Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Help required with personal difficulties.
Post Reply
User avatar
Monlam Tharchin
Posts: 1539
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 7:11 am
Location: Oregon

Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by Monlam Tharchin » Fri Sep 11, 2015 10:26 pm

Many difficulties regarding relationships in my life lately.

Marital problems possibly leading to divorce or separation soon.
One very important friendship dissolving into fights and negativity. We are temporarily not speaking.
Another heading in the wrong direction that makes it difficult for me to know how to proceed.
Still another with a sudden "change of heart" that makes me very nervous.

Outside of that, there is only one person I see regularly, as I'm a very private person.
So nearly all of the important relationships in my life are, to put it bluntly, in the shitter in some form or another.
I've never had insomnia or such strong feelings of aloneness as right now.
I'm not sure how to bring them to the dharma path.
It's made shamatha very difficult, to say the least.

Of course this brings home the samsaric qualities of every relationship. But how bittersweet to see it in your own life, and in such a large amount at one time. My instinct isn't towards cultivating insight but just some way to not feel so bad.
For now, I just say some mantras, manis mostly.

Thanks for anyone's advice, who has maybe been in a similar situation.

User avatar
Malcolm
Posts: 25399
Joined: Thu Nov 11, 2010 2:19 am

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by Malcolm » Fri Sep 11, 2015 10:36 pm

Monlam Tharchin wrote:Many difficulties regarding relationships in my life lately.

Marital problems possibly leading to divorce or separation soon.
One very important friendship dissolving into fights and negativity. We are temporarily not speaking.
Another heading in the wrong direction that makes it difficult for me to know how to proceed.
Still another with a sudden "change of heart" that makes me very nervous.

Outside of that, there is only one person I see regularly, as I'm a very private person.
So nearly all of the important relationships in my life are, to put it bluntly, in the shitter in some form or another.
I've never had insomnia or such strong feelings of aloneness as right now.
I'm not sure how to bring them to the dharma path.
It's made shamatha very difficult, to say the least.

Of course this brings home the samsaric qualities of every relationship. But how bittersweet to see it in your own life, and in such a large amount at one time. My instinct isn't towards cultivating insight but just some way to not feel so bad.
For now, I just say some mantras, manis mostly.

Thanks for anyone's advice, who has maybe been in a similar situation.
At the end of the day, Dharma is our only companion.
Atikosha
Tibetan Medicine Blog
Sudarsana Mandala, Tibetan Medicine and Herbs
Buddhahood in This Life
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔


The knowledge imparted through the guru’s instructions that formerly was unknown (avidyā) is vidyā.


—Treasury of the Supreme Vehicle, Longchenpa.

User avatar
Boomerang
Posts: 529
Joined: Tue Dec 16, 2014 5:34 am

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by Boomerang » Fri Sep 11, 2015 11:27 pm

Monlam Tharchin wrote:Many difficulties regarding relationships in my life lately.

Marital problems possibly leading to divorce or separation soon.
One very important friendship dissolving into fights and negativity. We are temporarily not speaking.
Another heading in the wrong direction that makes it difficult for me to know how to proceed.
Still another with a sudden "change of heart" that makes me very nervous.

Outside of that, there is only one person I see regularly, as I'm a very private person.
So nearly all of the important relationships in my life are, to put it bluntly, in the shitter in some form or another.
I've never had insomnia or such strong feelings of aloneness as right now.
I'm not sure how to bring them to the dharma path.
It's made shamatha very difficult, to say the least.

Of course this brings home the samsaric qualities of every relationship. But how bittersweet to see it in your own life, and in such a large amount at one time. My instinct isn't towards cultivating insight but just some way to not feel so bad.
For now, I just say some mantras, manis mostly.

Thanks for anyone's advice, who has maybe been in a similar situation.
I've never gone through a marriage, much less a divorce, but I have seen multiple close relationships simultaneously unravel themselves. It reached a point where I felt there was no one in my life who loved me, and I became suicidal. The dharma was actually the thing that pulled me out of the funk and helped me mend my relationships.

I was in the midst of an argument with one of my loved ones when, pretty much by chance, she made a brief comment that reminded me of the love she once had for me. The feeling of that old, pure love washed over me, and I realized how tragic it was to see her lose it. At that point, I made a strong aspiration that I would always be a source of loving-kindness to her, even if she couldn't reciprocate. I made the same aspiration for everyone else that I was having problems with.

