The Lowly Pun

Just for fun
Nicholas Weeks
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The Lowly Pun

Postby Nicholas Weeks » Thu Nov 29, 2012 4:28 am

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates,
the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested.

"Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a
fire, ....and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a
little patient."

4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man
returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The
thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
Leif off my census."

6. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an
elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that... the squaw
of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two
hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).

7. A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a
particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and
said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
Basically, there is not even one buddha, only great wisdom. Bodhisattva Hsuan Hua

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Re: The Lowly Pun

Postby viniketa » Fri Nov 30, 2012 3:59 am

Thank you! I adore puns! They are not at all "lowly"...

If they can sever like and dislike, along with greed, anger, and delusion, regardless of their difference in nature, they will all accomplish the Buddha Path.. ~ Sutra of Complete Enlightenment

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Re: The Lowly Pun

Postby Grigoris » Fri Nov 30, 2012 11:59 am

These are great!
"My religion is not deceiving myself."
Jetsun Milarepa 1052-1135 CE

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Dave The Seeker
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Location: Reading MI USA

Re: The Lowly Pun

Postby Dave The Seeker » Fri Nov 30, 2012 12:38 pm

Thanks Will, those really brightened my day! :rolling:
Everyday problems teach us to have a realistic attitude.
They teach us that life is what life is; flawed.
Yet with tremendous potential for joy and fulfillment.
~Lama Surya Das~

If your path teaches you to act and exert yourself correctly and leads to spiritual realizations such as love, compassion and wisdom then obviously it's worthwhile.
~Lama Thubten Yeshe~

One whose mind is freed does not argue with anyone, he does not dispute with anyone. He makes use of the conventional terms of the world without clinging to them
~The Buddha~

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Kim O'Hara
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Re: The Lowly Pun

Postby Kim O'Hara » Fri Nov 30, 2012 11:22 pm

For all those who like puns, here are some more just posted on the other DW's jokes thread.
There's some duplication, but quite a few extras:

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Re: The Lowly Pun

Postby Grigoris » Sat Dec 01, 2012 12:51 am

A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

"My religion is not deceiving myself."
Jetsun Milarepa 1052-1135 CE

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