Help me get over my jealousy

Help required with personal difficulties.
odysseus
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by odysseus » Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:04 am

It's been a year since this thread and I want to report that my jealousy has gotten better! I don't get angry over it anymore, only a slight feeling of hurt feelings due to pride (it hangs together). So next up is my pride-problem...

:thanks:

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take2daily
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by take2daily » Sat Jan 23, 2016 4:47 am

our minds are full of trickery.. In the beginning of our search for the entrance of the path we listen to all kinds of method and we grasp onto something that we believe will fulfill our needs.. To feel emotion is a human condition we need to cry and rage now and again. It's sort of like a pressure cooker with a nice valve on top.. We feel all kinds of emotions and no striving for the way to enlightenment will change that.
A thought to contemplate on my dear friend.. In the beginning we need to listen to our mind. We need to see what it is doing and understand that it is a wild out of control animal. We need to go back to what we have been taught at the onset of our journey.. The four noble truths and the 8 fold path.. the first two turnings of the Dharma wheel.. What about the mind is causing this defilement, this delusion.. We need to witness the mind as it races from one tantrum to another and from one instinctive demand to the other. We need to stop torturing ourselves because we have not gained control of the gross mind. In short a breath at a time in the beginning. Sit in silent repose and listen to the breath and focus on calm abiding. Learn to quiet the mind and then you will turn it away from these disruptive adventures.. :smile: btw I am glad that you have won this battle. there are many more to come..
"no-self" says that nothing about you is fixed...I like that..

It's all one needs
https://youtu.be/ncrNEAAMgSs

odysseus
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by odysseus » Wed Jul 05, 2017 2:07 pm

Thank you.

It's a "delusion" for sure. Why would I need this problem? I don't need this, I need to be free! I can see how it hangs together with the three poisons: "Wanting, anger, and unknowing. (greed, hatred and ignorance)" I should know better for myself, as an adult. I am not a kid that needs attention all the time. I have no reason to get angry. But I want it.

Anyway, it has gotten better. I try to let go of the thought. It`s better to be kind and anonymous, than people being kind to you because they fear you.

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Bum
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by Bum » Mon Nov 27, 2017 9:27 am

Personally, I am not a jealous type and I could never understand why someone says that love is bland without some jealousy.

Until I've experienced being jealous myself. Anyway, the thing with jealousy is, when you strip it down, is that there are previous accounts of some kind of betrayal plus our own insecurities that fire these alarms.

I would recommend you to easily try to analyze the situations that put you in jeopardy and work from there, bit by bit.

Are you jealous about someone in your love life?
How does that person makes you feel?
What does that person do?
Do these actions remind you of someone else?
Who?
What did the similar person do to you?

It is pretty easy, but most people aren't really bothered to work it. Since you've realized it's a problem, I believe you'll do something about it.

Until then, listen to the song :)



:anjali:

Soma999
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by Soma999 » Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:24 pm

Rejoice for others. Start with small steps. Recognising one's faults is a big step. It's 51 % healing. Use your creative imagination, help, spiritual teacher, therapist and attention to cross the remaining 49 %.

Don't let jealousy install itself into your system. It's a deadly poison. And the first to drink it is yourself. Rejoice instead. The others is yourself.

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weitsicht
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by weitsicht » Mon Dec 11, 2017 12:10 pm

odysseus wrote:
Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:04 am
So next up is my pride-problem...
Funny: I experience the same. Once one issue is resovled, a new one Comes up. It's like back in School with the neverending homework Situation. Except: you don't have Holidays (or maybe in particuliar things Pop up during Holidays :twisted: )

I like working with the demons as adapted by Tsultrim Allione. First transferring this bodily Sensation into a demon. Then watch this demon and get in dialogue with it. Lastly giving it the nectar it Needs and see how it beautifully converts into something beautiful or helpful. Is a good metarmophosis of whichever part of the ego Comes up.
And: it Shows that each and any poison has a precious core. Beating it out or looking the other way means rejecting. You can bet it'll come back.

Secondly, I also like Walking back the timeline. Many graspings come from childhood. So looking at the Emotion. Taking deep breaths, going back with the Memory up to the Point when you first fremember you had this Emotion. Then imagining what the "adult I" would recommend ist "Young I" with the experience and wisom gained since then. Finally returning back to present and look at the Emotion "with a friendly eye". Also helps resolving.

Thirdly, this classical shamata "look how the thought arises and let drop" helps very much to avoid getting hooked up. The more attentive you are the faster you can break this thought chain. But in a gentle way.
Envy, pride, they also create Agitation and heat. I personally feel so peaced out through shamata that I didn't Need any more convincing that this is the good path to go.

Hope that helped, to you Odysseus and to any other who has this issue and stumble over this thread.

Also, Odysseus: how did it work? Did it return?
Ho! All the possible appearances and existences of samsara and nirvana have the same source, yet two paths and two results arise as the magical display of awareness and unawareness.
HO NANG SRI KHOR DAE THAMCHE KUN ZHI CHIG LAM NYI DRAE BU NYI RIG DANG MA RIG CHOM THRUL TE

Wicked Yeshe
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by Wicked Yeshe » Mon Apr 16, 2018 11:28 am

Attaining stream entry (kensho) and then further your progress on the path of insight is pretty much the only solution to envy or jealousy.

