Two months of writing.

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Jesse
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:04 am

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:50 am
Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:23 am
Nope. I just listen, read, learn, and practice. Well, I can't say totally no
Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:23 am
telepathy, ESP, lucid dreaming, and non-corporeal beings,
But why not try to find a real flesh & blood buddhist teacher ?

I also feel the presence of "others" watching over me....but it's nice to also have the real face to face living type .... :heart:
Because then I have to deal with people. :crying:
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Kunga Lhadzom
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Kunga Lhadzom » Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:07 am

Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:04 am
Because then I have to deal with people
But they are not ordinary people....and you won't be able to get away with all your bullshit...or is that what your afraid of :smile:
The Universe flowing through my veins...stars falling from my eyes......rocks rolling in my head...lemon juice dripping down my chin....

https://drunklotus.blog

Jesse
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Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:11 am

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:07 am
Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:04 am
Because then I have to deal with people
But they are not ordinary people....and you won't be able to get away with all your bullshit...or is that what your afraid of :smile:
Oh no, I am intimately aware of my own bullshit, it tortures me constantly. In fact at some point I had to start practicing compassion toward myself, still, do.. I am very self-deprecating.. when you can see through your own bullshit to a certain extent, it can get pretty bad when you don't practice, and apply antidotes.

My worries are associated with my mental illness, particularly my anxiety. I also just don't know what good a teacher would do me at this point. Since I have practiced so long without one, would they even know how to teach me at this point, where my mind is, and with me being mentally ill? It wouldn't be easy for them.

It would require a very very good teacher, who has equanimity like a damned buddha.

To be totally honest, I've been looking but without much luck. There are a few near me, but I need to do a few things first. Particularly I need to save money for a vehicle since the closest place is about an hour away.

Here is the one I was considering.. http://buddhistportal.com/10-buddhist-t ... -consider/

"Khandro Rinpoche ", Don't know who she is, but hey worth a shot. Does anyone know if she is a good teacher?

She has a teaching coming up in Fairfax, Virginia in a month or two.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Kunga Lhadzom
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Kunga Lhadzom » Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:17 am

Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:11 am
It would require a very very good teacher, who has equanimity like a damned buddha.
Well...what do you have to lose ? You've tried everything else. I think an authentic gifted teacher will be able to read you like a book...and know you better than you know yourself....why not try it as an experiment ?
The Universe flowing through my veins...stars falling from my eyes......rocks rolling in my head...lemon juice dripping down my chin....

https://drunklotus.blog

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Kunga Lhadzom
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Kunga Lhadzom » Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:21 am

Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:11 am
Here is the one I was considering.. http://buddhistportal.com/10-buddhist-t ... -consider/

Khandro Rinpoche :heart:

PERFECT !!!!!

:woohoo:


Do all you can to see her Jesse !
Do you get free transportation benefits ?

You will find a way. You have a month to figure it out .

:heart:


You might find someone that you can ride with...
You can call them and tell them your situation...

https://www.lotusgardens.org
The Universe flowing through my veins...stars falling from my eyes......rocks rolling in my head...lemon juice dripping down my chin....

https://drunklotus.blog

Jesse
Posts: 1729
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:41 am

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:21 am
Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:11 am
Here is the one I was considering.. http://buddhistportal.com/10-buddhist-t ... -consider/

Khandro Rinpoche :heart:

PERFECT !!!!!

:woohoo:


Do all you can to see her Jesse !
Do you get free transportation benefits ?

You will find a way. You have a month to figure it out .

:heart:


You might find someone that you can ride with...
You can call them and tell them your situation...

https://www.lotusgardens.org
I do, but only for medical reasons. I can't get a ride just go to see a friend, and I'm not sure about religious stuff... for a fact I know I can get free rides from my insurance to get groceries, medical visits, stuff like AA/NA, etc. Other than that, I am unsure.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Kunga Lhadzom
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Kunga Lhadzom » Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:53 am

Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:41 am
....Other than that, I am unsure.
Yes... I understand.
You'll figure it out.... :anjali:
The Universe flowing through my veins...stars falling from my eyes......rocks rolling in my head...lemon juice dripping down my chin....

https://drunklotus.blog

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Quay
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Quay » Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:11 pm

Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 3:54 am
Thank you very much, sometimes I think of not posting them anymore, but as long as people enjoy them I will continue. It's regrettable there is so much suffering in my poetry, but alas that is my experience. :shrug:
You are welcome and I hope you do continue.
I wish I could write something happy for you all. :stirthepot:
Everything changes & I think your wish is a good one and will become true.

