Two months of writing.

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Jesse
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Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:47 pm

While I was away I filled up an entire notebook with writings, and silly little haikus.

I hope someone enjoys some of them, I'll post them as I convert them from paper to digital text, it feels like they lose a bit of 'something', when transferred to the computer, but oh-well.

Visitation Vacation
I feel stuck
Somewhere in between one place and another
Like time means nothing...
And everything I've found is hidden from me
Vanished
Incomplete
A realm soaked in misery
She whispers in my ear, I say finish me..

..A picture in hindsight
Too many memories..

First one, I cry
By the end.. Everything is just
A picture in the mind's eye

Why Pry?
Good god, we all lie
Lay me down
and Kiss me Goodbye..

----------------------------------

untitled:
Draw
Write
Smoke
Breath

Repeat.

Grim Reaper in my shadow
I don't know whats in my mind
or know what's in my soul..

I just want to keep writing
and maybe, just maybe the sunshine
will find its way to me -- to be...

in a place where I belong,
for what I long for is home
tis but a feeling
a mere arising within a series of arisings...

I'm lost...
... I'm lost

and what it is I want -- need...
I simply no longer know

---------------------------------------------

untitled
Silence, oh mercy give me
a friend for all the
company in the world
couldn't lend me a hand...

Smacked away in fright
at the thought of truely being seen
everything dark,
that hides away from the light
just may leap out...

and in that moment,
id cease to be anything
except a monster.

---------------------------------------

untitled

What is their to believe?
Whats left? What's next?
Like a magician with a card up their sleeve
Everything thats important..
Ceases to matter to me.

So Fake; Make believe..

Pick a set of false memories
Make a book and read it thrice
Pick a destination and throw the dice

It's just, it's just this life...

------------------------

untitled
I'm tired..
Need a long sleep
a few thousand years should do,
Sheepish lazy breed
Finniky writer
overdue on life
can't keep up
my head swims in drought
a wasteland smack dab
in the center of an oasis.

---------------------

untitled
Shadows Darken around me
Silence seeps from my mind
casting a shroud that none see
a sort of prison that only I feel,
and I'm so numb, feeling dumb..

Sort of glad to be here, it's surreal
a prism of light hidden for a time
sublime pleasure, and I feel it all
Just don't miss the vein, say again?
It will all be ok in the end....

--------------

untitled

Pitfall
Free
Singing
Raining Blues
Jasmine
Aroma Sensatizing
Mind
Free from Harm.

-----------------------------
untitled:
The, End
No beginning
Nothing, Truly
Yet truly something.

-------

untitled:

There are
So many things
Broken.

Chipped paint
on weathered windows,
overlooking sullen grey sky
look inside
now choose,

face it,
or hide.


untitled:

Autumn leaves drift
picturesque in freefall
like satin doves basking
in the moonlight.

untitled:

Sign of the times
Degenerate Wiring
Makes hell whispering lies
Takes its toll, heart of gold
Black ties, and souless eyes
I'd like to make it out alive
but sometimes the devil holds all the cards...

and every one is a lie.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Ogyen
Posts: 707
Joined: Sun Dec 06, 2009 5:36 pm

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Ogyen » Thu Apr 19, 2018 11:33 pm

Jesse wrote:
Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:47 pm

-----------------------------
untitled:
The, End
No beginning
Nothing, Truly
Yet truly something.

-------

untitled:

There are
So many things
Broken.

Chipped paint
on weathered windows,
overlooking sullen grey sky
look inside
now choose,

face it,
or hide.


untitled:

Autumn leaves drift
picturesque in freefall
like satin doves basking
in the moonlight.

untitled:

Sign of the times
Degenerate Wiring
Makes hell whispering lies
Takes its toll, heart of gold
Black ties, and souless eyes
I'd like to make it out alive
but sometimes the devil holds all the cards...

and every one is a lie.
These stirred something in my sensitive imagination... Especially the last. Has a hook like something that make me feel beyond the words.

