What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

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bcol01
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What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by bcol01 » Sun May 05, 2019 4:29 am

It's so sad that beauty fades and we get older. How do you all view getting older and losing your looks, etc?

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SunWuKong
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by SunWuKong » Sun May 05, 2019 5:16 am

bcol01 wrote:
Sun May 05, 2019 4:29 am
It's so sad that beauty fades and we get older. How do you all view getting older and losing your looks, etc?
Beauty fades, health fades, your mind fades, and then you also die. This is what living means too. All of this.
"We are magical animals that roam" ~ Roam

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明安 Myoan
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by 明安 Myoan » Sun May 05, 2019 6:30 am

A reminder to practice.

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Johnny Dangerous
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by Johnny Dangerous » Sun May 05, 2019 7:41 am

Mönlam Tharchin wrote:
Sun May 05, 2019 6:30 am
A reminder to practice.
Pretty much this, the time is so short. As far as looks, some of us never had them to lose in the first place BA-DUM
His welcoming
& rebelling are scattered,
gone to their end,
do not exist.
Knowing the dustless, sorrowless state,
he discerns rightly,
has gone, beyond becoming,
to the Further Shore.

-Lokavipatti Sutta

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Vasana
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by Vasana » Sun May 05, 2019 8:38 am

Look at the teachings on impermanence.
Take lessons from spring and summer flowers, cherry blossoms.
Learn to see the miracle of aging as more beautiful than the looks at any given moment.
Find the beauty in imperfections and transience (wabi sabi)

Be grateful you've lived long enough to age.
Be compassionate to yourself along the way.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wabi-sabi
'When alone, watch your mind. When with others, watch your speech'- Old Kadampa saying.

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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by Simon E. » Sun May 05, 2019 11:16 am

There is no choice, despite what a thousand ads and magazine articles tell us.

Might as well age graciously. :smile:
“Why don’t you close down your PC for a while and find out who needs your help?”

HH Tai Situ.

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Miroku
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by Miroku » Sun May 05, 2019 12:51 pm

I've never been a looker so I profit from people lowering their standards with age. :D
A boat delivers you to the other riverbank.
A needle stitches up your clothes.
A horse takes you where you want to go.
Bodhicitta will bring you to Buddhahood.
~ Khunu Lama Rinpoche

Even non-buddhists have many virtuous accomplishments
~ Jigten Sumgon

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Queequeg
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by Queequeg » Sun May 05, 2019 1:57 pm

Take it in stride.

I've always looked younger than I am. In my line of work, it helps to have some wrinkles and gray hair to be taken seriously.

The stiffness in my body, aches and pains, particularly in the lower back, suck. Dinner conversations with friends increasingly being about doctors and tragedies and dying, sucks.

Aging has also mellowed me, making my Dharma practice easier. I can sit now for periods of time that seem to pass quickly, I can chant and not get bored after a few minutes, where, as a child, even reciting the Hoben excerpt that takes a couple minutes was painful. A few thousand Daimoku is no problem; I can sit for an hour or more at a time in shikan.

Inversely, I have less patience for bull shit.

I have more patience and sympathy for other's difficulties, even bad behavior, as I can see the personal suffering that underlies it.

I think I'm wiser. Many anxieties that affected me when I was younger have simply faded.

I like to observe the world around me, and how things evolve. I'm rather enjoying watching myself age, its something I've anticipated. I hope that if and when some painful disease overtakes me and I approach death, I will have the same wherewithal to continue the observations through the suffering.

This is one of my favorite passages written by Nichiren:

"Drink sake only at home with your wife, and chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life, and continue chanting Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, no matter what happens. How could this be anything other than the boundless joy of the Dharma? Strengthen your power of faith more than ever."

He wrote that to a man who was being hunted for assassination by his rivals, who was losing favor with his lord, and with it, his property and wealth.

