What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

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bcol01
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What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by bcol01 » Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:45 am

What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up in order to get attention? Reward with attention or ignore?

Fyi, this person is basically a narcissist.

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Miroku
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by Miroku » Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:03 am

bcol01 wrote:
Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:45 am
What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up in order to get attention? Reward with attention or ignore?

Fyi, this person is basically a narcissist.
Move out if possible.
A boat delivers you to the other riverbank.
A needle stitches up your clothes.
A horse takes you where you want to go.
Bodhicitta will bring you to Buddhahood.
~ Khunu Lama Rinpoche

Even non-buddhists have many virtuous accomplishments
~ Jigten Sumgon

narhwal90
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by narhwal90 » Wed Jul 03, 2019 12:55 pm

Moving out is one method, in the meantime it might be helpful to work out your own boundaries; what behavior is acceptable to you and what to do when they are violated- not something to control others with but so as to manage your own experience. Detaching when things get to your own comfort limits, having a plan B so you can avoid getting sucked into drama for example. It never hurts to chant for their happiness, which is helpful to avoid falling into resentment yourself in such stressful situations.

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Queequeg
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by Queequeg » Wed Jul 03, 2019 1:17 pm

Miroku wrote:
Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:03 am
bcol01 wrote:
Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:45 am
What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up in order to get attention? Reward with attention or ignore?

Fyi, this person is basically a narcissist.
Move out if possible.
This.

You've been perturbed by this so-called friend and room mate for a while. Move out and be done. There is nothing compelling you to keep company with this person other than a lease if you have one. Count down the days and jet.
Those who, even with distracted minds,
Entered a stupa compound
And chanted but once, “Namo Buddhaya!”
Have certainly attained the path of the buddhas.

-Lotus Sutra, Expedient Means Chapter

There are beings with little dust in their eyes who are falling away because they do not hear the Dhamma. There will be those who will understand the Dhamma.
-Ayacana Sutta

bcol01
Posts: 205
Joined: Mon Dec 05, 2016 10:20 pm

Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by bcol01 » Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:54 pm

I know & I plan on moving out when my lease is up. I never should have resigned. But in the meantime, I'm struggling to figure out how to live with this person while also maintaining a compassionate stance and also not getting sucked in to their dysfunction. You guys maybe have dealt with this type before, I dunno.
Queequeg wrote:
Wed Jul 03, 2019 1:17 pm
Miroku wrote:
Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:03 am
bcol01 wrote:
Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:45 am
What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up in order to get attention? Reward with attention or ignore?

Fyi, this person is basically a narcissist.
Move out if possible.
This.

You've been perturbed by this so-called friend and room mate for a while. Move out and be done. There is nothing compelling you to keep company with this person other than a lease if you have one. Count down the days and jet.

tkp67
Posts: 441
Joined: Sun May 12, 2019 5:42 am

Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by tkp67 » Fri Jul 05, 2019 4:03 am

bcol01 wrote:
Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:54 pm
I know & I plan on moving out when my lease is up. I never should have resigned. But in the meantime, I'm struggling to figure out how to live with this person while also maintaining a compassionate stance and also not getting sucked in to their dysfunction. You guys maybe have dealt with this type before, I dunno.
The most compassionate thing you can do is use this as an opportunity to strengthen the focus on your own practice.

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Miroku
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by Miroku » Fri Jul 05, 2019 10:21 am

Well, it is never bad to be friendly. I mean, depends very much. Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche once said a story about a man who comes to a master and says that there is a man on the hill who wants to beat him up, so what should he do. The master tells the man to not go on the hill. So sometimes it is better to avoid problems if possible.

So if it is okay, be friendly, but keep a line where you are not willing to go. If there is no space to be friendly, be polite and keep the line.
A boat delivers you to the other riverbank.
A needle stitches up your clothes.
A horse takes you where you want to go.
Bodhicitta will bring you to Buddhahood.
~ Khunu Lama Rinpoche

Even non-buddhists have many virtuous accomplishments
~ Jigten Sumgon

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