Thank you for sharing.
:meditate:
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The Heart Drive - nosce te ipsum

"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." –Arundhati Roy

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Kunga Lhadzom
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Kunga Lhadzom » Fri Apr 20, 2018 1:26 am

Jesse wrote:
Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:47 pm
I hope someone enjoys some of them, I'll post them as I convert them from paper to digital text, it feels like they lose a bit of 'something', when transferred to the computer, but oh-well.

You could also just photograph the pages on your notebook....so you don't loose that "something" :smile:
I love looking at peoples handwriting & doodling...very interesting :smile:
Glad you kept busy with writing....

Loved this :
Why Pry?
Good god, we all lie
Lay me down
and Kiss me Goodbye..
and this:


don't know whats in my mind
or know what's in my soul..

I just want to keep writing
and maybe, just maybe the sunshine
will find its way to me -- to be...

in a place where I belong,
for what I long for is home
tis but a feeling
a mere arising within a series of arisings...

I'm lost...
... I'm lost

and what it is I want -- need...
I simply no longer know

--------------------------------


and this:

'm tired..
Need a long sleep
a few thousand years should do,
Sheepish lazy breed
Finniky writer
overdue on life
can't keep up
my head swims in drought
a wasteland smack dab
in the center of an oasis.

and this:
Shadows Darken around me
Silence seeps from my mind
casting a shroud that none see
a sort of prison that only I feel,
and I'm so numb, feeling dumb..

Sort of glad to be here, it's surreal
a prism of light hidden for a time
sublime pleasure, and I feel it all
Just don't miss the vein, say again?
It will all be ok in the end....


I think sometimes the worse things that happen to us can bring out the best....
like all the pressure it takes to make a diamond..

:anjali:
The Universe flowing through my veins...stars falling from my eyes......rocks rolling in my head...lemon juice dripping down my chin....

https://drunklotus.blog

Jesse
Posts: 1726
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Fri Apr 20, 2018 4:22 am

Thank you both very much. I am glad you enjoyed them! Writing is one of the thing's that kept me sane, they are not all worth sharing but, there are quite a few more I'm writing down.

Untitled:
---
I'm tired...
Lonely...
The comfort of
Someone -- Something --- Somewhere
Familiar
Is lost on someone like me
Forever a stranger
If I end up on the streets...
My own shadow I'll adore,
Never more ask my name
for shame foams up
as from the sea
Calling in voices unfamiliar
but in the end, tis all
the same.

If you hear me, tell me...
Why am I here?
and, do you really care?

How do I bare?
Do I dare stay? Believe?
cause' my entire life,
I've been running scared.


Untitled:
----
Come out swinging
cause this world ain't no joke
To kill the pain,
Some just run
Chase themselves in circles,
It takes everything, just to stay afloat
Mentally -- physically; Energetically --

We're all vampires, Our Food...
The World
Each Other...

We Consume without thought
or Remorse,

Because to live
Is to kill
Is to die..

And lemme tell you...

Dyin' is easy...


Dreams
----
If you faced it, what's left to fear?

the searing sound of harmony
seeping through madness in trembling tears
ringing false scents of roses
like men damned to breathing jaded air
and everything that's been has crowded thoughts
of plagued mindsets beset to foreign dances
I see I, and all that I've been..

I see I, dancing
through blackened flames
I see I and I've seen you..

And now that I've seen you..
what is there left to fear?

Gorgeous rhythms and soothing shadows
haunt words yet to be said through the
pale light of a thousand years

I've never been all that I could dream
Now everything I can say is as a boat
lost at sea, sailing into darkness
never to be seen
to never have been conceived
in this world that's nothing more
than a hallow sleepy dream.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Ogyen
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Ogyen » Fri Apr 20, 2018 5:30 am

Jesse wrote:
Fri Apr 20, 2018 4:22 am

Dreams
----
If you faced it, what's left to fear?

the searing sound of harmony
seeping through madness in trembling tears
ringing false scents of roses
like men damned to breathing jaded air
and everything that's been has crowded thoughts
of plagued mindsets beset to foreign dances
I see I, and all that I've been..

I see I, dancing
through blackened flames
I see I and I've seen you..

And now that I've seen you..
what is there left to fear?

