interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

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Vasana
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interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

Post by Vasana » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:50 pm

Has anyone had any experience in coordinating an intervention for someone with a substance-abuse problem? Their behaviour and mood has become very erratic due to this long term dependence born from a different health condition and the changes they bring to the brain. They are in the process of tapering down their dosage over time but they are resistant to the idea of it even being possible to fully recover.

There is also now real potential for them being violent which is why I'm now considering how to move forward with this with more sensitivity and tact. I'm thinking about contacting his girlfreind who has also noticed his changes but I'm at a loss for what to actually say.

Has anyone else dealt with family members or friends on a very self-destructive path? What helped? What didn't help?
'When alone, watch your mind. When with others, watch your speech'- Old Kadampa saying.

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tomschwarz
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Re: interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

Post by tomschwarz » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:28 pm

There are different ways to say it, you have to relate to your style as a human being, but the message is:
Life is short
Soon you will die in any case
Before your life is over consider prioritising the things that you beieve are important

That will hopefully at some point open a discussion about the meaning of life. We all have to discover that meaning in our own minds/words/non conceptual.

For me, in words, the meaning of life is to open your heart and care for others and for yourself by providing the things we really need to be happy. Sharing my opinion on the meaning of life with your friend will get the ball rolling )))))

Love
Tom
i dedicate this post to your happiness, the causes of your happiness, the absence of your suffering the causes of the absence of your suffering that we may not have too much attachment nor aversion. SAMAYAMANUPALAYA

muni
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Re: interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

Post by muni » Wed Feb 14, 2018 10:06 am

Throw them a cup of cold water over their head! Oops!

How others act to us is their karma, not ours. How we act is ours.
I now remember these words: see them as your injured parents or injured children, now in such an unfortunate state.

Sometimes, there is no way to interact with dialogue. Whether they are called family or not. What about letting go without excluding them in own practice?
Someone can tell more about this?

Meaning, Tom, oh yes.
We are visitors on this planet. We are here for 90 or 100 years at the very most. During that period we must try to do something good, something useful with our lives.
If you contribute to others happiness, you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life.
May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
May they be free of suffering and the cause of suffering.
May they never be disassociated from the supreme happiness which is without suffering.
May they remain in the boundless equanimity, free from both attachment to close ones and rejection of others.

muni
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Re: interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

Post by muni » Wed Feb 14, 2018 1:06 pm

they are resistant to the idea of it even being possible to fully recover.
"A successful intervention is not a confrontation but an opportunity for an addicted individual to accept help in taking the first step toward recovery." https://drugabuse.com/library/drug-inte ... -programs/
May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.
May they be free of suffering and the cause of suffering.
May they never be disassociated from the supreme happiness which is without suffering.
May they remain in the boundless equanimity, free from both attachment to close ones and rejection of others.

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Queequeg
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Re: interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

Post by Queequeg » Wed Feb 14, 2018 3:57 pm

Have you contacted local 12 step programs or counselors? There are many people experienced with this.

Sometimes only a recovering addict who has gotten clean can relate.

Get some professional assistance.
Those who, even with distracted minds,
Entered a stupa compound
And chanted but once, “Namo Buddhaya!”
Have certainly attained the path of the buddhas.

-Lotus Sutra, Expedient Means Chapter

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SunWuKong
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Re: interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

Post by SunWuKong » Wed Feb 14, 2018 4:44 pm

Find a trained psychologist skilled in both addiction/alcoholism & arranging interventions. Otherwise I would not go there. The psychologist is there to represent you as a family, not the addict/alcoholic. Hopefully they are already working with someone, but psychologists are like lawyers, they will always represent their client. Been there done this! Good luck!!
“Nothing holy, just vast empty space!”

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Vasana
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Re: interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

Post by Vasana » Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:35 pm

I think you're right about professional assistance Queequeg. The first hurdle is actually helping them see recovery is possible. At the moment it seems they don't feel it possible so the incentive isn't there yet.

And Thomas, He is nihlistic/atheist so It will be difficult to speak on meaning of life/ precious human birth etc,
Muni, yes. He needs to see that first step as possible.

The complication here is his physical health condition which results in interrupted sleep every night. Even if he reduces his dosage over time ( sudden withdrawal not wise here) he will still have the initial problem of never having a full sleep cycle

I'm going to try and speak with a professional.
'When alone, watch your mind. When with others, watch your speech'- Old Kadampa saying.

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Queequeg
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Re: interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

Post by Queequeg » Wed Feb 14, 2018 6:05 pm

Several close friends from childhood/teen years got caught up with heroin. Heroin killed a few of them. The one's who survived their 20s, I'm happy to report, got clean and are now back to the world of the living. They have careers, families, all that stuff. Seeing them get clean was a relief and its great to have my friends back.

None of them got clean until they were ready. Some got clean sooner than others. Some, it took a long time for them to see they had things to live for and get that desire to get clean.

The best thing for your friend is to talk to people who have lived the dark times he is living now. It might not take the first time, or second time, or third, fourth, fifth, but, hopefully someone, somehow, will get through to them in that dark room and show them there is a way out, that they are living proof that there is a way out.

I think the best you can do is to be a friend and help your friend get help. Be ready for a long path. Be ready to be a friend who doesn't get anything back in return, except maybe grief.

All the best.
Those who, even with distracted minds,
Entered a stupa compound
And chanted but once, “Namo Buddhaya!”
Have certainly attained the path of the buddhas.

-Lotus Sutra, Expedient Means Chapter

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tomschwarz
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Re: interventions for self-destructive freinds/family?

Post by tomschwarz » Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:43 am

muni wrote:
Wed Feb 14, 2018 10:06 am

How others act to us is their karma, not ours. How we act is ours.
That is amazing Muni. So true and relates to much.
Vasana use that. How? Use your meditation time to "see", and feel in your heart, how your friend acts IS his fate. No god stuff here. This is about the mind (mostly)
i dedicate this post to your happiness, the causes of your happiness, the absence of your suffering the causes of the absence of your suffering that we may not have too much attachment nor aversion. SAMAYAMANUPALAYA

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