We keep trucking.
Those who, even with distracted minds,
Entered a stupa compound
And chanted but once, “Namo Buddhaya!”
Have certainly attained the path of the buddhas.

-Lotus Sutra, Expedient Means Chapter

There are beings with little dust in their eyes who are falling away because they do not hear the Dhamma. There will be those who will understand the Dhamma.
-Ayacana Sutta

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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by illarraza » Mon May 06, 2019 3:28 am

bcol01 wrote:
Sun May 05, 2019 4:29 am
It's so sad that beauty fades and we get older. How do you all view getting older and losing your looks, etc?
I never was good looking so I will have nothing to lose, I reckon. My wife still lies to me that I am handsome or perhaps it's my shiny disposition.

Mark

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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by TharpaChodron » Mon May 06, 2019 1:40 pm

There's the obvious Buddhist way of understanding Impermanence, which is essential. But, from another perspective as a female, there's a lot to say. First, seeing beautiful people age (I was about to say "lose their looks" but therein lies the mistake), like famous models and actresses, etc reminds us that aging is a part of life for everyone, no one is immune. You're lucky to have the fortune to get old and not die prematurely. That said, the people who don't get plastic surgery, imo, look a lot better than people who have tampered with nature and now look a bit freaky.

Now, I've seen someone recently on this board say that, in general, 35 year old women are too old and essentially no one really wants them. That's not only untrue, it's some sexist tripe. Maybe a woman who hasn't taken care of herself might be unattractive, like any similar man would be. Otherwise, the opposite is true. An attractive woman is attractive no matter what her age, really. As I've gotten older and no longer insecure, in part due to society's bogus messages to women (such as the one mentioned above) I'm amazed how much more attention I get from men of all ages. I won't go into detail as it will sound like I'm bowing my own horn, but I'm just here to say (Loud and Proud) that women older than 35 can be/are beautiful.

And you should take note that getting depressed about aging is nonsense brought to you by the mainstream society whose focus on beauty and youth is a trap and illusion that is meant to keep you down. Oh, and PS wear sunscreen. :namaste:

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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by Yavana » Mon May 06, 2019 2:15 pm

bcol01 wrote:
Sun May 05, 2019 4:29 am
It's so sad that beauty fades and we get older. How do you all view getting older and losing your looks, etc?
It's an opportunity to do and say whatever you want and then claim you were confused due to advanced age when you get called out on it.

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明安 Myoan
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by 明安 Myoan » Mon May 06, 2019 3:49 pm

Yavana wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 2:15 pm
bcol01 wrote:
Sun May 05, 2019 4:29 am
It's so sad that beauty fades and we get older. How do you all view getting older and losing your looks, etc?
It's an opportunity to do and say whatever you want and then claim you were confused due to advanced age when you get called out on it.
I can't wait :lol:
With a heart wandering in ignorance down this path and that, to guide me I simply say Namu-Amida-Butsu. -- Ippen

The Fundamental Vow [of Amitabha Buddha] is just for such people as woodcutters and grassgatherers, vegetable pickers, drawers of water and the like, illiterate folk who merely recite the Buddha's name wholeheartedly, confident that as a result of saying "Namu Amida Butsu" they will be born into the western land. -- Master Hōnen

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Queequeg
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by Queequeg » Mon May 06, 2019 4:16 pm

TharpaChodron wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 1:40 pm
There's the obvious Buddhist way of understanding Impermanence, which is essential. But, from another perspective as a female, there's a lot to say. First, seeing beautiful people age (I was about to say "lose their looks" but therein lies the mistake), like famous models and actresses, etc reminds us that aging is a part of life for everyone, no one is immune. You're lucky to have the fortune to get old and not die prematurely. That said, the people who don't get plastic surgery, imo, look a lot better than people who have tampered with nature and now look a bit freaky.