In other words, I made an aspiration to apply my signature to my relationships. To this date it's still my single favorite dharma teaching. Whenever I feel bad I try to stop myself and say, "Okay, I'm suffering right now. That means I'm holding on to the 8 worldly concerns. Time to practice dharma." Purification practice and reciting the metta sutta also help me feel better.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been suffering like this. Best wishes.
"All the suffering of the lower realms, whatever difficulty and unhappiness we may experience as human beings, as well as every other possible suffering of the three realms of existence, have their origin in cherishing ourselves more than others."

User avatar
smcj
Posts: 5480
Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 6:13 am

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by smcj » Fri Sep 11, 2015 11:42 pm

Elsewhere I recently posted that I thought you and I agree on more things than we disagree, but that agreements do not generate much of a conversation. Our disagreements are what get all the attention. So I'd like to use the following as a case in point, and agree with this statement to show how similar our views and approaches to Dharma actually are.
Malcolm wrote:At the end of the day, Dharma is our only companion.
To most people your post reads as either a radical statement or mere hyperbole. I do not believe you meant it as hyperbole, hence, for all our differences, I see you as "sangha".
I support Mingyur R and HHDL in their positions against Lama abuse.
*****
Once in a while you can get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right.
Robert Hunter

User avatar
anjali
Global Moderator
Posts: 1225
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2011 10:33 pm

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by anjali » Sat Sep 12, 2015 1:57 am

Monlam Tharchin wrote:Many difficulties regarding relationships in my life lately.

Marital problems possibly leading to divorce or separation soon.
One very important friendship dissolving into fights and negativity. We are temporarily not speaking.
Another heading in the wrong direction that makes it difficult for me to know how to proceed.
Still another with a sudden "change of heart" that makes me very nervous.

Outside of that, there is only one person I see regularly, as I'm a very private person.
So nearly all of the important relationships in my life are, to put it bluntly, in the shitter in some form or another.
I've never had insomnia or such strong feelings of aloneness as right now.
I'm not sure how to bring them to the dharma path.
It's made shamatha very difficult, to say the least.

Of course this brings home the samsaric qualities of every relationship. But how bittersweet to see it in your own life, and in such a large amount at one time. My instinct isn't towards cultivating insight but just some way to not feel so bad.
For now, I just say some mantras, manis mostly.

Thanks for anyone's advice, who has maybe been in a similar situation.
Hi, MT. I was married for 20 years, went through a trial separation for a year, then ended up getting a divorce. That was nearly ten years ago. The process was painful, but my ex and I remain friends. I'm still single and don't miss the married life at all. Here are a few thoughts...

First, about relationships. If I have one bit of advice, it's look at the foundations/bases for your friendships. Every relationship has needs and expectations. Serious conflict happens when there is a mismatch at a fundamental level about what people believe is most important. And any specific conflict may not even be about what the real underlying issue is. Here is a link to a talk by Thich Nhat Hanh. What I thought you might be interested in is the 17 minute segment from 4:45--21:45 on applying the four Brahma Viharas to relationships. The whole talk is pretty good, but that's the part discussing love and loving relationships. Examine your relationships and see how well the underlying motivations align with what TNH says. First from your own perspective, then, as best you can, from the other person's perspective. It has postively changed how I approach close relationships now.

Second, about practice. Don't know if you have ever done tonglen, but you can use the suffering from your conflicts and loneliness as the raw energy for tonglen practice. Rather than keep your suffering at a personal level, why not use your suffering as the basis for connecting with others that are just like you? If you are willing to give insight practice a go, since the feelings of suffering are already there in your mind, why not spend a little time seeing just how real those feelings really are?

Third, do something for others. When I was going through an especially hard time, I did some hospice work for a year. It helped recalibrate my mindset on what was most important.

And, when all else fails. A sense of humor never hurts:

phpBB [video]


Best wishes as you move forward.