Kunga Lhadzom wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:53 am
Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 5:41 am
....Other than that, I am unsure.
Yes... I understand.
You'll figure it out.... :anjali:
I think you will, too, and also think Khandro Rinpoche would be a wonderful person to visit even just once. I would imagine sangha around her would be able to arrange transportation or help in some way.
"Knowledge is as infinite as the stars in the sky;
There is no end to all the subjects one could study.
It is better to grasp straight away their very essence--
The unchanging fortress of the Dharmakaya."

– Longchenpa.

Jesse
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Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:44 pm

Quay wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:11 pm
I think you will, too, and also think Khandro Rinpoche would be a wonderful person to visit even just once. I would imagine sangha around her would be able to arrange transportation or help in some way.
Hmmm, I will try to find a way to get there, it's about an hour from me. Unfortunately, I used to live right outside of Fairfax before moving a couple times. Would of only been a 10-15 minute drive.

Here is the schedule for the event:

August 4 – 5 Drikung Dharma Surya
Fairfax Va
5300 Ox Road, Fairfax, VA 22030, USA
Email: DrikungDharmaSurya@gmail.com
www.drikungdharmasurya.org

The thing I'm wondering is how do you even request to speak with the teacher? I figure she would have quite a lot of students attending who obviously need to speak with her, plus it's a teaching so there will be lots of people in general probably looking to do the same thing... do you just ask someone? Who do you ask to speak with her? Etc.

Never been to any sort of teaching, so I have no idea how any of it works.

I assume these teachers are quite busy and have limited time for one on one conversations?

I mean it would be rather pointless to attend if I can't speak with her tbh, I could just watch it on youtube. :tongue:
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Quay
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Quay » Mon Jun 11, 2018 12:14 am

Jesse wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 11:44 pm
The thing I'm wondering is how do you even request to speak with the teacher?
Ask. :-) Be honest, too. Explain your situation succinctly and let them know you would truly benefit from such a meeting.
I figure she would have quite a lot of students attending who obviously need to speak with her, plus it's a teaching so there will be lots of people in general probably looking to do the same thing... do you just ask someone? Who do you ask to speak with her? Etc.
Sure, lots of people will. But my experience with Dharma events with real teachers is that when it is the right time things just happen sometimes especially when they seem improbable or even impossible. I would contact the event organizers and let them know you need to attend and need help with transportation. The schedule seems to be for a full two days with lunch breaks and all that. There would be time to have a meeting of some kind.

Perhaps she would be great for you to see. Only way to know is ask.
Never been to any sort of teaching, so I have no idea how any of it works.

Generally speaking there are a lot of Tibetan cultural things going on that aren't directly related to Dharma. But since she holds both Nyingma and Kagyu lineages I would suspect she is not hung up on them. Be yourself, show respect if it occurs to do so, and remember she has nothing inside her that isn't also inside you. She just recognizes it. You can always approach her directly and bypass any people who are subtly and not so subtly sometimes trying to block that.
I mean it would be rather pointless to attend if I can't speak with her tbh, I could just watch it on youtube. :tongue:
:-) No it would not be pointless if there is a connection. Simply being in the same room often opens doors that a person didn't even know were there. The full living presence of a real teacher is usually crucial for a student, even if that is only for a few minutes.
"Knowledge is as infinite as the stars in the sky;
There is no end to all the subjects one could study.
It is better to grasp straight away their very essence--
The unchanging fortress of the Dharmakaya."

– Longchenpa.

