all that, can be very long-lasting. Ludus works best when both parties are mature and self-sufficient. Problems arise when one party mistakes ludus for eros, whereas ludus is in fact much more compatible with philia.

6. Pragma

Pragma is a kind of practical love founded on reason or duty and one’s longer-term interests. Sexual attraction takes a back seat in favour of personal qualities and compatibilities, shared goals, and making it work. In the days of arranged marriages, pragma must have been very common. Although unfashionable, it remains widespread, most visibly in certain high-profile celebrity and political pairings. Many relationships that start off as eros or ludus end up as various combinations of storge and pragma. Pragma may seem opposed to ludus, but the two can co-exist, with the one providing a counterpoint to the other. In the best of cases, the partners in the pragma relationship agree to turn a blind eye—or even a sympathetic eye, as in the case of Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre, or Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicholson.

7. Philautia

Philautia is self-love, which can be healthy or unhealthy. Unhealthy self-love is akin to hubris. In Ancient Greece, a person could be accused of hubris if he placed himself above the gods, or, like certain modern politicians, above the greater good. Many believed that hubris led to destruction, or nemesis. Today, hubris has come to mean an inflated sense of one’s status, abilities, or accomplishments, especially when accompanied by haughtiness or arrogance. As it disregards truth, hubris promotes injustice, conflict, and enmity.

from here.

I think, of these, agapē resembles bodhicitta.
'Only practice with no gaining idea' ~ Suzuki Roshi

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Re: What is "love"?

Post by dude » Fri Apr 12, 2019 8:21 am

Could be one of a number of things.
Could be they're trying to get close to you for some unspoken motive.
Yes, it could be they're using the word lightly and don't really mean it.
Or it could be real. I don't know.
I'd say ask the gohonzon, it will likely tell you.

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Re: What is "love"?

Post by Minobu » Sat Apr 13, 2019 3:30 pm

What is love?
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
No more

Haddaway seems to have a problem.

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Re: What is "love"?

Post by narhwal90 » Sat Apr 13, 2019 5:38 pm

Service to others, without expectation of reciprocity or acknowledgement.

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Re: What is "love"?

Post by illarraza » Thu Apr 25, 2019 2:46 am

Queequeg wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 4:33 pm
A lot of definitions out there.

Mine is, Do you put the other person's needs ahead of your own? Would you jump on a grenade for them?

Less than that is some degree of fondness, or in unhealthy situations, clinging attachment.
Nichiren would agree:

"Out of its love for its child, the pheasant plunged into flames to save it. Out of her love for her child, the poor woman drowned in the Ganges River. The pheasant is now Bodhisattva Maitreya. The woman who drowned in the Ganges has been reborn as the great heavenly king Brahmā.

How much more will this be so of the present-day Honorable Kōnichi, who out of her great affection for her son became a practitioner of the Lotus Sutra? Without fail both mother and child will go to the pure land of Eagle Peak. At that time, how joyful your meeting will be! How joyful it will be!

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