Gorgeous rhythms and soothing shadows
haunt words yet to be said through the
pale light of a thousand years

I've never been all that I could dream
Now everything I can say is as a boat
lost at sea, sailing into darkness
never to be seen
to never have been conceived
in this world that's nothing more
than a hallow sleepy dream.
I really like this. It has a feeling of longing at the end, like a taste in the back of my throat that is hard to describe, and it's haunting.
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The Heart Drive - nosce te ipsum

"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." –Arundhati Roy

Jesse
Posts: 1726
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Fri Apr 20, 2018 5:23 pm

Ogyen wrote:
Fri Apr 20, 2018 5:30 am
Jesse wrote:
Fri Apr 20, 2018 4:22 am

Dreams
----
If you faced it, what's left to fear?

the searing sound of harmony
seeping through madness in trembling tears
ringing false scents of roses
like men damned to breathing jaded air
and everything that's been has crowded thoughts
of plagued mindsets beset to foreign dances
I see I, and all that I've been..

I see I, dancing
through blackened flames
I see I and I've seen you..

And now that I've seen you..
what is there left to fear?

Gorgeous rhythms and soothing shadows
haunt words yet to be said through the
pale light of a thousand years

I've never been all that I could dream
Now everything I can say is as a boat
lost at sea, sailing into darkness
never to be seen
to never have been conceived
in this world that's nothing more
than a hallow sleepy dream.
I really like this. It has a feeling of longing at the end, like a taste in the back of my throat that is hard to describe, and it's haunting.
:heart:

It's about a woman, sigh. :anjali:
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Ogyen
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Joined: Sun Dec 06, 2009 5:36 pm

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Ogyen » Fri Apr 20, 2018 6:18 pm

Jesse wrote:
Fri Apr 20, 2018 5:23 pm
It's about a woman, sigh. :anjali:
Isn't it always... :consoling:
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The Heart Drive - nosce te ipsum

"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." –Arundhati Roy

Jesse
Posts: 1726
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Wed Apr 25, 2018 9:00 pm

I fu.cking hate this world
I hate everything and everyone in it
every single time I put my mind to something
and pour out my heart
the universe conspires
to leave me wanting

I fuc.king hate you,
and you know just whom you are.

I said I wanted to be like you,
but I think in the end,
I and all those left with nothing
will be the end of you;
and all those like you.

we will be your destruction,
your agony, our absolution will be your ruin
and all that's been worked for countless millennia

will be for not.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

Jesse
Posts: 1726
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Mon Apr 30, 2018 6:11 am

Profound Darkness; Exuberant Light
--
You know, when the police show up,
and take you away; it's imperative to know the narrative, and....
When you know just the right thing's to say,
an actor without a conscious, or desire to face
the days to come.

I'm a pretender, and liar and a fake.
snakes slither contaminating my mind...

a laminated love letter that I just can't seem to leave behind,
I hide inside, and aside from my faceless faces

I can't remove the deep pain withering away
every last bit of my rotting insides,

I demand prosperity, while I live the life of a degenerate
taking whatever will kill the pain, anything to make
the pointlessness feel legitimate,

and if I die tonight, take my body and turn it to ash<3
let there be some hope tonight, It's a profound
intervention- invented from experience of locked doors
closed minds, and drooling humanity.

I can't fix this world; and the world can't fix me,
it's just another way to avoid moving on
seroquel dreams, and klonopin pulsing thorugh my veins
I'm a fool, a ghost, just the shadow of a man
that used to hang pictures of his heros on the wall
king, gandhi, teresa, dali, nhat hanh
and one day it came to an end,
and the pictures; burned, and pissed on
just to put them out.

god please, let me live and die by my accord,
for this world was never meant for me,
yet, my dream is to see the world turn
and burn away the greed, desire, and hatred

I'm just so tired, and if i'm lucky
the police will never return
because,

I just wasn't ready for them to blow my brains away
like a million pink blossoms blowing in the wind,
and excuse my slang, because I believe it will end
with nothing less, and nothing more
then one loud BANG.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

Jesse
Posts: 1726
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Tue May 01, 2018 8:23 am

