a silly request

Help required with personal difficulties.
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Mantrik
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Re: a silly request

Post by Mantrik » Thu May 31, 2018 6:01 pm

Work with her Consular prepresentatives. They are likely to have methods to enable her to reach safety.
However, I doubt that your lives will be totally safe from her wealthy husband's family seeking retribution, or even her own family seeking to eliminate shame. It is all too frequent in the West for women who escape their abusers to be murdered, sometimes after torture and rape or acid disfigurement.
Good luck.
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Wicked Yeshe
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Re: a silly request

Post by Wicked Yeshe » Thu May 31, 2018 6:35 pm

I don't like some of the "take your crazy pills and go back to sleep you fool"-type answers that this thread has generated. There are beings that need help now!

Anyway..maybe you can contact someone in Canada and help get her home. Saudi Arabia don't do tourist visas. Be very careful though because honor related murders of women happens in arabic culture.

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Kunga Lhadzom
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Re: a silly request

Post by Kunga Lhadzom » Thu May 31, 2018 6:38 pm

Arnoud wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 5:42 pm
Jesse,

After what you have been through, take care of yourself first. I understand your feelings but you have to be careful. As a reader, I see sooo many red flags in this whole story. Don't let it throw you back to where you were.

Best of luck.

Arnoud
:good:
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Motova
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Re: a silly request

Post by Motova » Thu May 31, 2018 6:39 pm

Arnoud wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 5:42 pm
Jesse,

After what you have been through, take care of yourself first. I understand your feelings but you have to be careful. As a reader, I see sooo many red flags in this whole story. Don't let it throw you back to where you were.

Best of luck.

Arnoud
I agree, before we can help others we need to help ourselves.
Malcolm wrote:
Fri Jan 24, 2014 3:58 pm
The four means of converting beings to the Dharma are generosity (which itself as four aspects: giving material gifts, conferring fearlessness, loving kindness and teaching Dharma), pleasant speech, conduct and setting an example.

Wicked Yeshe
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Re: a silly request

Post by Wicked Yeshe » Thu May 31, 2018 6:48 pm

Life is full of red flags. We shouldn't use money to buy things but our attention to create them. I was almost electrocuted by a banking machine in Nepal. I was reciting a mantra over it silently and suddenly some voice came and said "don't do that, the banksters are watching you etc". Suddenly the machine was filled with electricity and i could feel the zaps from it. Holy smoke. It was hard to get the card out of the machine and in the end it made me wonder. I still use banking devices with the same mantra despite knowing that it's messing with their scam called fiat currency. Sometimes going against the red flags and examining the thing yields heroic results.

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Re: a silly request

Post by Norwegian » Thu May 31, 2018 7:08 pm

Wicked Yeshe wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 6:48 pm
Life is full of red flags. We shouldn't use money to buy things but our attention to create them. I was almost electrocuted by a banking machine in Nepal. I was reciting a mantra over it silently and suddenly some voice came and said "don't do that, the banksters are watching you etc". Suddenly the machine was filled with electricity and i could feel the zaps from it. Holy smoke. It was hard to get the card out of the machine and in the end it made me wonder. I still use banking devices with the same mantra despite knowing that it's messing with their scam called fiat currency. Sometimes going against the red flags and examining the thing yields heroic results.
Or, sometimes going against the red flags leads you into bankruptcy and despair:

https://www.scamwatch.gov.au/types-of-s ... ng-romance

https://www.news.com.au/finance/money/c ... 88168bc32a

I'm not saying this is 100% the situation Jesse is in now, but it sounds remarkably similar to the many stories I've heard (and experienced with a former coworker of mine who ended up in heavy debts due to this), and as such it's of utmost importance to be very careful.

If it's legit as Jesse says, then he should seek out official agencies that can do much better help than one individual far, far away from a country like Saudi Arabia. They also have the financial means if that was ever to be an issue too, so one shouldn't worry about such things. Contact the proper agencies and leave it there.

