a silly request

Help required with personal difficulties.
Jesse
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a silly request

Post by Jesse » Thu May 31, 2018 12:01 pm

Hello all,

Long story short. I have fallen madly in love with a girl who is Muslim. Her religion forbids her from marrying a non-muslim, and yet we can not bear to be apart. Silly story, silly people...

I just honestly have never met another human being I can relate to on this level, and I find the religious differences completely irrelevant, however, she doesn't feel the same.

She lives in Saudi Arabia and is very very muslim.. Lives under Shia Law. Apparently, this allows for the men in her life to abuse her greatly, without an recourse, or the ability to escape, she was placed in the marriage via arrangement, and not of her own choice. She has attempted suicide a number of times to escape. I really want to save her.... I really want to help her. What can I do for this person????

It get's worse, she is also married, and attempting to get a divorce, while hiding the fact we are speaking. If caught she could end up being executed, and her family dishonored, shamed, and possibly become targets of violence. She has sent me photo's of her without her Hijab on, and she is always ashamed for doing so... I do not understand, but she tells me it's a very big deal..

What is the right course of action here? Should I break her heart and discontinue contact? My heart is very confused, so much so I can not use my normal logical approach for this situation... I really need advice from someone who's dispassionate about the entire situation, or even someone whos been through something similar.

She want's me to convert to Islam, which I've told her I couldn't do... no matter the circumstances, even as a lie, I can't make myself do it. I am Buddhist to the last breath, and I've pondered it greatly for weeks now... and I came to the realization I'm not simply a Buddhist... it's not just a religion to me anymore, it is part of who I am...

Help me, please.

This is a very silly thing of me to post here, I'm simply grasping at straws now.

I keep all of our conversations encrypted on a remote server that doesn't keep logs, Our phone calls are also encrypted, she is the most wonderful person I've ever met, although she is a bit sickly, I Want to put her happiness far above my own, and yet I keep right on doing things that endanger her life..

What is wrong with me? Someone please give me a proper ass kicking, and set me straight, because I really need it.


Oh, and as for the prayers, I've been chanting the "Om Mani Padme Hum" Mantra as much as possible... IF anyone could dedicate some merit to this situation, I Would be eternally grateful... Thank you.
Last edited by Jesse on Thu May 31, 2018 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

Wicked Yeshe
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Wicked Yeshe » Thu May 31, 2018 12:10 pm

Get her out of Saudi Arabia first and don't post about it online until you are both safe. Good luck.

Jesse
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Location: Virginia, USA

Re: a silly request.

Post by Jesse » Thu May 31, 2018 12:15 pm

Wicked Yeshe wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 12:10 pm
Get her out of Saudi Arabia first and don't post about it online until you are both safe. Good luck.
That is difficult, because women there may not travel outside the home without a male escort. Doing so can get them arrested, attacked or even raped.

This is part of why its so difficult, I could buy her a plane ticket. but she needs an understanding male figure to help her.

She is also Libyan citizen; living in SA as a refugee. Which makes it even harder; she says the discrimination against libyans or any foreigners there is really bad... worse than in the USA even. They have no rights that normal citizens have, their employers regularly withhold their income, and they have no legal recourse to get it.. the best I can do at the moment is send her money via something like bitcoin, and she can exchange it for local currencies etc. but that doesn't help when she can't go anywhere alone. She has to either lie to her husband, or one of her brothers, whom also treat her like dirt, if you truly saw how women are treated in these places, you would absolutely despise their culture... I certainly do now.

TBH, I think that country should be wiped off the planet, alas what does it matter, get rid of one evil and 10 takes it place... im sorry; I'm simply angry at how ignorant, dangerous and stupid religions make people.

The whole situation is frak beyond belief.... and I'm heart broken to see just how bad the world is outside the USA... It makes really wonder how we are so ignorant here of what's happening around the world, and honestly, I love her so much; she has 2 beautiful children whom I also love... what can I do to ensure all of their safety???
Last edited by Jesse on Thu May 31, 2018 12:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

Wicked Yeshe
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Wicked Yeshe » Thu May 31, 2018 12:27 pm

Make a run for it to the airport? Aren't there human rights organizations that can help? There must be a way to escape. May bodhisattvas bless it.

