Hi,
I quoted some things in my previous post above, I suspect such ideas might be seeping into the movemnent from Goenka's (religious) background. Unhealthy obsession with ritualistic kind of purity and impurity was discouraged by the Buddha. And He explained what makes a person pure and impure. The Buddha gave guidelines about how lay people in a relationship should treat each other in the
Sigalovada Sutta and elsewhere. The rules for monks and nuns are different. As with everything it is important to maintain a balance.(Since Goenka's organization practices based on the teachings in the Suttas(/Āgamas), instructions in these texts are more pertinent. Quoted one text below.)
(Abridged)
Souce :
Buddhism, Weddings And Marriage
Having been both a husband and a father, the Buddha was able to speak of marriage and parenthood from personal experience.
He said that a couple who are following the Dhamma will “speak loving words to each other” (aññamañña piyaṃvādā, A.II,59) and that “to cherish one’s children and wife is the greatest blessing” (puttadārassa saṅgaho etaṃ maṅgalam uttamaṃ, Sn.262). He said that “a good wife is the best companion” (bharyā va paramā sakhā, S.I,37), and the Jātaka comments that a husband and wife should live “with joyful minds, of one heart and in harmony” (pamodamānā ekacittā samaggavāsaṃ, Ja.II,122). The Buddha criticized the Brahmans for buying their wives rather than “coming together in harmony and out of mutual affection” (sampiyena pi saṃvāsaṃ samaggatthāya sampavattenti, A.III,222), making it clear that he thought this a far better motive for marriage. “In this world, union without love is suffering” says the Jātaka (lokismiṃ hi appiyasampayogo va dukkha, Ja.II,205).
According to the Buddha’s understanding, if a husband and wife love each other deeply and have similar kamma, they may be able to renew their relationship in the next life (A.II,61-2). He also said that the strong affinity two people feel towards each other might be explained by them having had a strong love in a previous life. “By living together in the past and by affection in the present, love is born as surely as a lotus is born in water” (Ja.II,235). This idea is elaborated in the Mahāvastu: “When love enters the mind and the heart is joyful, the intelligent man can say certainty, ‘This woman has lived with me before’.” (Mvu.III,185).
The ideal Buddhist couple would be Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā who were devoted disciples of the Buddha and who had been happily married for many years. Once Nakulapitā told the Buddha in the presence of his wife: “Lord, ever since Nakulamātā was brought to my home when I was a mere boy and she a mere girl, I have never been unfaithful to her, not even in thought, let alone in body” (A.II,61). On another occasion, Nakulamātā devotedly nursed her husband through a long illness, encouraging and reassuring him all the while. When the Buddha came to know of this, he said to Nakulapitā: “You have benefitted, good sir, you have greatly benefitted, in having Nakulamātā full of compassion for you, full of love, as your mentor and teacher” (anukampikā, atthakāmā, ovādikā, anusasikā, A.III,295-8). From the Buddhist perspective, these qualities would be the recipe for an enduring and enriching relationship; faithfulness, mutual love and compassion and being each other’s spiritual mentor and teacher.
Source :
Romantic Love
The Buddha had a deep enough understanding of the human heart to know that despite the many tribulations romantic love could bring, it was also a source of great happiness and a real benediction. He often spoke of what he called “the satisfaction and the dangers (assādañ ca ādīnava) in sensual pleasure” (M.I,85), of which romance and sex were the most significant. And there is satisfaction in romantic love – the wonderful feeling of being cherished and having someone to cherish, the companionship, the fun, the exhilaration of sex and the delight of sharing things. It can also nourish virtues such as loyalty, giving, unselfishness and patience.
The Buddha was also realistic enough to understand that whatever he said most people would fall in love and probably wish to marry. Therefore he encouraged his lay disciples to be responsible in their intimate relationships. The third of the Five Precepts, the rules of behaviour that all Buddhists undertake to live by, is the vow “I take the Precept to avoid sexual misconduct”. Although this precept is primarily about sexual behaviour it overlaps with romantic love because the two are so closely connected. Wrong sexual behaviour was, the Buddha said, intercourse with those under the guardianship of their parents, i.e. under-aged; those protected by Dhamma, i.e. monastics or those who had taken a vow of celibacy; those already married; those undergoing punishment, i.e. prisoners; or those bedecked in garlands, i.e. already engaged to be married (A.V,264). This does not mean that one already married will never fall in love with such people but it would be wrong from the Buddhist perspective to encourage and pursue such feelings. Romantic love should not be confused with dalliance (nandi or kāmarāga). There can be sex without love just as there can be love without sex. Some people have a strong appetite for sexual gratification and little or no interest in emotional involvement or long-term commitment. They may pretend to be emotionally attached to someone but only as a strategy to get more sex. The Buddha called this sort of thing “sport” (dava), perhaps similar to the Greek ludus, and is what we are talking about when we say that a particular person “sees love as a game.”