Wicked Yeshe
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Re: a silly request

Post by Wicked Yeshe » Thu May 31, 2018 7:11 pm

But she didn't ask for money.

Norwegian
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Re: a silly request

Post by Norwegian » Thu May 31, 2018 7:24 pm

Wicked Yeshe wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 7:11 pm
But she didn't ask for money.
Not yet no. But if it ever came to something involving Jesse's money, like getting a plane ticket or sending her money for a plane ticket or anything like this, that is a red flag, and instead, if she really needs help, he should seek out official agencies as said before, because they are capable of handling difficult situations far, far better than any one individual can.

LoveFromColorado
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Re: a silly request

Post by LoveFromColorado » Thu May 31, 2018 7:26 pm

Hi Jesse, not to butt in, but I would like to offer some advice from a neutral perspective - hopefully one of equanimity.

First of all, I would recommend stepping back and reducing your level of attachment to both the situation and this woman. I can tell it is stirring your emotions quite a bit including feelings of desperation and anger. Both of those will only make the situation worse unfortunately. You can love and most especially demonstrate compassion without any kind of attachment. I think that will provide you more internal peace with the situation and provide more wisdom about the situation and what to do as well.

I would also certainly advise caution. Obviously you can't just fly over to Saudi Arabia and "rescue" this woman. With a calm mind, you can begin to research ways for her to find help and provide them discreetly to her. I would also advise severely limiting your communication with her as the more you communicate the more it puts her at risk of danger.

Lastly, there is the karma of the situation. In other words, there is only so much you can do. That does not mean you should limit your attempts at trying to help her but it does mean that you might be limited to some degree in your physical capacity to help. Of course, mantras and purifications that you are performing are helpful in this regard, and I will be happy to offer the same from my end in my own practice.

Above all, I wish you the best of luck in this situation and certainly recognize how difficult and challenging it must be. When I find difficult situations, it often helps to view them as a teacher so that you benefit (at least to some degree) instead of simply suffer. There may be a buddha manifest here that is teaching you through the struggle.

I hope all of this makes sense and is perceived as coming from a place of compassion and not criticism, judgment, or telling you what to do.

Wicked Yeshe
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Re: a silly request

Post by Wicked Yeshe » Thu May 31, 2018 7:29 pm

Agreed. Difficult situation though.

Motova
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Re: a silly request

Post by Motova » Thu May 31, 2018 7:31 pm

Norwegian wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 7:08 pm

If it's legit as Jesse says, then he should seek out official agencies that can do much better help than one individual far, far away from a country like Saudi Arabia. They also have the financial means if that was ever to be an issue too, so one shouldn't worry about such things. Contact the proper agencies and leave it there.
:good:
Malcolm wrote:
Fri Jan 24, 2014 3:58 pm
The four means of converting beings to the Dharma are generosity (which itself as four aspects: giving material gifts, conferring fearlessness, loving kindness and teaching Dharma), pleasant speech, conduct and setting an example.

Jesse
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Re: a silly request.

Post by Jesse » Fri Jun 01, 2018 12:06 pm

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:
Thu May 31, 2018 4:09 pm
If she's so rich, why can't she hire a body guard or someone experienced with these issues, to get her and her kids out of there ...?

Aren't there underground agencies involved with helping women and children in this common predicament ????

Reguardless. ...i wish you and all involved safety and success.

:heart:
her Family is rich, and her husband is rich, not her in particular.. women do not handle money there.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Kunga Lhadzom
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Re: a silly request

Post by Kunga Lhadzom » Fri Jun 01, 2018 3:42 pm

Jesse wrote:
Fri Jun 01, 2018 12:06 pm
her Family is rich, and her husband is rich, not her in particular.. women do not handle money there.
I wonder if women have disguised themselves as men to escape....i'm sure there are professional agencies that know exactly what to do to get her out....the problem is finding them....but it has been done before, so it's not impossible. ...i really think all you can do for her Jesse, is pray.....or maybe you can join some activist group and be trained to do it like a pro....
The Universe flowing through my veins...stars falling from my eyes......rocks rolling in my head...lemon juice dripping down my chin....

