How do you know when a friendship is over?

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bcol01
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How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by bcol01 » Wed Jun 26, 2019 6:19 pm

?

tkp67
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by tkp67 » Wed Jun 26, 2019 7:15 pm

what is the basis of the friendship in question?

john perry
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by john perry » Sun Aug 25, 2019 3:32 am

When things like interest, desire, and seeking are empty.

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LastLegend
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by LastLegend » Sun Aug 25, 2019 4:35 am

Don’t have any lol
Within that state of clarity, there is a knowing that remains unchanged stationary can be seen when looking at an object.

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Ayu
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by Ayu » Sun Aug 25, 2019 9:26 am

There is no general rule for personal relationships. Everything depends and one has to ponder about it newly every time again.

But for figuring out 'what is right or wrong?' and also 'what is my part in this relationship?' I find the 4th and 5th paragraph of the '37 practices of a bodhisattva' very helpful.

http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/resources ... attva.html
4)
Regardless of how long spent living together, good friends and relations must some day depart.
Our wealth and possessions collected with effort are left fare behind at the end of our life.
Our mind, but a guest in our body`s great guest house, must vacate one day and travel beyond.
Cast away thoughts that concern but this lifetime - the Sons of the Buddhas all practise this way.

(5)
From staying together with friends who misguide us, our hatred, desires and ignorance grow.
With little time left to continue our studies, we don`t think of Dharma; we meditate less.
Our love and compassion for all sentient beings are lost and forgotten while under their sway.
Sever such ties with misleading companions - the Sons of the Buddhas all practise this way.
(BTW the translation 'Sons of the Buddhas' is misleading. Bodhisattva is neither male nor female. It is just a human being, no he or she.)

:oops: And sorry, I overlooked that this is Nichirien and I do not know anything about that lineage. :namaste:
For the benefit and ease of all sentient beings. :heart:

emaho
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by emaho » Tue Aug 27, 2019 12:57 pm

When a friend keeps overstepping your boundaries even though you ask him/her not to, and it's really painful to you, it's time to distance yourself. Doesn't necessarily mean you have to completely break up with that person, but if you've met with that friend once a week, maybe turn it down to once in two months. And look at your feelings after you met that "friend" - do you feel better than before or worse? When you have an appointment and something comes up that forces you to postpone - are you sad or relieved? Compassion doesn't mean that you have to let people step all over you :shrug:
"I struggled with some demons, They were middle class and tame..." L. Cohen

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Caoimhghín
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by Caoimhghín » Wed Aug 28, 2019 5:31 am

Ayu wrote:
Sun Aug 25, 2019 9:26 am
(BTW the translation 'Sons of the Buddhas' is misleading. Bodhisattva is neither male nor female. It is just a human being, no he or she.)
I think "sons of Buddha" is supposed to translate "buddhaputra." This term will often appear in the vocative plural while the Buddha addresses his audience in Mahāyāna sūtras.

I'm not sure of the gender of the term tbh. It means son. In Chinese, the term is 佛子, "Buddha's child(ren)" and, I think, gender-neutral.
歸命本覺心法身常住妙法心蓮臺本來莊嚴三身徳三十七尊住心
城遠離因果法然具普門塵數諸三昧無邊徳海本圓滿還我頂禮心諸佛

In reverence for the root gnosis of the heart, the dharmakāya,
for the ever present good law of the heart, the lotus terrace,
for the inborn adornment of the trikāya, the thirty-seven sages dwelling in the heart,
for that which is removed from seed and fruit, the upright key to the universal gate,
for all boundless concentrations, the sea of virtue, the root perfection,
I prostrate, bowing to the hearts of all Buddhas.

胎藏金剛菩提心義略問答鈔, Treatise on the teaching of the gnostic heart of the womb and the diamond, T2397.1.470c5-8

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Ayu
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by Ayu » Wed Aug 28, 2019 6:03 am

Caoimhghín wrote:
Wed Aug 28, 2019 5:31 am
Ayu wrote:
Sun Aug 25, 2019 9:26 am
(BTW the translation 'Sons of the Buddhas' is misleading. Bodhisattva is neither male nor female. It is just a human being, no he or she.)
I think "sons of Buddha" is supposed to translate "buddhaputra." This term will often appear in the vocative plural while the Buddha addresses his audience in Mahāyāna sūtras.

I'm not sure of the gender of the term tbh. It means son. In Chinese, the term is 佛子, "Buddha's child(ren)" and, I think, gender-neutral.
I was told so by a translator (Tibetan - German). And I referred to the word Bodhisattva. In the German translation (which I know) the last sentence of every verse is "This is the practice of the Bodhisattvas.”
For the benefit and ease of all sentient beings. :heart:

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lelopa
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by lelopa » Wed Aug 28, 2019 8:10 am

bodhisattva is male too.....
females would be bodhisattvis
हूं हूं हूं
फट् फट् फट्

Fortyeightvows
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by Fortyeightvows » Wed Aug 28, 2019 8:08 pm

Caoimhghín wrote:
Wed Aug 28, 2019 5:31 am
I think "sons of Buddha" is supposed to translate "buddhaputra." This term will often appear in the vocative plural while the Buddha addresses his audience in Mahāyāna sūtras.

I'm not sure of the gender of the term tbh. It means son. In Chinese, the term is 佛子, "Buddha's child(ren)" and, I think, gender-neutral.
This is all correct. Which is why one can specify- 男孩子, etc.

If you look at some old fpmt transtaions, they actually say "sons and daughters"

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明安 Myoan
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Re: How do you know when a friendship is over?

Post by 明安 Myoan » Wed Aug 28, 2019 9:22 pm

When one or both of you stop bringing out each other's good qualities.

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