User avatar
Ayu
Former staff member
Posts: 6779
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:25 am
Location: Europe

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by Ayu » Sat Sep 12, 2015 8:29 am

Hello Monlam Tharchin,
I went through some of these stormy times myself and at the bottom line these clashes are comparable to weather. Right now it is great pain, later this pain is gone, nothing lasts.
Monlam Tharchin wrote:...
1) I'm not sure how to bring them to the dharma path.
It's made shamatha very difficult, to say the least.

2) Of course this brings home the samsaric qualities of every relationship. But how bittersweet to see it in your own life, and in such a large amount at one time.

3) My instinct isn't towards cultivating insight but just some way to not feel so bad.
For now, I just say some mantras, manis mostly.

4) Thanks for anyone's advice, who has maybe been in a similar situation.
1) I think the means is faith in the own dharma path. This will show you, how to act practically. It is an individual matter, how to bring the problems into the path and how to "digest" them there. Different people have a different approach. For me it was good just to keep the inner contact to my yidam (Dharma, Budhha) as constantly as possible. There are manifold methods how to do that. My way was to remember my yidam and keep close to them. So I was not at all alone and always this friend gave wise advice.

2) Yes, that it is. Noone can believe HOW shaking these occurences are, if only watching from outside.

3) Exactly this was the advice I thought to give to you: if Shamata is too difficult right now, don't bother about it, but do a practice that is possible right now. This is natural and no blame. My teacher explaned it like this also: better to do the things that have to be done and that are possible right now. Don't make things heavier by trying to do unsuitable practices in such extraordinary times.

4)You're welcome. Parting was always the biggest pain in my life. It is possible to learn very much about life and paticcasmuppada through this. And anjali's hint is also very helpful: "a sense of humor never hurts" i.e. can be extremely helpful. I think, there is some kind of cosmic humor hidden in all this mess.
I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. -

User avatar
kirtu
Former staff member
Posts: 5720
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2010 5:29 pm
Location: Baltimore, MD

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by kirtu » Sat Sep 12, 2015 1:15 pm

Monlam Tharchin wrote:Many difficulties regarding relationships in my life lately.

Marital problems possibly leading to divorce or separation soon.
Marriage counseling? Pay special attention to your thoughts and reactions and what you say (not assuming that this is one-sided).

May all be well.

Kirt
Kirt's Tibetan Translation Notes

"Even if you practice only for an hour a day with faith and inspiration, good qualities will steadily increase. Regular practice makes it easy to transform your mind. From seeing only relative truth, you will eventually reach a profound certainty in the meaning of absolute truth."
Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche.

"Only you can make your mind beautiful."
HH Chetsang Rinpoche

gloriasteinem
Posts: 360
Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:12 pm

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by gloriasteinem » Mon Sep 14, 2015 8:37 pm

I'm insufferably in love with someone who does not give a about me
Image

SeekerNo1000003
Posts: 218
Joined: Thu Jul 04, 2013 6:22 pm

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by SeekerNo1000003 » Wed Sep 16, 2015 2:19 am

I'm so sorry to hear this... :heart:
I hope that you will get a break soon. Things will definitely improve at some point. Everything changes, & the problems will eventually pass. And things will be good again, and again you will feel better and happy.
I hear that without suffering there is no way we can develop compassion. Maybe this situation can be treated as an opportunity to further develop compassion? Also I find it useful to remember that we study Dharma, so that we can apply it to any situations, including the difficult ones...
These are the two things I try to remember whenever going through a lot of turmoil. Not good at applying it yet....Let's keep practicing.
I wish you the best of luck and may your practice be excellent.
:namaste:

User avatar
qwerty13
Posts: 124
Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2013 5:41 pm
Location: Finland, Europe, Earth

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by qwerty13 » Tue Sep 22, 2015 1:05 am

When I was 19 -year old all of my long time friendships started to slowly but surely to dissolve. Every one of us just started to go to different directions. When I was 22, it was safe to say that I no longer had any friends. I am now 24 and I still have no friends, but this does not bother me at all. Buddhadharma is the most important thing in my life.It is million times more important than having friends, spouse or family. If my practice is going well, then everything in my life is going well.
Contemplating on the faults of eight worldly concerns is the key. Contemplating on death and impermanence are also very important practices and will help you to deal with the situation.
Who should we turn to for refuge? We should seek refuge in the Buddha. He is the one we weep before
-H.H. 14th Dalai Lama

User avatar
Matt J
Posts: 636
Joined: Tue Aug 03, 2010 2:29 am

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by Matt J » Tue Sep 22, 2015 6:29 pm

Going through a divorce/separation can be as traumatic as becoming widow/widower. Pretty much everyone goes through the same process: fear, panic, dread, anxiety, sleepless nights, crazy thoughts and so on. You can learn quite a bit about yourself and others by paying attention to these emotions as they come and go. It's okay to feel bad. You especially learn what a liar your mind is.

