I dont love you

General discussion, particularly exploring the Dharma in the modern world.
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tomschwarz
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I dont love you

Post by tomschwarz » Mon Nov 20, 2017 12:12 pm

Hello dear friends,

People can say "i dont love you". This statement can destroy a persons happiness.

This statement "i do not love you" assumes relative or conditional love. So does it mean nothing to us Buddhists with our eggs firmly in the basket of absolute/unconditional love? Do we just feel compassion for the person who says this? Or do we feel a loss, because we strive to feel loved, as is said in Vajrasatvas 100 Syllable mantra "anurakto me bhava"?

How does Buddhism or even Buddhahood help us to deal with this?
i dedicate this post to your happiness, the causes of your happiness, the absence of your suffering the causes of the absence of your suffering that we may not have too much attachment nor aversion. SAMAYAMANUPALAYA

zengarten
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Re: I dont love you

Post by zengarten » Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:31 pm

Here is a Buddhist response: Thank you for not loving what is not.

The Zazen Boys: I don't wanna be with you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP1-i6CObeo

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Ayu
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Re: I dont love you

Post by Ayu » Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:59 pm

tomschwarz wrote:
Mon Nov 20, 2017 12:12 pm
Hello dear friends,

People can say "i dont love you". This statement can destroy a persons happiness.

This statement "i do not love you" assumes relative or conditional love. So does it mean nothing to us Buddhists with our eggs firmly in the basket of absolute/unconditional love? Do we just feel compassion for the person who says this? Or do we feel a loss, because we strive to feel loved, as is said in Vajrasatvas 100 Syllable mantra "anurakto me bhava"?

How does Buddhism or even Buddhahood help us to deal with this?
It is an issue that has many aspects since Buddhists are not Buddhas yet.

First of all, love is free. Noone can demand another person to love him/her. If someone tells me "I don't love you", it's only a fact. It is honest to tell it. I can't blame anybody for not loving me. Maybe they have their reasons. Maybe I'm not loveable or they are not able to love. In any case there is noone to blame.

On the other hand, if someone says "I don't love you anymore and I am going to leave you alone with all those worldly affairs we accumulated together" - probably that's a shame. If a husband decides to stop paying for the house or if a wife stops taking care of the children, it causes much distress.

For a couple, the term "I love you" is like a contract: because we love eachother, we build a common future with many practical aspects. This kind of love is not in heaven, it affects issues that happen here on earth. This becomes more relevant the more years of togetherness passed.

I experienced that Buddhism is a real and precious helper in those times of separation. Although I was hurt to my bones (by "Now, after 20 years, I don't love you anymore", ) we managed to keep peacefully. May this state of mind never change.
I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. -

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Rick
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Re: I dont love you

Post by Rick » Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:39 pm

zengarten wrote:
Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:31 pm
Thank you for not loving what is not.
It's like an anti-Namaste! :thumbsup:
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...

boda
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Re: I dont love you

Post by boda » Mon Nov 20, 2017 5:23 pm

tomschwarz wrote:
Mon Nov 20, 2017 12:12 pm
Hello dear friends,

People can say "i dont love you". This statement can destroy a persons happiness.

This statement "i do not love you" assumes relative or conditional love. So does it mean nothing to us Buddhists with our eggs firmly in the basket of absolute/unconditional love? Do we just feel compassion for the person who says this? Or do we feel a loss, because we strive to feel loved, as is said in Vajrasatvas 100 Syllable mantra "anurakto me bhava"?

How does Buddhism or even Buddhahood help us to deal with this?
If we actually felt unconditional love this wouldn’t be an issue.

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tomschwarz
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Re: I dont love you

Post by tomschwarz » Tue Nov 21, 2017 11:22 pm

In Buddism we learn not to be attached, we achieve equanimity, then we learn not to be attached to equinimity. There is a part of the mind that has obscurations, and that part may wish to create relationships, end them, recieve affection/to be loved.

But the underlying nature of mind exists teanspearantly, in the background. It is like the head of the duck, with the beak flapping about and being struck by the flying pieces of bread. Agree? Disagree?
i dedicate this post to your happiness, the causes of your happiness, the absence of your suffering the causes of the absence of your suffering that we may not have too much attachment nor aversion. SAMAYAMANUPALAYA

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jkarlins
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Re: I dont love you

Post by jkarlins » Tue Nov 21, 2017 11:27 pm

I like the duck image, that's funny!

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Ayu
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Re: I dont love you

Post by Ayu » Tue Nov 21, 2017 11:49 pm

tomschwarz wrote:
Tue Nov 21, 2017 11:22 pm
In Buddism we learn not to be attached, we achieve equanimity, then we learn not to be attached to equinimity. There is a part of the mind that has obscurations, and that part may wish to create relationships, end them, recieve affection/to be loved.

But the underlying nature of mind exists teanspearantly, in the background. It is like the head of the duck, with the beak flapping about and being struck by the flying pieces of bread. Agree? Disagree?
Agree.
I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. -

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Rick
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Re: I dont love you

Post by Rick » Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:05 am

Don't feed ducks bread! It's not healthy for them. Whole or cracked corn is better.

I speak from experience:

Image

:twothumbsup:
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ...

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jkarlins
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Re: I dont love you

Post by jkarlins » Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:46 am

ducks!

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