Snowing Ashes
----
I penned a pen bent out of my mind
asylum I seek, and of fetid dreams I reek
silence dreaded, but it seems it's all she can speak..

should have taken my time, but padded cells
they shook us to the core; in our loneliness
we held each other in embrace like no-one
has ever been held before; today I awoke
dizzy; confused, and admitted to another shore
one that swashes in pain; like an ocean of glass
and with each break, her memory shreds me to the core.

so I slowly begin to wash away the pain,
disaster being, my mind isn't even mine,
and it's always been that way;
even before I realized sanity was just a game
but in the grind of life,
it's a hellish reminder to not have been born very sane.

profusely I beg, and plead; it's as plain as day,
she's never coming back; so slack, and bleed, and cut as we may;
administer the habitual as I plead and pray
not to cut too deep; because this life
it's already taken most of me away.



Just a note; sorry for the depressing poems. I'm just writing to vent; and I hope someone out there can relate to the content. Otherwise I am OK. Just dealing with things as they come nowdays..
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Ogyen
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Ogyen » Wed May 02, 2018 12:02 am

Jesse wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 8:23 am
Just a note; sorry for the depressing poems. I'm just writing to vent; and I hope someone out there can relate to the content. Otherwise I am OK. Just dealing with things as they come nowdays..
I'm a poetry geek. I read a lot because it opens a channel in which I can process things that aren't made of words. I don't really care what inspired the words, so long as it moves something within that shakes the reader up, to think differently than they're used to.

Poeting is a verb, an agent in real time, defining oneself and losing oneself against the wall ever-invading creeping darkness.

...and I'm glad you're ok.

:meditate:
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The Heart Drive - nosce te ipsum

"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." –Arundhati Roy

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The Cicada
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by The Cicada » Wed May 02, 2018 2:15 am

Do you gentlefolk, chicas, and assorted critters mind if I take a crack at this poetry thing? No need to respond—here goes:


Pick at You

Fat, oval, Pokemon face
Brown Pikachu complete with cheeks
You and your stupid capris.

One of eight daughters, one of two
Why did I pay for what was never done
By a man you never met?

We jumped through a ring of fire unscathed
Until you pushed me into the flames
To scar us both where you were hurt.

I gave you my eyes to see the fireflies
Years later I wished you well
Yet you crucify me to this day.

You grab me by my tail
To pay for half a world of sins you dreamt
In your confusion and our pain.

And I shrug, I shrug, I shrug
Let the world fall, crumble, scatter
Let the end begin.


Man I feel angry. I need to do some daimoku after I finish this sweet tea. You guys sure about this poetry thing? Sheesh.

Jesse
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Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Wed May 02, 2018 9:25 pm

The Cicada wrote:
Wed May 02, 2018 2:15 am
Do you gentlefolk, chicas, and assorted critters mind if I take a crack at this poetry thing? No need to respond—here goes:


Pick at You

Fat, oval, Pokemon face
Brown Pikachu complete with cheeks
You and your stupid capris.

One of eight daughters, one of two
Why did I pay for what was never done
By a man you never met?

We jumped through a ring of fire unscathed
Until you pushed me into the flames
To scar us both where you were hurt.

I gave you my eyes to see the fireflies
Years later I wished you well
Yet you crucify me to this day.

You grab me by my tail
To pay for half a world of sins you dreamt
In your confusion and our pain.

And I shrug, I shrug, I shrug
Let the world fall, crumble, scatter
Let the end begin.


Man I feel angry. I need to do some daimoku after I finish this sweet tea. You guys sure about this poetry thing? Sheesh.
You can't release pent up emotions without feeling it :lol:

by the way the poem is quite good.
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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Ogyen
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Ogyen » Wed May 02, 2018 10:44 pm

The Cicada wrote:
Wed May 02, 2018 2:15 am
Do you gentlefolk, chicas, and assorted critters mind if I take a crack at this poetry thing? No need to respond—here goes:


Pick at You

Fat, oval, Pokemon face
Brown Pikachu complete with cheeks
You and your stupid capris.