Most people, some time down the road, have discovered a newer and often better life. Take the long view. Know that what you're feeling and going through, many many other people have felt the same way.

In some ways, life crises are a precious and unique opportunity to practice.
Monlam Tharchin wrote: Thanks for anyone's advice, who has maybe been in a similar situation.
The Great Way is not difficult
If only there is no picking or choosing
--- Xin Xin Ming

User avatar
Monlam Tharchin
Posts: 1539
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 7:11 am
Location: Oregon

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by Monlam Tharchin » Fri Sep 25, 2015 3:53 am

Thank you all. All of these situations remain unresolved. :shrug:
The only way forward with each person seems to make some drastic decision: accept the suffering of worldly relationships and sever them to delve further into dharma practice, or try to patch things up in a neverending cycle that leaves someone dissatisfied.
Intimate relationships of any kind seem more and more pointless. Don't they only impede cultivation of compassion and equanimity towards all beings equally? How can someone vow to save all beings while holding some beings closer than others?

While falling asleep one night, it occurred to me that no one was there at that moment to ease my mind, whether I felt calm or upset. I thought this must be similar to dying, and the only available companion, as Malcolm said, was the dharma.

So there's that possible turning point that I think another person who responded reached as well.
I'd never acutely felt the samsara of relationships. You read about that sort of thing, but you don't want to imagine something so sweet as beautiful people treating you kindly in fact leading to more suffering.
I'm pretty disenchanted. I've begun to detach in social situations, choosing to either say nembutsu mentally or dropping whatever I notice I've picked up, as in meditation.

I haven't found the balance yet.
I'm 29 but I feel too old for this anymore, the ups and downs that lead nowhere.
Too bad most people who aren't Buddhists view samvega as some form of depression, so their advice is useless.

Thanks for everyone's encouragement and sobering words. :group:

User avatar
Ayu
Former staff member
Posts: 6779
Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 8:25 am
Location: Europe

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by Ayu » Fri Sep 25, 2015 7:37 am

<<Detours increase your local knowledge.>>, is a saying.
If we'd avoid any trial and error, I think, there wouldn't be any knowledge at all. That's why pain is not avoidable in the first place, but then after it is good not to fall in the same trap again and again.

It's funny, just when I was 29 I felt the same: "I'm too old for these constant ups and downs." And I really chose to avoid them and never had it again in this extrem pattern.

But right now I have to learn another lecture:
Monlam Tharchin wrote:...
Intimate relationships of any kind seem more and more pointless. Don't they only impede cultivation of compassion and equanimity towards all beings equally? How can someone vow to save all beings while holding some beings closer than others?
This was exactly my conclusion after some painful experiences with beloved ones, but right now, this old conclusion doesn't fit well to the new things happening. In my life there are some dharmafriends in meatspace who are worth keeping a closer relationship to. I see, this is difficult for me, if there is much affection just simply to accept it. And maybe I can just rejoice. :smile:
Situations are changing all the time.
I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. -

joy&peace
Posts: 917
Joined: Mon May 11, 2015 4:53 pm

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by joy&peace » Sat Sep 26, 2015 4:26 am

Hi Monlam,

This is a very nice thread because it brought out such goodness in people, which is always very good to see.

One thing to consider, dear friend, is something Shantideva said from the Bodhisattvacarya. I am thinking of where he early on says - I should not forsake such a spiritual friend, even at the cost of my life - and mentions how valuable such spiritual friends can be. .

Later on, he says,

When shall I come to dwell in forests
Amongst the deer, the birds and the trees,
That say nothing unpleasant
And are delightful to associate with?

and. . . ( earlier )

3.
Worldly life is not forsaken because of
attachment (to people)
And due to craving for material gain and the
like;
Therefore I should entirely forsake these
things,
For this is the way in which the wise behave.
4.
Having understood that disturbing
conceptions are completely overcome
By superior insight endowed with calm
abiding,
First of all I should search for calm abiding.
This is achieved through the genuine joy of
those unattached to worldly life.