Jesse
Posts: 1729
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Tue Jun 12, 2018 8:21 am

I am terrified...
My mind has become warped,
decayed, and blissfully forgetful of everything I've ever gained,
In no more than a brief moment, you can lose everything,
everything that means anything to you, like a thief stealing your heart
in the middle of the night, I sleep woefully, and vigilantly my dear,
I fear, I truly fear all that which will be said upon the rising of the sun...

I'm afraid the sun shall no longer shine in my sky, that sun which has lit my way
for merely but a month, but it has truly made me the happiest man alive,
and with nothing more than a whisper will it fade from me now
what a tragedy, my heart can't take it, won't allow it,
it's happening, again... again.... I can't... I can't... I can't... I CAN'T...

It will destroy me, completely, it really will.
I'm sorry, do not think I blame you, hate you, please tread lightly
because my sorrow could fill rivers, level mountains, cut oceans
like a bleeding man on fire, with tears of flowing ash,
and everything I've relied on to keep me going, to keep me sane
is in short supply, no more than a day or two remaining,
and I will be utterly helpless to fend off the darkness,
this is going to completely consume me...
help me,
help me,
god please help me...

I am going where the sun can no longer shine...
to a place where the stars no longer belong
in my mind, where the moon has been shattered just like my heart
and the walls upon which I've leaned in my frailty are about to vanish,
my vulnerability will become a gaping chasm,
and the pit into which I am bound to fall
I doubt I will ever escape,
and love? I give up... I truly do...
I never want to open my heart again,
I can't, I won't...
I absolutely refuse.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

Jesse
Posts: 1729
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:04 pm

I wanted something real, you stole it all
I lost it all, love is perverse, it's meaningless
it's all meaningless, I don't care, I don't care
I dream, I dream of better days, and let me say
It's always been this way; they come; suck you in
then leave you bleeding, it's mindless, spineless
I'm fine, I'll be fine, I'm not ok, not ok, not ok.
say you love me, I f.ucking hate you, I f.ucking hate...
this separate state abates all dreamt meanings
I can't find a single thing worth believing, dreaming,
seemingly impossible to peruse a single thing
cause' it's all meaningless, it's meaningless...
my heart bleeds, it's demeaning intent recedes,
I f.ucking concede
I f.ucking concede.

................I f.ucking concede.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Quay
Posts: 328
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Quay » Fri Jul 13, 2018 2:36 am

"I f.ucking concede"

I love this. :heart: Thank you, Jesse.
"Knowledge is as infinite as the stars in the sky;
There is no end to all the subjects one could study.
It is better to grasp straight away their very essence--
The unchanging fortress of the Dharmakaya."

– Longchenpa.

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The Cicada
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Location: Trumpaloka

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by The Cicada » Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:00 pm

Asura

I call to you
From the foot of mount Sumeru,
Is it not death to love?
Is it not dissolution of self
To lay down the arms of amorous conquest
And unite in true intimacy?

Will you not judge me for what I am?
Will I not cease to be as I was?
Will I not suffer greatly
And will I not find new ecstasies
In a new and transformed existence?

Devi, I cannot release myself from you
Nor muster the strength to want release.
Eyes darker than night,
Weapon in one hand,
The other outstretched,
Words bold and cutting,
But actions more tender than a lover

I coldly cut away your pretense
Toy with your firearm
Dissolve your caustic venom
And peer through your broken mask
Only to find that I am in bondage
That I do not want to escape.

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The Cicada
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by The Cicada » Mon Oct 22, 2018 11:47 pm

The Heartbreak of Avidya

I've searched for you
In the moonlight, the twilight
The dawn, and the stars
I've looked for you
In hot springs
In deep caverns and cool wells
I've sown the field with seed
And reaped the harvest from the Earth
The mother
And drank with lovers like kimnaras
The sweetest secret honey
Left drunk, to stumble
Yet here in your presence I remember
That I forget
In this world where truth lies
Hidden
I see you once again
Oh Pakati, why do you follow Ananda to the well?
The reflection in the water
Is your own
I return home and find my place
The place I never left
With you
And now I see here in this presence
How unfaithful I have been

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