Page 1 of 1

Unwholesome friendship?

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 6:40 pm
by Monlam Tharchin
Say you have someone in your life, a friend, who enjoys your company and conversation.
However, their presence and past actions make you regularly feel angry, sad, and sometimes jealous, perhaps even wishing to sever contact.

Is it more fruitful to:
A. Maintain contact as your presence brings them some happiness, and use the opportunity to work with strong defilements you maybe rarely experience.
B. Avoid misleading the person about your side of things, and also avoid sowing future unwholesome karma by dint of these states that you have so far not resolved?

Thank you.

Re: Unwholesome friendship?

Posted: Sat Jan 23, 2016 10:52 pm
by dzogchungpa
Monlam Tharchin wrote:Say you have someone in your life, a friend, who enjoys your company and conversation.
However, their presence and past actions make you regularly feel angry, sad, and sometimes jealous, perhaps even wishing to sever contact.
This is how I feel about DW sometimes. :(

Re: Unwholesome friendship?

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 2:34 am
by jundo cohen
Monlam Tharchin wrote:Say you have someone in your life, a friend, who enjoys your company and conversation.
However, their presence and past actions make you regularly feel angry, sad, and sometimes jealous, perhaps even wishing to sever contact.

Is it more fruitful to:
A. Maintain contact as your presence brings them some happiness, and use the opportunity to work with strong defilements you maybe rarely experience.
B. Avoid misleading the person about your side of things, and also avoid sowing future unwholesome karma by dint of these states that you have so far not resolved?

Thank you.
Hi Monlam,

I would say to first try to keep your still and quiet center, with equanimity, not letting them get to you. Maybe your subtle peace and stillness will even be a good influence on them over time.

On the other hand, if their anger and jealousy etc. is really more than you feel you can handle, or worse, if you find that it is stimulating like emotions within you and rubbing off, then you may need to back off. The Buddha advised to have wholesome friends who nurture the wholesome in us.

Gassho, Jundo

Re: Unwholesome friendship?

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 10:26 am
by SeeLion
However, their presence and past actions make you regularly feel angry, sad, and sometimes jealous, perhaps even wishing to sever contact.
Unless that person purposefully tries to upset you in one way or another, I don't think any of the above is a serious problem.

Now the question to what extent should one maintain friendship with people who are not working together with you to progress on the path, that I have asked myself sometimes and haven't come yet to an answer.

Re: Unwholesome friendship?

Posted: Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:05 am
by Saoshun
The enemy hates the ego, which the seeker wants to kill; thus, like the anvil to the goldsmith, he is actually a friend.