Cunda Sutta/Saṃyuktāgama 1039(Chinese Parallel)
https://suttacentral.net/en/an10.176
On one occasion the Blessed One was staying near Pava in Cunda the silversmith’s mango grove. Then Cunda the silversmith went to the Blessed One and, on arrival, having bowed down to him, sat to one side. As he was sitting there, the Blessed One said to him: “Cunda, of whose rites of purification do you approve?”
“The brahmans of the Western lands, lord—those who carry water pots, wear garlands of water plants, worship fire, & purify with water: they have declared purification rites of which I approve.”
“And what kind of purification rites have they declared, those brahmans of the Western lands who carry water pots, wear garlands of water plants, worship fire, & purify with water?”
“There is the case where the brahmans of the Western lands… get their disciples to undertake their practice thus: ‘Come, now, my good man: Get up at the proper time from your bed and touch the earth. If you don’t touch the earth, touch wet cow dung. If you don’t touch wet cow dung, touch green grass. If you don’t touch green grass, worship a fire. If you don’t worship a fire, pay homage to the sun with clasped hands. If you don’t pay homage to the sun with clasped hands, go down into the water three times by nightfall.’ These are the purification rites declared by the brahmans of the Western lands… of which I approve.”
“Cunda, the purification rites declared by the brahmans of the Western lands… are one thing; the purification in the discipline of the noble ones is something else entirely.”
“But how is there purification in the discipline of the noble ones, lord? It would be good if the Blessed One would teach me how there is purification in the discipline of the noble ones.”
“Then in that case, Cunda, listen & pay close attention. I will speak.”
“As you say, lord,” Cunda the silversmith responded.
The Blessed One said: “There are three ways in which one is made impure by bodily action, four ways in which one is made impure by verbal action, and three ways in which one is made impure by mental action.
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“These, Cunda, are the ten courses of unskillful action. When a person is endowed with these ten courses of unskillful action, then even if he gets up at the proper time from his bed and touches the earth, he is still impure. If he doesn’t touch the earth, he is still impure. If he touches wet cow dung, he is still impure. If he doesn’t touch wet cow dung, he is still impure. If he touches green grass… If he doesn’t touch green grass… If he worships a fire… If he doesn’t worship a fire… If he pays homage to the sun with clasped hands… If he doesn’t pay homage to the sun with clasped hands… If he goes down into the water three times by nightfall… If he doesn’t go down into the water three times by nightfall, he is still impure. Why is that? Because these ten courses of unskillful action are impure and cause impurity.
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“These, Cunda, are the ten courses of skillful action. When a person is endowed with these ten courses of skillful action, then even if he gets up at the proper time from his bed and touches the earth, he is still pure. If he doesn’t touch the earth, he is still pure. If he touches wet cow dung, he is still pure. If he doesn’t touch wet cow dung, he is still pure. If he touches green grass… If he doesn’t touch green grass… If he worships a fire… If he doesn’t worship a fire… If he pays homage to the sun with clasped hands… If he doesn’t pay homage to the sun with clasped hands… If he goes down into the water three times by nightfall… If he doesn’t go down into the water three times by nightfall, he is still pure. Why is that? Because these ten courses of skillful action are pure and cause purity. Furthermore, as a result of being endowed with these ten courses of skillful action, [rebirth among] the devas is declared, [rebirth among] human beings is declared—that or any other good destination.”
When this was said, Cunda the silversmith said to the Blessed One: “Magnificent, lord! Magnificent! Just as if he were to place upright what was overturned, to reveal what was hidden, to show the way to one who was lost, or to carry a lamp into the dark so that those with eyes could see forms, in the same way has the Blessed One—through many lines of reasoning—made the Dhamma clear. I go to the Blessed One for refuge, to the Dhamma, and to the community of monks. May the Blessed One remember me as a lay follower who has gone to him for refuge, from this day forward, for life.”