Is punishment of children required?

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Johnny Dangerous
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Re: Is punishment of children required?

Post by Johnny Dangerous » Mon Apr 23, 2018 6:08 pm

In this discussion people continue to confuse setting of clear boundaries with "punishment", these are not the same thing, at all.

Generally speaking "punishment" is not terribly effective, because quite often the consequences given are unconnected to the problem behavior, so you are simply teaching the child not to do something because they know there is some (unrelated from their view) consequence you will impose on them. That's why the most effective consequences are those connected to the behavior in question, because then children learn the natural consequences of behavior, as well as being confronted with the beginnings of ethical thinking. With the "punishment" method, children learn to avoid punishment, but they do not gain insight into their behavior. In short they just learn how to not get in trouble, which is not always a good thing.

I get that people wanna get all "tough love", that worked when we lived in a society that accepted autocratic family structures, when "just because" was sufficient, we don't live in that society anymore, and are unlikely to go back any time soon. As such, we have to be flexible and realistic.
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Lukeinaz
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Re: Is punishment of children required?

Post by Lukeinaz » Mon Apr 23, 2018 6:40 pm

Johnny Dangerous wrote:
Mon Apr 23, 2018 6:08 pm
In this discussion people continue to confuse setting of clear boundaries with "punishment", these are not the same thing, at all.

Generally speaking "punishment" is not terribly effective, because quite often the consequences given are unconnected to the problem behavior, so you are simply teaching the child not to do something because they know there is some (unrelated from their view) consequence you will impose on them. That's why the most effective consequences are those connected to the behavior in question, because then children learn the natural consequences of behavior, as well as being confronted with the beginnings of ethical thinking. With the "punishment" method, children learn to avoid punishment, but they do not gain insight into their behavior. In short they just learn how to not get in trouble, which is not always a good thing.

I get that people wanna get all "tough love", that worked when we lived in a society that accepted autocratic family structures, when "just because" was sufficient, we don't live in that society anymore, and are unlikely to go back any time soon. As such, we have to be flexible and realistic.
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