Daily Laugh Thread

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DNS
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by DNS » Wed Feb 25, 2015 5:17 pm

The CIA has an opening for a position and has narrowed the field down to three final prospects who are all women. They give them a test.

The first woman comes into the office and is told to go into the room next door. She is told to pick up the gun on the desk and shoot her husband who is sitting on the other side of the desk. The woman thinks about it and says, "no thank you, I cannot kill my husband."

They bring in the second woman and she also says, "no thank you, I cannot kill my husband."

The third woman is called in and she enters the room with her husband. Then there is all kinds of loud noises, banging, some screaming and then after about 5 minutes, she comes out of the room. The CIA interviewers ask, "what happened?" She replies:

"The gun only had blanks, so it took me a few minutes to bang him over the head with the gun and the chair, but I finally got him killed."

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by DNS » Fri Feb 27, 2015 6:35 pm

THE SHOEBOX

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these yeas, he had never thought about the box.


But one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.


When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.
'When we were to be married,' she said, 'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. 'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'



'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by sattva » Sat Feb 28, 2015 5:50 am

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
lol David!

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by DNS » Thu Mar 05, 2015 5:06 pm

The dean calls in the chairs of various departments to conserve more funds and stop spending so much money. The chair of the physics department states that they will do less expensive lab work. The math department states that they don't need to do any lab work, all they need are pencils and trash cans. The philosophy department chimes in that they will be the thriftiest of them all; that they don't even need trash cans!

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by catmoon » Thu Sep 10, 2015 6:28 am

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Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by DNS » Wed Oct 28, 2015 4:50 am

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by DNS » Wed Oct 28, 2015 4:51 am

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Jesse » Sat Nov 28, 2015 1:00 am

Engineers and Managers
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
“Freedom is secured not by the fulfilling of one's desires, but by the removal of desire” – Epictetus

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Rita_Repulsa » Fri Dec 04, 2015 8:09 pm

Jesse wrote:
Engineers and Managers
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be in management."
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Story sounds like kōan material.

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Echo interaction cause and effect the interconnected quality of the absolute truth the foundation of Buddhism laying in this belief in happiness the four immeasurable and cessation of suffering. - tomschwarz

Buddhism is not a Care Bears fantasy (as many westerns think). - Harimoo

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by DNS » Fri Feb 26, 2016 1:25 am

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by catmoon » Wed Aug 03, 2016 4:23 am

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Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Ayu » Sat Sep 03, 2016 9:27 pm

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Source: "DalaiLama'sCat" on facebook
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I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.
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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by dzogchungpa » Sat Sep 03, 2016 9:56 pm

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If you focus on an object, you are not meditating. - Dudjom Rinpoche

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Iain » Tue Sep 13, 2016 3:01 pm

phpBB [video]

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Losal Samten » Sun Sep 18, 2016 4:03 am

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NSFW (Swears): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZzFXolGJc
Lacking mindfulness, we commit every wrong. - Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Vasana » Wed Sep 28, 2016 4:12 pm

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:jumping:
"The changing cycle of joy and sorrow, like the changing seasons –
As a time of suffering will surely come around to me,
May I truly practice the sublime teachings."
- Dudjom Rinpoche

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Losal Samten » Wed Nov 30, 2016 9:07 pm

phpBB [video]


phpBB [video]


phpBB [video]
Lacking mindfulness, we commit every wrong. - Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Losal Samten » Sat Dec 24, 2016 9:38 pm

phpBB [video]
Lacking mindfulness, we commit every wrong. - Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Losal Samten » Sun Dec 25, 2016 4:16 pm

phpBB [video]
Lacking mindfulness, we commit every wrong. - Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche
འ༔ ཨ༔ ཧ༔ ཤ༔ ས༔ མ༔
ཨཱོཾ་མ་ཏྲི་མུ་ཡེ་སལེ་འདུ།།

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Re: Daily Laugh Thread

Post by Kim O'Hara » Mon Dec 26, 2016 12:14 am

Something seasonal ...
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