. . .

and I guess, this is the relevant one;

14.
Devoting myself to others in this way
Will bring about nothing but misfortune.
Because they will not benefit me
And I shall not benefit them.

.
.

I guess my own story is most similar to qwerty's - people drift away, and so forth. . . My dad told me this would happen. :) He actually prepared me for most things, by giving me good insight from early childhood.

Howeeever,

And this is a pretty big however :)

Now, while there is freedom to act,
I should always present a smiling face
And cease to frown and look angry:
I should be a friend and counsel of the world.

Okay and there was something - I could almost swear - he said something like 'by my trust they become trustworthy' but he didn't use those specific words and I am unable to locate the exact statement.


It has to do for me with balance. . and - there is a lot to be said for time spent on the mountain. . . the Zen saying, go up on the mountain, but then come back down. . .

So the time spent in retreat - to reach Buddha-nature, is so valuable, so wonderful - but then come back to society and share. . Many people don't spend enough time in quiet nature, perhaps, but the two have to be connected. . .


Ultimately my best advice is, wait patiently :)

Maybe spend a bit more time in a peaceful forest if you have one nearby - then you will be better able to help others find peace; but it also has to be as they wish it. . . you know, as they wish for you to.

It's so beautiful and so lovely really, how it all plays out. . . There is one musician I love, and I have shared some of his music - but he did this beautiful thing. . .

He would stand on the corner of a certain intersection in New York, and he would simply remain perfectly still. . . he had a very long flowing beard and long hair - with a Viking helmet, to be his own person - and he stayed there. . . Sometimes he would busk - perform - other times simply stay still. As someone mentioned, most people probably weren't aware he was a widely respected composer.

It's interesting similarity to the Bodhisattva path, I think.

Anyway words and advice are like pebbles to a mountain in comparison with simple friendship, so let us know how it all plays out. . .

Ah, here was the first one I thought of -

102
Never, even at the cost of my life,
Should I forsake a spiritual friend
who is wise in the meaning of the great
vehicle
And who is a great Bodhisattva practitioner.


So it's an interesting thing - and forgive me for circling back to the point. . . like, I have found, so amazing - that anyone can reach such a high level - it doesn't take much at all either, just the warmth of true friendship and understanding. . .

For instance - Emerson said, every person has a Genius. . . Even though the teaching that everyone has Buddha-nature is so familiar; Emerson's words really brought it home to me - when I saw it in someone, I wouldn't have imagined quite in that way.

In fact, in someone, no one in the world would have imagined in that way; yet I saw it, and it was lovely;

My favorite analogy is the sunflowers in June :)

All the ingredients are there, except for one - the Sun in June.

So, if we went in April and didn't see the sunflowers, we might not think they are there, etc. . . so I take that with Buddha-nature, too, though I might not see it - Buddha-nature is there, and when the right conditions are there, then it is manifest.

So in that way - everyone is equally deserving. . . and taking the teaching of non-duality to heart; looking upon others as myself, really doesn't allow me to look down upon anyone. :)

Simply - 'Go to the lowest, and you'll see the highest,' in the words of beloved Milarepa. Also, 'Fly like an eagle, never falling into a hole,'

Those two simple phrases contain so much vast amount of wisdom. . . it's not even funny. :)

And, the bit about never falling into a hole is so great - it is an art, for certain - and it is one that is easily attainable if we dedicate ourselves to it fully. . .

How much more difficult than walking through a field?

Sometimes, a really big change can be very good - certainly, change in general most often has a positive psychological impact.

I do understand very much the difficulties of life sometimes - if we learn from these, we can grow stronger & wiser, however,

There is one other thing my friend - simplifying materially -

Oh but yes - as Buddha said, one day, all that is dear to us, will fade away -

However, and this is another big however ;)

and forgive me for quoting Rumi but as Rumi said, 'Do not grieve; all that you lose comes round to you in another form.'


I don't know if you can get a paper-back copy of the Vimalakirti Nirdesa Sutra, tr by Charles Luk, but if you can. . . I recommend it.