Now, I've seen someone recently on this board say that, in general, 35 year old women are too old and essentially no one really wants them. That's not only untrue, it's some sexist tripe. Maybe a woman who hasn't taken care of herself might be unattractive, like any similar man would be. Otherwise, the opposite is true. An attractive woman is attractive no matter what her age, really. As I've gotten older and no longer insecure, in part due to society's bogus messages to women (such as the one mentioned above) I'm amazed how much more attention I get from men of all ages. I won't go into detail as it will sound like I'm bowing my own horn, but I'm just here to say (Loud and Proud) that women older than 35 can be/are beautiful.

And you should take note that getting depressed about aging is nonsense brought to you by the mainstream society whose focus on beauty and youth is a trap and illusion that is meant to keep you down. Oh, and PS wear sunscreen. :namaste:
:good:

Especially the sunscreen advice!
Those who, even with distracted minds,
Entered a stupa compound
And chanted but once, “Namo Buddhaya!”
Have certainly attained the path of the buddhas.

-Lotus Sutra, Expedient Means Chapter

There are beings with little dust in their eyes who are falling away because they do not hear the Dhamma. There will be those who will understand the Dhamma.
-Ayacana Sutta

narhwal90
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by narhwal90 » Mon May 06, 2019 4:50 pm

Mönlam Tharchin wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 3:49 pm
Yavana wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 2:15 pm
bcol01 wrote:
Sun May 05, 2019 4:29 am
It's so sad that beauty fades and we get older. How do you all view getting older and losing your looks, etc?
It's an opportunity to do and say whatever you want and then claim you were confused due to advanced age when you get called out on it.
I can't wait :lol:
Can I use that as an excuse for saying ridiculous things when the conference call phone is accidentally off mute?

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SunWuKong
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by SunWuKong » Tue May 07, 2019 12:13 am

narhwal90 wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 4:50 pm
Mönlam Tharchin wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 3:49 pm
Yavana wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 2:15 pm

It's an opportunity to do and say whatever you want and then claim you were confused due to advanced age when you get called out on it.
I can't wait :lol:
Can I use that as an excuse for saying ridiculous things when the conference call phone is accidentally off mute?
Sure why not? This thread is funny; in old age you can compare age to being young, but then you are astonished by how ignorant and inexperienced youth really is. Problem is you can't say anything because they think their pretty looks is an expression of brains (not) and besides which, most things they need to learn on their own.
"We are magical animals that roam" ~ Roam

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TharpaChodron
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Re: What's the best way to relate to the ageing process?

Post by TharpaChodron » Tue May 07, 2019 1:24 am

Queequeg wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 4:16 pm
TharpaChodron wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 1:40 pm
There's the obvious Buddhist way of understanding Impermanence, which is essential. But, from another perspective as a female, there's a lot to say. First, seeing beautiful people age (I was about to say "lose their looks" but therein lies the mistake), like famous models and actresses, etc reminds us that aging is a part of life for everyone, no one is immune. You're lucky to have the fortune to get old and not die prematurely. That said, the people who don't get plastic surgery, imo, look a lot better than people who have tampered with nature and now look a bit freaky.

Now, I've seen someone recently on this board say that, in general, 35 year old women are too old and essentially no one really wants them. That's not only untrue, it's some sexist tripe. Maybe a woman who hasn't taken care of herself might be unattractive, like any similar man would be. Otherwise, the opposite is true. An attractive woman is attractive no matter what her age, really. As I've gotten older and no longer insecure, in part due to society's bogus messages to women (such as the one mentioned above) I'm amazed how much more attention I get from men of all ages. I won't go into detail as it will sound like I'm bowing my own horn, but I'm just here to say (Loud and Proud) that women older than 35 can be/are beautiful.

And you should take note that getting depressed about aging is nonsense brought to you by the mainstream society whose focus on beauty and youth is a trap and illusion that is meant to keep you down. Oh, and PS wear sunscreen. :namaste:
:good:

Especially the sunscreen advice!
Thanks, whew, guess I really needed to get that off my chest! :D

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