Boring answer maybe but this is a buddhist forum after all. :hi:

Peace.

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javier.espinoza.t
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by javier.espinoza.t » Sat May 12, 2018 6:56 am

Jelousy/envy antidote are good actions -not only intentions-. Do good, and your mind will do good.

Do the experiment for a week and see what happens.
what are you doing

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Ayu
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by Ayu » Sat May 12, 2018 10:50 pm

For me the best way to lose jealousy was to let go. I do not own that man and I cannot rule about his emotions.
We're lonley and free. Best we can do is being a friend.
I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. -

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Dorje Shedrub
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by Dorje Shedrub » Sun May 13, 2018 10:59 am

What helped me to get rid of a particular jealousy was loving kindness meditation. I also suggest meditation and cultivation of the four immeasurables.
Homage to the Precious Dzogchen Master
🙏🌺🙏 Chögyal Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche
🙏🌺🙏

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Drenpa
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by Drenpa » Mon May 14, 2018 9:53 am

odysseus wrote:
Sat Nov 15, 2014 1:24 pm
So I have gotten pointed out by myself that I have a jealousy problem. I haven´t been able to identify what kind of jealousy it is; it doesn´t look like jealousy like in a romantic relationship. It looks like that I´m not getting the attention I want, or if other people get treated kindly but not me. I get angry because of it and I´d like to get over it soon. I told myself "at least I don´t say anything angry on it" but this is no excuse... I´m not sure if I always were like this, or this is something that has developed lately. But I got it pointed out now.

I feel stuck for several months. Any comments are appreciated.
Rather than doing what comes natural to many of us, beating yourself up, you can remember the connection between the 5 poisons and 5 wisdoms. If this "jealousy" isn't fixated on a person or romantic relationship & seems more general, then it can be the type where we want something someone else has - we feel badly that someone else enjoys a quality, an experience, or some thing that we feel we lack.

If feelings of genuine happiness at the success, qualities & good experiences we see play out for others don't arise naturally, one way to cultivate this a bit without artifice is to see a bit that this so called poison is related to wisdom. Your own wisdom.

In reality, you're lacking nothing. Anything you feel is external to you that you identify as someone else's possession and thus arises "jealousy", can be realized to actually arise naturally in yourself. If this were not the case, then there would be no way you could even notice this arising as something apparently other to be jealous of.

There is a lot more one can learn about this from the scriptures, the relationship between the poisons and the wisdom's.

In reading your question, I just had this thought to point out a different angle that has been helpful to me, if you want to explore this. The flip side of a poison like jealousy is one of the wisdoms, and some insight into this can be helpful, especially if you're already questioning this in yourself.
It's only when we don't notice or examine at all and become passive when this type of thing becomes really problematic leading to action & habituation.

To help you get over any perceived jealousy, try to realize what I'm on about in saying that if you didn't already possess the quality you are jealous of, or have that potentiality, how would you even notice? You understand only because the wisdom opposite of the jealousy exists naturally in you. Same base, different manifestation. This understanding that you have this quality & potentiality yourself can help you overcome any perceived jealousy. Just recognizing this and leaving a little space then this quality can develop in you. You can take genuine joy in the success and happiness of others and have immediate satisfaction and joy where there once was jealousy. Now there is no grasping to this, then even the thing you formerly desired as something separate can arise for you to enjoy. If the jealousy is there acting as poison, then there's no room for this and you block yourself.

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Supramundane
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by Supramundane » Tue May 15, 2018 8:36 am

odysseus wrote:
Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:04 am
It's been a year since this thread and I want to report that my jealousy has gotten better! I don't get angry over it anymore, only a slight feeling of hurt feelings due to pride (it hangs together). So next up is my pride-problem...

:thanks:
There is one easy way but it may not lead you in the right direction, i don't know where you're at.

but it is simple but powerful:

Care less...

amanitamusc
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by amanitamusc » Tue May 15, 2018 10:25 am

Supramundane wrote:
Tue May 15, 2018 8:36 am
odysseus wrote:
Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:04 am
It's been a year since this thread and I want to report that my jealousy has gotten better! I don't get angry over it anymore, only a slight feeling of hurt feelings due to pride (it hangs together). So next up is my pride-problem...

:thanks:
There is one easy way but it may not lead you in the right direction, i don't know where you're at.

but it is simple but powerful:

Care less...
:zzz: :thumbsup:

amanitamusc
Posts: 1401
Joined: Mon Nov 08, 2010 3:32 am

Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by amanitamusc » Tue May 15, 2018 10:29 am

javier.espinoza.t wrote:
Sat May 12, 2018 6:56 am
Jelousy/envy antidote are good actions -not only intentions-. Do good, and your mind will do good.

Do the experiment for a week and see what happens.
Many thanks Dr J. :tongue:

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javier.espinoza.t
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Re: Help me get over my jealousy

Post by javier.espinoza.t » Wed May 16, 2018 6:19 pm

amanitamusc wrote:
Tue May 15, 2018 10:29 am
javier.espinoza.t wrote:
Sat May 12, 2018 6:56 am
Jelousy/envy antidote are good actions -not only intentions-. Do good, and your mind will do good.

Do the experiment for a week and see what happens.
Many thanks Dr J. :tongue:
:rolling:

it is just what the dyani Buddha's principle says :shrug: so it is prooven that it works
what are you doing

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