Dealing with 'should be and shouldn't be'

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Mirror
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Dealing with 'should be and shouldn't be'

Post by Mirror » Tue Dec 25, 2018 11:23 am

Hello, please do you know, how to deal with these thoughts:I should be like that, I shouldn't do this, I should meditate more, I wouldn't play video games, drink alcohol, learn language,...... How could I deal with these thoughts? How to accept things? I'll be grateful for everything.

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Kim O'Hara
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Re: Dealing with 'should be and shouldn't be'

Post by Kim O'Hara » Tue Dec 25, 2018 12:53 pm

I start by thinking about the word "should" itself. It implies some sort of moral imperative but doesn't give any authority for that imperative. "I should do X," is fine until you ask, "Why?" and find ... there's no reason given. :thinking:
So the next step is to see if there is a reason for "doing X" and then think in terms of the reason, e.g., "Doing X will help me to maintain my fitness," is a reason, and it reminds you of the reward for doing X every time you think about it. "I should do X," doesn't do that.

Sometimes, of course, you will look for a reason but only find a really weak one, and then you can abandon that particular "should" or "shouldn't" straight away.

:namaste:
Kim

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tomschwarz
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Re: Dealing with 'should be and shouldn't be'

Post by tomschwarz » Fri Dec 28, 2018 12:21 am

Mirror wrote:
Tue Dec 25, 2018 11:23 am
Hello, please do you know, how to deal with these thoughts:I should be like that, I shouldn't do this, I should meditate more, I wouldn't play video games, drink alcohol, learn language,...... How could I deal with these thoughts? How to accept things? I'll be grateful for everything.
It sounds like you have some ideas of what you should and should not do. You should do those things.

About English, "i would not" can mean two things. Examples:
1) i would not do that if i were you.
2) i would not be meditating every day, if it were not for my anxiety attacks; meditation is the only thing that keeps them in check.

You wrote, "i would not play video games..." is that like #2? for example "I would not play video games, but I am scared of life itself and a game is the only way to get some peace in this world" ?

As a Buddhist i should practice. Buddhist practice has three components, ethics, meditation and wisdom. If I would practice more, I would be a happier person. So what should I do? I know, I know, play a video game.... later.
i dedicate this post to your happiness, the causes of your happiness, the absence of your suffering the causes of the absence of your suffering that we may not have too much attachment nor aversion. SAMAYAMANUPALAYA

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Johnny Dangerous
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Re: Dealing with 'should be and shouldn't be'

Post by Johnny Dangerous » Fri Dec 28, 2018 12:22 am

Don't should all over yourself. ;)

Corny, but true. If you determine something is worth doing, and you haven't done it, figure out why and try to move towards it, otherwise, the "shoulding" is really a waste, and might even be a form of procrastination or diversion..at least in my experience.

As to accepting them, outside of instructions from an an actual teacher Tenzin Wangyal's book Awakening The Luminous Mind has very simple, concise, completely unrestricted instructions that mirror other traditions in terms of viewing thoughts, and eventually liberating them. It is an easy read and well worth it IMO.
There's no hoarding what has vanished,
No piling up for the future;
Those who have been born are standing
Like a seed upon a needle.

-Guhatthaka-suttaniddeso

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如傑優婆塞
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Re: Dealing with 'should be and shouldn't be'

Post by 如傑優婆塞 » Fri Dec 28, 2018 2:44 am

These may be useful, I hope...
When you know for yourselves that, 'These qualities are unskillful; these qualities are blameworthy; these qualities are criticized by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to harm & to suffering' — then you should abandon them.

'These qualities are skillful; these qualities are blameless; these qualities are praised by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to welfare & to happiness' — then you should enter & remain in them.

If by renouncing a lesser happiness one may realize a greater happiness, let the wise man renounce the lesser, having regard for the greater.

"Any kind of form... feeling... perception ... determination ...consciousness ... whatever, whether past, future or presently arisen, whether gross or subtle, whether in oneself or external, whether inferior or superior, whether far or near must, with right understanding how it is, be regarded thus: 'This is not mine, this is not I, this is not my self.'

At that time, Foremost Wisdom Bodhisattva inquired of Manjushri Bodhisattva saying…Disciples of the Buddha, how does a Bodhisattva attain faultless karma of body, speech, and mind? How does he attain non-harming karma of body, speech, and mind? More here

Mirror
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Re: Dealing with 'should be and shouldn't be'

Post by Mirror » Sat Dec 29, 2018 1:49 am

After reading your comments, I realised, how stupid my question is :D. Because under the layer of this question is hiding laziness, addiction, wanting, grasping and other things, which are just regular problems on my path.

Sorry for my stupid questing and thank you all for your support!

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tomschwarz
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Re: Dealing with 'should be and shouldn't be'

Post by tomschwarz » Sat Dec 29, 2018 12:02 pm

如傑優婆塞 wrote:
Fri Dec 28, 2018 2:44 am
These may be useful, I hope...
When you know for yourselves that, 'These qualities are unskillful; these qualities are blameworthy; these qualities are criticized by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to harm & to suffering' — then you should abandon them.

'These qualities are skillful; these qualities are blameless; these qualities are praised by the wise; these qualities, when adopted & carried out, lead to welfare & to happiness' — then you should enter & remain in them.

If by renouncing a lesser happiness one may realize a greater happiness, let the wise man renounce the lesser, having regard for the greater.

"Any kind of form... feeling... perception ... determination ...consciousness ... whatever, whether past, future or presently arisen, whether gross or subtle, whether in oneself or external, whether inferior or superior, whether far or near must, with right understanding how it is, be regarded thus: 'This is not mine, this is not I, this is not my self.'

At that time, Foremost Wisdom Bodhisattva inquired of Manjushri Bodhisattva saying…Disciples of the Buddha, how does a Bodhisattva attain faultless karma of body, speech, and mind? How does he attain non-harming karma of body, speech, and mind? More here

Whoohoo!!!!!! YES
i dedicate this post to your happiness, the causes of your happiness, the absence of your suffering the causes of the absence of your suffering that we may not have too much attachment nor aversion. SAMAYAMANUPALAYA

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Kim O'Hara
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Re: Dealing with 'should be and shouldn't be'

Post by Kim O'Hara » Sat Dec 29, 2018 12:38 pm

Mirror wrote:
Sat Dec 29, 2018 1:49 am
After reading your comments, I realised, how stupid my question is :D. Because under the layer of this question is hiding laziness, addiction, wanting, grasping and other things, which are just regular problems on my path.

Sorry for my stupid questing and thank you all for your support!
"There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers," is a popular saying, and I think it's true.
As you said, the problems were hiding under the question you asked and if you didn't ask the question, they would still be hiding.

:namaste:
Kim

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