Jesse
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Jesse » Thu May 31, 2018 12:40 pm

Women cannot drive either... so making a run to the airport is a bit of a pipe dream.

Also the fact that there; family is everything... It's not like other places, you obey your family no matter what... if you want a divorce and your family says no; that's all there is to the matter. IF you are a woman, you can not divorce without approval from your father, etc.

Although as a man, you can take as many wives as you wish.. sick isn't it? They may be married off the moment they hit puberty (Eg: their first time having a period.)

and Men rape their young wives the moment they are married. I'm just very furious right now because I'm so helpless.

Apparently their new president (or whatever they call the equivelent of a president.) is pushing to allow women to be able to drive there, (he was educated and lived in America most of his life.) which is a nice step forward for them... but there is also a massive amount of backlash against it.. violent backlash because men think women shouldn't be allowed to drive.

:crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy: :crazy:

What is wrong with our world?????
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

Wicked Yeshe
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Wicked Yeshe » Thu May 31, 2018 12:50 pm

I see. Can you go there? Maybe you can just pick her up and leave. Be a hero and consider it.

The entire world is falsehood. I'm glad we have a way to escape it.

Jesse
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Jesse » Thu May 31, 2018 12:52 pm

Wicked Yeshe wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 12:50 pm
I see. Can you go there? Maybe you can just pick her up and leave. Be a hero and consider it.

The entire world is falsehood. I'm glad we have a way to escape it.

I am considering doing just that, IT would be a nice vacation for one... two I'd be able to meet the love of my life, and genuinely help her and her kids.

By the way hopefully this thread is getting moved to 'help required'.

Thank you for all your advice my friend.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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石正 Marcus
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Re: a silly request.

Post by 石正 Marcus » Thu May 31, 2018 3:01 pm

Jesse wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 12:15 pm
Wicked Yeshe wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 12:10 pm
Get her out of Saudi Arabia first and don't post about it online until you are both safe. Good luck.
she says the discrimination against libyans or any foreigners there is really bad... worse than in the USA even.
Sorry, but that makes me laugh. I so often hear people from America and western Europe bemoan how racist their countries are. But compared to what? Compared to much of the rest of the world these countries are paradises of tolerance and integration. Not to say there aren't problems of course.

But anyway, back to the topic. To be honest, I doubt there is very much you can do in terms of taking action to help. Even if you did get a visa to visit Saudi Arabia, which you probably won't, there is no way you can just storm into the situation. You'll end up in prison at best.

And how much do you actually know about her? I lived in Thailand for many years and I can't tell you how many stories I heard from fellas who were duped by pretty Thai girls. The ex-pats even joke about it, about how one week "my buffalo is sick" and the next you've lost all your savings and she's got a new house!

Everyone thinks their case is different.

You know, I'm sure you already do, that there is nothing you can do. Dedicate merit to her. Practice hard and dedicate merit.
南無観世音菩薩

Jesse
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Jesse » Thu May 31, 2018 3:04 pm

石正 Marcus wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 3:01 pm
Jesse wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 12:15 pm
Wicked Yeshe wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 12:10 pm
Get her out of Saudi Arabia first and don't post about it online until you are both safe. Good luck.
she says the discrimination against libyans or any foreigners there is really bad... worse than in the USA even.
Sorry, but that makes me laugh. I so often hear people from America and western Europe bemoan how racist their countries are. But compared to what? Compared to much of the rest of the world these countries are paradises of tolerance and integration. Not to say there aren't problems of course.

But anyway, back to the topic. To be honest, I doubt there is very much you can do in terms of taking action to help. Even if you did get a visa to visit Saudi Arabia, which you probably won't, there is no way you can just storm into the situation. You'll end up in prison at best.

And how much do you actually know about her? I lived in Thailand for many years and I can't tell you how many stories I heard from fellas who were duped by pretty Thai girls. The ex-pats even joke about it, about how one week "my buffalo is sick" and the next you've lost all your savings and she's got a new house!

Everyone thinks their case is different.

You know, I'm sure you already do, that there is nothing you can do. Dedicate merit to her. Practice hard and dedicate merit.
I do not need a Visa, fact is, she was born in Canada and is a citizen, but she had to move back to SA with her father to be married off to benefit her family, which she did because she is a kind person who loves her family, and wants to help them. She simply needs someone to take her to the airport, after her time in Iddah.

She has shared her dreams with me, she wishes to finish school, become a veterinarian, and live on her own, rather than living off a rich husband, why would she want to move to America to be with a some lame poor Buddhist? I have nothing to offer her except my friendship. Which She seems happy enough with, but she is mainly interested in pursuing her own dreams.

The entire point is her family is against the divorce because her husband is rich as if his family. So marriage in the sake of money, power, influence.. still done to this day, which is sickening.

The hilarious part is that she is likely homosexual, if not just bi-sexual; I would help her even if I didn't end up with her romantically.. She is that beautiful of a person and friend. She had to marry someone who she hates, and who rapes her on a weekly basis, all the while she trying to commit suicide only to be force-fed massive doses of medication which only make her sleep 24/7, obviously shoving pills down someone's throat to hide the fact they are being sexually assaulted doesn't work very well.

she hasn't once asked me to marry her, nor to send her money, for one she doesn't need an American since she is a full Canadian citizen.. she only needs help getting back to her country without her families permission. But she would like her family to support her, as she is very close to her siblings, her sister in particular, which she tries to protect from the frak up men in that country. So please, don't assume to know everything about her. Your Comment has really pissed me off.

It really bugs me, that right off the bat ; people assume she wants to take advantage of me, it really goes to show just how prevalent racism is, and intolerance when it comes to people from third world countries, not that Saudi Arabia is a third world country, they are quite rich in fact.

But hey, Those damn Muslims, they'll do anything to get into our great country and get welfare, while simultaneously stealing our Jerbs

PS. I know her plenty well, we've been speaking off and on for a long while. Fact is she offered to let me move in with her in Canada rent free.. She is a friend, one who has plenty of money. I really hate people who judge others based on ignorance.
Last edited by Jesse on Thu May 31, 2018 3:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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石正 Marcus
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Re: a silly request.

Post by 石正 Marcus » Thu May 31, 2018 3:14 pm

Jesse wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 3:04 pm
Sorry, but I do not take advice from idiots, nor do I care about your self-important horse-shit, please go back to your bridge now.
Wow! I'm shocked that you took my honest advice so badly. You did ask in your opening post for the advice of someone who is dispassionate about the situation, and that is what I gave. You also asked for an ass-kicking, but I didn't go that far.

I am sorry you have reacted so badly. Perhaps I am indeed an idiot, and full of horse-shit, that may well be true. But I am not a troll. I was trying to help. I wish you, and her, all the very best.
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Kunga Lhadzom
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Kunga Lhadzom » Thu May 31, 2018 3:27 pm

Jesse...how will you be able to take care of her & her children ?

Isn't it hard enough to take care of yourself now ?
The Universe flowing through my veins...stars falling from my eyes......rocks rolling in my head...lemon juice dripping down my chin....

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Jesse
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Jesse » Thu May 31, 2018 3:30 pm

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 3:27 pm
Jesse...how will you be able to take care of her & her children ?

Isn't it hard enough to take care of yourself now ?
I do not need to take care of her or her children, she is quite well off, as is her family. In all likelyhood she would be taking care of me.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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石正 Marcus
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Re: a silly request.

Post by 石正 Marcus » Thu May 31, 2018 3:40 pm

Jesse wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 3:04 pm
she was born in Canada and is a citizen
I really shouldn't be responding again. You've made it clear that my advice is not welcome to you. But I see that you've gone back and edited your post quite considerably and added the fact that she is a Canadian citizen. This would make a substantial difference to the situation, not least in the ability to get some kind of consular assistance. But enough from me.
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Jesse
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Jesse » Thu May 31, 2018 3:46 pm

石正 Marcus wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 3:14 pm
Jesse wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 3:04 pm
Sorry, but I do not take advice from idiots, nor do I care about your self-important horse-shit, please go back to your bridge now.
Sorry, but that makes me laugh. I so often hear people from America and western Europe bemoan how racist their countries are. But compared to what? Compared to much of the rest of the world these countries are paradises of tolerance and integration.
Seriously.??? It makes you laugh to hear about how Racist a country is? When it actually is extraordinarily Racist. At his point the Racism is so bad that if you are not a natural born Saudi, you will be forced to work for free, while having to endue actual physical violence; while police will do nothing to help you. It's actually that bad.

I mean you can do your own research but, talking to someone from there gives you a much better idea, imagine being forced to work for free for an entire year, with no way to complain, no way to get your money, because the police are just as racist as the company owners, and you risk being shot to death if you so much as make a fuss about it... SO yes, it's a very horrible place to live; and just leaving isn't; really any option, as you need a passport to get out, which they also make damn near impossible to achieve. And excuse my hostility, but having someone you love, and care about be abused day in and out, while being helpless to help them, makes me quite furious. I apologize for taking that out on you.

I will take a break for now, and calm down. If you want to know more, I will write up a small article later when she feels up tp talking.

Apologies..... I hate my my loved ones being abused, especially when I'm helpless to stop it.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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石正 Marcus
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Re: a silly request.

Post by 石正 Marcus » Thu May 31, 2018 3:53 pm

Jesse wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 3:46 pm
Seriously.??? It makes you laugh to hear about how Racist a country is?
No, that is far from what I was saying. I was actually agreeing with you regarding how awful most of the world is in terms of racism and discrimination.
Jesse wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 3:46 pm
I will take a break for now, and calm down.
Always a good idea! Take care Jesse.
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Kunga Lhadzom
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Kunga Lhadzom » Thu May 31, 2018 4:09 pm

If she's so rich, why can't she hire a body guard or someone experienced with these issues, to get her and her kids out of there ...?

Aren't there underground agencies involved with helping women and children in this common predicament ????

Reguardless. ...i wish you and all involved safety and success.

:heart:
The Universe flowing through my veins...stars falling from my eyes......rocks rolling in my head...lemon juice dripping down my chin....

https://drunklotus.blog

Wicked Yeshe
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Wicked Yeshe » Thu May 31, 2018 4:26 pm

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 4:09 pm
If she's so rich, why can't she hire a body guard or someone experienced with these issues, to get her and her kids out of there ...?

Aren't there underground agencies involved with helping women and children in this common predicament ????

Reguardless. ...i wish you and all involved safety and success.

:heart:
It's probably not that simple, being locked up, drugged and raped. I'd just run to the canadian embassy or consulate if i was her.

Getting in contact with the underground might be it.
Best to all.

Jesse
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Location: Virginia, USA

Re: a silly request

Post by Jesse » Thu May 31, 2018 4:58 pm

I apologize for my aggressiveness... Thing's between me and her have been strained a bit. And thing's aren't aren't that straight forward... there are a lot of complex issues involved that i dont want to go into too much detial on....

I did not mean to be an asshole, I am very depressed at this situation, and I genuinely love this woman.

It upsets me to no end that she is being abused, and hurt... as well as her children, I've had to listen to her being physically assaulted on the phone, and I'm just not in the mood.

The other night her husband abused her so much she jumped out of his moving car, and she told me about me.. It scared me to death, and lately Ive been suicidal, staying awake at night worried about her....

so please cut me some slack, im not sure who else to talk to about these things...

I really don't mean to take it out on the people here trying to comfort me...

Im just very upset by the entire situation.... so please forgive me.

I'll try to refrain from posting about this from now on.

I've never had to deal with a situation like this.. so :emb: :emb: :emb: :emb:
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

Arnoud
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Re: a silly request

Post by Arnoud » Thu May 31, 2018 5:42 pm

Jesse,

After what you have been through, take care of yourself first. I understand your feelings but you have to be careful. As a reader, I see sooo many red flags in this whole story. Don't let it throw you back to where you were.

Best of luck.

Arnoud

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石正 Marcus
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Re: a silly request

Post by 石正 Marcus » Thu May 31, 2018 5:48 pm

Jesse wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 4:58 pm
I've never had to deal with a situation like this..
Dear Jesse, you are clearly a person who has a lot of compassion and who feels things with a keen sensitivity. Anyone reading this thread will easily understand the pressure you are feeling. If you have reacted strongly here, that's also understandable.

I hope you will take a good walk or something to get a new perspective on things and to approach them calmly. And don't be too hard on yourself. No matter how much you like this woman, you can not single-handedly solve her problems.

From what you've said so far, it sounds like she needs to contact the Canadian embassy first of all, and from there she can look at what legal and practical options are open to her. I wish you both well.
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