It's very, very - beyond; no words describe it. :)

I recently spent about 4 months in a forest, and I had originally specifically intended to have no books or paper to write on, but somehow I found this book in my pack, I had placed it there sometime and forgot about it. It is quite wonderful, quite extraordinary.


I have definitely spent a great deal of time on the mountain - we are definitely social creatures, truly. All my life I had the hermit h'art more or less. . . desire to be in a mountain hut, never to be seen by anybody. . . Which was a nice dream;

I also had the teaching from childhood - ten hugs a day - in my elementary class; and physical contact is very, very healthful to us, as social - it benefits immune system and health. . . in the same way that smiles, laughter do, physical contact does, even more so. . For the last couple of years I have noticed that a bit spontaneously I have been doing much more of this; and it's been very good. . .


Anyway, I do hope you will forgive me for rambling on so much - and when I haven't necessarily stayed on topic; am sending you my best vibes and wishing you well - as you say they haven't been resolved as of today/yesterday, but may they be resolved soon. :)


Hehe, one line that I remember from the Sutra is - honoring those who are practicing Dharma as Buddhas, so that is how I honor you, friend. :)


Sending you lots of peace and good luck and may it be very well - however it decides to be. hehe. :)


Peace,
Jake.


Oh and glancing at my post before clicking 'submit,' I thought to add. . . upon seeing 14, perhaps the best is to therefore, do the Bodhisattva practice, ten bhumis, great joy &c, without any attachment :)

which is. . wonderful and people tend to respond wonderfully when anyone embodies the ten bhumis. . and when it goes well - there's no clash of anything. . it's just friendship and goodness. . . there's no need to say 'I'm not attached,' when you embody it - everybody can feel the love you share & are living fully.

'Go to the lowest. . . ' :) hehe
Om Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate bodhi svaha

SeeLion
Posts: 195
Joined: Tue May 26, 2015 8:09 am

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by SeeLion » Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:21 am

I'm 29 but I feel too old for this anymore
Hmm ... do you say this same thing with every rebirth when you hit 29 ?

User avatar
Jesse
Posts: 1533
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Mordor, Middle Earth

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by Jesse » Tue Sep 29, 2015 7:56 pm

I've lost pretty much all my friends, mainly due to their own greed/mental/life issues. But. who cares if your alone? You get used to it eventually. Really, people are just a time/energy suck. Relationships are entirely based on selfishness, totally not worth the time.

Relationships can be described by one word: greed. People want thing's from you. Time, attention, respect, help, understanding, it's all about the ego. In my experience at least, most people want, but aren't specifically worried about giving back, that's why I've pretty much given up on people.
“Freedom is secured not by the fulfilling of one's desires, but by the removal of desire” – Epictetus

User avatar
Monlam Tharchin
Posts: 1539
Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 7:11 am
Location: Oregon

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by Monlam Tharchin » Thu Oct 29, 2015 3:53 am

SeeLion wrote:
I'm 29 but I feel too old for this anymore
Hmm ... do you say this same thing with every rebirth when you hit 29 ?
I wonder the same thing.

An update for those curious:
Hubby and I are getting counseling. It's hard to admit you have problems that need professional help, but I'm more optimistic now that we have.
Shed two friends mentioned in the post.
The other has been more understanding than I could've hoped for.

So some of my worries ended up happening, and other things turned out okay.
Same old mix of good and bad in samsara.
At least I kept practicing and still am today. Definitely learned something about equanimity and the eight worldly concerns, even in intimate friendships you hope wouldn't have those same problems.

Thanks for all the encouragement and wise words :group:

boda
Posts: 1664
Joined: Thu Jul 03, 2014 8:40 pm

Re: Practicing in the midst of relationship problems

Post by boda » Thu Oct 29, 2015 6:27 am

Boomerang wrote:I was in the midst of an argument with one of my loved ones when, pretty much by chance, she made a brief comment that reminded me of the love she once had for me. The feeling of that old, pure love washed over me, and I realized how tragic it was to see her lose it. At that point, I made a strong aspiration that I would always be a source of loving-kindness to her, even if she couldn't reciprocate. I made the same aspiration for everyone else that I was having problems with.
Beautiful.

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests