The art of keeping secrets

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personabuild
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The art of keeping secrets

Postby personabuild » Tue Jan 03, 2017 7:29 am

Hi everyone,

Recently I posted a thread about confession http://www.dharmawheel.net/viewtopic.php?f=77&t=24323 and I have made a conscious decision to move on from the dilemma accepting that I will have to keep a few secrets for lifelong in me but being more mindful in future. It seems as long as I don't think about the topic, I feel good, but when I start ruminating about the idea that I have few secrets in my closet, it starts giving me anxiety. I thought more and I realized its mainly because I worry that I might need to suffer emotionally(fear is underlying energy) to keep a secret. But when I contemplate and think logically, any secret is just a thought pattern in mind having an emotional energy behind it and so, its not much different from any other negative thought pattern which creates disturbance and turmoil.

So I think that process to keep a secret is the same as the process to calm the mind or getting out of negative thought patterns, identifying why the thought is bothering and then live with it, observe it and let it dissipate its emotional energy or mindfulness. Let me know what you guys think.

I also watched a video by Ajahn Brahm on forgiveness and guilt, he talks about a very easy way to forgive past mistakes and let go. Just acknowledge a mistake happened, confess to yourself or to someone who I can trust(basically confessing without punishment without fear), learn from it and forgive yourself and let it go.

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Ayu
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Re: The art of keeping secrets

Postby Ayu » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:01 am

personabuild wrote:Hi everyone,

Recently I posted a thread about confession http://www.dharmawheel.net/viewtopic.php?f=77&t=24323 and I have made a conscious decision to move on from the dilemma accepting that I will have to keep a few secrets for lifelong in me but being more mindful in future. It seems as long as I don't think about the topic, I feel good, but when I start ruminating about the idea that I have few secrets in my closet, it starts giving me anxiety. I thought more and I realized its mainly because I worry that I might need to suffer emotionally(fear is underlying energy) to keep a secret. But when I contemplate and think logically, any secret is just a thought pattern in mind having an emotional energy behind it and so, its not much different from any other negative thought pattern which creates disturbance and turmoil.

So I think that process to keep a secret is the same as the process to calm the mind or getting out of negative thought patterns, identifying why the thought is bothering and then live with it, observe it and let it dissipate its emotional energy or mindfulness. Let me know what you guys think.

I agree.
The difficulty of keeping a secret depends on the persons available to tell it to them and on the quality of the secret. If I know, telling my secret will cause harm, it is better to keep it secret.
The idea of telling a secret is caused by the urge for getting the load off of one's chest. This might be a valid reason to talk about it to a person that won't be hurt.
If the secret is spiritual (e.g. Samaya), there is no need to talk about it. The Buddhas and dieties are there as perfect witnesses and friends. Other people in meatspace won't understand what you are talking about.
I believe, if a fact is told and then misunderstood by the receiver, the result is the same as a lie. That's why gossip and slander are so negative: the gossiping crowd never understands what was going in in reality.

I also watched a video by Ajahn Brahm on forgiveness and guilt, he talks about a very easy way to forgive past mistakes and let go. Just acknowledge a mistake happened, confess to yourself or to someone who I can trust(basically confessing without punishment without fear), learn from it and forgive yourself and let it go.

There is an ancient 4 step method in Buddhism:

1) Confess & regret (to yourself, the Buddhas, and if constructive also to the harmed people). Know that this kind of regret is a strong cleaning factor.
2) Build up the determination to not do it again. (As if one realises "I have taken poison" - he would regret it deeply and would wish to undo it.)
3) Support: ask the Buddhas for their help. Possibly find also other supporting factors in meatspace: family, friends, whatever. This depends on the kind of problem.
4) Dedicate some spiritual practice to the purification of the issue.

This is called 4 Forces for purification - or my translation is poor and it is called different in English. It is a commonly recommended remedy in my tradition and I wonder why I can't find any source about it in English.
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Punya
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Re: The art of keeping secrets

Postby Punya » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:30 am

This is called 4 Forces for purification - or my translation is poor and it is called different in English. It is a commonly recommended remedy in my tradition and I wonder why I can't find any source about it in English.


They are known in English as The Four Opponent Powers or just The Four Powers Ayu. :smile:
We follow a spiritual path because we want to defeat our emotions and attain enlightenment, and to achieve that goal we need discipline, guidance and the courage to confront everything we have spent many lifetimes trying to avoid.
~Dzongsar Jamyang Khyentse Rinpoche

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Ayu
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Re: The art of keeping secrets

Postby Ayu » Tue Jan 03, 2017 12:30 pm

Punya wrote:
This is called 4 Forces for purification - or my translation is poor and it is called different in English. It is a commonly recommended remedy in my tradition and I wonder why I can't find any source about it in English.


They are known in English as The Four Opponent Powers or just The Four Powers Ayu. :smile:

THANK YOU ! :twothumbsup: Finally after years :lol: I found a perfect source: http://thubtenchodron.org/1992/08/purif ... ive-karma/
I have decided to stick with love.
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Re: The art of keeping secrets

Postby boda » Tue Jan 03, 2017 4:32 pm

I believe, if a fact is told and then misunderstood by the receiver, the result is the same as a lie.

Nonsense, this is nothing but a misunderstanding. Gossip isn't nessisarily dishonest either.


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