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Jesse
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Re: a silly request

Post by Jesse » Sat Jun 02, 2018 3:05 am

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:
Fri Jun 01, 2018 3:42 pm
Jesse wrote:
Fri Jun 01, 2018 12:06 pm
her Family is rich, and her husband is rich, not her in particular.. women do not handle money there.
I wonder if women have disguised themselves as men to escape....i'm sure there are professional agencies that know exactly what to do to get her out....the problem is finding them....but it has been done before, so it's not impossible. ...i really think all you can do for her Jesse, is pray.....or maybe you can join some activist group and be trained to do it like a pro....
Yea... I'm not that brave. However, she does have kind family members who are helping her, (uncle, aunt, sisters) -- its not normal for men, and women to 'hang out together' there. It's a very male dominated culture, and women tend to stick together.. while men do the same. She has told a few of her siblings about me, which surprised me, but they are mostly supportive to some degree; as many women there hate their husbands, since they tend to be forced into their marriages by their families. Many of her "friends" are homosexual, yet are married to men anyway, that's just how it is there. It's not acceptable culturally, or by their religion.

As far as her supportive family goes; theirs only so much they can do. The main one helping her wants her to go back to her husband (she is currently staying with her uncle), because he is afraid once he dies (he is very old.) no one will be able to take care of her.

(he also believes she should force her children onto the husband, because "No man will marry a woman who already has children" :toilet: )

Ignorance aside he is a good man, He has taken in her in multiple times in her life when shes been in trouble.

They treat women like children, or pets.. love them too much to let them go, and treat them like a beholden piece of property... and believe they are incapable of taking care of themselves, which may actually be true in their culture... but certainty not if they move to a western country. She is probably one of the strongest women I've ever met to be honest, I have no doubt she would be fine on her own.

Issue is there are children involved, this limits how much I can do, especially ethically. No one has the right to take a child from their parent, even if you believe they'd be better off.. and of course at some point the children always become a bargaining piece, in a divorce...(did I mention I hate human beings?) and I've already seen that starting, and it bothers me.

Trust me I've been praying, probably more than I have in my entire life. I even taught her to meditate, however she still can only do it for a few minutes at a time, I'm just hoping it will have some effect at some point. Especially for her depression, and suicidal tenancies.. I wish this world was a more fair place to be honest, no body should be treated the way women are in that country. I'm never quite sure if I should be furious, or sad beyond measure.

I keep telling myself I Should just go become a fuc.king monk already.

Om mani padme hum.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Virgo
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Re: a silly request

Post by Virgo » Sun Jun 03, 2018 12:17 am

Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 03, 2018 12:02 am
I am thinking of looking for a Psychologist who is a practicing Buddhist, but that will be very difficult here, as I am nowhere near a large city. I may even just decide to join a real life sangha and practice more earnestly. That may be worth more than seeing a psychologist anyway.. as it stands this psychologist is so overworked that she can only see me once a month anyway.
Hey Jesse, I would strongly recommend both of these. Maybe you can find a Psychologist who is a practicing Buddhist (keep seeing one in the meantime though), it can't hurt to try. Also, join a real life sangha and practice with them!

Kevin...
ངོ་རང་ཐོག་ཏུ་སྤྲད། །
ཐག་གཅིག་ཐོག་ཏུ་བཅད། །
གདེང་གྲོལ་ཐོག་ཏུ་བཅའ། །


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Jesse
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Re: a silly request

Post by Jesse » Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:47 pm

Sorry I had a moderator delete my previous post, I had let it get too personal, and revealed a bit too much information...that aside..

