Daily Laugh Thread
- DNS
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
The CIA has an opening for a position and has narrowed the field down to three final prospects who are all women. They give them a test.
The first woman comes into the office and is told to go into the room next door. She is told to pick up the gun on the desk and shoot her husband who is sitting on the other side of the desk. The woman thinks about it and says, "no thank you, I cannot kill my husband."
They bring in the second woman and she also says, "no thank you, I cannot kill my husband."
The third woman is called in and she enters the room with her husband. Then there is all kinds of loud noises, banging, some screaming and then after about 5 minutes, she comes out of the room. The CIA interviewers ask, "what happened?" She replies:
"The gun only had blanks, so it took me a few minutes to bang him over the head with the gun and the chair, but I finally got him killed."
The first woman comes into the office and is told to go into the room next door. She is told to pick up the gun on the desk and shoot her husband who is sitting on the other side of the desk. The woman thinks about it and says, "no thank you, I cannot kill my husband."
They bring in the second woman and she also says, "no thank you, I cannot kill my husband."
The third woman is called in and she enters the room with her husband. Then there is all kinds of loud noises, banging, some screaming and then after about 5 minutes, she comes out of the room. The CIA interviewers ask, "what happened?" She replies:
"The gun only had blanks, so it took me a few minutes to bang him over the head with the gun and the chair, but I finally got him killed."
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
THE SHOEBOX
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these yeas, he had never thought about the box.
But one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these yeas, he had never thought about the box.
But one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
Re: Daily Laugh Thread
lol David!'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
The dean calls in the chairs of various departments to conserve more funds and stop spending so much money. The chair of the physics department states that they will do less expensive lab work. The math department states that they don't need to do any lab work, all they need are pencils and trash cans. The philosophy department chimes in that they will be the thriftiest of them all; that they don't even need trash cans!
Re: Daily Laugh Thread
Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.
Re: Daily Laugh Thread
Engineers and Managers
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Thus shall ye think of all this fleeting world:
A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream;
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
Story sounds like kōan material.Jesse wrote:Engineers and Managers
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Echo interaction cause and effect the interconnected quality of the absolute truth the foundation of Buddhism laying in this belief in happiness the four immeasurable and cessation of suffering. - tomschwarz
Buddhism is not a Care Bears fantasy (as many westerns think). - Harimoo
Buddhism is not a Care Bears fantasy (as many westerns think). - Harimoo
Re: Daily Laugh Thread
Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.
- dzogchungpa
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
There is not only nothingness because there is always, and always can manifest. - Thinley Norbu Rinpoche
- Losal Samten
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
Lacking mindfulness, we commit every wrong. - Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨོཾ་ཧ་ནུ་པྷ་ཤ་བྷ་ར་ཧེ་ཡེ་སྭཱ་ཧཱ།།
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨོཾ་ཧ་ནུ་པྷ་ཤ་བྷ་ར་ཧེ་ཡེ་སྭཱ་ཧཱ།།
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།
Re: Daily Laugh Thread
'When thoughts arise, recognise them clearly as your teacher'— Gampopa
'When alone, examine your mind, when among others, examine your speech'.— Atisha
'When alone, examine your mind, when among others, examine your speech'.— Atisha
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
Lacking mindfulness, we commit every wrong. - Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨོཾ་ཧ་ནུ་པྷ་ཤ་བྷ་ར་ཧེ་ཡེ་སྭཱ་ཧཱ།།
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨོཾ་ཧ་ནུ་པྷ་ཤ་བྷ་ར་ཧེ་ཡེ་སྭཱ་ཧཱ།།
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།
- Losal Samten
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
Lacking mindfulness, we commit every wrong. - Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨོཾ་ཧ་ནུ་པྷ་ཤ་བྷ་ར་ཧེ་ཡེ་སྭཱ་ཧཱ།།
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨོཾ་ཧ་ནུ་པྷ་ཤ་བྷ་ར་ཧེ་ཡེ་སྭཱ་ཧཱ།།
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།
- Losal Samten
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
Lacking mindfulness, we commit every wrong. - Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨོཾ་ཧ་ནུ་པྷ་ཤ་བྷ་ར་ཧེ་ཡེ་སྭཱ་ཧཱ།།
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨོཾ་ཧ་ནུ་པྷ་ཤ་བྷ་ར་ཧེ་ཡེ་སྭཱ་ཧཱ།།
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།
- Kim O'Hara
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread
Something seasonal ...