Hi Monlam,
This is a very nice thread because it brought out such goodness in people, which is always very good to see.
One thing to consider, dear friend, is something Shantideva said from the Bodhisattvacarya. I am thinking of where he early on says - I should not forsake such a spiritual friend, even at the cost of my life - and mentions how valuable such spiritual friends can be. .
Later on, he says,
When shall I come to dwell in forests
Amongst the deer, the birds and the trees,
That say nothing unpleasant
And are delightful to associate with?
and. . . ( earlier )
3.
Worldly life is not forsaken because of
attachment (to people)
And due to craving for material gain and the
like;
Therefore I should entirely forsake these
things,
For this is the way in which the wise behave.
4.
Having understood that disturbing
conceptions are completely overcome
By superior insight endowed with calm
abiding,
First of all I should search for calm abiding.
This is achieved through the genuine joy of
those unattached to worldly life.
. . .
and I guess, this is the relevant one;
14.
Devoting myself to others in this way
Will bring about nothing but misfortune.
Because they will not benefit me
And I shall not benefit them.
.
.
I guess my own story is most similar to qwerty's - people drift away, and so forth. . . My dad told me this would happen.
He actually prepared me for most things, by giving me good insight from early childhood.
Howeeever,
And this is a pretty big however
Now, while there is freedom to act,
I should always present a smiling face
And cease to frown and look angry:
I should be a friend and counsel of the world.
Okay and there was something - I could almost swear - he said something like 'by my trust they become trustworthy' but he didn't use those specific words and I am unable to locate the exact statement.
It has to do for me with balance. . and - there is a lot to be said for time spent on the mountain. . . the Zen saying, go up on the mountain, but then come back down. . .
So the time spent in retreat - to reach Buddha-nature, is so valuable, so wonderful - but then come back to society and share. . Many people don't spend enough time in quiet nature, perhaps, but the two have to be connected. . .
Ultimately my best advice is, wait patiently
Maybe spend a bit more time in a peaceful forest if you have one nearby - then you will be better able to help others find peace; but it also has to be as they wish it. . . you know, as they wish for you to.
It's so beautiful and so lovely really, how it all plays out. . . There is one musician I love, and I have shared some of his music - but he did this beautiful thing. . .
He would stand on the corner of a certain intersection in New York, and he would simply remain perfectly still. . . he had a very long flowing beard and long hair - with a Viking helmet, to be his own person - and he stayed there. . . Sometimes he would busk - perform - other times simply stay still. As someone mentioned, most people probably weren't aware he was a widely respected composer.
It's interesting similarity to the Bodhisattva path, I think.
Anyway words and advice are like pebbles to a mountain in comparison with simple friendship, so let us know how it all plays out. . .
Ah, here was the first one I thought of -
102
Never, even at the cost of my life,
Should I forsake a spiritual friend
who is wise in the meaning of the great
vehicle
And who is a great Bodhisattva practitioner.
So it's an interesting thing - and forgive me for circling back to the point. . . like, I have found, so amazing - that anyone can reach such a high level - it doesn't take much at all either, just the warmth of true friendship and understanding. . .
For instance - Emerson said, every person has a Genius. . . Even though the teaching that everyone has Buddha-nature is so familiar; Emerson's words really brought it home to me - when I saw it in someone, I wouldn't have imagined quite in that way.
In fact, in someone, no one in the world would have imagined in that way; yet I saw it, and it was lovely;
My favorite analogy is the sunflowers in June
All the ingredients are there, except for one - the Sun in June.
So, if we went in April and didn't see the sunflowers, we might not think they are there, etc. . . so I take that with Buddha-nature, too, though I might not see it - Buddha-nature is there, and when the right conditions are there, then it is manifest.
So in that way - everyone is equally deserving. . . and taking the teaching of non-duality to heart; looking upon others as myself, really doesn't allow me to look down upon anyone.
Simply - 'Go to the lowest, and you'll see the highest,' in the words of beloved Milarepa. Also, 'Fly like an eagle, never falling into a hole,'
Those two simple phrases contain so much vast amount of wisdom. . . it's not even funny.
And, the bit about never falling into a hole is so great - it is an art, for certain - and it is one that is easily attainable if we dedicate ourselves to it fully. . .
How much more difficult than walking through a field?
Sometimes, a really big change can be very good - certainly, change in general most often has a positive psychological impact.
I do understand very much the difficulties of life sometimes - if we learn from these, we can grow stronger & wiser, however,
There is one other thing my friend - simplifying materially -
Oh but yes - as Buddha said, one day, all that is dear to us, will fade away -
However, and this is another big however
and forgive me for quoting Rumi but as Rumi said, 'Do not grieve; all that you lose comes round to you in another form.'
I don't know if you can get a paper-back copy of the Vimalakirti Nirdesa Sutra, tr by Charles Luk, but if you can. . . I recommend it.
It's very, very - beyond; no words describe it.
I recently spent about 4 months in a forest, and I had originally specifically intended to have no books or paper to write on, but somehow I found this book in my pack, I had placed it there sometime and forgot about it. It is quite wonderful, quite extraordinary.
I have definitely spent a great deal of time on the mountain - we are definitely social creatures, truly. All my life I had the hermit h'art more or less. . . desire to be in a mountain hut, never to be seen by anybody. . . Which was a nice dream;
I also had the teaching from childhood - ten hugs a day - in my elementary class; and physical contact is very, very healthful to us, as social - it benefits immune system and health. . . in the same way that smiles, laughter do, physical contact does, even more so. . For the last couple of years I have noticed that a bit spontaneously I have been doing much more of this; and it's been very good. . .
Anyway, I do hope you will forgive me for rambling on so much - and when I haven't necessarily stayed on topic; am sending you my best vibes and wishing you well - as you say they haven't been resolved as of today/yesterday, but may they be resolved soon.
Hehe, one line that I remember from the Sutra is - honoring those who are practicing Dharma as Buddhas, so that is how I honor you, friend.
Sending you lots of peace and good luck and may it be very well - however it decides to be. hehe.
Peace,
Jake.
Oh and glancing at my post before clicking 'submit,' I thought to add. . . upon seeing 14, perhaps the best is to therefore, do the Bodhisattva practice, ten bhumis, great joy &c, without any attachment
which is. . wonderful and people tend to respond wonderfully when anyone embodies the ten bhumis. . and when it goes well - there's no clash of anything. . it's just friendship and goodness. . . there's no need to say 'I'm not attached,' when you embody it - everybody can feel the love you share & are living fully.
'Go to the lowest. . . '
hehe