I'm not in that great of a place right now, it's become obvious this girl is more or less using me as an emotional cushion for her divorce, she mainly wants to be with her ex-girlfriend. (She is bi, yes.) Funny thing, I don't think I've ever been used/seen as a sex object before, there's a first time for everything I suppose. :pig:

Not to mention she is not a very healthy person for me, she is very depressed, suicidal, and self harms to hurt people who care for her.. It's brought me back to a bad place that I thought I'd never come back to.

Anyway, I think I'm just done with people in general, I've let myself be too open to them for a while now, it's time to put a stop to it.

All you get from interacting with other people is more suffering honestly, and I'm not one to take on others suffering. Especially not when they are deceiving me.

I'm done with people, sobriety, and religion for the time being, good luck to all of you in healthy mind land. May you be well.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Re: a silly request

Post by Virgo » Sun Jun 03, 2018 10:06 pm

Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:47 pm
Sorry I had a moderator delete my previous post, I had let it get too personal, and revealed a bit too much information...that aside..

I'm not in that great of a place right now, it's become obvious this girl is more or less using me as an emotional cushion for her divorce, she mainly wants to be with her ex-girlfriend. (She is bi, yes.) Funny thing, I don't think I've ever been used/seen as a sex object before, there's a first time for everything I suppose. :pig:

Not to mention she is not a very healthy person for me, she is very depressed, suicidal, and self harms to hurt people who care for her.. It's brought me back to a bad place that I thought I'd never come back to.

Anyway, I think I'm just done with people in general, I've let myself be too open to them for a while now, it's time to put a stop to it.

All you get from interacting with other people is more suffering honestly, and I'm not one to take on others suffering. Especially not when they are deceiving me.

I'm done with people, sobriety, and religion for the time being, good luck to all of you in healthy mind land. May you be well.
No :tantrum: don't go anywhere.

Kevin...
ངོ་རང་ཐོག་ཏུ་སྤྲད། །
ཐག་གཅིག་ཐོག་ཏུ་བཅད། །
གདེང་གྲོལ་ཐོག་ཏུ་བཅའ། །


http://caretoclick.com/clean-the-enviro ... -phone-use

Jesse
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Re: a silly request

Post by Jesse » Sun Jun 03, 2018 10:15 pm

Virgo wrote:
Sun Jun 03, 2018 10:06 pm
Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 03, 2018 9:47 pm
Sorry I had a moderator delete my previous post, I had let it get too personal, and revealed a bit too much information...that aside..

I'm not in that great of a place right now, it's become obvious this girl is more or less using me as an emotional cushion for her divorce, she mainly wants to be with her ex-girlfriend. (She is bi, yes.) Funny thing, I don't think I've ever been used/seen as a sex object before, there's a first time for everything I suppose. :pig:

Not to mention she is not a very healthy person for me, she is very depressed, suicidal, and self harms to hurt people who care for her.. It's brought me back to a bad place that I thought I'd never come back to.

Anyway, I think I'm just done with people in general, I've let myself be too open to them for a while now, it's time to put a stop to it.

All you get from interacting with other people is more suffering honestly, and I'm not one to take on others suffering. Especially not when they are deceiving me.

I'm done with people, sobriety, and religion for the time being, good luck to all of you in healthy mind land. May you be well.
No :tantrum: don't go anywhere.

Kevin...
I will likely end up back in the hospital, so no worries. I probably need to be. I've seriously injured myself the past few days, and it's very difficult to hide. I shot myself in the fu.cking leg. Well I figured I'd just post some photos of the damage, but it's pretty damning, needless to say, I need to hide away until my body heals before I do anything.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Wayfarer
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Re: a silly request

Post by Wayfarer » Mon Jun 04, 2018 5:57 am

Jesse - I think all of us here are very concerned for your well-being. If what you say is true, you really urgently do need medical attention, so please do go to a hospital and get yourself looked after.

:namaste:
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石正 Marcus
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Re: a silly request

Post by 石正 Marcus » Mon Jun 04, 2018 6:00 am

Indeed. Jesse, you really need to take care of yourself. You are precious and important and you have much to offer the world, but first take care of yourself.
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