One of eight daughters, one of two
Why did I pay for what was never done
By a man you never met?

We jumped through a ring of fire unscathed
Until you pushed me into the flames
To scar us both where you were hurt.

I gave you my eyes to see the fireflies
Years later I wished you well
Yet you crucify me to this day.

You grab me by my tail
To pay for half a world of sins you dreamt
In your confusion and our pain.

And I shrug, I shrug, I shrug
Let the world fall, crumble, scatter
Let the end begin.


Man I feel angry. I need to do some daimoku after I finish this sweet tea. You guys sure about this poetry thing? Sheesh.
Clever!! It's quite a ride the one you're on... Sometimes you need to see your inner on the outside to sort out what's what. The inception, the crescendo, the peak, the fall, what remains is what stays...

The rest be like, yo impermanence, check it..

Nothing conditioned is exempt....:rules:
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The Heart Drive - nosce te ipsum

"To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget." –Arundhati Roy

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The Cicada
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Location: Trumpaloka

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by The Cicada » Thu May 03, 2018 1:04 am

Ogyen wrote:
Wed May 02, 2018 10:44 pm
The rest be like, yo impermanence, check it..

Nothing conditioned is exempt....:rules:
Time is a capricious and sometimes destructive mistress, Ogyen. But she's always around. 😈

🙏🌹

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The Cicada
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Re: Two months of writing.

Post by The Cicada » Thu May 03, 2018 2:07 am

Jesse wrote:
Wed May 02, 2018 9:25 pm
You can't release pent up emotions without feeling it :lol:
Pent up what without doing what? I dunno, Jesse. Some things are better recognized for the confusion they are and left unfelt. With time and new experiences, the old emotions evaporate, and for better or worse, we're set free.



Jesse
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Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Thu May 03, 2018 6:53 am

The Cicada wrote:
Thu May 03, 2018 2:07 am
Jesse wrote:
Wed May 02, 2018 9:25 pm
You can't release pent up emotions without feeling it :lol:
Pent up what without doing what? I dunno, Jesse. Some things are better recognized for the confusion they are and left unfelt. With time and new experiences, the old emotions evaporate, and for better or worse, we're set free.



In my experience letting emotions bottle up, without releasing them in a healthy manner causes all sorts of issues. Healthy forms of releasing emotions include writing them down in some form (poetry is one way.. which is an actual therapy.), talking to someone (talk therapy or just talking to a friend.)

When we feel confused, it means we lack insight; and sometimes just letting whatever is inside out; be it negative, positive; neutral, or insanity even can be a very liberating experience. The issue is if we continue dwelling on these feelings after releasing them because then we haven't truly released them, we merely said the words, either that or we lack the ability to actually release the feelings, which is something that comes with practice and time. Sometimes decades of it. It's not all or nothing, and I'm not saying I have the only method of dealing with emotional baggage. This is just my experience, and I recognize yours as well. be well. :thumbsup:
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

muni
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Joined: Fri Apr 17, 2009 6:59 am

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by muni » Thu May 03, 2018 8:32 am

Jesse wrote:
Thu May 03, 2018 6:53 am

In my experience letting emotions bottle up, without releasing them in a healthy manner causes all sorts of issues. Healthy forms of releasing emotions include writing them down in some form (poetry is one way.. which is an actual therapy.), talking to someone (talk therapy or just talking to a friend.)

When we feel confused, it means we lack insight; and sometimes just letting whatever is inside out; be it negative, positive; neutral, or insanity even can be a very liberating experience. :thumbsup:
Ah, that is recognizable! During the insane moment writing down whatever plays......... and then possible (tension fades) a burst of laughter and say: ok. :smile:

It can be a helpful method to recognize the phenomenal film scenario of mind- feelings, aware of emotional pool ( fades then) instead of lost in it.

Rap-'poetry'
Oh yeah, I bounced my head and my coffee is cold the dog asks my attention and the sun shines in my eyes....my head hurts and...
“ Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek. ”
H H Dalai Lama

"Relax." nirvana-samsara do not stray from spaciousness.

Jesse
Posts: 1726
Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Thu May 03, 2018 11:05 am

Prayer of Impermanence
---
When I die,
I wish for my ashes to be added to a sand mandala,
to be perfect in compassion, peace, and understanding
with perfect sanity,
and perfect wisdom,

and once it's through;

I wish to be scattered along with the thoughts
of all our ancestors,
all of our teachers, and spiritual friends
and my life, my body, my wishes
to be joined with theirs

to float down that river;
blessing all beings,
with all the things I could never get right,
the things which I wished, and hoped for
but didn't have the strength of will to accomplish

I simply wish, to be one of you,
perfect, sane, beautiful,
compassionate without fault,
and my useless form,
to bring merit to
all who genuinely need it.

------

blah blah blah! :thinking:
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

Jesse
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Joined: Wed May 08, 2013 6:54 am
Location: Virginia, USA

Re: Two months of writing.

Post by Jesse » Sun May 06, 2018 8:42 am

For someone whom hurts the same.
-------------------------
Keeper of my sanity
provider of pills,
and unpaid bills,
forsaken, I've taken of the blue and green,
for they give the best of thrills,

and as I swallow each one, I find myself
further from the pain of this girl whom stole my heart
and who has truly made me insane..

I cut, and bleed, and I truly no longer feel any pain,
my mind appears in pieces like my entire life is a lie,
and my love has been rendered pointless,
and I ponder why I even try?

and you see had I been smart, I'd have saved my love
because I met an angel, whose name I don't even know..

However, we're playing parts in a dangerous game,
where she is obligated to things which I can never betray,
If things were different I'd have fallen freely,
and I surely desire of this one's love,
for she has given so freely of everything
and planted the seeds of real kindness that at this moment I truly need
as I slowly partake my heart slowly bleeds, and quietly grieves..

she really is the only thing keeping me steady in my blue torn world,
where I've been turned upside down; and downside up.
it's like hellfire created by a particular positively careless girl.

I'll admit I've had one too many drinks tonight, but her voice
perked me right up so much so that in my exhaustion
I've begun to feel like the pieces of my splintered heart
have mended, and things are starting to feel alright,
alight with a fire that burns anew, if I could find the strength
to live this life, I would have loved to spent countless days of it with you!

but you will never accept my words because someone has taken your trust,
I wish I could return it to you, cause your kindness has flown into my window
like a million white doves keeping me company in the gloomiest hours of the night,
and this love-sickness sears my flesh like an endless burning blight;

superficial as I may be; I wish to tell you -- heart to heart;
You've really been an outstanding friend,
and for this,
you eternally have my love;
my trust; and genuinely
I will give you my undivided heart,
you stated: "do not to even incite,
do not go there, because it's all a lie",
however you can't read my mind; nor between these lines.

You are beautiful to me, disbelieve, and deny; and lie to yourself;
however, you tell me it's gonna be alright, but for you, it's all a lie!
furthermore the love I'm trying to grant; may fall on deaf ears,
because some monster; some wicked fool; has stolen all your tears,
plus closed your heart with fear -- to all that which I can deal,
and all i can do is try to steal the gloom from your aching mind,
because if you allow it; I'll never leave you alone;
especially in the darkest of hours of every night,
when the demons come out to play, and pain is all the remains

I'll be there because you've been through enough,
and what I'm trying to convey
is a thousand years worth of pain changed to comfort and affection
because that is all I possess inside me that's worth a damn,
so please accept me, and consider what I say;

For in this game we both have much to lose,
and it's simply that I desire for all this darkness
to just totally frak leave us alone, and it's not just me,
I want the darkness to frak off, begone and leave you be
so that you can return to yourself, and regain your joy and faith,
and find yourself in a place where you truly belong,
cause I've understood you and you are the something I truly lack.
moreover I've already slept in rooms retained like a beast
restricted inside straight jackets, so if you can trust me
this is the least I can do.

sigh; I detect this verse seems never ending
and so soon It will be done,
and if I may say so I'll end this here because
I've said everything which I had to say,
and now I've really got to run.

:)
:(
:)
:(
:)

Ég elska þig
The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.
-Henry David Thoreau

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